Taken for granted? :(
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So guys and girls would like your input on whether this is normal or am I overthinking? There is this girl I met online we became good folks to chat with and exchanged numbers and moved on to whatsapp. A few months have passed and I've asked her to come for my gig and she dropped by and enjoyed the music :) that is the time when i first met her. And the chats rolled but I think we were more into being friends cause she wouldn't want to meet cause she always said he's busy, I understand that she's not into dating etc So it was my birthday and she made sure she texted me sharp at 12:00 which for me felt really awesome that someone did that for me. So her birthday was just a few days after mine and this is Scenario 1 were I plan to surprise her. I got her a card, a handwritten letter and a wrapped gift. She gave her address before hand so I knew where she lived, I reached exactly at 12:00 on her door, placed them quietly on her doorstep and left down stairs so I texted her to just come outside her door to see the surprise. She was ecstatic filled with joy and touched as she whatsapp'd me when she saw them. I was downstairs and said to her " I am only down your block" she still texted me thanking me that no one has done like that to her and surprise her. As you guys know I already gave her the hint that i am just downstairs, she skips the topic to talk about something else. Now guys I don't mean to use this strategy to get to see her. But as a token of respect you can obviously see that she's not even making an effort to even see me and in turn I would personally wish her or even she could atleast call me up for a thanks that would actually mean alot for me even though however hell busy she is. She just whatsapp's me her thanks and concern, I waited for more half an hour downstairs and then I am like "lets go home dude" But we still continued chatting, again we're just friends Scenario 2 Is similar, She was working very late at the start of the year and would reach home like 9-10pm so I felt like holy shit and i decided to get her a flower and a small card with a handwritten note for her to wish her well and hoping that the job would end by the normal 6pm. Again to surprise her Placed them on her doorstep again, Texted her to check what's on the door. She's again moved and touched by the concern, gives me her thanks, and again i just waiting just down the lift side. I was super thirsty, infact i even finished my work and got to bring in the goods for her so i asked her If I could get some water. she says she came to the door from the middle of a bath and next time she can give me some water. So i really that she's just shooing me off. Even as a friend. Okay wow Girls what do you feel if someone does that to you, would you make an effort to atleast make that dude feel appreciate by at-least directly telling him your thanks, or even if you are busy doing something when he does this for you, would you atleast make an effort to use the phone that you always whatsapp to call him to say your thanks? You have no idea that even hearing your voice would make that guy's effort all worth it And Guys how about you? Do you think am i overthinking? Thanks guys, infact I am not going to do this concern crap to this woman ever anymore, I'd rather do it to someone that well appreciates and understands basic courtesy. Cheers! :)
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don't go down the path of who offers who more concern, who cares more...
you will nv feel reciprocated and just feel miserable...
quit this must please her attitude.. quit texting her for a week or so, let her be the one reaching out instead. live your own life.. do your own things, quit planning stuff just to surprise her all the time. -
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All I see is that you are trying too hard given that you two are just online friends and met only once. I'd only allow and accept this kind of gesture from my bf. She is just not interested in meeting you or whatever, at least for now. I'd do the same as I find this creepy which would turn me off big time. I'd be more forward and tell you to stop doing that though but probably she didn't want to hurt your feelings or just being nice. She didn't take you for granted at all.
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Stop playing Santa Claus.
Want to give her present give her face to face. That way you can observe her body language and facial expressions.
You are not trying to bribe her. So stop expecting her to run downstairs all grateful and jump into your arms.. real life is not some cheesy korean drama.
Also, you are probably not the only guy she meets online. She is casting a wide net..so you'll need to wait it out. Give her some time to sort out her catch. Hopefully you'll be the "big" fish among the ikan bilis.
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@goodbye This is just a friendly gesture I don't get it when you mean "trying too hard" it's not like I am going every other week trying to get her something so that I could get her attention and ask her out. Infact I have no intention of asking her out, she is just a friend and not my dating target. I only thought of doing this on occasions where we would discuss things about how are we celebrating our birthdays and about work etc so you can see that for the year I knew her, I only surprised her twice The fact that she came all the way to see me play my music and told me she'd help me when my money was stolen, was the sole reason for me to surprise her and make her day. Wait what?! In this concrete jungle, when a random guy who's getting to know you gets creative and does the sweetest thing to make you a surprise and you think it's "Creepy" and "Turns you off big time"?!! Eww. Go away. First time I am hearing someone say that it's a "Big turn off" Wow! Don't piss off the other ladies who'd appreciate such a gesture, unless you're talking about a 40 year old virgin who stalks you on facebook and keeps sending you stuff so that one day he can be your sugadaddyz But unlike you she immediately took it in, I still remember that b'day night she texted me till I reached home late at night, thanking me for the wonderful gesture So I assure you from her texts that she was being genuine. I agree with you on this, she may not be interested to meet and she feels that being straightforward to me would harm the already developed friendship
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Thanks jojobeach! For the insight! Yep! Totally agree with you about the Korean drama part haha, I think I am overthinking that she should show respect if she genuinely feels touched. I am Indian so you know ah, same as Korea drama, maybe with extra Bollywood music and dance Haha! Yep! Think should have done that face to face, lesson learntOriginally posted by jojobeach:
Stop playing Santa Claus.
