Relationship advices!
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I've been with my bf for around 1 year. We used to hang out together very frequently, like almost everyday. However we're both on attachment this sem, working in different companies. Recently, he has been getting closer to the group of interns in his company. They have outings like once or twice every week. And he also has tuition on two days a week. Thus I'm not able to meet his as frequently as I used to. I don't like him hanging out with the group of friends he made during his attachment, as I feel that he's already seeing them at work every single day, why does he still have to meet them after work every single week? We've argued about this before. He said that he needed a balance between friends, family, and gf. So we agreed that he'll have one day with friends, two days tuition, and the rest for me and family. However, recently he's been starting to hang out a little more frequently with that group of friends. To me, it feels like he's meeting them so often cause he enjoys spending time with his friends more than with me, it feels like he doesn't want to meet me as much as I want to meet him.
Over the past 1 year, we've quarrelled a lot, mostly cold wars that last a few days, up to a week. And for most of them, I had to start talking to him first, he hardly approach me first (making it seem like he doesn't care). Also, we've 'broken up' quite a few times over small issues over the past 1 year together, and they were all initiated by me. Whenever I initiated a break up, he would just let me go. Yes, I know it's my fault, but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage the relationship?
I don't see a future with this guy, but I don't want to end the relationship now, partially because we hang out in the same clique in school, and I'm afraid that things would be awkward. And also because I still have feelings for him. :/
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if in the first place you don't see a future with this guy, what's the point in holding on to this r/s? ur case is similar in certain ways to mine, except that the genders involved are the opposite. well, to me it seems ur bf enjoys 'flirting' with his other colleagues. maybe it could be because he isn't getting the attention he wants from u as compared to the attention that his colleagues are giving him? but don't get me wrong, friends are as important as ur bf/gf when in a r/s. you can't expect him to let u revolve around his world 24/7 right? u also mentioned that there were a few 'break ups'. in my opinion, if ever there is the thought of breaking up, more or less there is a 'trust' issue between both parties. it is always very painful to end a relationship i agree. but if u don't feel happy, or loved in this relationship, it is harder to endure this emptiness inside ur heart than to just let it go. it takes two hands to clap. Arguments always happen in a r/s, and i believe both parties should take the effort to resolve the issue. It shouldn't be a one-sided affair. I'm just giving my 2 cents worth from what u said in the post, ultimately, the choice is yours. Good luck!
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Originally posted by emzy:
I've been with my bf for around 1 year. We used to hang out together very frequently, like almost everyday. However we're both on attachment this sem, working in different companies. Recently, he has been getting closer to the group of interns in his company. They have outings like once or twice every week. And he also has tuition on two days a week. Thus I'm not able to meet his as frequently as I used to. I don't like him hanging out with the group of friends he made during his attachment, as I feel that he's already seeing them at work every single day, why does he still have to meet them after work every single week? We've argued about this before. He said that he needed a balance between friends, family, and gf. So we agreed that he'll have one day with friends, two days tuition, and the rest for me and family. However, recently he's been starting to hang out a little more frequently with that group of friends. To me, it feels like he's meeting them so often cause he enjoys spending time with his friends more than with me, it feels like he doesn't want to meet me as much as I want to meet him.
Over the past 1 year, we've quarrelled a lot, mostly cold wars that last a few days, up to a week. And for most of them, I had to start talking to him first, he hardly approach me first (making it seem like he doesn't care). Also, we've 'broken up' quite a few times over small issues over the past 1 year together, and they were all initiated by me. Whenever I initiated a break up, he would just let me go. Yes, I know it's my fault, but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage the relationship?
I don't see a future with this guy, but I don't want to end the relationship now, partially because we hang out in the same clique in school, and I'm afraid that things would be awkward. And also because I still have feelings for him. :/
hi emzy,
i feel that in all relationships there will be a point where some amount of monotony sets in. i suppose the common term used wud be the honeymoon period. usually after that happens either party will start moving into their comfort zones which seems like a possibility in yer case.
as you said your need is to basically "want him to want you as much as you want him". but i feel that it doesnt really work that way. more like "u offer what u feel comfortable with and he offers what he feels he is comfortable with." not so much a dollar for a dollar.
