Help: Does relationship fades away over time?
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My gf and I were together for over 5 1/2 years and it seems that we are drifting apart. Taking each other's calls seems like a chore these days and feeling is turning into family rather than lovers. Last time always say ï love you and now it seems weird to say such words. Does this happens in all relationships and how can we retify it.
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When you have stopped putting in efforts to preserve and/or nurture, of course the relationship start to fall apart and rot away.
Drifting apart means neither of you are sharing common interest. And neither bothered to participate in a common interest.
Why is saying i love you so difficult nowadays? Perhaps there's resentment yet to be resolved. Perhaps withholding of affection is a punishment for unmet needs.
Perhaps you should try saying "i appreciate you"... instead of I love u. If you can't do that honestly.. then it's not likely your relationship will survive "till death do us part".
If you can't survive this one.. next one will be no different.
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Actually it started off well. GF was renting a room and we were relatively close to each other and spoke to each other on phone most of the time. After that her sister bought a resale flat and she moved in to stay with them. Then my GF started occupying her time with matters in the house and on her nephew and niece. After work she will spend alot of time with them etc. Then slowly we seems to call each other lesser and drift further.
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Originally posted by Leschua:
My gf and I were together for over 5 1/2 years and it seems that we are drifting apart. Taking each other's calls seems like a chore these days and feeling is turning into family rather than lovers. Last time always say ï love you and now it seems weird to say such words. Does this happens in all relationships and how can we retify it.
I will add on to jojo.
In your post you said "feeling is turning into family rather than lovers". Do you love your family?
That feeling is normal.....hence the saying your partner is your best friend or to similar effect.
Sharing common interest is important because it allows both to be in close proximity whilst participating in daily life.
It can be as simple as eating.
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One issue unresolved one relationship unfulfilled
Which do you see as most important of relationship
Are you most important being in relationship, or, are gf more important being in relationship
Ultimately one is inclined on attraction on another opposite, being inclined on the opposite of us
Being attracted to opposite is usual, and for others, being attracted to similar is normal
Only relationships of the past are more important than relationships of your near future, are you facing similar void in relationships, similarly how are your friendships
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Yes it does. That's the truth because humans are habitual and get used to things after a while. But it does not mean you can't do anything about it. You can make a conscious effort to stay committed, to find new things to love about her and get to know her over and over again.
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Originally posted by Leschua:
Actually it started off well. GF was renting a room and we were relatively close to each other and spoke to each other on phone most of the time. After that her sister bought a resale flat and she moved in to stay with them. Then my GF started occupying her time with matters in the house and on her nephew and niece. After work she will spend alot of time with them etc. Then slowly we seems to call each other lesser and drift further.
All relationship started off well. If it ain't well.. there'll be no relationship to start.
Long term relationships that stands the test of time, went through ups and downs. But will always be solidly anchored to each other.
Your gf's world does not simply revolves around you.
She will be pre-occupied with many things along the way. So will you. After every venture, after the novelty is done, will you/she be there ?
Even after both of you get married, she may be pre-occupied with many many things in the future. Everytime she puts her heart somewhere else, into the new baby, a new job, a new hobby. Are you going to pout and get discouraged ?
Instead of feeling excluded, why don't you try harder to be included ?
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But I think she is becoming overly involved with her family. Just like that michael miu in that recent hong kong tvb show at channel 8. Keeps on helping family until ownself got no time.
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So who is the villian in your drama? The sis , the niece or the nephew?
Do we have a third party trying to steal you away ?
Dude, i think the problem is not her.. its u.
You seem immature. Five n half years..are you going to marry her ?
Stop wasting her time.
If you don't cherish her. Just let go. Don't bother trying to push the guilt onto her just because you are too cowardly to admit you want out.
I think your gf deserves a better guy who is more understanding, m
ore fun to hang out with.
If you want your gf to give up what she is enjoying, spending time with her family and setting up her new nest... you'll need to entice her with a better option.
At the moment what are you doing to live a life she will want to be part of? Instead of pouting and watching much hong kong drama?
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Actually I did ask her whether we want to go rom and apply for flat. But she told me that we are getting more like family and not so much like lovers. She told me that she want to delay applying for pr first because she do not want cpf to be deducted from her salary.
I still thinks that the main reasons is because she do not want to get her salary deducted to cpf so kept on dragging. But PR application is sometime not so fast and may need to try a few times. I may seems abit too old when we are finally ready to apply for a flat.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
So who is the villian in your drama? The sis , the niece or the nephew?
Do we have a third party trying to steal you away ?
Dude, i think the problem is not her.. its u.
You seem immature. Five n half years..are you going to marry her ?
Stop wasting her time.
If you don't cherish her. Just let go. Don't bother trying to push the guilt onto her just because you are too cowardly to admit you want out.
I think your gf deserves a better guy who is more understanding, m
ore fun to hang out with.
If you want your gf to give up what she is enjoying, spending time with her family and setting up her new nest... you'll need to entice her with a better option.
At the moment what are you doing to live a life she will want to be part of? Instead of pouting and watching much hong kong drama?
Don't listen to such BS feminist propoganda.
The problem is her,not you.If she coudln't continue to make feeling for her, it means she is nott he one for you. But this is not something the feminazis or wussies can accept after years of brain washing. Don't be pressured to marry her just because she sucked 5and half years of your time. If you do and is sure, well then start with a pre-nup. If she wants you to stay with her,she has to do a better job of pleasing you.If not there are always better gals,you deserve someone better who will trat you like a king.
