Hey everyone, I'm wondering if any of you would like to share any skillful means to reduce the ego? Personally I have to admit that I have a pretty big ego, me getting easily jealous of people who have accomplished things I desire, acting out of a need to protect and build up my "name", belittling people who are different/ perceived weaker... it's quite shameful (and childish) really.
Constant reminder that I don't really "know it all", have no realizations, that everyone usually are pretty good at doing/knowing things I don't, that I'm not more special than them, practicing loving-kindness, has definitely helped in reducing this big ego, but from time to time it does still rear it's ugly head. And because of being somewhat mindful I can often see it when it happens, which can be depressing. (Although, is this even mindfulness if I only see it but not control it immediately?) Thankfully, it's never gone out of control enough to actually sabotage or harm anyone.
Of course, I guess the best method would be to get enlightened, but in the meantime, hopefully someone can give some pointers to help manage and diminish this ego.
Eagerly awaiting everyone's reply :)
You are already doing well, just keep it up and you'll balance out.
Practice makes perfect.
But just to keep your ego in check, don't diminish yourself too much.
See the good, the strength in others and comment on it.
Don't try to diminish the ego. To try to diminish something that is illusory is to buy into the illusion. It's like saying 'I want to diminish the dream-monster or the santa claus'. For your own sake just wake up from that dream!
Investigate the reality of the self that can know it or not know it. There isn't such a self. Yet there is an undeniable presence-awareness that is already perfect and complete in this very moment, which is the very luminous essence of mind itself.
http://www.ashevilleadvaita.info/pointers.html
~
I am nothing and no one, nor are you. I don't have special knowledge or grace. I am not an authority of any sort. I am.
~
An excerpt from my upcoming book, "Blessed Disillusionment", to be released by Non Duality Press (planned date of release May 2011) -
The ego cannot die
...for the simple reason that anything that isn't real never lived.
You cannot kill the ego. Try to smite the air with a stone and you will hit nothing.
It all boils down to one unexamined or perhaps cherished assumption - that I am apart from life and death. While laboring under this pretext, it seems that every second brings a new struggle. It feels like being “in the trenches”.
What a relief to find this object of crushing gravity to be nothing more than a passing thought - nothing. While assumed to exist, it feels denser and more substantial than a black hole but the ego is simply not real.
What is real?
What is real is present right now - day or night, asleep or awake, rain or shine.
Time and space are just misinterpretations of it by thought.
It is something that cannot be grasped but can never be lost.
Search into the endless universe and you will still be it. You cannot find that which was never missing.
http://www.non-dualitypress.com/sample/Awakening%20to%20the%20Natural%20State_sample.pdf
All problems, issues, concerns, questions, dilemmas and so on
are for the ‘I’. For example:
• I am happy / I am sad.
• I know / I don’t know.
• I had it / I lost it.
• I was born / I will die.
• I am good / I am bad.
These are just a few examples of self-centred thinking. As you
can see, all these binding thoughts revolve around the sense
of ‘I’. Nail down the identity of the ‘I’ and all problems resolve.
The imagined sense of being a separate ‘I’ is the source of all
problems. Because the ‘I’ as a thought is really very intangible,
all types of other ideas get wrapped around it, in order to give
it some semblance of solidity. All the self-definitions, identities
and apparent conditioning hinge on the unexamined
sense of ‘I’.
The most direct teachings set aside all philosophizing and
theorizing and go directly into an investigation of the import
(real meaning) of the word ‘I’. This, I believe, is Ramana
Maharshi’s self-inquiry. What is this that I call ‘I’? We are constantly
saying ‘I,’ ‘I’ all day long, all life long, but what is it?
If the cause (‘I’) is seen to be non-existent, can all the effects
(all the definitions built on the ‘I’) survive? I had read
about this idea for years, but my entire view of life was radically
altered when I actually investigated this for myself. The
moment I saw that the ‘person’ I thought myself to be was not
there, that it was a false assumption, I directly experienced
a profound freedom from all problems, doubts and suffering.