You could also be trying to ascertain your place of importance in his life. Basically you should be ranked higher than his frens and rightly so. In essence you are rationalising that since he prefers to spend more time with his friends therefore that ranking has dropped and you feel a need to enforce that ranking. it maybe that u unconciously used the breakup card to enforce that as well but unfortunately yer partner did not bite.
i think its important to highlight a possibility. Whilst it may seem to you that its you vs his frens. it could actually be you vs his way of life. before he met you did he spend alot of time going out wif frens? u will need to make yer own judgement it cud also be what validation said that he is ‘flirting’ with his other colleagues. only you know best.
as fer using the 'breakup' card. its better not to use it unless u really mean it. to answer yer question "but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage the relationship?" it is possible that he can see yer intention...in which case it will backfire as it shows immaturity. used too often it borders on irritating much like how sometimes parents nags their children.
i understand that the feeling of a pay cut from 24/7 being the lovey dovey couple is very different to when the passion has settled abit. it cud also be that u want the honeymoon period to last longer.
all things said a relationship is to share in being a part of each others life and the balance between how much "a part" actually means should be carefully negotiated. This is usually the reason for initial "fights".
this is merely an opinion so please consider other possiblities from validation or other forumners..best of luck
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Originally posted by emzy:
I've been with my bf for around 1 year. We used to hang out together very frequently, like almost everyday. However we're both on attachment this sem, working in different companies. Recently, he has been getting closer to the group of interns in his company. They have outings like once or twice every week. And he also has tuition on two days a week. Thus I'm not able to meet his as frequently as I used to. I don't like him hanging out with the group of friends he made during his attachment, as I feel that he's already seeing them at work every single day, why does he still have to meet them after work every single week? We've argued about this before. He said that he needed a balance between friends, family, and gf. So we agreed that he'll have one day with friends, two days tuition, and the rest for me and family. However, recently he's been starting to hang out a little more frequently with that group of friends. To me, it feels like he's meeting them so often cause he enjoys spending time with his friends more than with me, it feels like he doesn't want to meet me as much as I want to meet him.
Over the past 1 year, we've quarrelled a lot, mostly cold wars that last a few days, up to a week. And for most of them, I had to start talking to him first, he hardly approach me first (making it seem like he doesn't care). Also, we've 'broken up' quite a few times over small issues over the past 1 year together, and they were all initiated by me. Whenever I initiated a break up, he would just let me go. Yes, I know it's my fault, but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage the relationship?
I don't see a future with this guy, but I don't want to end the relationship now, partially because we hang out in the same clique in school, and I'm afraid that things would be awkward. And also because I still have feelings for him. :/
Wow! You don't want to be with the guy,but want him to string him around because it would be awkward otherwise? You started the breakup with your fault but he is at fault because he let you go?Grow up silly bitch. If you were sensible you would have already figured out it's beause he don't ike you that he spend time with others.
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WHy is he hanging out with them more than u ? CUz he has more fun with them!
You are a chore, boring, demanding and has no life.
The only time he comes back you will be when he needs some hugs, kisses and a place to park his dick. But when he finds someone else out there to give him those, you'd be nothing but toast.
Get a life and live it better without him. When he see what he is missing, he'll probably reconsider his priorities.
While you think he is not in your future, he probably doesn't see u in his future either. that's why he didn't come begging when you threatened to cut him loose.
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Love shares (presupposing one has it!), needs and expectations exploits (the word love is merely bandied about, it belies delusion), don't know or don't want to know, it will inevitably surface. Many play mind games, but rarely does it last.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Love shares (presupposing one has it!), needs and expectations exploits (the word love is merely bandied about, it belies delusion), don’t know or don’t want to know, it will inevitably surface.
Many play mind games, but rarely does it last.+1
Love - Share
Mutual Benefit - a dollar for a dollar...