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Originally posted by Leschua:
Actually I did ask her whether we want to go rom and apply for flat. But she told me that we are getting more like family and not so much like lovers. She told me that she want to delay applying for pr first because she do not want cpf to be deducted from her salary.
I still thinks that the main reasons is because she do not want to get her salary deducted to cpf so kept on dragging. But PR application is sometime not so fast and may need to try a few times. I may seems abit too old when we are finally ready to apply for a flat.
From the likes of it this Chinese gal(?) will divorce you and take away your flat(the one which you plan to buy). So dump her and move on other than waiting for her moods and emotions to be have some sense,it will never. Imagine her impregnated and taking your life. Be free man,find a good gal.
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Boobhawk is right. Please go listen to him. He da expert.
Please remember his famous advise to all guys. "Dump the bitch and go bang a few more".
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I do admit I was having some personal issues for the last 2 years. Had a medical problem and was on self medication and depressed. Maybe I did ignore her for quite abit of time. Until I get real medical help to solve the issue. Any ideas on how to make it up for the lost time?
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Originally posted by Leschua:
I do admit I was having some personal issues for the last 2 years. Had a medical problem and was on self medication and depressed. Maybe I did ignore her for quite abit of time. Until I get real medical help to solve the issue. Any ideas on how to make it up for the lost time?
My recommendation is that you don't look back.
Whatever problem you had was fixed.
Look forward and go live a life others want to be part of.
Having a positive outlook helps.
However, i have a feeling you are at the end of your useful date with her.
Now that she has a secure place with her sis.. she probably don't need you anymore, much less having to deal with your personal problems.
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After 5.5 years and all her excuses, I think it is about time you end the relationship and move forward. Frankly there isn't anything much you can do to salvage the situation. Life is about making the right choices. Moving on is just one of the choices. And fortune and happiness favors the bold:)
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Everyone knows that the honeymoon period do not last forever. Are your parents lovey-dovey all the time?
If you are unhappy, perhaps it is time to let it go.
If you are content, perhaps it is time to take the next step.
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I am ok. But I think I also gave her too much pressure previously. Asking her to save money and settle her stuffs quickly etc. She says i mentioned ROM she felt like sudden attack. Previously she asked me to ROM but we did not do it. Now she say give us abit more time. I also try to quit my old naggy ways.
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You are controlling, strike one.
She proposed rom, you snubbed her, strike two.
You nag at her while you had personal issue then neglected her. Strike three.
You are out.
Now you want to salvage after the damages were done.
Move on dude. No guy is worth this much trouble.
Find another lady and start over..don't make the same mistakes.
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Based on her behaviours, she had already move on and started a new life with her family. Wake up TS, sweet dreams are over, time to say hello to reality. You're no longer her main priority, only bits player, not even a supporting role. If you can accept to be her number 3 or 4 in pecking order, then stay on, or else move along.
Nevertheless, can arrange a date with her and have serious talk about your relationship. There and then decide what you going to do. No point get stress out and affect your mental health.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
My recommendation is that you don't look back.
Whatever problem you had was fixed.
Look forward and go live a life others want to be part of.
Having a positive outlook helps.
However, i have a feeling you are at the end of your useful date with her.
Now that she has a secure place with her sis.. she probably don't need you anymore, much less having to deal with your personal problems.
Yes as jojobitch says she has milked you enough and now don"t need you anymore. Don"t fall for the typical gals 'you are guilty for my boobs being small/my periods/it is raining' tactics.
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Originally posted by Joo Matts:
After 5.5 years and all her excuses, I think it is about time you end the relationship and move forward. Frankly there isn't anything much you can do to salvage the situation. Life is about making the right choices. Moving on is just one of the choices. And fortune and happiness favors the bold:)
The man has said. Move on and be a man.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
You are controlling, strike one.
She proposed rom, you snubbed her, strike two.
You nag at her while you had personal issue then neglected her. Strike three.
You are out.
Now you want to salvage after the damages were done.
Move on dude. No guy is worth this much trouble.
Find another lady and start over..don't make the same mistakes.
Again BS bingo from jojobitch is on. Don"t waste time with any gal who doesn't treat you well. She ain"t worth your time. And you made no mistakes.
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Ts, Muse over this -lah! When one looks for love, security or … in a relationship,(marriage not excluded) it is merely that of exploiting each other by all means possible to fulfil each other’s needs. It is fine if it is made known at the outset or at least acknowledged. However, it rarely is done so as is it bound to reveal one’s one foibles. Many lack courage, many lack self-honesty and simply jump into a … so as to secure and milk the … for whatever it is perceived as worth. This is a self-effacing stance and in the long run most likely untenable and unsustainable. Blaming another for one’s predicament is a cop out. In short, it is a mutual benefit scheme. Mutual benefit scheming does not and rarely lasts long. Mutual benefit scheme : put simply, is that of expectations, needs masquerading as love! It is beggary. Being self-honest and acknowleding this lacunae in oneself may stand one in good stead to come to terms with one’s cirumstances. Otherwise, it is being incarcerated in one’s predicament and suffering immensely cos extraneous factors (whatever comes to mind) may not elicit fulfilment. It is merely a house of cards, an accident waiting to happen.
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How love and intimacy changes over time : http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/blog/how-love-and-intimacy-changes-over-time