How does practising the Dharma helps in this case?

• SeekTruth

  16 Jan 12, 14:53

  My husband has not been working for two years and may not be working in the future.  I have two boys in primary school.  The burden of supporting the family is on me and I have poor health.  My two boys have poor results and are very disobedient.  I believe in the teaching of the buddha.  I wonder what will the buddha advise me to do. I have difficulty performing my job as I am troubled by my family problems and am now trying to look for another job.  Every morning, I wake up feeling despair.  I am trying to provide for the family, cope with a troubled husband and try to help my children succeed in their studies.  How can I find the strength and wisdom to balance all these by practising the Dharma?   Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are? 

• Dawnfirstlight

  16 Jan 12, 15:20

  I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. Before we talk about wisdom, I advise you to believe strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva). Instead of praying to her in the Taoist way (by holding 3 joss sticks), recite her name （�无观世音��）everyday as many times as you can. You can recite silently in your heart if you don't have the time to sit down and recite. Ask her for whatever help you need to pull through you current situation. You may not see the immediate effect but helps will come in many forms. You may meet people who are willing to help you etc. However, praying alone and do nothing to help yourself is also not right. Bodhisattva will only help those who help themseves.

  If you believe in karma, I would say yes, this is not just your karma but collective karma. Buddha taught us that everything is impermanent, be it good or bad. Impermanance is not necessarily pessimistic. Bad is also impermanent, it will become good one day. Your children will grow up one day to share your burden so your problems are also temporary. Instead of feeling despair, concentrate on how to solve the problems which you are facing 活在当下. Meaning don't think of the past, don't think of the future, think of  now. With the help of Bodhisattva，I believe you can pull through just like one of my friend. She was able to pull through with the help of Bodhisattva. She believes strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva) and she also experience many "miracles"(helps).

  You may seek financial help from Buddhist organisation like Buddhist Lodge （居士林).

• Fugazzi

  16 Jan 12, 15:59

  When one is accepting of things/people/world as they are NOT one is accepting of all. Of course, it presupposes that one is always ''dying' to the concepts, the conditioning of what a husband should be, what life should be, 'dying' to the roles as soon as they are finished. The so-called problems will remain as long as the above are not reconciled and that includes i dont like this, i like this! Dying to the past has been misconstrued as keeping what is 'good'' and letting go of what is 'bad''. No such thing!
• realization

  16 Jan 12, 19:34

  Originally posted by SeekTruth:

  My husband has not been working for two years and may not be working in the future.  I have two boys in primary school.  The burden of supporting the family is on me and I have poor health.  My two boys have poor results and are very disobedient.  I believe in the teaching of the buddha.  I wonder what will the buddha advise me to do. I have difficulty performing my job as I am troubled by my family problems and am now trying to look for another job.  Every morning, I wake up feeling despair.  I am trying to provide for the family, cope with a troubled husband and try to help my children succeed in their studies.  How can I find the strength and wisdom to balance all these by practising the Dharma?   Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are? 

  Yes, take Dawnfirstlight's advice to constantly recite the name of Guan Yin Bodhisattva (Namo Guan Shi Yin Pusa).  Dedicate any merits accrued from reciting the Guan Yin's name towards the well-being of yourself and your family.  Guan Yin Pusa is very compassionate and merciful; have faith. 
  
  For the time being, perhaps the whirlwind of life will not stop just because you want it to, and that's probably all the more frazzling for you.  If possible, take some time out during coffee breaks, at lunchtime or in the evenings after washing the dishes to just allow yourself 5 minutes of thinking nothing, doing nothing... just rest your mind. 
  
  Anytime you feel despair, you can also try this method of just relaxing and letting your mind rest.  Just be kind to yourself for 5-10 minutes and allow peace to be felt. 
  
  Like Dawnfirstlight said, you can pull through.

• Fugazzi

  16 Jan 12, 19:56

  If one chants any word/mantra/?? in the mind incessantly, ''other'' thoughts end cos they have no space to ''occupy''. One may assume that one is meditating, one is not! The continous chanting can be likened to ''autohypnosis'' ( a device that provides for ...); It does not allow for one to ''awaken'' or be ''englightened"or ...; certainly one is bound to have a good feeling of being well n .... It is like having taken a shower and of course one feels refreshed and reality is that it does not last. Also, there is no transcending, merely that of suppressing ....(???) and one has to repeat that particualar mantra (or ...) to keep whatever that one does not want to expereince. It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of .....
• Dharmadhatu

  16 Jan 12, 19:58

  Originally posted by SeekTruth:

  My husband has not been working for two years and may not be working in the future.  I have two boys in primary school.  The burden of supporting the family is on me and I have poor health.  My two boys have poor results and are very disobedient.  I believe in the teaching of the buddha.  I wonder what will the buddha advise me to do. I have difficulty performing my job as I am troubled by my family problems and am now trying to look for another job.  Every morning, I wake up feeling despair.  I am trying to provide for the family, cope with a troubled husband and try to help my children succeed in their studies.  How can I find the strength and wisdom to balance all these by practising the Dharma?   Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are? 

