Now I have become very suspicious of her all the time...
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I have actually been keeping track about my wife's movement and that she have gone out with several guys behind my back. I believe it is just those small flings and nothing more. So I never probe further as I trusted her. Furthermore, I have not witnessed anything so I do not jump to conclusions.
Recently I found out that my wife was holding the arms of one of the guy recently while they were walking, as mention in a thread I posted.
After a lot of heated arguement, she finally admitted that she did hold the guy's arm but she says it was nothing, and that it is normal for gals to hold the arms of guys while they go out.
I could not accept that . She is married to me. How can a married womman hold the arms of another guy when she goes out with him?
We quarelled a lot of times over this issue.
Later my wife lied to me that she is working OT and she went out with this guy and his friends again.
I confronted that guy and he push the blame to my wife, saying that no one force her. I told my wife I strongly object to her actions as such. She gets the point and we make up. I cannot stop her totally from going out for clubbing or KTV. I want to show that I still love her and trust her. But there are always guys in her company of outings.
Now I found that I get very tensed up whenever she goes out. The truth is that that image of her holding that guys arms really makes me very angry. I keep thinking that she will be touching other guys or other guys touching her. Thats how clubbing is like....no one behaves when clubbing. Everyone wans to get to know someone and wants to get fresh with someone. No one goes there to drink quietly and go home.
The thoughts keep coming back when she goes out to meet her friends. I am even having thoughts are hurting her clubbing friends to make them stop asking her out.
Oh my god I need help...please stop such thoughts. How do I get closure on this? -
Here, I'll lend you my glow-in-the-dark teddy bear, Twinkle Bear.
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u need a PI followed by a lawyer?
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Go out with her, spend more time with her more, get to know her friends......
Sometimes people just get so busy. Girls need alot of attention -
She gets the point and we make up. I cannot stop her totally from going out for clubbing or KTV. I want to show that I still love her and trust her.
Why can't you stop her? You are the husband you know... -
Yes, he's the husband, but he can't follow her 24-7 you know. Perhaps it would be best to sit down together and talk frankly about your feelings and find some compromise.Originally posted by mhcampboy:Why can't you stop her? You are the husband you know... -
u n ur wife seems to be living different life now... how come u didnt join her for clubbing? can describe ur time with ur life now? like wat FI said, u might need a PI for tis...Originally posted by Troy437:I have actually been keeping track about my wife's movement and that she have gone out with several guys behind my back. I believe it is just those small flings and nothing more. So I never probe further as I trusted her. Furthermore, I have not witnessed anything so I do not jump to conclusions.
Recently I found out that my wife was holding the arms of one of the guy recently while they were walking, as mention in a thread I posted.
After a lot of heated arguement, she finally admitted that she did hold the guy's arm but she says it was nothing, and that it is normal for gals to hold the arms of guys while they go out.
I could not accept that . She is married to me. How can a married womman hold the arms of another guy when she goes out with him?
We quarelled a lot of times over this issue.
Later my wife lied to me that she is working OT and she went out with this guy and his friends again.
I confronted that guy and he push the blame to my wife, saying that no one force her. I told my wife I strongly object to her actions as such. She gets the point and we make up. I cannot stop her totally from going out for clubbing or KTV. I want to show that I still love her and trust her. But there are always guys in her company of outings.
Now I found that I get very tensed up whenever she goes out. The truth is that that image of her holding that guys arms really makes me very angry. I keep thinking that she will be touching other guys or other guys touching her. Thats how clubbing is like....no one behaves when clubbing. Everyone wans to get to know someone and wants to get fresh with someone. No one goes there to drink quietly and go home.
The thoughts keep coming back when she goes out to meet her friends. I am even having thoughts are hurting her clubbing friends to make them stop asking her out.
Oh my god I need help...please stop such thoughts. How do I get closure on this? -
you will have these feelings and thoughts because she has failed you...
simple as that..
BUT it takes two hands to clap...
have you failed her too.. as in, have you neglected her? have you "taken possession" of her.. actions that reassure her that she's yours?
or have you always taken a "it's her life" attitude... and if you have, what makes you think she won't "live her life" ?
maybe her "straying" is a cry for you to fulfil your husbandly duties... to have, to hold and to be with her?
have you done enough? -
I tried to stop her. Then she told me that she is a human and I cannot control her like a dog.Originally posted by mhcampboy:Why can't you stop her? You are the husband you know...
I also understand that people need some time a lot with their own friends.
When I am busy with my work previously and she keeps calling, I asked her to find her own friends to out with.
Now she got her friends, she says I cannot ask her to stop contacting them, as she said that when I was busy and needed attention, it was her friends who cared for her.
I can only kick up a fuss, and give her a lot of trouble until she stops her non-sense, as she cannot take the arguement and embarassment I am bringing on. But she is not stopping her outings.
I am very sad about her mindset. She thinks that so long that she did not do anything unfaithful to me, she do not have to apologise.
I am angry...isn't voluntarily holding another guy's arm while walking an act of unfaithfulness to her husband. We are not talking about her being drunk and holding for support.
I tried to sit down and talk to her. When she could not rebut my reasoning, she simple walks away and says she can't out-talk and doesn't want to talk anymore. -
Dun need a PI as my 'eyes' and 'ears' on the ground are good.Originally posted by FireIce:u need a PI followed by a lawyer?
