How to find a Dharma friend ?
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Hi,
I'm living in a distant country, far away from Singapore. I am studying buddhism for a long time and I'm trying to live according to instructions left by the Buddha. I am quite convinced Buddhadharma is a way out of suffering but I often retrogress on the path. I think, lack of Dharma friends is a big problem for me - I live in a country where there are only very few buddhists and it's rather hard for me to have real contact with them.
I would be grateful for any advise. Maybe there's anyone with similar problem or anyone who solved it in the past. How to find a true Dharma friend to motivate each other when your away from any temple you can visit ? Can internet be (really) helpful? How do you think?
Cheers -
Hi zhurav, the Internet can be one way to make meaningful friendships with those on the same path. It's good you thought to look for a Buddhism forum.
Can you share a little more about what you mean when you say that you "retrogress on the path"?
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Hi,
I mean I interrupt my practice quite often because of doubts or laziness. Sometimes it lasts for weeks or even longer. Sometimes it is hard for me to come back to practice despite I strive to do it - I simply can't for some reason. There are even periods I start to denigrate some buddhist teachings.
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Originally posted by zhurav:
Hi,
I'm living in a distant country, far away from Singapore. I am studying buddhism for a long time and I'm trying to live according to instructions left by the Buddha. I am quite convinced Buddhadharma is a way out of suffering but I often retrogress on the path. I think, lack of Dharma friends is a big problem for me - I live in a country where there are only very few buddhists and it's rather hard for me to have real contact with them.
I would be grateful for any advise. Maybe there's anyone with similar problem or anyone who solved it in the past. How to find a true Dharma friend to motivate each other when your away from any temple you can visit ? Can internet be (really) helpful? How do you think?
CheersTry looking up "World Buddhist Directory" link below. You may be able to find some organisations in your country and like minded Buddhists to share your thoughts with for more informal and direct personal contact.
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Thank you. I already know where to look for buddhists in my country but thank you for your kind will to help.
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Hi zhurav,
i agree that our friends are very important in affecting our minds. Besides looking for friends who could complement your path further, it is also important to avoid people who affect our minds negatively, at least until our mind has gained some strength and stability. The degeneration of your mind that you described is quite common and is a sign of obscurations. Sometimes, we collect obscurations from the energies of people, from our food, environment and this is worsened by our inability to maintain mindfulness in our lives. The best way is to constantly have mindfulness and introspection, read dharma books and listen to webcasts of authentic teachers online (eg, Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche). We also need to continually do practices that collect merits and purify obstacles. Try to surround yourself with constant reminders through books, quotes, helpful friends, etc to withstand the onslaught of the distractions of life.
For sure, it is very good that you are paying attention to this problem and trying to address it in some ways. Many people who are sliding are not even cognizant of that fact.
Advice on Friends
by Dza Patrul Rinpoche
A Good Friend Induces Good Habits
If you rely on a friend with knowledge, your intellect will increase.
If you rely on a friend with compassion, you will give birth to bodhichitta.
If you rely on a friend with contentment, your desires will decrease.
If you rely on a friend with generosity, you will give rise to a giving mind.
If you rely on a friend with a peaceful and restrained temperament, your mind-stream will become good.
From a friend with disillusionment with the world, you will become weary of samsara.
From a friend with renunciation, you will give rise to the wish for liberation.
From relying on a friend who cares more about the next life, you will remember to practice the Dharma.
Relying on a friend with few desires, you will give rise to contentment.
From a friend with diligence, your fortitude will become great.
If you associate with a sacred friend, your good qualities will be drawn out.
Relying on a friend with the wish for liberation, you will work for permanent happiness.
From a friend with a virtuous mind, you will give rise to a wholesome attitude.
From a friend with pure perception, you will generate faith.
If you associate with a friend endowed with wisdom, you will accomplish your ultimate aspirations.
These are the habits that come from good company.
The meaning, therefore, is to rely on virtuous friends!
A Bad Friend Induces Bad Habits
If you rely on friend with mental darkness, your wisdom will decrease.
Relying on a friend with anger, your mind-stream will become bad.
Following a friend with lust, you will be nostalgiac for youth.
If you follow a friend with avarice, stinginess will be born.
If you follow a friend with pride, you will remember your haughty position.
Following a friend without renunciation, you will be attached to this life.
Following a friend who seeks after the appearances of this life, you will forget about the next life.
From following a base friend, you will be attentive to commerce.
Following a friend concerned with profit, you will have a business-mind.
Following a friend with craving for wealth, you will be focused on collecting and hoarding.
Following a friend with laziness, you will become indolent.
Following a friend with distractedness, you will be carried away with this life.
Associating with a friend suffused with negativity, you will generate destructive thoughts.
Associating with a friend with no faith, you will be fixated on non-virtue.
These are the habits that come from bad company.
The meaning, therefore, is to abandon evil friends!
And so, at the request of Lama Rigdzin Gyamtso, this was done by Patrul. Virtue!
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Originally posted by zhurav:
Hi,
I mean I interrupt my practice quite often because of doubts or laziness. Sometimes it lasts for weeks or even longer. Sometimes it is hard for me to come back to practice despite I strive to do it - I simply can't for some reason. There are even periods I start to denigrate some buddhist teachings.
