Too Gentle and Obedient ... Is this a bad thing?
-
Hi, I've been surfing this forum for quite some time as guest and frequent the Aunt Agony section. So, I decided to post my problem here. Maybe you guys can give me some suggestions or advices? It will be good to hear more advices to reflect on myself.
One of my biggest problems are being too gentle and obedient ... as I'm told and I will be taken advantage of in the work force. I was actually quite shocked when I kept hearing people saying that I am too gentle because I didn't really think of it. But thinking about it, it's quite true since I really did grown up like that ... I've always been a good kid, very well behaved, never scold people before, considerate and polite according to most of the testimonial I got from my teachers even though I am not academically inclined so I don't fall in that good kid = good result category. Unlike them, I work in a ordinary work force which is the retail sector. But then, i'm not ignorant of what goes on in the world, nor would i call myself a really innocent guy, but people are telling me i have to toughen up in order not to get taken advantage of ... However, I don't know how? My mum was mad at me when I say it's okay to be obedient what.
When talking about that issue, I don't know is it because I always have that mind set since young so I don't mind doing more works since it will be beneficial to me by letting me learn more things in the progress ... I don't know ... but if I don't get works to do or purposely go and eat snake, I'll feel guilty since I am taking the salary from the company and I think I should make use of the time to do my job properly which probably makes people think that I am a easy target for bullying?
So ... is this a bad thing?
-
the meek shall inherit the Earth.
-
I have been bullied and I would never try to fight back at the bully. I had to convinced quite a lot, before I knew I would have to take action. I think it's a common issue, especially for students, who are really the teacher's pet or a mamma's boy, or too sincere. (They are also easily conned, for I've realised my friend (a female classmate) who is very shy, believed me and I had to tell her I had lied to test her trust in me). I guess it's a social issue about being too sincere to others and how people judges one, in how sincere one is and so on...
-
gentle and obedient and firm
You have a job description.. anything outside your PD is not your problem.
My favourite excuse :- "...can't be helped I am rushing my own deadline as well. Even if you pay me extra to do it i don't have the energy"
-
Learn office politics lor
-
Originally posted by 23ispolo:
I have been bullied and I would never try to fight back at the bully. I had to convinced quite a lot, before I knew I would have to take action. I think it's a common issue, especially for students, who are really the teacher's pet or a mamma's boy, or too sincere. (They are also easily conned, for I've realised my friend (a female classmate) who is very shy, believed me and I had to tell her I had lied to test her trust in me). I guess it's a social issue about being too sincere to others and how people judges one, in how sincere one is and so on...
Yea same for my case too. I don't fight back against people who bully me too since school days. But nothing wrong being sincere in my opinion ... I actually think it's a great value but sadly these days in the society, it seems that being too sincere = fool.
-
Go read sun zi ping fa.
-
Learn to be assertive. This will help you.
-
if u r brought up in this way, I don't find any reason for u to change since it is not a bad quality after all...it is better 2 be bullied rather than bullying others as the wise said å�ƒäº�其实是å� 便宜，å� 便宜其实是å�ƒäº�...
-
Originally posted by ChocoMint:
Yea same for my case too. I don't fight back against people who bully me too since school days. But nothing wrong being sincere in my opinion ... I actually think it's a great value but sadly these days in the society, it seems that being too sincere = fool.
Agreed, wonder why being kind and sincere today can give you a bad impression... My case is not so severe, was not ignored by my classmates much... But, I don't understand what is happening in our society nowadays...
-
Make the best out of your situation. Only you can figure out.
For example, if you are someone shy and introvert, use it to be a person people can talk to, and one that always give wise words when they (finally) speaks,
If you're impatient and hot tempered use it as a virtue where u have to get things done quickly. Meaning a productive and hard working worker.
-
Originally posted by 23ispolo:t it
Agreed, wonder why being kind and sincere today can give you a bad impression... My case is not so severe, was not ignored by my classmates much... But, I don't understand what is happening in our society nowadays...
I do not think that being kind and sincere will give you a bad impression. On the contrary it will give people a good impression. However amongst that group of people that u left a good impression on, some would feel that it would be taken advantaged of in a realistic setting. In other words they feel that your qualities whilst nothing wrong is too idealistic and detrimental to your well being in a realistic setting. These people are in fact trying to help you. -
I'll cite an example. There was a manager who was not in control of her work and always needed help. Ah Tan out of sympathy helped her out with her problem. Whenever the manager had a problem she remembers Ah Tan and goes to him for help. 1. The problem was never solved. The problem being the manager was not in control of her work. 2. Ah Tan always helped the manager out. As such the manager did not need to solve the problem. There is always Ah Tan. It is good to help....just make sure they do not make it a habit and take it for granted.
-
Originally posted by Genie99b:
I do not think that being kind and sincere will give you a bad impression. On the contrary it will give people a good impression. However amongst that group of people that u left a good impression on, some would feel that it would be taken advantaged of in a realistic setting. In other words they feel that your qualities whilst nothing wrong is too idealistic and detrimental to your well being in a realistic setting. These people are in fact trying to help you.Makes sense...
-
Originally posted by Genie99b:
I’ll cite an example.
There was a manager who was not in control of her work and always needed help.