Lawyer...maybe when I hurt one of her friends really bad.
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I think first you got to discover what is it that is really disturbing you. Is it the macho pride that is wounded by your discovery? Is it jealousy that your wife is close to someone else? Is it love for your wife that makes you insecure?Originally posted by Troy437:I tried to stop her. Then she told me that she is a human and I cannot control her like a dog.
I also understand that people need some time a lot with their own friends.
When I am busy with my work previously and she keeps calling, I asked her to find her own friends to out with.
Now she got her friends, she says I cannot ask her to stop contacting them, as she said that when I was busy and needed attention, it was her friends who cared for her.
I can only kick up a fuss, and give her a lot of trouble until she stops her non-sense, as she cannot take the arguement and embarassment I am bringing on. But she is not stopping her outings.
I am very sad about her mindset. She thinks that so long that she did not do anything unfaithful to me, she do not have to apologise.
I am angry...isn't voluntarily holding another guy's arm while walking an act of unfaithfulness to her husband. We are not talking about her being drunk and holding for support.
I tried to sit down and talk to her. When she could not rebut my reasoning, she simple walks away and says she can't out-talk and doesn't want to talk anymore.
Understanding that will help you to define your next actions ba. Ultimately, you need to know if you are doing this out of love or not. Because if it is due to love, and what you want is to CORRECT the situation, your immature behaviour to embarass her in front of her friends will just aggravate things. You are not mending things with actions but by talking a lot, being confrontational, being accusatory, and alienating her more.
She doesn't OWE you her company. You can say she's my WIFE, she MUST spend time with me. but that is not sadly the truth. Before she became your wife, she must first CHOOSE to spend time with you. And this choice doesn't disappear when she becomes your wife. You don't OWN her. Have you given her good reason to enjoy your company?
Instead of staying in the rut and in the past, learn to spend time with her again. You can't stop her from wanting to spend time with her friends, and her reason is valid. But you CAN try to make her enjoy the time she spends with YOU so that she will CHOOSE to spend time with you over them. Let your actions speak. In time she will see your good intentions.
But it all comes to - what is your baseline? How much effort do u plan to put in? The more effort you put in to destroy her rapport with her friends, the more you push her to them. So good luck. -
Pls don't rape her fren, pls.....Originally posted by Troy437:Dun need a PI as my 'eyes' and 'ears' on the ground are good.
Lawyer...maybe when I hurt one of her friends really bad. 
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I suggest that the 2 pf you had better sit down and have an open and calm talk to find out how each other feels abt this whole thing. If the 2 of u still cherish yr marriage, then this talk will be the basis to keep communication channels between u both open and rebuild the trust that is obviously frayed.
If she refuses, then it's time to weigh yr priorities: continue to live wif her and feelings of betrayal or sever the marriage and earn peace of mind and move on in life. Before severing the marriage, perhaps considering a separatin may be good to give both of you time to reflect..................
Good luck! -
since u oredi at this stage, i can say.....even if she is innocent, u will still yi shen yi gui in future.....jump at the slightest thing.....
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Your wife is not your slave.
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WHy dont you go clubbing with her also?
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if you love her...set her free
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I use to go clubbing with her, but she really bahave horribly when I go clubbing with her. She demand VIP treatment when she opens a bottle.Originally posted by shade343:WHy dont you go clubbing with her also?
She says she dun have to worry as I sure can take care of her. So she goes all out to drink.
Then she started shouting, breaking things and challenging ppl. When the person retaliate, she would come and ask me to stand up for her, even if she is at fault.
And when the next day, SHE DUN REMEMBER ANYTHING OF THE TROUBLE! Thats how bad it is....not once..but a lot of times liao.
Even during my birthday celebration, she drink and got so rowdy until my friends asked me is it my birthday or her birthday??
Lousy drinking character lah..
Then I found out, when I not with her, she ask other guys to settle the trouble she encountered while clubbing. So far it appears she is the one who started the trouble by confronting ppl when she is drunk. -
U got yrself to blame for marrying a clubbing gal... For me,a clubbing gal is a BIG 'NO,NO' !
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Have you pointed this out to her?Originally posted by Troy437:I use to go clubbing with her, but she really bahave horribly when I go clubbing with her. She demand VIP treatment when she opens a bottle.
She says she dun have to worry as I sure can take care of her. So she goes all out to drink.
Then she started shouting, breaking things and challenging ppl. When the person retaliate, she would come and ask me to stand up for her, even if she is at fault.
And when the next day, SHE DUN REMEMBER ANYTHING OF THE TROUBLE! Thats how bad it is....not once..but a lot of times liao.
Even during my birthday celebration, she drink and got so rowdy until my friends asked me is it my birthday or her birthday??
Lousy drinking character lah..
Then I found out, when I not with her, she ask other guys to settle the trouble she encountered while clubbing. So far it appears she is the one who started the trouble by confronting ppl when she is drunk. -
why did u marry her?
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i agree with you.Originally posted by CannyOng:U got yrself to blame for marrying a clubbing gal... For me,a clubbing gal is a BIG 'NO,NO' ! -
belt her.
this woman needs discipline. -
X2, there is no doubt about that.Originally posted by CannyOng:U got yrself to blame for marrying a clubbing gal... For me,a clubbing gal is a BIG 'NO,NO' ! -
Give the man a break. It's not really his fault that he fell for a clubbing girl. Let's think of something more constructive.