  Hi SeekTruth,

  Yes, this is karma, however, it doesn't mean that u should just feel despair and resign yourself to it.  Karma is simple, for eg. someone eats something poisonous, then the result is that she gets sick, so there is a cause for everything.  You need not feel guilty or blame yourself for it.  Instead, tell yourself that you are going to create positive causes for a better future.  

  The main way that Dharma can help you is through releasing the worry and negativity in your mind through deeper understanding, which will indirectly help your life.  One of the main thing about all of life situations is that it is impermanent, you may be going through a rough patch now, but if you can hold yourself together positively, one day, it too can pass.

  If you are interested, you could participate in the following events... 

  http://www.sakyatenphelling.org/programme/special/2012/20120106_WealthPujaPosterFinalV2.pdf

  and also the Tara event

  http://www.sakyatenphelling.org/programme/special/2012/20111226_ChineseNewYearProgramFinal.htm

  (scroll down to see)

  Attend with a reverent and sincere heart.

  In the meanwhile, you can chant what Dawnfirstlight taught you...

• Amitayus48

  16 Jan 12, 20:08

  Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:

  I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. Before we talk about wisdom, I advise you to believe strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva). Instead of praying to her in the Taoist way (by holding 3 joss sticks), recite her name （�无观世音��）everyday as many times as you can. You can recite silently in your heart if you don't have the time to sit down and recite. Ask her for whatever help you need to pull through you current situation. You may not see the immediate effect but helps will come in many forms. You may meet people who are willing to help you etc. However, praying alone and do nothing to help yourself is also not right. Bodhisattva will only help those who help themseves.

  If you believe in karma, I would say yes, this is not just your karma but collective karma. Buddha taught us that everything is impermanent, be it good or bad. Impermanance is not necessarily pessimistic. Bad is also impermanent, it will become good one day. Your children will grow up one day to share your burden so your problems are also temporary. Instead of feeling despair, concentrate on how to solve the problems which you are facing 活在当下. Meaning don't think of the past, don't think of the future, think of  now. With the help of Bodhisattva，I believe you can pull through just like one of my friend. She was able to pull through with the help of Bodhisattva. She believes strongly in Goddess of Mercy (Bodhisattva) and she also experience many "miracles"(helps).

  You may seek financial help from Buddhist organisation like Buddhist Lodge （居士林).

  

  If you continue to feel despair, your health will not improve, and will affect your ability to enjoy your life and more importantly is helping the study of your child。 Your child needs your love & care. Be strong in your mind through recitation �无观世音��.

  秦净ä¹�家ä½�钱塘，丈夫姓于，以å�–鱼为生。儿å­�犯法入狱，家庭因而破亡。秦æ°�深以此为苦，常想跳河自æ�€ã€‚å�Žæ�¥é�‡åˆ°å‡€ä½�寺的照法师åŠ�她说：‘所以会有这ç§�烦æ�¼ï¼Œéƒ½æ˜¯ç”±äºŽä»–是你å‰�世的怨家。你如果因此而沉江自尽，ä¸�如念佛求生西方。’
  秦��了这番�，醒了过�。就在佛�烧一个指头供佛，�誓三称��长素。从此�年间�懈怠的念佛，�到一切人都尊称为佛的弟�。有一天，她请�戒的修行人为她诵《观无�寿佛�》。戒行人�诵完一个观想，她就念佛�一�声。诵到�观的时候，她忽然就往生了。

   

  王æ°�是å�ˆè‚¥äººé©¬æ°¸é€¸çš„妻å­�。永逸修净土，王æ°�也修念佛，æŒ�å�°åº¦çš„å��念法门。她也æŒ�破地狱å�ˆï¼Œè¿™é¦–å�ˆè¯­å‡ºè‡ªã€Šå�Žä¸¥ç»�》。ç»�上说：“如果有人想è¦�知é�“得清楚明白，过去世的，现在世的å�Šæœªæ�¥ä¸–的一切佛的è¯�，就应该è¦�观照å��法界的自性，一切都是真如本心所造出æ�¥çš„。” [å�ˆå‡ºå�Žä¸¥ç»�。云。若人欲了知。三世一切佛。应观法界性。一切唯心造。]

