My life and family sucks.
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I'm a 16 year old student and the O levels are coming up. Everyone keeps telling me to study hard and stuff. Recently, my teacher has asked us to submit testimonials and stressed the importance of it for finding a good job. It suddenly dawned upon me that I'm going to be 18 in 2 years time and sort of become an adult. It is quite a scary revelation that I have to work and provide a living for my parents and be all on my own. I'm an only child which makes things even more frustrating. That means there's no one to turn to when I have problems in the future, and when my parents die I'll be reallly alone. I'm not really close with my cousins as they're like adults while i'm in my teens. My ambition is to be a lawyer. Its hard to get in, and looking at my credentials, I doubt I can get in. My strength is in the humanities and not in the sciences. Looking at numbers just irks me, while you throw me a bunch of papers with small and wordy paragraphs and I'll be more than happy to read it. I'm prepared to score through long law journals and all the tedious stuff, but not to become some engineer or doctor and study about newtonian physics and all that shit. I heard they take in excellent students who are good in everything including academics and cca and are full of talent. Yesterday, we just had our farewell party for the graduating sec 4s in my cca. I'm a loner in my cca. I used to have a friend but she ditched me and joined a group of people, and there I was, alone since sec 2. I tried socializing, we can only talk for a short while and we are asked to do different activities for the cca. I tried to befriend the juniors since if my same age peers reject me I can always find other people, but its hard find chances to interact. My cca teachers must be gossiping about how much a loner I am to my form teachers and its reallly embarrassing enough to knwo that nobody wants me, its bad enough when they think I'm antisocial. But I tried to socialize just that they don't see it! I'm really angry and feel really 'yuan wang' . How am i going to survive in the private sector workplace competitive private sector if i'm going to be a lawyer? Recently, my cousin got into NUS Medicine and is on his way to become a doctor. I feel happy for him, our family finally has a doctor. But I also feel stunned and pressured after that because that means all my relatives would be gossiping about how great he is. Everyone is saying that he is the 'wai sun' and I'm the 'nei sun', so its not that amazing that he got into medicine because he is not really part of our family, and now my parents are pushing me to strike out something good myself too and give them sth to be proud of. My parents are quite jealous because they're dream was for me to be doctor but its just not the job for me! Being a doctor is not an easy job, what if you contract your patient's disease? Thus, there is only one way to go, to get into law, but the problem is, I can't really get in. Urgh, life sucks. What am I going to do if i don't get in? maybe be a magazine writer but my interest is in law! If i go all the way for my dream and I don't get it, is it really worth it? Its hard being an only child.
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pardon my spelling errors and awkward expressions as I typed it out in a hurry and in a state of frustration.
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hi,
i suppose in singapore sometimes to stay mainstream means you have make hard decisions early on in life.
first off i suggest you get a clearer picture of yourself. take away the expectations your parents have for you. u are solely responsible for your own life's decisions and if you make decisions to please others (in your example your parents). you have a higher chance to regret later on. to summarize .....be true to yourself and yourself only.
you mentioned yer aspiration is to be a lawyer. however you also recognize your own weakness (very good at your age imo). this question ultimately needs to be answered by yourself but you are on the right track.....asipirations are good as they give you drive to succeed and also give meaning to life. However you must always anchor it to reality otherwise failing needlessly will be painful.
good luck
edit:- u will need to balance your aspiration against reality.....no aspiration no drive to succeed.......unrealistic aspirations low chance of success
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hi floraet..
i'm only 3 years older than you... if you feel lonely you can always talk to me XD (at least no generation gap)
but back to the topic, you must understand that this is your life path.... follow your dreams, follow your ambition. Don't be like me, listen to parents go to the course I'm currently in which I don't have any interest in, and suffer... (lucky this is my last year liao..)
so just study hard for O's. then decide your future in the future. don't be worried for things that haven't happen. "走一æ¥ï¼Œç®—一æ¥"(Walk one step, count one step")
"船到桥头自然直" (boat will align with the bridge head when it reaches it)
pm me if you need help in any subjects you're weak in. i certainly can help. :)
all the best. :)
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btw, adult is 21
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I was about to say that too.
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.
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now can do law in SIM
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hi flormat
firstly, are you boy or girl?
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You seemed to be a very confused child indeed. Most of your problems are not exactly problems IMO. The problem you have is that you are rolling everything into one big "problem" . Change your prespective.