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Originally posted by emzy:
I've been with my bf for around 1 year. We used to hang out together very frequently, like almost everyday. However we're both on attachment this sem, working in different companies. Recently, he has been getting closer to the group of interns in his company. They have outings like once or twice every week. And he also has tuition on two days a week. Thus I'm not able to meet his as frequently as I used to. I don't like him hanging out with the group of friends he made during his attachment, as I feel that he's already seeing them at work every single day, why does he still have to meet them after work every single week? We've argued about this before. He said that he needed a balance between friends, family, and gf. So we agreed that he'll have one day with friends, two days tuition, and the rest for me and family. However, recently he's been starting to hang out a little more frequently with that group of friends. To me, it feels like he's meeting them so often cause he enjoys spending time with his friends more than with me, it feels like he doesn't want to meet me as much as I want to meet him.
Over the past 1 year, we've quarrelled a lot, mostly cold wars that last a few days, up to a week. And for most of them, I had to start talking to him first, he hardly approach me first (making it seem like he doesn't care). Also, we've 'broken up' quite a few times over small issues over the past 1 year together, and they were all initiated by me. Whenever I initiated a break up, he would just let me go. Yes, I know it's my fault, but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage the relationship?
I don't see a future with this guy, but I don't want to end the relationship now, partially because we hang out in the same clique in school, and I'm afraid that things would be awkward. And also because I still have feelings for him. :/
He meets his colleagues, boys and girls, after work and you don't like it. That is possession.
He said he needed a balance between friends, family and gf, clearly he felt off balanced.
He preferred to meet groups of friends rather than meeting you, obviously he knew where he feels happier.
do you really cared how he felt?
You played your hard to get, you don't want to let him go because you don't want to feel awkward, and you know it is your fault...so where is love, share...and all that BS?
save your soul, let him go.
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Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean he should hang out with you half of his week. Maybe he just wants to get a lot closer to his other friends. And if he don't bother about salvaging this relationship, so shouldn't you. You're still young, got a lot of people out there who are worth your time and effort.
Break ups are difficult, but it's not the end of your life! You'll get over it sooner or later!
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just make sure you are wiser and more matured the next time you go into a relationship.
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You are still lucky. Based on the existing laws, it is best to keep very good relationship with each others. Why? When the relationship is sour, you are on your own. Let me share this story to see the bigger picture.
This man( 62) is 18 years older than the 2nd wife.
1st Wife - Married for over three decades. Cheated her for the last 12 years. Cheated her to divorce so that he can marry the 2nd wife.
2nd Wife - Took her as mistress for 12 years. Cheated her for 12 years and finally married her in 2013.
After marrying the mistress in 2014, 1st wife found out and upset he was cheating on her and demanded he divorced 2nd wife.The man sold all assets before he took on the second married.
After marriage, this man gave many reasons to the 2nd wife and he lived with the 1st wife for 5 nights and 2nd wife for 2 nights ( just sex). After 6 months, 2nd wife didn't like this arrangement, and they often quarrel. But she has no choice as she is not working and have no money.
Is this polygamy?He has two wives and yet within the laws. Is this false divorce and also cheating the 2nd wife to marry her.
With the new marriage, he is able to control the 2nd wife as she cannot have friends, go out and have personal space. He is still enjoying sex with the second wife twice a week. He checked on her several times a day and if she is out, he make wild allegations to stop her. He even beat her up. He continued to stay with his 1st wife. No sure how he is able to con her again.
This is the true story that I want to share so that you will know what can happen to you also. I feel that there are loopholes in our laws and those men who knows these laws ( like this man) is enjoying having two wives and still get away.
I feel it is not fair to both woman and men. Is polygamy is allowed, let us all have it. If polygamy is not allowed, police should question this man. But at the present laws, our police is helpless. Can our MPs please help. Can the Goverment agencies look into this? This manis able to live out with his mistress even if the 2nd wife found him. When she confronted, she got whack. What options does the 2nd wife has. Nothing! She visited Crime Registry. She called the police. Not much she can do.
If you are married for less than 3 years you can't do anything. Many people do not have the mean to go to court or know how to do this. It is costless to file divorce.If anyone know of any option, please share.
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Originally posted by AsiaStarBoy:
After marriage, this man gave many reasons to the 2nd wife and he lived with the 1st wife for 5 nights and 2nd wife for 2 nights ( just sex). After 6 months, 2nd wife didn't like this arrangement, and they often quarrel. But she has no choice as she is not working and have no money.