It was remarkable. I did nothing at all. There was just a
looking and seeing that the person, the separate ‘I,’ was not
there. There was not a trying to be free or solving of any intellectual
puzzles.
That is about all I can say. You can never find the answer
in the mind, so it is useless to look there. No amount of thinking
can free you from the riddles created by thought.
The problems, if there are any, are only created by the
mind. They are a product of thought. But you don’t have to do
anything with thought, such as get rid of it, modify it or suppress
it. Just see that what you really are, right here and now,
is that presence-awareness that is the basis on which thought
is happening. That which is knowing all your sensations,
feelings and emotions, is radiantly aware. It is effortlessly
knowing and being. It is simply the clear, spacious presence
of awareness, or as the Buddhists say, ‘cognizing emptiness’.
Get a feel for this. Have the willingness to look at this. Sense
it, feel it, be it, relax into it. Know with assurance that you
are not a limited person bound up in thought. You are the
sky-like presence-awareness in which the whole universe is
appearing.
The next time you think, ‘I am this or that,’ ‘I have a problem’
or whatever, just drop the apparent problem and ask
‘Who is this “I” that I think I am? Is this what I really am?’
You can even investigate and try to find this ‘I’ in your direct
experience. Is there a sensation, a thought or a feeling that
you can call ‘I’? We say ‘I’ but precisely what is it? Then it will
dawn on you, ‘Hey! Am I not aware? Am I not present? Is not
the presence of my true nature here, perfectly untouched, unsullied,
like the sun shining above the clouds, completely unaffected
by the appearance (and disappearance) of thought?’
This kind of looking will pull the drain plug out of the sink
of the mind, and all problems will be sucked into the void of
non-existence. I do not exaggerate when I say that a lifetime
of problems will evaporate. As they say, a cave may have been
dark for thousands of years, but when you bring a torch into
the cave, the light instantly obliterates that darkness.
Originally posted by Jui:Hey everyone, I'm wondering if any of you would like to share any skillful means to reduce the ego? Personally I have to admit that I have a pretty big ego, me getting easily jealous of people who have accomplished things I desire, acting out of a need to protect and build up my "name", belittling people who are different/ perceived weaker... it's quite shameful (and childish) really.
Constant reminder that I don't really "know it all", have no realizations, that everyone usually are pretty good at doing/knowing things I don't, that I'm not more special than them, practicing loving-kindness, has definitely helped in reducing this big ego, but from time to time it does still rear it's ugly head. And because of being somewhat mindful I can often see it when it happens, which can be depressing. (Although, is this even mindfulness if I only see it but not control it immediately?) Thankfully, it's never gone out of control enough to actually sabotage or harm anyone.
Of course, I guess the best method would be to get enlightened, but in the meantime, hopefully someone can give some pointers to help manage and diminish this ego.
Eagerly awaiting everyone's reply :)
Firstly, you have to let go of your own ego.
Secondly, you have to realize selflessness, i.e. there is no "I' or "you" nor "him". If you can realize that you and him are the 'same', you will not be comparing that you're "better" than others. You will realize that despite the "differences", you and him are the same. That'll not arise any form of ego. A lot of us like to 'compare' whether you're better or worse than others, this comparison leads us to have an ego or "self". We create our own 'self-importance'. We conjure our own image that we are better than others, where in reality, all phenomenon are empty of its inherent existence. So, you can reduce your own ego by avoiding any form of comparison. If you can treat all phenonemon as nature avoiding the need to compare, you can avoid creating your own self-importance.
Thirdly, the anti-dote to jealousy is to practise appreciative joy. i.e. when you see people are "more successful" or "happier" than us, we should feel happy about it. We should not try to feel jealous about it. Trying practising this, you will find your mind having appreciative joy all the time.
Originally posted by Jui:Hey everyone, I'm wondering if any of you would like to share any skillful means to reduce the ego? Personally I have to admit that I have a pretty big ego, me getting easily jealous of people who have accomplished things I desire, acting out of a need to protect and build up my "name", belittling people who are different/ perceived weaker... it's quite shameful (and childish) really.
