Should I stay with her or not?
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I think you need to see which of the 2 you view as your priority then you can make your decision.
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Hi.
I think it is better that you let her go and find another man who is still virgin and can give her more happiness than you. It's not just about the financial buden. As you already know, she is not really comfortable with the fact that you are already married before and already have children. Think about how she feels. Think about how other people would label her if she marries you. To be honest, I do not think she will be happy being with you. You should let her find the man who will give her the happiness that she deserves.
You should let her go.
Even though you two are not a couple, you two can still be friends, you know? She need not be your wife. She can be your friend, just like the other girls whom you like but did not marry.
I know you are doing this partly because you love your children and you want them to have another adult to take care of them. But this is not the only option. There are alternatives that are much better than this.
Suggestion:
If you have a brother or sister who is marrying, waiting for BTO completion or is already a mother or father living in an apartment somewhere, you may want to negotiate with him/her on letting you and your children stay with their family.
Back in my secondary school days, I had a Malaysian classmate whose father went into gambling and owed loan sharks so much money that he ran away and abandoned her and her mother, when she was very young. In the end, her mother brought her over to Singapore to stay with her mother's brother's family and they have been living together ever since.
I think her fate is quite similar to what your children are facing, where either the father or the mother is missing from their lives.
Rather than you marry another woman and let your children recognise a stranger as their mother, I think it is much better that you not re-marry but simply find someone in your family who is willing to let you and your children stay with their family.
In the financial part, this will benefit you, your family member and the person your family member marries, as you three can share costs and buy things in bulk quantities (and enjoy discounts).
In the relationship part, this will enable your children to grow up with people who are biologically related to them. The children of the other biologically-related family can also have your children to accompany them and grow up with them. With so many of them, the kids will not be lonely. They will be happy, and the house can also be more lively. Whereas for you, your family member and the person your family member marries, you three can foster bonds and be brothers and sisters, help each other whenever in need and live a happy life together.
- If have not buy BTO, you three can negotiate and make a joint purchase for a unit that is big enough to accomodate you, your children, your family member, your family member's wife/husband and your family member's own children.
- If buy BTO already and waiting for completion, you can check and see if the BTO flat which your family member purchases a unit in has unsold units that you can purchase. Of course, only do this if your family member and his/her wife/husband agrees to let you and your children stay with them and their children.
- If already staying elsewhere and already have a family, you can try to negotiate with your family member and his/her wife/husband to see if they can make some space for you and your children to stay with them. Otherwise, if they allow you to stay with them but they do not have space, you can purchase a house/unit near them and still stay with them.
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true.
if she loves u, she'll accept ur kids and appreaciate u for WHO u truly ARE.
Ur a FATHER, man.
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I know is very hard to let her go because you loved her & neither you can let your children go. Try hard to find a compromise in between
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This is a very hard situation, best is to leave her.
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Wow ts must be quite a rich guy to win custody over his children. Usually women wins one sia
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LEAVE HER - do you care about your kids or no?
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ts Muse over this: One cannot share what one does not have? This needs to be acknowledged and in that knowing - the transformation, the perspectives may change. Being honest is very easy, being self-honest makes a BIG difference and many deny or simply suppress .... U uttered : find someone else to grow old with - intuit and u may have glimpses of what it is all about that u have or may have not reconciled to. It is within not without! Growing up is wise, growing old is wasting away. Ps: As to whether she is ''right'''; she is neither rite nor wrong, it is a preference. The same is your predicament. There is no such person as mr right or miss right - it is all our own needs/expectations that makes us seek out another; the word ''love'' is so often uttered and in reality it is bereft of any meaning. Is it wrong to have needs/expectations? It is neither wrong/rite - what is wrong is not being honest with oneself.
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Personally I think If someone really love you , she would accept you for who you are . Respect your decision and be happy when you are happy . The person who loves you will not think you are not good enough else why wld she fall in love with you in ghe first place . Perhaps she is not ready to tell her parents but eventually she has to inform them if you guys are thinking abt long term rls.