Ah Tan out of sympathy helped her out with her problem.
Whenever the manager had a problem she remembers Ah Tan and goes to him for help.1. The problem was never solved. The problem being the manager was not in control of her work.
2. Ah Tan always helped the manager out. As such the manager did not need to solve the problem. There is always Ah Tan.
It is good to help….just make sure they do not make it a habit and take it for granted.
yea agree, it will be a big trouble if it ends up that way. But luckily my case is not that extreme. Even though I do help people, but depends on certain issues.
-
Originally posted by jlowbog:
if u r brought up in this way, I don’t find any reason for u to change since it is not a bad quality after all…it is better 2 be bullied rather than bullying others as the wise said å�ƒäº�其实是å� 便宜，å� 便宜其实是å�ƒäº�…
Yea brought up that way so for me to change now, it's actually quite hard ... I do agree though being bullied is better than bullying others. Don't know about others but I will feel very bad when I hurt other people.
-
Honest, trustworthy, wise, kind...all good.
Gullible, pushover, simple minded , easily exploited, all bad.
What kind of leader you want to follow, is the kind of person you should become.
-
Originally posted by ChocoMint:
Hi, I've been surfing this forum for quite some time as guest and frequent the Aunt Agony section. So, I decided to post my problem here. Maybe you guys can give me some suggestions or advices? It will be good to hear more advices to reflect on myself.
One of my biggest problems are being too gentle and obedient ... as I'm told and I will be taken advantage of in the work force. I was actually quite shocked when I kept hearing people saying that I am too gentle because I didn't really think of it. But thinking about it, it's quite true since I really did grown up like that ... I've always been a good kid, very well behaved, never scold people before, considerate and polite according to most of the testimonial I got from my teachers even though I am not academically inclined so I don't fall in that good kid = good result category. Unlike them, I work in a ordinary work force which is the retail sector. But then, i'm not ignorant of what goes on in the world, nor would i call myself a really innocent guy, but people are telling me i have to toughen up in order not to get taken advantage of ... However, I don't know how? My mum was mad at me when I say it's okay to be obedient what.
When talking about that issue, I don't know is it because I always have that mind set since young so I don't mind doing more works since it will be beneficial to me by letting me learn more things in the progress ... I don't know ... but if I don't get works to do or purposely go and eat snake, I'll feel guilty since I am taking the salary from the company and I think I should make use of the time to do my job properly which probably makes people think that I am a easy target for bullying?
So ... is this a bad thing?
Obedient simply means you obey, without question. You don't question means you either trust the persons giving the instructions or you are under authority or you don't know what to question. there is no such thing as too obedient When we were young, we obeyed because we don't know enough to question our parents and teachers. in the army, we don't question because there are confidential info behind the orders so we have to trust the wisdom of those giving the orders. Anywhere else, you have to really think before you follow. Obedience is not a virtue without thinking.
Gentleness is a manner or quality of being kind and amiable, moderate, not rough or violent. A quality which many people lacks in this rat race society. You can give a negative answer gentling which will help the recipient to swallow. So if you think first and then put forward your opinion gentling, that is good. If you don't think, what is the use of being gentle?
When you do not speak against the evil when you should, you are guilty of being the evil colaborator.
When you do not speak for the good of all when you should, you are guilty of being selfish.
When you do not fight against oppression, you are weak.
When you allowed yourself to be taken advantaged of, you are stupid.
When you don't know what to do, its time you start thinking, talk to your close friends, your colleagues, your siblings...
When your mom is mad at you for listening to rubbish and act without questions, think it is time you start thinking.
If kindness, gentleness, honesty, ....are virtues, we can only see that there are not enough in our society, never too much.
-
I am gentle and obedient.
People always take advantageof me.
-
Originally posted by charlize:
I am gentle and obedient.
People always take advantageof me.
hanor hanor.......
.......pengsan -
Originally posted by charlize:
I am gentle and obedient.
People always take advantageof me.
gentle, obedient and stupid are not mutually exclusive.
-
After reading this news your said whether obedient is good or bad thing loh : http://sg.news.yahoo.com/singapore-models-assaulted-by-man-on-circular-road-135107720.html
-
Originally posted by Genie99b:
I do not think that being kind and sincere will give you a bad impression. On the contrary it will give people a good impression. However amongst that group of people that u left a good impression on, some would feel that it would be taken advantaged of in a realistic setting. In other words they feel that your qualities whilst nothing wrong is too idealistic and detrimental to your well being in a realistic setting. These people are in fact trying to help you.I thank you for correcting my point on the situation. It's really sad, especially when one can get conned easliy (take my female classmate, SV for example, when I had to tell her I was lying)... Even with those people trying to help them, we can't stop the issues that others have with the victim, such as remarks, teasing and bullying the victim, easily...
-
I am not very smart.
-
Originally posted by 23ispolo:
I thank you for correcting my point on the situation. It's really sad, especially when one can get conned easliy (take my female classmate, SV for example, when I had to tell her I was lying)... Even with those people trying to help them, we can't stop the issues that others have with the victim, such as remarks, teasing and bullying the victim, easily...
I am happy that is was of some benefit.. I wasn't correcting u however but sharing my point of view....it just so happens u feel it makes sense and thus u improved yer point of view.