Constant reminder that I don't really "know it all", have no realizations, that everyone usually are pretty good at doing/knowing things I don't, that I'm not more special than them, practicing loving-kindness, has definitely helped in reducing this big ego, but from time to time it does still rear it's ugly head. And because of being somewhat mindful I can often see it when it happens, which can be depressing. (Although, is this even mindfulness if I only see it but not control it immediately?) Thankfully, it's never gone out of control enough to actually sabotage or harm anyone.
Of course, I guess the best method would be to get enlightened, but in the meantime, hopefully someone can give some pointers to help manage and diminish this ego.
Eagerly awaiting everyone's reply :)
Do you find that even this egoism comes and goes? Don't pigeon-hole yourself too much by saying "Oh Jui has a pretty big ego" or "Jui is pretty childish because ____" To pigeon-hole yourself would be to lock yourself further into those patterns of behaviour you would rather do without.
Based on looking at my own life... I've observed that my motivations for doing a particular thing has changed a few times just within the span of a month. It changes every few days, sometimes even from minute to minute and moment to moment. Good intentions, bad intentions, they seem to have come and gone like the weather.
The best suggestion I can offer now is to deliberately do the opposite of any bad intentioned actions. Sometimes it will be easier, sometimes harder, but that's really part and parcel of cultivation. So long as we keep at it though, the momentum will build up.
Actually you're already doing fine by the fact that you recognise this tendency. You practice loving-kindness (meditations?) which is good for generating sympathetic joy. The practice of compassion is also good for breaking down the distinctions between the "I" and an "other".
... only my 2 cents ;)
reposting cos the message got cut short for some reason:
Don't try to diminish the ego. To try to diminish something that is illusory is to buy into the illusion. It's like saying 'I want to diminish the dream-monster or the santa claus'. For your own sake just wake up from that dream!
Investigate the reality of the self that can know it or not know it. There isn't such a self. Yet there is an undeniable presence-awareness that is already perfect and complete in this very moment, which is the very luminous essence of mind itself.
http://www.ashevilleadvaita.info/pointers.html
~
I am nothing and no one, nor are you. I don't have special knowledge or grace. I am not an authority of any sort. I am.
~
An excerpt from my upcoming book, "Blessed Disillusionment", to be released by Non Duality Press (planned date of release May 2011) -
The ego cannot die
...for the simple reason that anything that isn't real never lived.
You cannot kill the ego. Try to smite the air with a stone and you will hit nothing.
It all boils down to one unexamined or perhaps cherished assumption - that I am apart from life and death. While laboring under this pretext, it seems that every second brings a new struggle. It feels like being “in the trenches”.
What a relief to find this object of crushing gravity to be nothing more than a passing thought - nothing. While assumed to exist, it feels denser and more substantial than a black hole but the ego is simply not real.
What is real?
What is real is present right now - day or night, asleep or awake, rain or shine.
Time and space are just misinterpretations of it by thought.
It is something that cannot be grasped but can never be lost.
Search into the endless universe and you will still be it. You cannot find that which was never missing.
Thank you for all your replies.
AEN: Thanks for the link, will read it up soon. So I should really aim to realize "I am" first? BTW I tried self inquiry once or twice, perhaps I need some more guidance on this, because I keep veering into the "but there's no you!" thought. It's as though I'm still using those concepts to try to cheat out some kind of state. I guess this is what people call 所知障? It's amazing to see how much mental bullshit I can churn out whenever I feel some threat to this sense of self.
yhjow: I can get the no me and others feeling only from time to time, but still can't sustain it. Maybe it's because I don't have actual realizations I guess. Appreciative joy works extremely well, but sometimes I just lapse into jealous kid mode. Heh heh. Got to have more practice.