Laxness or lack of motivation is not that unusual among many of us. I guess we just need to keep coming back again and again to practice. On a micro level - say when doing breathing meditation - we have to keep returning again and again to the breath even as our minds wander off and lose mindfulness. In our everyday lives too, we just have to keep renewing the commitment towards consistent practice.
You mentioned having doubts. It may be of value to address those doubts by seeking clarification from a teacher or other more knowledgeable Buddhists. If you really do not have easy access to these in person, feel free to ask questions on this or other Buddhist forums. It's good to clear doubts so that one can have greater conviction and motivation to practise.
Just my thoughts... :)
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Where do you live?
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Originally posted by zhurav:
Hi,
I'm living in a distant country, far away from Singapore. I am studying buddhism for a long time and I'm trying to live according to instructions left by the Buddha. I am quite convinced Buddhadharma is a way out of suffering but I often retrogress on the path. I think, lack of Dharma friends is a big problem for me - I live in a country where there are only very few buddhists and it's rather hard for me to have real contact with them.
I would be grateful for any advise. Maybe there's anyone with similar problem or anyone who solved it in the past. How to find a true Dharma friend to motivate each other when your away from any temple you can visit ? Can internet be (really) helpful? How do you think?
CheersWe are all your Dharma friends.
Welcome you ! -
Dharmadhatu,
thank you for your kind advice. I do agree with you that surrounding myself with constant reminders like books, pictures, etc. could be helpful. However, living in non-buddhist family and in non-buddhist environment, I'm afraid to be regarded as ostentatious or 'exotic'. That's why looking for Dharma friends seems important to me - I think talking to fellow buddhist may be a very effective reminder.
Thank you very much for really inspiring 'Advice on Friends' by Patrul Rinpoche. May it be helpful for many.
Sometimes, I return to practice after doing things that I despise. I hope to find some way to return to practice before doing bad things, not after...
realization,
thank you for your response :) And thank you for your invitaion to asking questions and talking about doubts on the forum.
I agree we just have to keep coming back to practice. Sometimes, however, I'm going through periods of strange 'numbness'. I guess talking to fellow buddhists can possibly be really helpful in such cases. Just as it is said in the text Dharmadatu made accessible above :)
AEN,
I live in Poland.
Dawnfirstlight,
thank you for such a warm welcome :)
Cheers -
There are quite a number of centers in Poland, not sure if they are in your specific area though: http://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/country.php?country_id=71
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Zhurav, when you get a sense of the essence of practice, practice can be any moment and anytime...
What do you practice primarily nowadays?
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I know there are many centres and many of them are not far away from. That is not the problem.
I'm trying to practice buddha-name recitation.
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Hello welcome!!
nice to see angmo here
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I begin to find facebook a good platform esp since i am also a regular facebook user. added happiness.org, michael Kewley, rinpoches and Dharma centre as friends. They post a daily dose of good stuffs. :) Spiritual friends help to motivate one another. For example, i have a friend who is a pure vegan. I feel she is very compassionate towards animals. While i can't resist the urge of good food, she can out of kindness for animals. I find there amazing and somehow her quality will eat into you (: Let say you have some problems and you seek help talk from wise friends whom you trust, they will give good advices. Well, Spiritual friends does not necessary has to be Buddhist too :) My best friends are not Buddhist but they are just good people. Just remind myself that i have to cultivate better so that i can benefit them more. (:
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Originally posted by 2009novice:
Hello welcome!!
nice to see angmo here
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Originally posted by Metta with Mindfulness:
Well, Spiritual friends does not necessary has to be Buddhist too
My best friends are not Buddhist but they are just good people.
Just remind myself that i have to cultivate better so that i can benefit them more. (:
Hi,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
I agree with you, spiritual friends do not necessary has to be Buddhists. I treasure all good people I have (or I had) as friends - many of them are Christians and some of them don't seem to really care about any religion.
I think, it would be ideal to learn how to draw motivation from everything we encounter - to see everyone as Kalavinka bird and everything as Pure Land:
"'And again, Shariputra, in that country there are always various wonderful birds of different colors, -- swan, peacock, parrot, Chari, Kalavinka and the bird of double-heads. Six times every day and night all those birds sing in melodious tune, and that tune proclaims the Five Virtues, the Five powers, the Seven Bodhi-paths, the Eight Noble Truths, and other laws of the kind. The living beings in that land, having heard that singing, all invoke the Buddha, invoke the Dharma, and invoke the Sangha. [...] All those birds are what Buddha Amitayus miraculously created with the desire to let them spread the voice of the Law. Shariputra, (when) in that Buddha-land a gentle breeze happens to blow, the precious trees in rows and the begemmed nets emit a delicate enrapturing tune, and it is just as if a hundred thousand musical instruments played at the same time. Everybody who hears that music naturally conceives the thought to invoke the Buddha, to invoke the Dharma, and to invoke the Sangha."
But... isn't such perception of reality the goal of buddhist practice?