Is this polygamy?
Not really. I think its blackmail.
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Originally posted by AsiaStarBoy:
You are still lucky. Based on the existing laws, it is best to keep very good relationship with each others. Why? When the relationship is sour, you are on your own. Let me share this story to see the bigger picture.
This man( 62) is 18 years older than the 2nd wife.
1st Wife - Married for over three decades. Cheated her for the last 12 years. Cheated her to divorce so that he can marry the 2nd wife.
2nd Wife - Took her as mistress for 12 years. Cheated her for 12 years and finally married her in 2013.
After marrying the mistress in 2014, 1st wife found out and upset he was cheating on her and demanded he divorced 2nd wife.The man sold all assets before he took on the second married.
After marriage, this man gave many reasons to the 2nd wife and he lived with the 1st wife for 5 nights and 2nd wife for 2 nights ( just sex). After 6 months, 2nd wife didn't like this arrangement, and they often quarrel. But she has no choice as she is not working and have no money.
Is this polygamy?He has two wives and yet within the laws. Is this false divorce and also cheating the 2nd wife to marry her.
With the new marriage, he is able to control the 2nd wife as she cannot have friends, go out and have personal space. He is still enjoying sex with the second wife twice a week. He checked on her several times a day and if she is out, he make wild allegations to stop her. He even beat her up. He continued to stay with his 1st wife. No sure how he is able to con her again.
This is the true story that I want to share so that you will know what can happen to you also. I feel that there are loopholes in our laws and those men who knows these laws ( like this man) is enjoying having two wives and still get away.
I feel it is not fair to both woman and men. Is polygamy is allowed, let us all have it. If polygamy is not allowed, police should question this man. But at the present laws, our police is helpless. Can our MPs please help. Can the Goverment agencies look into this? This manis able to live out with his mistress even if the 2nd wife found him. When she confronted, she got whack. What options does the 2nd wife has. Nothing! She visited Crime Registry. She called the police. Not much she can do.
If you are married for less than 3 years you can't do anything. Many people do not have the mean to go to court or know how to do this. It is costless to file divorce.If anyone know of any option, please share.
Stupid wife is the problem here. Now both the bitches want his money.
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Asia starboy, in this scandalous story, none of them are victims, none of them need recuing.
No need to call police. That man is living his own hell currently. The man thinks he is screwing 2 women, but the 2 women are also screwing him over.
Second wife can get a job and stop sucking on the man financially. Right now, she is exchanging sex which cost her nothing for financial benefits. She is young and can dump the old skin bag whenever the money runs out.
First wife is taking her own revenge. And the man is allowing it thinking he is so in demand. First wife will have the last laugh.
In the end, this man will end up with nothing. No money no love, living in a state of paranoid flux. He is better off just spending his money on prostitutes and remain a single man.
Wait till the old fart can no longer walk or feed himself, these two women will be feeding him his own poop and let him rot in the wheelchair.
Men like stupid women because they are easy to bed. Stupid women will raise stupid children. The stupidity will eventually doom mankind we will all relegate to nothing but animals.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Asia starboy, in this scandalous story, none of them are victims, none of them need recuing.
No need to call police. That man is living his own hell currently. The man thinks he is screwing 2 women, but the 2 women are also screwing him over.
Second wife can get a job and stop sucking on the man financially. Right now, she is exchanging sex which cost her nothing for financial benefits. She is young and can dump the old skin bag whenever the money runs out.
First wife is taking her own revenge. And the man is allowing it thinking he is so in demand. First wife will have the last laugh.
In the end, this man will end up with nothing. No money no love, living in a state of paranoid flux. He is better off just spending his money on prostitutes and remain a single man.
Wait till the old fart can no longer walk or feed himself, these two women will be feeding him his own poop and let him rot in the wheelchair.
Men like stupid women because they are easy to bed. Stupid women will raise stupid children. The stupidity will eventually doom mankind we will all relegate to nothing but animals.
+1 TO He is better off just spending his money on prostitutes and remain a single man.