  有一天晚上，她梦è§�阎罗王æ�¥å�‘她é�“谢说：“很感激蒙å�—您æŒ�å�ˆè¯­çš„功德，使得地狱的众生，很多都能生到善é�“去。”å�Žæ�¥çŽ‹æ°�生病，在å�£å¿µä½›å��中去世。她的亲属å�Šä¾�女，都梦è§�她跟他们说：“我已ç»�往生净土了。”（ä¹�邦文类）

  
  
  
  常熟人陆寡妇，二��时丈夫就死了。她�斋念佛，与人无争。六�七�那年死亡。
  死�，焚烧她生�所穿著的衫裙。当�焰�热气都消失之�，忽然在那堆�上，�出金色的光芒，大家一看，�里�有几�尊佛的影�。乡亲都�集�观看，人人皆焚香膜拜。这是康熙三年时�生的事。（果报闻�录）
  
  
  
  �京人�选一的妻�是�昌人，她在三��生�之�，就与丈夫分房而居，让丈夫娶妾。她自己则长斋念佛，如此过了�五年。
  那年的八月，她的背生了一个疽，痛入骨髓。她�到有一个凶�的鬼，拿刀�逼迫她，结果被一�大力神赶走。�鬼一走，她的背痛马上就�止。
  ä¸�久之å�Žï¼Œå¥¹å°±è·Ÿä¸ˆå¤«è¯´ï¼š“我è¦�走了，有四ä½�ç«¥å­�æ�¥è¿ŽæŽ¥æˆ‘，你å�¯ä»¥ç”¨æ¸…茶æ�¥ä¾›å…»ä»–们。”丈夫问她è¦�去那里，她回答说：“è¦�去西方。”于是就å�ˆæŽŒå”±ä½›å��而é€�世。（净土晨钟）
  
  
  http://www.foshu.org/books3/2071.htm
  善女人往生传

   

   

   

• Aik TC

  16 Jan 12, 20:57

  Originally posted by SeekTruth:

  My husband has not been working for two years and may not be working in the future.  I have two boys in primary school.  The burden of supporting the family is on me and I have poor health.  My two boys have poor results and are very disobedient.  I believe in the teaching of the buddha.  I wonder what will the buddha advise me to do. I have difficulty performing my job as I am troubled by my family problems and am now trying to look for another job.  Every morning, I wake up feeling despair.  I am trying to provide for the family, cope with a troubled husband and try to help my children succeed in their studies.  How can I find the strength and wisdom to balance all these by practising the Dharma?   Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are? 

   

  Is this my karma? Should I accept my karma and accept things as they are?

  It would be fatalistic and a mistake to put your current predicament on the effect of your pass karma alone. By accepting things as they are, you may find temporarily respite and a sense of comfort but it is not going to solve your present problems and may lead to a whole cycle of inaction. By all means find solace in the suggestions posted on these thread. But I think you should also try to contact the nearest CDC in your area for advices and help. If they are not able to assist you, they are likely to put you to other relevant organizations which can assist you in some ways.

   

• SeekTruth

  17 Jan 12, 12:38

  Thank you all for your advice.  I tried chanting this morning and  feel that it gives me a sense of peace and temporary relief from my confused mind.  I always feel so alone.  When the problem first started, I was optimistic and have faith that the situation will improve but another CNY is approaching and things seems more or less the same.  It is just depressing. Nevertheless, I will continue to chant and hope for the best.

• Weychin

  17 Jan 12, 13:09

  If you can get your family members to attend some Buddhist classes, help them plant seeds of good affinity. Attend the classes, learn teachings to help you deal with sufferings, that you may face them and deal with them better! Even if any of that does'nt come to do any good, (at least not immediately),surely it will not come to do any harm! There will be some advice which will resonate with you, bringing some respite, and avoid creating further negatively if you can! You try to chant parittas, I have personally found them to be effective! May you be happy and secure! SABBE SATTA SUKHITA HONTU!
• Dawnfirstlight

  17 Jan 12, 14:00

  Originally posted by SeekTruth:

  <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning /> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas /> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables /> <w:SnapToGridInCell /> <w:WrapTextWithPunct /> <w:UseAsianBreakRules /> <w:DontGrowAutofit /> <w:UseFELayout /> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]-->

  Thank you all for your advice.  I tried chanting this morning and  feel that it gives me a sense of peace and temporary relief from my confused mind.  I always feel so alone.  When the problem first started, I was optimistic and have faith that the situation will improve but another CNY is approaching and things seems more or less the same.  It is just depressing. Nevertheless, I will continue to chant and hope for the best.

