Being Kind When It's Seen as a Weakness
-
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/being-kind-when-its-seen-as-a-weakness/
(there are many nice articles to read and I don't know which one to choose and so I random picked one here :p )
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by linnaea bohn
“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson
When I worked in the corporate world, I didn’t focus on a race to the top. I enjoyed the day-to-day work of running a product line, finding opportunities for new markets, and helping managers in other countries launch similar lines tailored to their markets.
My approach was to be ethical in all aspects of the work, to have concern for the people I was working with to achieve results, and to share the credit appropriately. This was not the latest “management style,” nor was it proven.
The most senior managers saw the bottom line increase and gave me more responsibility and a promotion, while immediate supervisors discredited me since I was not like them.
A transfer to Asia fortunately took me out of the quagmire of home office politics. I felt the freedom to continue managing in a way that was natural to me: to encourage my teams with kindness, cooperation, and credit while we increased market share and the bottom line.
My staff felt safe and enjoyed their work. The division prospered.
However, my immediate superior didn’t value my approach. He viewed it as a sign of weakness that I was caring and thoughtful, and that I cooperated and shared with each colleague.
Even though I had added millions to the bottom line, I lost my job, my career.
When I’d started an MBA years before, I’d dreamed of changing the world in some significant way by helping others. There was no major in that, so I did an independent major: marketing for not-for-profits.
It was hard to find a job after graduation, since arts organizations in the mid 1970s didn’t see the need to hire an MBA. I realized that if I wanted to share knowledge and skills to change the world in some way, and do it while being kind, I had to go solo.
I went on a solo trek to the Himalayas to clear my mind and spent a month meditating at a small monastery near Kathmandu. I then journeyed to India for a healing purification retreat.
Months later at a Buddhist initiation, I heard the Boddhisattva vows. They were about putting others before self, being kind, keeping’s one’s word, and more. I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt like I’d come home.
I wanted to put those vows into practice in a practical way. At first I thought I would return to Hong Kong as an entrepreneur and send my earnings to Tibetans to start refugee schools. I learned, however, that it would be more beneficial to help refugees create opportunities for work. So I did.
I made the Himalayas my home, and volunteered to help Tibetan refugees develop small enterprises based on their skills and suited to their temperament and culture. This way they could become economically self-sufficient, eliminating the need for charitable donations.
My neighbors in the village where I lived were Punjabi widows—refugees themselves, without any income. Yet they could knit well. I helped them turn their lives around by teaching them designs, colors, and sizes that were in style. I also showed them how to sell these sweaters locally on their own.
It felt so natural to be kind and help others there. Kindness was a way of life for many.
A story that comes to mind involves a woman and a dog.
Dogs that are not used as shepherds in the Himalayas are feral. They look for scraps and fight a lot. People are terrified of the packs.
One day I heard a puppy whimpering. Village children, who had taken it as a temporary toy, helped me retrace their path to place the pup near a sibling. The mother dog came out of hiding to wash and feed the pup. Her bony body somehow produced milk for five puppies.
From that day I cooked brown rice and eggs for her, concerned that she herself would starve from feeding them. I would leave the food near the home she’d dug for her family under a log in a small wooded area.
One day that spring there was a long, slow snowstorm that prevented me from feeding her.
At daybreak the next day I placed some food near her shelter, but she didn’t come out. I waited and then slowly approached the hole. There was a snow-covered burlap sac covering the mouth of the shelter, but not one dog. Someone had been kind to protect the family from the storm, but the dogs were gone.
As I walked though the small woods looking for them, I noticed a house. A woman came to the door. Using hand signs and imitating the whimpering sounds of pups, I asked if she had seen the dogs.
She took me by the hand to a tiny abode. On the veranda of this one room structure was a woman cooking a small copper pot of rice on a stick fire. Around the fire were the mom and pups, lying comfortably and soaking in the warmth. The woman’s own children and husband were inside under a blanket on the single rope cot.
