Why cry if she dont love the guy?
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A guy friend loves his best girl friend whom only considered him as a best friend wrote her a note saying he has to distant himself from her cuz of the pain he had to deal with of not able to have her.
After reading his note, she replied to him. She says he can take all the time off he wants but pleaded never to leave her for good or end the friendship. Cuz his absence breaks her heart and him being gone for good is like a missing puzzle piece in her life. She even said she is angry at herself for not able to return his love for her. She will wait for him to come back to her when he is ready to resume the friendship. This guy is her only guy friend she treasured. She felt bad for the whole situation and she cried a lot after reading the note. They had been friends for 10 years.
Is it a good or bad thing? Why cry over a guy whom u dont even love as more than friend? Would appreciate if someone can give a more neutral feedback rather giving negative comments like "friendzone". -
For this same story/ the story behind this story, please refer here at:
http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/485138If now that you have stop giving her the $ monthly allowance, it is simply because since she has no more free money from you, so of course she cried...
Honestly speaking, she is just not that into you and is using you.
She is just treating you as a 'small money tree' good friend, but you are not her ideal boyfriend criteria. To her, you are just a good guy, but not up to her boyfriend standard.
In a girl's point of view, if an ordinary male friend gives a platonic female friend money allowance every month to spend without expecting anything in return, who will not make good and full use of this male friend?
Just to think that when every month have money take from a male, then no need to account for what she spend on or even can splurge on her wants instead of her basic needs, to maintain the girl's 'high maintenance' lifestyle instead of a simple, no-frills 'low maintenance' lifestyle, why not?
Also, this male also don't expect anything in return, not even the least minimum basic of having sex in exchange. To her, this is even better than to get 'bao' by a sugar daddy who wants the girl as a mistress for sex.
Save the money for yourself, for your own future or even use this money to pay the bills.
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Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:
A guy friend loves his best girl friend whom only considered him as a best friend wrote her a note saying he has to distant himself from her cuz of the pain he had to deal with of not able to have her.
After reading his note, she replied to him. She says he can take all the time off he wants but pleaded never to leave her for good or end the friendship. Cuz his absence breaks her heart and him being gone for good is like a missing puzzle piece in her life. She even said she is angry at herself for not able to return his love for her. She will wait for him to come back to her when he is ready to resume the friendship. This guy is her only guy friend she treasured. She felt bad for the whole situation and she cried a lot after reading the note. They had been friends for 10 years.
Is it a good or bad thing? Why cry over a guy whom u dont even love as more than friend? Would appreciate if someone can give a more neutral feedback rather giving negative comments like "friendzone".In your post, there is a part that mentioned the boy saying "he has to distant himself from her". I think this means that he is serious about love relationships, yet he feels that he is not suitable for the girl.
Whereas for the other part where you mentioned the boy saying "he had to deal with of not able to have her", I think something is wrong here.
What if
- both the boy and the girl love one another.
- however, boy saw girl being with another boy.
- the other boy was actually just working on something (eg. project) with the girl, as they may be in the same group.
- however, boy does not know, so he misunderstood it.
- boy mis-interpreted it as the girl has another boyfriend.
- boy feels sad and inferior to the other boy.
- boy feels that the other boy deserves the girl more than him.
- boy wants to distance himself from her.
- girl thinks that boy only regards her as friend.
- girl feels sad and cry.
If so, the girl should tell the boy what is really happening, to clear the mis-understanding.
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The story behind of this story:
Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:
I just need some opinions. Lately ive been helping a best gal friend of mine with money. Ive started giving her some small sum every month as an allowance for her as she is financially drained.
She knows i love her but she rejected cuz she told me she didnt wanna risk losing the friendship. That was 5 years ago. And recently, she did told me she likes me more than a friend but not to the level of bf. she even call me her special guy friend as im her only guy friend she trust with all her heart.
Im helping without asking anything in return. I did so because i love her is one thing. Secondly, she needs help and she is a best friend so i cant bear to leave her behind with problem. And she is single again so she cant ask her ex bf for help.