  I'm glad that you starting to recite. Regarding your children's poor results, I have something to share with you. Of course, all parents hope that their children score well but some children don't have affinity with books. One of my sibling is one of them. Among us, he dropped out school early but he's now a boss with employees and he earns more than any of us. Although results are important in today's society but it is not eveything and poor results also do not mean no future. Of course, I still encourage you to do something about your children's studies like sending them for tuition. I know Bright Hill Temple and some other organisation are giving free tuition, you may check it out.

• Fugazzi

  17 Jan 12, 14:22

  Why the suffering? My guess is that of not accepting of what is at hand (what is not) and worse is that of comparing oneself and the wishing and wanting. The suffering is psychological and till that is acknowledged, understood one''s problems may go away or be resolved but the nature of living is such that something will always come up to ..... One who compares onself will certainly compare one's siblings one's children and these woould percolate and permeate one's daily living. It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of such a stance, it merely relieves n it does not solve a situational ''problem".
• Dawnfirstlight

  17 Jan 12, 15:01

  Originally posted by Fugazzi:

  Why the suffering? My guess is that of not accepting of what is at hand (what is not) and worse is that of comparing oneself and the wishing and wanting. The suffering is psychological and till that is acknowledged, understood one’’s problems may go away or be resolved but the nature of living is such that something will always come up to …..
  One who compares onself will certainly compare one’s siblings one’s children and these woould percolate and permeate one’s daily living.

  It is fine to practice or chant, but one has to be wary of the pitfalls of such a stance, it merely relieves n it does not solve a situational ’’problem”.

  观世音è�©è�¨ï¼Œå�ƒå¤„祈求，å�ƒå¤„应。有求必应. Of course, we must be sincere, practice according to Buddha's teachings and accumulate merits. By removing a piece of rock on the road to avoid others from tripping over it is also a kind of merit. Accumulating merits does not mean just donation.

• StriveOn

  30 Jan 12, 19:31

  Our Great Teacher said, before he passes away, "Dhamma pada Sankhara, Appamedena Sampadetha". => "All Conditioned things are Transient, Strive On Earnestly"

  I know it is hard for you. I may even seem heartless to talk like that. But if you contemplate hard enough, that is the way things is.

  Accept the Karma? I don't think you have a choice.

  What should you do? Strive On earnestly. Imagine a warrior at war, vastly outnumbered but Determination and Faith kept him going.

  In your case, Strive On earnestly (in case you dont know what to do) will mean, continue to look for employment of better prospects, ask Friends and Relatives for help whether to get jobs or financially. Check out Help Groups or Help Instituitions. Is there anywhere that you can educate your boys cheaper? And dont forget to pray and cultivate wholesomeness.

  Do not just stop and cry, because if you do that, then nothing will happen. 

• Metta with Mindfulness

  30 Jan 12, 22:33

  雨过一定就会天晴 在很难过�很痛苦�很伤心的日�里， 你几乎�以为自己从此失去微笑的能力了。 但是，�烂的明天�然会�临。 无论如何痛苦难�的日�，都��能永远�续下去。 一切都会雨过天晴的，��打起精神， 好好地陪伴自己渡过难关，�心等待彩虹�现的惊喜。 所以，当你感到�安时，就好好鼓励自己 [ 没问题的，一切都会过去的。 ] Cut & paste from facebook [慈悲生命�会 - Compassion Life Society] Don't give up no matter what. 多念佛，多�法。��你 (:
• realization

  30 Jan 12, 22:51

  SeekTruth, I had been thinking about you occasionally over the CNY break.  How are you?  If you don't feel too uncomfortable, drop us an update from time to time.   

  Best wishes... Namo Guan Shi Yin Pusa /\

• reborn76

  1 Feb 12, 19:08

  Hi Seek Truth

  We are what WE ARE TODAY is because of our past. What we will be in the FUTURE will depend on WHAT WE ARE DOING. Everyone has our up and down. This is part of living. Sometime life can be unbearable because things did not turn up as per our expectation.

  I am glad that you are taking one step to seek peace from within by whispering, "Namu Guan Shi Yin Pusa". Continue with the practice as you planting a good seed for a future. Things may not suddenly changed overnite but you can share the compassion you received from Kuan Yin to your husband and children through the daily chore. Of course, the human tendency is we will grumble and swear how unfair this it. However, if you take this opportunity to serve and guide them in kind words, you are already accepting your karma and practising the Buddhist teaching. Each act will become a meritous offering the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

  Namu Myoho Renge Kyo