This frail bodied woman from Rajastan, in her thin cotton sari and shawl, shared her family’s only pot of rice with the dog family.
She and her husband were day laborers, carrying boulders on their heads as roads were being excavated through the mountains.
They earned less than a dollar a day for their combined work. In a bare room with a doorway as the only opening, they lived with clothes suited for the 120 degree heat of the desert, eating one meal a day.
This woman unflinchingly shared her food with this female dog and her puppies. She didn’t have much to give, but that didn’t stop her from giving what she could.
I had come to India to help others, with a vision to change the world in some small but significant way. Yet without intent, education, or desire, this woman changed my life in a very significant way. Her instinctive kindness that received no appreciation, let alone results or rewards, softened my heart.
I see that being a kind human has value in any walk of life. This is what I took with me into future work. Even though I many not be the manager other people want me to be, I am valuable in any organization because I am kind.
I care about the people who work around me. I care about each individual client, customer, and colleague. This may not be a prerequisite for a successful career, but it’s my prerequisite for a successful life.
Each kindness changes the world. Being kind is what makes my world significant.
Whatever values you hold dear—whether it’s kindness, gentleness, calmness, or honesty—live it. Be it, even if the people around you don’t seem to value the same things; especially if the people around you don’t seem to value those things. That might be the very reason you came into their lives.
-
This is a wonderful thread, and a very good example of kindness. Thanks for sharing.
-
Thanks for sharing...very humbling read.
What do others think as to how this concept applies in the Sgp-environment?
-
Originally posted by Loor:
Thanks for sharing...very humbling read.
What do others think as to how this concept applies in the Sgp-environment?
i'm not Buddhist but yes.. this concept applies in Singapore more than ever..
one of the greatest lessons taught was that you have to show love and kindness to the one who doesn't because that person needs it more urgently than others..
Mother Teresa taught us similar things in her life... this is a teaching which is universal and not just for the Catholics like me.. it is for all
-
Thanks for posting this topic. /\
Just think that overall, in the Sgp-environment, kindness has become "unfashionable". -
Originally posted by the Bear:
i'm not Buddhist but yes.. this concept applies in Singapore more than ever..
one of the greatest lessons taught was that you have to show love and kindness to the one who doesn't because that person needs it more urgently than others..
Mother Teresa taught us similar things in her life... this is a teaching which is universal and not just for the Catholics like me.. it is for all
Thanks... :)
-
My staff felt safe and enjoyed their work. The division prospered.
Quoted frm ts.
It is indeed a blessing if you feel safe and enjoy your work and with such a good and wonderful manager around. But alias, majority of the manager arent.
They try to cut cost, that's including you (chop you off) in order to cut cost for his dept. They just said business doesnt care. I am in this situation where we feel unsafe and under stress as whenever there is a chance, manager would like to chop us off even thought we work hard.
-
Originally posted by Loor:
Thanks for sharing...very humbling read.
What do others think as to how this concept applies in the Sgp-environment?
there's a chinese saying: 人善被人欺 etc... many more
It's not easy... but continue to do whatever we can.. It's also in line with the Noble Eightfold path... in Right Speech. And the 6 Paramitas - Generosity (kind in words, actions etc) Forbearance
but the author is unlucky and she lost her job... O_0
-
one of the greatest lessons taught was that you have to show love and kindness to the one who doesn't because that person needs it more urgently than others..
I sincerely hope my manager will show love and kindness towards his staff. His mind is clouded with evil intentions. From his point of view, yes, good for the company as he is trying to save cost. But from satff point of view, he is trying ways and means to break our rice bowl.
-
Originally posted by likeyou:
I sincerely hope my manager will show love and kindness towards his staff. His mind is clouded with evil intentions. From his point of view, yes, good for the company as he is trying to save cost. But from satff point of view, he is trying ways and means to break our rice bowl.
I copied pasted one of her comments when readers interacted with herIt reminds me of something my Buddhist teacher said: When the Karma ends, it ends.