Ive never hated her or hold grudges against her for rejecting me. She knows that ive always respected her decision even if it hurt my feelings. I know im not gaining anything by doing this for her. But i love her and im ready to sacrifice things for her. -
If i asked her for sex in return, that would mean im not sincere and not a genuine friend. Think with your brain not with your genitals
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Then please continue to give her the $ monthly allowance, she will definitely be happy, smile and thank you again for being her good friend forever. When you the sugar daddy returns, the money returns, so of course she will definitely stop crying...
Please think with common sense.
Face it, you will never be her boyfriend ever, even when she is single.
She will just fall in love with another man.
And you will just always be her platonic friend.
Please think with common sense.
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Jordan Knight - I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man
Only last June when her old man ran away
She couldn't stop crying cause she knew he was gone to stay
10:35 on a lonely Friday night
She was standing by the fire and ooh she was looking alright
I asked her if she wanted to dance
And she said that
All she wanted was a good man
And wanted to know
If I thought I was qualified
And I said baby don't waste your time
I know what's on your mind
I may be qualified for a one night stand
But I could never take the place of your man
It hurt me so bad when she told me with tears in her eyes
He was all she ever had and now she wanted to die
He left her with a baby and another one on the way
She couldn't stop crying cause she knew he was gone to stay
She asked me if we could be friends
And I said oh honey baby that's a dead end
You know and I know
That we wouldn't be satisfied
And I said baby don't waste your time
I know what's on your mind baby
Wouldn't be satisfied with a one night stand
And I could never take the place of your man -
I know im not gaining anything but why i still do it? Cuz i rather she take my money than she ask from others who would most probably try to advantage of her. Like some men would ask for sex in return. And is it so wrong to give without expecting any returns? Shouldnt love be abt giving without expecting?
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Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:
I know im not gaining anything but why i still do it? Cuz i rather she take my money than she ask from others who would most probably try to advantage of her. Like some men would ask for sex in return. And is it so wrong to give without expecting any returns? Shouldnt love be abt giving without expecting?
all eac is saying that it has to be 2-sided to happen and is looking at it from a emotionally detached perspective whereby feeding her $ is pointless because she needs to learn how to survive on her own.
you are looking at it from an emotionally attached perspective whereby there is a friendship/relationship between you and the person.
there is no right and wrong for this....but know that you are not helping her be independent which she inevitably needs to be. i suppose short term is ok.
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Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:
A guy friend loves his best girl friend whom only considered him as a best friend wrote her a note saying he has to distant himself from her cuz of the pain he had to deal with of not able to have her.
After reading his note, she replied to him. She says he can take all the time off he wants but pleaded never to leave her for good or end the friendship. Cuz his absence breaks her heart and him being gone for good is like a missing puzzle piece in her life. She even said she is angry at herself for not able to return his love for her. She will wait for him to come back to her when he is ready to resume the friendship. This guy is her only guy friend she treasured. She felt bad for the whole situation and she cried a lot after reading the note. They had been friends for 10 years.
Is it a good or bad thing? Why cry over a guy whom u dont even love as more than friend? Would appreciate if someone can give a more neutral feedback rather giving negative comments like "friendzone".
That is assuming that her tears represented love for you, in which I reckoned that it may not necessarily be so. You may be doing this out of affection, but symbolically, what you might crave is the desired affection you are been unable to obtain successfully thus far. Unconsciously, you might be secretly hoping that something triggers inside her, mystically blossoming into a relationship somehow. Naturally if possible, but more critically, the affection must be mutual.
Though you may claim that you have no motive behind your action, but I will quote what you mentioned in your earlier post:
[quote] Cuz i rather she take my money than she ask from others who would most probably try to advantage of her [/quote]
That appears to be a warped form of elaborated bribery to keep your woman at bay from other men. I am not attacking the genuineness of your friendship with her - neither am I concluding your action to an aspect of moral behaviour (between 'rightness' or 'wrongness'). It is your thinking process... the rationale of your action that doesn't quite go in sync with your action per se.