Though I believe everything is intrinsically pure and perfect, I am far from beeing able to experience reality this way...That's why I think it's so important to have buddhist friends who motivate us more directly towards everyday practice.
May everyone be able to see everyone as Dharma friend :)
Cheers :) -
please continue to post anything about dhamma/dharma here
dharma has no boundaries
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Originally posted by zhurav:
Hi,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
I agree with you, spiritual friends do not necessary has to be Buddhists. I treasure all good people I have (or I had) as friends - many of them are Christians and some of them don't seem to really care about any religion.
I think, it would be ideal to learn how to draw motivation from everything we encounter - to see everyone as Kalavinka bird and everything as Pure Land:
"'And again, Shariputra, in that country there are always various wonderful birds of different colors, -- swan, peacock, parrot, Chari, Kalavinka and the bird of double-heads. Six times every day and night all those birds sing in melodious tune, and that tune proclaims the Five Virtues, the Five powers, the Seven Bodhi-paths, the Eight Noble Truths, and other laws of the kind. The living beings in that land, having heard that singing, all invoke the Buddha, invoke the Dharma, and invoke the Sangha. [...] All those birds are what Buddha Amitayus miraculously created with the desire to let them spread the voice of the Law. Shariputra, (when) in that Buddha-land a gentle breeze happens to blow, the precious trees in rows and the begemmed nets emit a delicate enrapturing tune, and it is just as if a hundred thousand musical instruments played at the same time. Everybody who hears that music naturally conceives the thought to invoke the Buddha, to invoke the Dharma, and to invoke the Sangha."
But... isn't such perception of reality the goal of buddhist practice?
Though I believe everything is intrinsically pure and perfect, I am far from beeing able to experience reality this way...That's why I think it's so important to have buddhist friends who motivate us more directly towards everyday practice.
May everyone be able to see everyone as Dharma friend :)
Cheers :)Oh....... that's Amitabha Sutra in English. It's my first time seeing Amitabha Sutra in English. I recite Amitabha Sutra in Chinese and recite Amitabha Buddha's name everyday. Is Pureland practice popular in Poland ? It is very popular here in Singapore, as well as Taiwan, Hong Kong and Malaysia
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Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
Oh....... that's Amitabha Sutra in English. It's my first time seeing Amitabha Sutra in English. I recite Amitabha Sutra in Chinese and recite Amitabha Buddha's name everyday. Is Pureland practice popular in Poland ? It is very popular here in Singapore, as well as Taiwan, Hong Kong and Malaysia
Well... it's not really popular here. To be true it is hardly known in Poland. Buddhists here are more attracted to other teachings - Zen school is very popular. Also Karma Kagyu followers are numerous. As far as I know Pureland is practiced only by unknown number of individuals.
However, I am able to recite Amitabha Sutra in my native Polish language thanks to Myoshu sensei from Jodo Shinshu school who translated it from Chinese:
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Follow the text of sensei Myoshu is the way of pureland living by letting go of dharma and buddha (pureland & zen, zen is pureland, pureland is zen), all is your dharma love regardless of races, languages and religions, and do keep up the performance of recitation on buddha name according amitabha sutra.
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you can attend some courses at kong meng san phor kark see monastery. http://kmspks.org/
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We also can seek inspiration from our environment. For example, in Poland, you may experience the four seasons of change. You may shave your beard everyday. You may find yourself grow older and tired. You may encounter sickness and even death of others. This reminds us of impermancein life. Then you may want to ask yourself. What is the most important and meaningful thing in life? To practise the Dharma and be liberated from suffering. You may want to recollect death, impermance, the faults of samsara and the preciousness of having this human life to keep oneself "back on track" .The tibetan tradition named this the four foundation practice. If you has ever encountered any diffculties, seek refuge in the Triple Gems. A venerable has once shared whenever, he faced difficulties in his practice, he will pay a visit to the nearby stupa and seek strength and blessing from Buddha. When we see ourselves as a friend, we also see others as friends. Just remind myself of a quote that i have learnt from a retreat. May all be well and happy!
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YES ,,,,
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Originally posted by Metta with Mindfulness:
We also can seek inspiration from our environment. For example, in Poland, you may experience the four seasons of change. You may shave your beard everyday. You may find yourself grow older and tired. You may encounter sickness and even death of others. This reminds us of impermancein life. Then you may want to ask yourself. What is the most important and meaningful thing in life? To practise the Dharma and be liberated from suffering. You may want to recollect death, impermance, the faults of samsara and the preciousness of having this human life to keep oneself “back on track” .The tibetan tradition named this the four foundation practice.
If you has ever encountered any diffculties, seek refuge in the Triple Gems. A venerable has once shared whenever, he faced difficulties in his practice, he will pay a visit to the nearby stupa and seek strength and blessing from Buddha.
When we see ourselves as a friend, we also see others as friends. Just remind myself of a quote that i have learnt from a retreat.
May all be well and happy!
Metta with Mindfullness,
thank you very much for mentioning about about the four foundation practice! I'm currently trying to practice this. It seems quite effective so far.
By the way, I found quite an interesting article by A. Berzin:
Stay well :)