When two people no longer have karma together, they walk different ways. When a person and an organization no longer have the Karma to stay together, the job ends.
enjoy,
linnaea -
being kind is a positive quality no doubt, but at the end, if u expect something out of it, then u're just setting yourself up for disappointment because it's self-motivated. we're all like that, just like the author too when she wrote stuff in the 1st few paragraphs.
-
-
Originally posted by whylikethatah:
being kind is a positive quality no doubt, but at the end, if u expect something out of it, then u're just setting yourself up for disappointment because it's self-motivated. we're all like that, just like the author too when she wrote stuff in the 1st few paragraphs.
I agree....but what about the application in today's society? Does it at times put you at a disadvatage in today's competitive environment? I don't necessarily mean you have to become nasty to survive, moreso, if you are not 'shrewd', then you might not excel or 'succeed' as much as those who are willing to be. (just like the boss scenario above)
-
Originally posted by Loor:
I agree....but what about the application in today's society? Does it at times put you at a disadvatage in today's competitive environment? I don't necessarily mean you have to become nasty to survive, moreso, if you are not 'shrewd', then you might not excel or 'succeed' as much as those who are willing to be. (just like the boss scenario above)
Pple stabbed one another to survive.
Be kind towards our own colleagues might make them make use of us. Sigh~
-
Is the author American or Brit? All other places I have been to in Europe, there is no competitive Mgmgnt style in Manufacturing.
Anyways funny things: Most kind people are poor. Most people looking for peace ends up in India for some reason.
Anyways all the best and do what you like.
-
the business world is leading our lives...u either fight your rage and dreams out or live with chants..
there was once a china boy who grew up suffering throughout in the most combative environment whom his parents were ostracized for siding with counter revolutionary forces during china's cultural revolution..he spent all his life fighting out and became China first ecommerce entrepreneur, which laid the foundations of Alibaba.com..with asset of about US$2 Billion
his name is Jack Ma..
-
Kindness also means fighting for your own justice..and not just for others..
-
yes, kindness is usualy taken as a weakness and exploited
-
I think we have to be kind but at the same time we have to use our wisdom. 慈悲也�用智慧.
-
Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
I think we have to be kind but at the same time we have to use our wisdom. 慈悲也�用智慧.
Agreed.
How to exercise kindness? ...taking into consideration that we don't live in isolation, but exist in a community... how to know when being overly lenient and generous may be more detrimental than helpful? how not to be taken advantage of? figuring out when our kindness may not be welcome, lol.
Gaining this type of wisdom is a lifelong learning and it seems, can only be learnt through experience. But at the end of the day, kindness should be at the heart of what we do; just that the execution may differ in different scenarios.
-
Kindness meanng helping the weak one?
-
Originally posted by likeyou:
Kindness meanng helping the weak one?
I guess... not necessarily helping the weak ones only. A smile for people you meet on the street is also kindness; holding the door open for the person behind you is also kindness. But yes, generally it is the "weak ones" who will be needing more help, and hence will need us to exercise kindness more.
-
to be good is difficult. thats why the good are always taken advantage of and to be good is seen as a weakness by most people anyway. people also judged that not reacting and being quiet and peaceful when provoked are also seen as a weakness. so those who reacted agressively are seen as strong and powerful. its the nature of the world, strong eat weak, esp in the animal kingdom, where the powerful reigns supreme in the jungle.
-
Reality is harsh. Human Nature are "Flawed". Weak ones will never survive. Nonetheless it's nice to share such lovely stories, very inspiring.
Blessed Be, Oceanos
-
There is a Hokkien proverb "天公疼笨人". "人欺，天�欺". It means heaven will take care of the weak ones. Humans bully the weak ones but heaven will not bully the weak ones.
May be you guys will say I'm superstitious. I also wonder why is it so. If you observe carefully, those who always got bullied and did not retaliate always strike lottery. I've seen a few in my company. Their family life is also happier than the bully.