You need to start by dissecting your one big problem and categorise into smaller segments, then proceed to tackle one by one.
1. Being the only child has many pros. The only child need not share family resources with a sibling ; finances, attention, time.
2. Having a sibling does not mean you will be guaranteed "someone to turn to". Many siblings fight over a lot of things; family finances, parents attention, time.
Seeking consultation within your own peers is like the blind leading the blind. You are looking for answers in the wrong place.
3. "O" levels are meant to separate out the ones who can STUDY, vs those who can't. If you can't, you wont be able to survive degree/university life anyway. If your calling is in the vocational arena, there's still plenty of other options. Perhaps you may want to consider becoming a Paralegal instead of a full fledge lawyer.
4. If you are truly motivated to become a lawyer, then you need to focus on doing well. Focus on your weak subjects and build a strong foundation. The life of a lawyer is cut throat, if you are already so wimpy and whiny, chances are you can't handle a lawyer life for very long. You think lawyers make good money and live a glamourous life? well they worked their butts off and made huge sacrifices to get to where they are today.
5. You need not worry about your parents, I'm sure they can take care of themselves. If you sincerely do not want to burden them in later life, then all the more you need to be able to stand up on your two feet asap, so they can die without any regrets. The biggest fear a parent has is that their children are not able to care for themselves when the parents are no longer capable of taking care of their children.
6. You don't need to care how your other relatives think of you. You do not need their approval to lead the life you want. If they want to talk, let them talk. The only people that matters are your parents and yourself.
7. Being a sociable character is no cake walk, in fact, it's easier to be a loner. If you want to be popular, you'll need to know how to work that charm. be helpful, be approachable, offer up your time to volunteer and support people around you. Just because you have a great job, or scored all As does not make you a popular person. Sitting around moping and complaining only makes you a negative person. No one likes to hang around a wet blanket.
8. Look for love, friendship and relationship in the right places. Don't expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter.
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@jojobeach Hi, I'm not really sure if u r saying it's not okay to be a loner, but I'm assuming u r telling me to be more sociable and mix in? :) so being a loner is not okay if I stay like that? Realistically is being sociable impt for work life? There's no positive things that will turn out for a loner right? Or can a loner actually get anywhere without social connections? @namasaya hey thks for ur kind offer ;) I made weird choices, not interested in sciences but took trip science, should have taken double science or trip humans. I'll PM and talk when there's time:) Btw does anyone know what u need to get into medicine or law?
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Originally posted by floraet:
@jojobeach
Hi, I’m not really sure if u r saying it’s not okay to be a loner, but I’m assuming u r telling me to be more sociable and mix in?
so being a loner is not okay if I stay like
that?
Realistically is being sociable impt for work life? There’s no positive things that will turn out for a loner right? Or can a loner actually get anywhere without social connections?@namasaya hey thks for ur kind offer
I made
weird choices, not interested in sciences but took trip science,
should have taken double science or trip humans. I’ll PM and talk
when there’s timeBtw does anyone know what u need to get into medicine or law?
1. L1R4 = very very low.
2. Good England (if doing law).
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
You seemed to be a very confused child indeed. Most of your problems are not exactly problems IMO. The problem you have is that you are rolling everything into one big "problem" . Change your prespective.
You need to start by dissecting your one big problem and categorise into smaller segments, then proceed to tackle one by one.
1. Being the only child has many pros. The only child need not share family resources with a sibling ; finances, attention, time.
2. Having a sibling does not mean you will be guaranteed "someone to turn to". Many siblings fight over a lot of things; family finances, parents attention, time.
Seeking consultation within your own peers is like the blind leading the blind. You are looking for answers in the wrong place.
3. "O" levels are meant to separate out the ones who can STUDY, vs those who can't. If you can't, you wont be able to survive degree/university life anyway. If your calling is in the vocational arena, there's still plenty of other options. Perhaps you may want to consider becoming a Paralegal instead of a full fledge lawyer.
4. If you are truly motivated to become a lawyer, then you need to focus on doing well. Focus on your weak subjects and build a strong foundation. The life of a lawyer is cut throat, if you are already so wimpy and whiny, chances are you can't handle a lawyer life for very long. You think lawyers make good money and live a glamourous life? well they worked their butts off and made huge sacrifices to get to where they are today.