realization: Yeah, the intentions just come and go. Thankfully, I don't tend to act on the bad ones. Whenever I get to choose between acting out of kindness or acting from a result of feelings arisened from my ego being threatened, I'm lucky that I just can't do the latter without feeling immense amounts of guilt and horror. Maybe it's a result of practising mindfulness(?), or being a big fan of the Dalai Lama's teachings, or something. So I'll usually do the kinder, non-harmful thing. Doesn't stop me from feeling terrible (that I actually considered being mean to people) though. Yes, I practice loving-kindness meditation from time to time, but more often it's done outside of meditation via seeing other people and recognising that we all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
In the course of writing this reply I've lost count of the number of times I catch myself trying to boost my image through my sentences. Quite sure there are countless times I didn't catch myself too. Gah! Needs more practice. Thank you all once again for your replies.
Life is short, and all desired things from jealousy of even if achieved it also from blessing of your past lifespan planted, and it cannot be brought over. Be generous and magnanimous of other people achievement. Infact, you can't have the whole world by yrself, for humanism, it does not work this way either. Be lovely and pleasant over their achievement that brings them good life and joys. This manner of right approach will help you in your meditation.
Originally posted by Jui:Thank you for all your replies.
AEN: Thanks for the link, will read it up soon. So I should really aim to realize "I am" first? BTW I tried self inquiry once or twice, perhaps I need some more guidance on this, because I keep veering into the "but there's no you!" thought. It's as though I'm still using those concepts to try to cheat out some kind of state. I guess this is what people call 所知障? It's amazing to see how much mental bullshit I can churn out whenever I feel some threat to this sense of self.
yhjow: I can get the no me and others feeling only from time to time, but still can't sustain it. Maybe it's because I don't have actual realizations I guess. Appreciative joy works extremely well, but sometimes I just lapse into jealous kid mode. Heh heh. Got to have more practice.realization: Yeah, the intentions just come and go. Thankfully, I don't tend to act on the bad ones. Whenever I get to choose between acting out of kindness or acting from a result of feelings arisened from my ego being threatened, I'm lucky that I just can't do the latter without feeling immense amounts of guilt and horror. Maybe it's a result of practising mindfulness(?), or being a big fan of the Dalai Lama's teachings, or something. So I'll usually do the kinder, non-harmful thing. Doesn't stop me from feeling terrible (that I actually considered being mean to people) though. Yes, I practice loving-kindness meditation from time to time, but more often it's done outside of meditation via seeing other people and recognising that we all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
In the course of writing this reply I've lost count of the number of times I catch myself trying to boost my image through my sentences. Quite sure there are countless times I didn't catch myself too. Gah! Needs more practice. Thank you all once again for your replies.
Whether you think there is a you or not is sort of irrelevant in self-inquiry.
You just need to find out what is vividly and undeniably present and aware. That pure presence-awareness prior to all thoughts can't be denied. That luminous essence of mind cannot be denied, whether or not you think 'there is you' or 'there is no you'. It is just an undeniable non-conceptual fact of being shining in plain view.
Just ask 'Who am I' and don't entertain conceptual answers.
Thank you for your advice. I'll try it soon.
Originally posted by Jui:Thank you for all your replies.
yhjow: I can get the no me and others feeling only from time to time, but still can't sustain it. Maybe it's because I don't have actual realizations I guess. Appreciative joy works extremely well, but sometimes I just lapse into jealous kid mode. Heh heh. Got to have more practice.
Meditation and daily mental practices (of mindfulness) in our daily life do helps. I would also suggest that (for basic layman buddhist) that you should integrate chanting practices into your daily dharma practice. I would recommend that chanting the heart sutra 心� morning and night as part of your daily homework. The heart sutra is one of the shortest sutra available, yet it's a very powerful sutra about Avalotekiteshvara Bodhisattva and chanting it can break your minds of ego, attachment and comparison. You will find that your mind will be full of dharma after doing daily chanting practices, it will influence your minds and thoughts and eventually you will realize your own self isn't that important. Chanting is very powerful spiritual practice that many buddhist should never ignore.
I can memorize the entire 般若波罗蜜多心� at my heart.