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Finding a soul mate .. One in a million . Having more children with your new wife... Highly possible . My take ... Divorce your existing set of children .
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@mistermister
my empathy to what you are going through and I can tell you from my coaching experience it isn't a straightforward answer.There are definitely many parties involved, direct and indirect .There is a saying, when you marry someone, you marries her family too.
It can be a tormenting feeling for both of you as you are fond of her and she has liking for you too. You feel entangled, frustrated and many other emotions as well.
Try for a moment and picture yourself in her role. If you are single and are now dating a single mum with two kids, would you be ok ? How would your friends react to this news ?If you are , would your siblings, parents be ok to accept? Maybe you can , maybe not, I do not know.
There are many details that I do not have in your case and felt it would be unfair to provide further suggestions.
If you want a non-obligatory discussion prior to engaging my service, please pm me.
Regards
Desmond
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Hmmmm... I've never gotten a boyfriend... so idk all this.
But maybe u want to listen to this from a teenager's point of view.
#1. You are a father. I know it might be hard, but I think ur very first priority should be your children. If my dad is in that situation, I would want him to seek me and my sibling's opinion if we can accept her as our new mother. If cannot, then even if u really ended up marrying her ur family will be in chaos coz they can't get along.
#2. I always hear adults say, "If you truly love someone, you will accept their everything, even their flaws." Idk what went wrong here but... If you are my Dad I'll tell you to be careful of this kind of woman. If she can't even accept your status as a divorcee with 2 children, what makes you think that after marrying you, she will stay with you and your family to the very end, even when shit happens?
#3. I know u truly love her. But if she really can't accept you, I think you should leave her. Maybe both of you can have a good talk and then don't contact one another for a month. Then see what happens. Can you live without her? Does she miss you? Its not a breakup ah. If she can live very well without even thinking of you for a second, I think you really can break up w her. No point being tgt w this kind of heartless charbor. I also won't want her as my new mom. #justsaying
#4. If after the 1 month she realises she needs you just like you need her, then meet her family and be honest. Don't hide anything because it will just become worse. Later her family say u "pian hun" then you really jump into yellow river oso can't clean yourself liao.
Don't ask me why I give so many funny ideas. I know how its like coz my aunt remarried to my uncle. My aunt has 2 kids from her previous marriage too, but only got 1 child under her custody. If my uncle can accept her past, I don't see why your gf can't accept yours.
Btw, my aunt had 2 more kids w my uncle and they are living happily now.
Good Luck!
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Definitely leave her if she cannot accept that. What she want you to do ? Put ur kids in orphanage ??
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If she makes you happy then stay for now. Since she won't get serious with you, you can go on and get serious with other women if you find one and dump her..she won't mind anyway. I won't get too attached to her if I were you. I don't know if love exists within shallow women. I hope you stay strong for your kids and find a good women. Good luck.
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leave her.. enough said..
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Duplicate
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What is love?
Humm some say is doing extra for that someone, some say is others doing extra for you.
Well i can see that it will just drag and until she is tired of TS and move on.
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how are you right now ? What happened to both of you? Are you still together ?
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It is up to her to make the relationship work, I definitely do see you putting all the effort in being with her and she has to compromise
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Best to walk away while you still can. Sounds like she can't accept your kids and neither can her parents. Good luck.
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If she truly loves you, i believe she will be willing to accept your children. They are a part of you and partly a reason why you are who you are today. No matter how good she makes you feel, if she can't accept your children now, what makes you think that she will treat them as equally as her OWN children in the future? If she makes you choose between her or your children, are you going to abandon your children? I believe the answer is clear.
And to think from the children's point of view, they definitely would not want a step mother who do not love them. Eventually when your children grew up, when they dont feel enough love from their family, they will stray away. And it's gonna be too late for anything.