5. You need not worry about your parents, I'm sure they can take care of themselves. If you sincerely do not want to burden them in later life, then all the more you need to be able to stand up on your two feet asap, so they can die without any regrets. The biggest fear a parent has is that their children are not able to care for themselves when the parents are no longer capable of taking care of their children.
6. You don't need to care how your other relatives think of you. You do not need their approval to lead the life you want. If they want to talk, let them talk. The only people that matters are your parents and yourself.
7. Being a sociable character is no cake walk, in fact, it's easier to be a loner. If you want to be popular, you'll need to know how to work that charm. be helpful, be approachable, offer up your time to volunteer and support people around you. Just because you have a great job, or scored all As does not make you a popular person. Sitting around moping and complaining only makes you a negative person. No one likes to hang around a wet blanket.
8. Look for love, friendship and relationship in the right places. Don't expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter.
+1 to above. And being introvert is ok. Read the book
"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking"
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Originally posted by floraet:
@jojobeach
Hi, I’m not really sure if u r saying it’s not okay to be a loner, but I’m assuming u r telling me to be more sociable and mix in? so being a loner is not okay if I stay like
that?
Realistically is being sociable impt for work life? There’s no positive things that will turn out for a loner right? Or can a loner actually get anywhere without social connections?@namasaya hey thks for ur kind offer
I made
weird choices, not interested in sciences but took trip science,
should have taken double science or trip humans. I’ll PM and talk
when there’s timeBtw does anyone know what u need to get into medicine or law?
I'm saying it's not ok to be a loner AND be negative.
People are drawn to positive character. Even if you are a loner, as long as you remain positive and resourceful, people will naturally be drawn to you.
Social life is a bell curve. The ones at the bottom and the ones at the top tend to live a lonely life.
As you acquire more wealth, power , intelligence, you will find less and less people able to relate to you. Your circle of "true friends" become smaller and smaller, eventually approaching zero. It's lonely at the top.
You really need to work on your resourcefulness. Research online, and go talk to the school admission counsellors. Seek answers from the right people.
In work life, you need connections, that means you need to network. Essentially, a working adult is selling his/her service/knowledge to a hiring company. You need to know how to market your skills to the right people. People to people/ inter-personal skill, industry knowledge and luck are all important.
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take things slow and do your best. From what it seems you are too caught up on the what-ifs. concentrate on the present and your future will be bright.
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Good luck !
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You have to overcome this problem yourself, you can do it!
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Good luck! Jiayous!
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"You can have everything if you want it badly enough." Of course, not to mention, there's hardwork and careful and creative planning. Never let anything you truly love stand in your way.
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Aiyo take a chill pill bro !!
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Look positive, you get POSITIVE results
Look negative, you get NEGATIVE results
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Hmmmm... Let's see. You say that you are very confused. Jojobeach has broken down your problems into smaller parts and its easier to digest this way, so I'll do it in that format too.
1. Siblings
I have a sibling. A younger sister. So do you think I will look for her for help or she will look for me? the answer should be pretty obvious. But I will still help her when she needs help.
2. O Levels
O levels are nothing. Really. Been there done that. You can say that its because I'm smart or what. But Im not. Even until my prelims my L1R4 (for entrance to poly) was a freakin 38 points. L1R5 is 48 hor. I failed every single subject except for my languages. But at last I still got into Poly by sheer hard work. Nothing good is going to fall from the sky.
3. Talkative Relatives
Talkative relatives, just ignore. I oso... they keep saying girls must be more demure (I'm rowdy LOL) and srsly... everyone will kena every Chinese New Year what right? Plus my family v traditional so Girls in my family must know their boundaries... which means I cannot argue back etc. (yes, traditional families like mine still exists in modern Singapore) So I just flash a very sweet smile at them, then continue to doing what Im doing on the surface, but secretly kill them mentally in my mind. I swear dk how many ppl died in my mind alr.
4. Being Sociable
In primary school, I was always the one getting bullied... coz I never speaked up for myself. All I'll do is to cry after kena bullied. Everytime teacher ask me why I cry, I just ignore the teacher and continue to cry. Then slowly the teacher stopped asking me what happened and just let me cry every lesson. You know who is the bully? The Assistant Head prefect. I know nobody will believe me even if I say coz im so unsociable. But she like pop girl liddat so many ppl want to be her fren who will side me?
So from the very start, try to open up and talk to people. Mix around, make more friends. Anything will do. Ask them which school they come from? Hobbies? Even can ask them about the current channel 8 drama and talk bout it. Just be natural. and rmb to smile.
