I am easily provoked, get angry easily. I also tend to brood and get angry for the whole day. Its not good for the mind and body, as tend to increase high blood pressure.
its easier said than done, but how to forgiven, even to those who did you bad? I find it extremely hard and difficult. can you? can share if you actually forgave someone who did you wrong and you forgave him/her?
I know this may sound like standard answer, but actually, if you truly experience it you will find it really amazing.
I wrote to Thusness some time ago:
I was reading the book 'beyond mindfulness' by bhante gunaratana, its a book about jhana practice. He recommends either metta or breathing mindfulness to reach jhana.
He said metta can lead to jhana cos the feeling of metta is very close to jhanic bliss. I didn't understand this until I practice metta today... Just thinking over, may others be well, happy, and free from afflictions... Then there's this feeling of metta like emanating from the heart region and its blissful, I can definitely see how this can lead into jhana. There is also a freedom from all unwholesome mental states, aversions, etc... Even tho I wasn't practicing that in a meditation setting, just standing.
When you experience metta, everyone who do harm to you, you don't feel a bit of aversion at all - you see the worse person as friend. There is an uber transcendence from all mental afflictions - its almost a kind of altered state, but not really.
You need to truly experience this.
p.s. Thusness said, "
Yes and indeed an important practice. Do not think of the experience of jhana but rather relax and with utmost sincerity practice and metta.
May others be well, happy and free from affiictions. :)"
Its not forgiving, stupid. It about not giving a damn.
If you forgive, it means you forget it, and you are susceptible to the same provocation again.
If you kena cheated, your forgive, means you don't give a damn, but you do not forget so that you won't kena again.
No matter how you will be subjected to the same provocation again and again. Deal with it and close it. Move on. But don't forget.
There is an evil guy in you, he is the one who makes you brood and get angry the whole day. He is adverse to exposure, so try to identify him and he will keep quiet.
Originally posted by Louis dave36:I am easily provoked, get angry easily. I also tend to brood and get angry for the whole day. Its not good for the mind and body, as tend to increase high blood pressure.
its easier said than done, but how to forgiven, even to those who did you bad? I find it extremely hard and difficult. can you? can share if you actually forgave someone who did you wrong and you forgave him/her?
You should read this article below from "realization". Hopefully it helps you.
A reminder to us that sometimes we shouldn't try too hard to find peace.
This is the original link for the text below.
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Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."
The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."
After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.
The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.
This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own -- and you have clear water.
Your mind is like that too! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."
Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!
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Don't give too much thoughts to who had done you wrong.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.
The Tao doesn't take sides;
it gives birth to both good and evil.
The Master doesn't take sides;
she welcomes both saints and sinners.
The Tao is like a bellows:
it is empty yet infinitely capable.
The more you use it, the more it produces;
the more you talk of it, the less you understand.
Hold on to the center.
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.
Colors blind the eye.
Sounds deafen the ear.
Flavors numb the taste.
Thoughts weaken the mind.
Desires wither the heart.
The Master observes the world
but trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is open as the sky.
If it comes let it come.
If it goes, let it go.
Originally posted by Louis dave36:I am easily provoked, get angry easily. I also tend to brood and get angry for the whole day. Its not good for the mind and body, as tend to increase high blood pressure.
its easier said than done, but how to forgiven, even to those who did you bad? I find it extremely hard and difficult. can you? can share if you actually forgave someone who did you wrong and you forgave him/her?
To break the momentum of anger or cut short angry brooding spells, I would suggest doing some deep breathing exercises. I know it sounds too easy to be effective, but those who've tried it have testified that it works.
Try breathing in through your nose to a count of 5 (approximately will do), then expel the air through your mouth to the same count (5). Do this while standing, with legs apart by a shoulder span.
Repeat this inhalation-exhalation ten times. You can repeat if necessary up to three cycles of ten inhalation-exhalations.
If you are able to follow my written instructions, there is also a simple hand movement to go along with this. When breathing in, slowly bring both palms - palm up - up to the level of your chest. When exhaling through your mouth, let your arms slowly fall back to your side, but this time with your palms down. (Think: somewhat like graceful taiqi/qigong movements)
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For the long term, to help you more easily forgive, consider doing metta practice as suggested by An Eternal Now :)
Sharon Salzberg who has written quite a bit about metta practice shared her experience of how she was unable to call up any ill-feelings towards her "enemies", after a period of consistent metta meditation.
If you want to be able to forgive both instantly and long-term, you have be a patient of Chen's neurological disability.
Originally posted by Louis dave36:I am easily provoked, get angry easily. I also tend to brood and get angry for the whole day. Its not good for the mind and body, as tend to increase high blood pressure.
its easier said than done, but how to forgiven, even to those who did you bad? I find it extremely hard and difficult. can you? can share if you actually forgave someone who did you wrong and you forgave him/her?
You can try to practise loving-kindness meditation (metta) everyday. If you don't know how to do this meditation, you can sign up for the courses at KMSPKS: http://kmspks.org/courses/meditation (check up with KMSPKS)
Alternatively, you can chant å�—æ— å¤§æ…ˆå¤§æ‚²è§‚ä¸–éŸ³è�©è�¨ (Namo Dachi Dabei Guanshiyin Pusa) continuously whenever you find that you're starting to get angry. Some people shorten it to å�—æ— è§‚ä¸–éŸ³è�©è�¨ (Namo Guanshiyin Pusa). It's still ok. Chant it continously until your anger fades away. It has an effect of subduing your mind. You can chant it in your mind or softly chant it our using your mouth whenever you encounter anger.