My greatest curiosity is not about the act of helping a friend in need, but why the need for 'overly indebtedness' on your part to help a friend in need? When you combine this with unrequited affection from the past, you basically created loads of self confusion via having self justifying principles to effectively disguise the true nature of your motivation.
You may have a coveted need - your need to feel needed by her. So whatever responsive cue she exudes could be masqueraded in your mind as a form of love affection easily.
And this is the point I am driving at; her responses are not necessarily driven by love
You may disagree, but given the fact that the fate on the outcome of your 'relationship' has already been decided by her - which somehow still doesn't give birth to any structural formation of a BGR regardless of the amount of positive feelings, regards or responses she has for you - the unfortunately reality is that she may not be into you romantically.
Indebtedness is not love; you just cannot convert an apple into orange because these are two separate things. What you see as love for her could be a pursuit of blind obsession to get her affection, which may turn out to be a mirage of a karmic relationship.
Cheers
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Wise up!
Wouldn't children cry when their parents cut off their pocket money?
Friendship with money, who wouldn't want or refuse?
Isn't she telling you that whenever you are ready to resume the friendship with pocket money, she will be happy because the absence of his pocket money breaks her heart and his money being gone for good is like a missing puzzle piece in her life?
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love is like this
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cher up bro
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It's complicated.
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Because she dedicated her life to him, when he left her, the dissapointment struck.
Like if you have a pillow/bolster or anything that you have since very long ago and your mom wants you to change to a new one because your old one stinks(which you find it smells nice), you will grump and you will not want to change. Maybe that is the feeling she got but her heart got involved.
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Yes, it's complicated.
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I would cry if my sugar daddy decided to cut off ties with me .... She is only using you , even if not for money , but as a a security net that you would do anything for her ... ( I would like that too!!)... ... Since you love her so much ... Just be there for her , but be prepared to see her getting married , pregnant and with kids .. While you end up in a living room watching tv alone in a darkened room waiting for her to call you .
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Shes just using you man.. open ur eyes !! The next time she asks for money just tell her you cannot help her and see how she treats you after that .
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I know I am stupid
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no you are not stupid
dont ever say that about yourself
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Ask him to watch the show '我å�¯èƒ½ä¸�ä¼šçˆ±ä½ '
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Hmm.. Be real careful.
a neutral feedback eh? Ok I will do my best.
worst possible scenario is that the girl wants to make use of the guy
Best scenario is that love is very strong.. That it can make ppl cry. I mean 10 years... It's a Long time so it's possible for this to happen.. Even if the guy distanced himself.. To conclude, they love each other, but not at the same time.
l would say that your friend should use his iudgement, he knows her for 10 years so he should know her character... Personality etc... So let him judge for himself.. If he should continue to be her friend
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imagine if your BFF of 10 years leave you, be it male or female. You will definitely feel hurt no matter the reason. Are you even sure it is love? Give your friend some time to decide whether the friendship is worth ruining because of a feeling that may just be temporary.
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Greetings from The Modern Gentleman,
Perhaps if i may be so bold as to share my opinion.
It seems that Undiscoveredsoul98's friend is thinking too much. Sometimes, we may not notice it but the very enemy is our very own thoughts. The fact that she read the note and cried a lot is irrelevant to your friend's situation.
It could mean she actually love him or it could just simply be that she is someone who cries alot. It could mean anything. The infinite questions you can ask yourself, the endless "why would she cry?" is enough to consume a person's mind.
Instead, i would suggest asking your friend to work on himself. Unreciprocated love is only painful because we have the expectation of our love being reciprocated. He should dig deeper and sort out his feelings for his female friend.
Is it really true love? Because if there is one thing i know, true love is never painful. To love without any expectation is one of the most beautiful feeling one can have.
If he is feeling some form of emotional pain, then what he can do for himself is to be brutally honest and investigate into that pain, to see if there is any form of expectations or attachment behind that pain. Chances are, there will be.
Do note that he should take it slow. It is not easy and often very painful to see the truth, especially after a ten year relationship. But as the popular adage goes, the truth will set you free.
Sincerely,
The Modern Gentleman.