Want to give her present give her face to face. That way you can observe her body language and facial expressions.
You are not trying to bribe her. So stop expecting her to run downstairs all grateful and jump into your arms.. real life is not some cheesy korean drama.
Also, you are probably not the only guy she meets online. She is casting a wide net..so you'll need to wait it out. Give her some time to sort out her catch. Hopefully you'll be the "big" fish among the ikan bilis.
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Thank you limtehsi I think these outdated ways of showing concern and care isn't going make a difference in this smart phone generation and Nice guys who are being polite are being considered as flirts and the saying is true "Nice guys finish last"Originally posted by limtehsi:
don't go down the path of who offers who more concern, who cares more...
you will nv feel reciprocated and just feel miserable...
quit this must please her attitude.. quit texting her for a week or so, let her be the one reaching out instead. live your own life.. do your own things, quit planning stuff just to surprise her all the time.
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she does not have makeup on and no want u to see
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Originally posted by melodymaker:
Thank you limtehsi I think these outdated ways of showing concern and care isn't going make a difference in this smart phone generation and Nice guys who are being polite are being considered as flirts and the saying is true "Nice guys finish last"
Nice guy finish last is out dated already.Nowadays smart girls know nice guys = lasting relationship.
But please do not confuse friendliness as affection.
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Nah I don't think it is outdated, once that smart girl gets her fix from the nice guy she finds him boring and gets back to the jerk. And then the nice guy feels sick and becomes a jerk and gets all the bitches, Win and Nice guys are slowly fading into the dark That's why I am not ready for relationships because there's all that commitment crap, too young, be free, be wild and be awesome, make good friends. Until and unless I find someone who likes me for the way I am. As said on my main post I never wanted affection, I just had a gut feeling that she could have been a little courteous, but she's too cold, maybe its a culture thing that I feel that way
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haha she did tell me that she doesn't like to go outside without her makeup lolOriginally posted by FireIce:
she does not have makeup on and no want u to see
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Originally posted by melodymaker:
Nah I don’t think it is outdated, once that smart girl gets her fix from the nice guy she finds him boring and gets back to the jerk. And then the nice guy feels sick and becomes a jerk and gets all the bitches, Win and Nice guys are slowly fading into the dark
That’s why I am not ready for relationships because there’s all that commitment crap, too young, be free, be wild and be awesome, make good friends. Until and unless I find someone who likes me for the way I am.
As said on my main post I never wanted affection, I just had a gut feeling that she could have been a little courteous, but she’s too cold, maybe its a culture thing that I feel that way
Huh? You are not ready for relationship, then why u wasting so much effort courting that girl?
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Because I know her, she is a good friend so why not? And this doesn't mean courting, this is as similar to how pen pals show their friendship, through b'day surprises and Christmas cards etc
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Well, do all this things for people who appreciate it and not those who ignore. Wouldnt it waste your efforts.
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Originally posted by melodymaker:
Because I know her, she is a good friend so why not? And this doesn’t mean courting, this is as similar to how pen pals show their friendship, through b’day surprises and Christmas cards etc
I don't know about your culture. But in our culture, and between friends, when we do nice things for each other, we only hope for a "thank you".
For you, when you give you expect more , that's what we call "ulterior motive".
Stop being so calculative towards people you care about, but if that's what your culture is about.. then I am glad I'm not part of your culture.
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Now I think the girl/woman you trying to chase not very interested in you. She might just be playing with you and I tell you, you're going to be hurt in a great way if you continue to play delivery/mail man.
Just do what the male actor do in the movies:
Bring her out to dinner and then movie and then when you send her back at her lift loddy, stare at her really lovingly and try to give her a kiss on the cheek. If you likes you she will kiss and if she dun like she will run.
That's it, really simple to do, if she dun like you go get another girl/women. Next time round, just try to date her out first, playing mail/delivery man dam shiong leh.