5. Ambitions
I always wanted to be a police officer since young. But as I've said earlier on, my family is very traditional so can you imagine their objections of me being an officer? I was in NPCC somemore. Many times I fought with my dad on this topic. At last when I was promoted to the highest rank (Station Inspector) I dare not tell my father. I even have to get my teacher to hide that for me coz my father believed in "Leaders all stupid. Chiong first die first."
dk what kind of lousy mindset is that. At last I got my O Level results and got into Digital Forensics in TP. This course Cut-Off Point (COP) is 13 pts. (my prelim is 38 pts horh) Currently I'm a Year 1.
You might think I'm bullshitting coz I sound so damn "ming ku" but I'm serious lorh. Its not easy, nobody ever said anything is going to be easy in life.
Not boasting but... if my parents not proud of me then I be proud of myself lor
#shamelessAnother example if you still don't think you can do it...
http://www2.tnp.sg/content/ex-gaming-addict-wants-fight-cyber-crime
He's now 22 years old. He srsly dropped out in Sec 3 and go NS, then take O levels private and scored straight As. Now he oso in Digital Forensics in TP, and is my current classmate.
If we can do it, why can't you?
Aything can PM me. I'm only 17 years old, no generation gap at all.
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Originally posted by floraet:
I’m a 16 year old student and the O levels are coming up.
Everyone keeps telling me to study hard and stuff.Recently, my teacher has asked us to submit testimonials and stressed the importance of it for finding a good job. It suddenly dawned upon me that I’m going to be 18 in 2 years time and sort of become an adult. It is quite a scary revelation that I have to work and provide a living for my parents and be all on my own.
I’m an only child which makes things even more frustrating. That means there’s no one to turn to when I have problems in the future, and when my parents die I’ll be reallly alone. I’m not really close with my cousins as they’re like adults while i’m in my teens.
My ambition is to be a lawyer. Its hard to get in, and looking at my credentials, I doubt I can get in. My strength is in the humanities and not in the sciences. Looking at numbers just irks me, while you throw me a bunch of papers with small and wordy paragraphs and I’ll be more than happy to read it. I’m prepared to score through long law journals and all the tedious stuff, but not to become some engineer or doctor and study about newtonian physics and all that shit. I heard they take in excellent students who are good in everything including academics and cca and are full of talent.
Yesterday, we just had our farewell party for the graduating sec 4s in my cca. I’m a loner in my cca. I used to have a friend but she ditched me and joined a group of people, and there I was, alone since sec 2. I tried socializing, we can only talk for a short while and we are asked to do different activities for the cca. I tried to befriend the juniors since if my same age peers reject me I can always find other people, but its hard find chances to interact. My cca teachers must be gossiping about how much a loner I am to my form teachers and its reallly embarrassing enough to knwo that nobody wants me, its bad enough when they think I’m antisocial. But I tried to socialize just that they don’t see it! I’m really angry and feel really ‘yuan wang’ . How am i going to survive in the private sector workplace competitive private sector if i’m going to be a lawyer?
Recently, my cousin got into NUS Medicine and is on his way to become a doctor. I feel happy for him, our family finally has a doctor. But I also feel stunned and pressured after that because that means all my relatives would be gossiping about how great he is. Everyone is saying that he is the ‘wai sun’ and I’m the ‘nei sun’, so its not that amazing that he got into medicine because he is not really part of our family, and now my parents are pushing me to strike out something good myself too and give them sth to be proud of. My parents are quite jealous because they’re dream was for me to be doctor but its just not the job for me! Being a doctor is not an easy job, what if you contract your patient’s disease? Thus, there is only one way to go, to get into law, but the problem is, I can’t really get in. Urgh, life sucks. What am I going to do if i don’t get in? maybe be a magazine writer but my interest is in law! If i go all the way for my dream and I don’t get it, is it really worth it? Its hard being an only child.
You're only 16, sit for your G.C.E 'O' Level first and pass your exam. By the time you reach 18 I hope you're mature enough to think clearly...I'm sure by that time your perspective about yourself and life will change....don't think too much. -
Originally posted by FireIce:
btw, adult is 21
They should change that to 18.....young Singaporeans at that age should learn to be more independent, fend for themselves, think for themselves and find their own lives. Don't be like an adult baby always depending on their parents to help them. Then Singapore will have more stronger generation physically and mentally.