i have fear of socialing with ppl, scared to make eye contact, dont know what to talk to them about, etc... i have no idea whether this is social phobia or whether i am just shy, i google for opinions from ppl and they say "find your doctor" but this is singapore, i dont have personal doctor, and even if i were to find a doctor, it will be a psyciathristisitststistist ( dunno how to spell ) and that means i have to tell my parents "can i see psyciathrist?" which is really weird ( they dont know i have social phobia ), seriously have no idea who i can talk to about this, so i decided to post here
this problem have a very huge impact in my life, was a quiet boy during primary school days, but still managed to talk and make friends, after that i graduated to secondary school, all my primary school friends are gone and my social anxiety got worst, didnt talk to anyone during secondary school days and they start ignoring me, felt like i was getting bullied because of the social isolation, hated school everyday and had no motivation, but had to force myself to attend, when the teacher is talking i dont even pay much attention because i have no idea why my mind just goes blank in social places... after O level i managed to get into ITE, still the same problem, no friends, it make me feel so weak to be alone everytime when everyone has so much friends around them, after studying a few months, i stopped studying, i am deciding that i should continue my studies after NS because maybe i might get some social skills out of NS and be more confident... currently, i dont know what to do with my life, playing computer games at home and i have no friends to go out with, etc... how do i get out of this situation? im already 18 years old... i dont wanna waste my life like this
You can try to pick up a hobby or sport. For me I go to the gym often. Although I dun really talk a lot but just making some small gesture like say good morning to the aunty manning the front dest is good enough for a start.
Then you can find some people who share the same interest like maybe for my other friend, she like dancing so she go for dancing classes often. In the end she made a lot of friends there.
For me is like I got very little friend also because in the gym got lot of guys like to cough at me. I feel coughing is rude and unfriendly, so you try not to learn this bad habit. Also after a gym work out only think of food and rest so no extra time for friends also. But I think you can try dance class because you know you can dance with girls while they wear low cut, ohh.. you know what I mean.... I'm not gay but I just like to go gym become big and strong.
Hi zoujielun. I'm pretty much the same as you so I can understand your situation. I've also always been rather quiet and shy but I can make eye contact when needed though. Personally I don't really trust most doctors mainly because I find that most doctors will drag the case just to earn more money from you so I think the best is still to count on yourself if you can. If not, they are a alternative to seek help on.
Going to NS may be a good choice to build up your confidence and a good time to think about what to do next, studying if you are prepared or go out to work. But then in the army you also have to mix around with people. Given personalities like us, very quiet kind, if you are in pes A or B, you will likely suffer ... because those vocation require a lot of team work and effort and some people are rather rough and nasty who deemed us as wekalings ... personal experience so yea depends on the kind of people you will meet in your platoon. If you are Pes C or below, then you will have a better life in the army at least.
Regarding playing computer games, it's not a bad spare time but you should try not to focus on it too much since it can become an addiction really which is going to affect your social anxiety issue even further. As for friends, it's not really a vital part really. I'm also a loner like you even now since most people I met are at most acquaintance level. At first, I also care about it a lot and end up being so depress which I find it silly now. I'm thankful I surf the net findig activities I can do alone such as cooking, cycling, swimming, and working outside. It may seem lonely to many but I think it's really a good way to relieve stress at least. I also remember saying it in other thread. Being a loner is better than having fake friends.
The choice is still yours. :) All these are my opinions. Hope it helped you in certain way?
For me, i get really shy and quiet around guys. I will stutter whenever i talked to guys no matter if i knew them or not unless its a person whom im really closed to. Esp if i have a guy i like, i really shoot everything out of my mouth without thinking cause i tend to get very nervous.
Socially awkward?
At your age, being socially awkward is very normal.
You are at a phase where you are still figuring out how to deal with the big wide world. Do allow yourself some trial and error.
Just be easy going and keep a positive attitude.
can i even recover from this... i hate being so socially awkward in social situations...
Autism
u can still make frens through computer games, gather those who are similar to ur state and form a group.. from there see whether can work things out tgt
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Originally posted by zoujielun:can i even recover from this... i hate being so socially awkward in social situations...
Yes you can "recover" from this.
Do not be defined by the number of friends you have.
Focus on the quality of people you surround yourself with.
In social situations, people judge you by how well you relate to them. Expand your intellectual horizon so you may connect with them on multiple levels.
Be warned tho, as you gain more wisdom and enlightenment, you will realize there will be fewer and fewer whom can connect/relate to you.
See a counseling. Or go to hospital see psychiatric check out are u diagnosis with social aniexty, phobia.
U can make friend from online game or chat group whatever.. Welcome new friends get better environment and be happy person.
Dun be like that woman who are hearing-impaired diagnosis depression, anxiety. I saw her at sgh seeing a psychiatric. She married deaf man. Everybody too heard alot about her. She can't remember anything anymore.
Try find a way help yourself. Open up yourself talk to people.
If u need more information give a call S.O.S they help a lot people
who diagnosis from depression or social anxiety or suicide or bipolar.
Hope you recover overcome with your social anxiety.