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Explain what you mean by "ulterior motive" What makes you think I am calculative? You're exaggerating everything here! I am never being calculative it is just a matter of appreciation, a "thank you" through a lazy whatsapp text seems rather disrespectful when the person you know is just a doorknob away to actually say it face to face This is about basic courtesy if she's too cold then she's is too cold. I'll have to be as cold as she is if she ever going to make an effort to even remember what I did. And stop pulling this culture thing into this conversation, you make yourself look like an Idiot by stating so.Originally posted by jojobeach:
I don't know about your culture. But in our culture, and between friends, when we do nice things for each other, we only hope for a "thank you".
For you, when you give you expect more , that's what we call "ulterior motive".
Stop being so calculative towards people you care about, but if that's what your culture is about.. then I am glad I'm not part of your culture.
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Thank You! :) Yes Totally getting your point, I understand that she's not interested to date which i already figured out within the first few months, since she has a nice character and it's not like I have send 10 texts to get her reply, she would reply to all of my texts and keeps it interesting with all the humor and stuff so that's why I m still friends. But with all that said she's not even into meeting when I am just a doorknob away? Kinda seems you know strange And let me tell you that I wouldn't feel this way if she wasn't at home, I would have done the job and let the surprise do the trick, but so happened she was there and just when i was about to reach home I had this feeling like "damn she didn't even care to give me a glass of water" :( and yes it did hurt in a way on the inside I am going to act cold from now on, this will probably make my life better and hopefully her's as well! Thank you! :) There's always a better woman who'd appreciate me in getting to know her betterOriginally posted by Laksa Seehum:
Now I think the girl/woman you trying to chase not very interested in you. She might just be playing with you and I tell you, you're going to be hurt in a great way if you continue to play delivery/mail man.
Just do what the male actor do in the movies:
Bring her out to dinner and then movie and then when you send her back at her lift loddy, stare at her really lovingly and try to give her a kiss on the cheek. If you likes you she will kiss and if she dun like she will run.
That's it, really simple to do, if she dun like you go get another girl/women. Next time round, just try to date her out first, playing mail/delivery man dam shiong leh.
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Haha Oh now i get it, you don't get the penpal culture? It's not something that I have or a group of people have. it is a universal thing that dates back long before email became available. I wouldn't even care to do this type of thing but my Aussie penpal introduced me to write letters to her to and forth, it is a beautiful feeling to receive a letter or surprise from a penpal! you should try unless you don't want to get into this "culture" lmaoOriginally posted by jojobeach:
I don't know about your culture. But in our culture, and between friends, when we do nice things for each other, we only hope for a "thank you".
For you, when you give you expect more , that's what we call "ulterior motive".
Stop being so calculative towards people you care about, but if that's what your culture is about.. then I am glad I'm not part of your culture.
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Thank you! :) Yes she's just my friend, but if we're to court my future girl I'd definitely can identify the signs from hereOriginally posted by EmilyMinty:
Well, do all this things for people who appreciate it and not those who ignore. Wouldnt it waste your efforts.
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I am glad she never did left the safety of her house to meet up with you downstairs.
Just leave her alone.
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Yep of-course I am never forcing her to do anything, It should come from within her mind/heart. Safety first and how much she trusts me matters as how much I trust her Otherwise I'd look like a desperado which I certainly don't want to lose my dignity to someone who I just know for a year. "I am glad she never did left the safety of her house to meet up with you downstairs" So within your ill corrupted mind you suppose I might harm her by doing this? Don't you ever judge me Mister, you got no right to judge a person without fully knowing them. Remember that there are still good guys out there. You make the nice guys in singapore look like a bunch of desperate blokes that want to take advantage of woman. You sick mind of a man
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I don't know about your culture. But in our culture, and between friends, when we do nice things gfor each other, we only hope for a "thank you".
For you, when you give you expect more , that's what we call "ulterior motive".
Stop being so calculative towards people you care about, but if that's what your culture is about.. then I am glad I'm not part of your culture.
Dude she has a pt......maybe she prefers to keep the relationship via the internet...it doesn't matter if you want to gift a person don't expect anything in return...simple. You're saying she thanked you via the internet instead of personally. Maybe she doesn't want to take the friendship further. -
Exactly that's what I had figured out from this, but at least I tried something out of the box and I am happy that she's accepting it instead of calling me a creep or anything so I am proud of my efforts. From now on I'll just be cautious as to what to expect and what not to expect but that makes me think " should i even try?" unless i find someone that i really really like so that i can accept any shit that she throws at me. Yep I'll just stick to internet texts to her from now on.