Other people practise chanting Buddha's name such as å�—æ— é˜¿å¼¥é™€ä½› (namo amituofo).
There is also a Buddha by the name of 阿閦如來 (a chu ru lai) - 阿閦鞞佛 Aksobhya Buddha, specifically for dealing with anger. He has in his life-time focused on elimination of hatred, cultivation of tolerance and upholding of precepts and had made a vow that upon his enlightenment that if any sentient being chant his name, his anger and hatred would disappear. Thus you can chant �無阿閦如來 (Namo A Chu Ru Lai) continously when you find that you're starting to get angry.
If you want the entire chanting verse for Aksobhya Buddha, you can refer to http://buddha.goodweb.cn/music/zt/budong/page02_18.asp (Chinese). Chant it everyday and I believe your anger and hatred will disappear in time.
I always chant �無阿閦如來 (Namo A Chu Ru Lai) whenever I feel like getting angry or whenever I encounter people who are angry, or whenever I see pregnant lady (because I don't want the pregnant lady to feel angry). Chanting A Chu Ru Lai for a girl was also known to prevent a girl from being raped or encounter dangerous sex criminals when walking on street at night. It's recommended for ladies whenever one is is walking late at night.
if i remember correctly,that is this saying regarding weeping and meditation by Ajahn Chah or Ajahn Mun in the biography. something like if u have not wept, u have not began to meditate(?).
/\
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:You should read this article below from "realization". Hopefully it helps you.
A reminder to us that sometimes we shouldn't try too hard to find peace.
This is the original link for the text below.
-------------------
Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."
The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."
After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.
The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.
This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own -- and you have clear water.
Your mind is like that too! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."
Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't give too much thoughts to who had done you wrong.
i find actually remembering that this helps is a way to help itself! i.e. giving it a little time is not always easy to do/possible, especially when you're in the heat of the moment. Can't just blank or step away from all situations without reacting.
However, saying to myself that i know that i'll probably see things slightly differently (more calm) when i give it more time - itself makes me stop acting on impulse all the time.
Originally posted by sinweiy:if i remember correctly,that is this saying regarding weeping and meditation by Ajahn Chah or Ajahn Mun in the biography. something like if u have not wept, u have not began to meditate(?).
/\
found:
Do not try to become anything.
Do not make yourself into anything.
Do not be a meditator.
Do not become enlightened.
When you sit, let it be.
What you walk, let it be.
Grasp at nothing.
Resist nothing.
If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate.
- Ajhan Chah
/\
find goals in life to do and your mind will not dwell long on your anger thoughts.
You can aim to do one good deed a day. You can aim to achieve a hobby per month for example take up tai ji, this is good for your temper.
Take food and beverages that help to calm you down. Like rose tea. Or chinese gong fu tea. I am sure there are food that also help to let you forget and forgive. Chocolate is one of them. Just goggle for more information.
ya but have anyone actually forgave their enemies here before?
Originally posted by Rooney9:ya but have anyone actually forgave their enemies here before?
Last time I used to hate my enemies but now I don't hate them, I just can't be bothered about them. I don't know whether it is considered as forgiveness.
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
Last time I used to hate my enemies but now I don't hate them, I just can't be bothered about them. I don't know whether it is considered as forgiveness.
I see. did u forgave someone that mistreated you when you were young, such as your bro, sis, or aunt? you actually forgave them.
can u forgive the system u live in?
Originally posted by Rooney9:I see. did u forgave someone that mistreated you when you were young, such as your bro, sis, or aunt? you actually forgave them.
I'm lucky that no one mistreated me when I was young. My enemies were people who sabotage and gossip about me.
Originally posted by Fcukpap:can u forgive the system u live in?
I forgive the system after seeing countries which are worse than ours.
Originally posted by Fcukpap:can u forgive the system u live in?
spore is not a bad place to live unlike in africa....at least we are not starved and lack of malnutrition growing up........if u consider pros and cons, at least here doesnt have natural diasters like tsunamis, earthquakes and cons, it is pretty hot and humind and a small place with 5 million people, overcrowded in mrt and buses........
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:I'm lucky that no one mistreated me when I was young. My enemies were people who sabotage and gossip about me.
sabo u eh? that says much about them... as for gossipping, even family and relatives gossiped about you, much less others who are not related to you even....even friends can betray you.......when people sabo you, there is nothing much you can do......you can get even, but if you nurse hatred or enmity towards them, its you not them who is suffering mentally.
Reflect thus,
They know not what they do. They are not free from the burdens of greed, hatred and delusion. I shall train myself to be free from such burdens.
I have no quarrels with the world. It is the world that quarrels with me.
Originally posted by Pegembara:Reflect thus,
They know not what they do. They are not free from the burdens of greed, hatred and delusion. I shall train myself to be free from such burdens.
I have no quarrels with the world. It is the world that quarrels with me.
Yeah, good one. You are only half correct. People who are enlightened will think that they have no quarrels with the world and there's no one quarreling with them, everything is emptiness. Most of us have not reached that state yet, I think AEN has already reached that state.
@dawnfirstlight
You are correct.
The later state is full surrender.
Quarrel not with the world and the world will have no quarrel with you.
"The sort of doctrine, friend, where one does not keep quarreling with anyone in the cosmos with its devas, Maras, & Brahmas, with its contemplatives & priests, its royalty & commonfolk; the sort [of doctrine] where perceptions no longer obsess the brahman who remains dissociated from sensuality, free from perplexity, his uncertainty cut away, devoid of craving for becoming & non-. Such is my doctrine, such is what I proclaim."
Madhupindika Sutta
Easy to forgive if the other person admits his deed.
If not, not worth forgiving.