Feel unwanted in life...
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Hi All,
My name is Eric and I am 22 years old.I am sharing my problem which I have been facing sometime.I have no friends. I find it very hard to make friends. I feel very lonely and sometimes keep wondering what is life for.I am studying in university currently. I dun have any friends there as well and feel very lonely. I find the people there are very choosy when making friends. They tend to prefer those smarter people. I am a average student. I am now dreading group projects as I dun know anyone. I started to skip lessons gradually and there is a slight drop in my grades. Whenever I see other group of friends being happy together in campus, I feel sad that I do not have any friends to share laughter with. Are university students supposed to be self-centered and selfish people? I tried talking to my lecturer mentor but he tend to avoid that topic. This makes me feel that even lecturers do not care for their students.I am sad that for university graduation, there will be no-one who will want to take a group photo with me. This may sound silly, but it will make one feel pain when others are taking group photos happily while you are a loner there.I used to have some friends back when I was in primary, secondary, jc and army. However, after each phase ended, those friends also stopped contacting me. I tried my best to keep contact. I always be the first to initiate the conversation. But, they tend to finish off the conversation in a few words. Like they dun seem to be interested to talk. I feel like I'm being a dog going after people, wagging my tail. Eventually, I stopped contacting them. Are friends from each phase (pri, sec etc.) meant to separate after that phase is over?In my handphone, there are more smses that I have sent to others. Rather, people smsing me is barely to zero. During occasions like New Years Day or Christmas, its always me who wish others first. There was never a occasion where one person wished me greeting first. Its really sad thinking about it. Even in Facebook, nobody tends to like or comment on my posts. Eventually, I stopped posting.Even in Facebook chat, nobody chats with me. Its always me trying to chat with others. When I look at photos in Facebook whereby friends happily gather together, it has made me shed tears many times.I love to go to cinemas and watch movies. But, nobody wants to go with me. Nobody calls me to go gatherings or outings with them. I always stay at home in weekends due to this. My social life is very pathetic and disappointing.I find this world is very selfish.Does having no friends make one a loser?All these loneliness has beginning to make me hate to go outside and always stay at home.If this goes on, I dunno how I am going to cope in my job in the future being a loner.I wonder why I was born and why I have to go through all these sufferings.I wish that I can change all this and get some friends to mix with and have a better social life.Looking forward to your advices guys. -
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Facebook is a tool.
Use it.
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Please do not despair, there can be several reasons as to why you have difficulty socialising. In fact, there are ALOT of people like you.
Friends do not have to come from the same school or university. Maybe those around you might have different interest or different mind sets than you? There are many people that just don't click, it's normal as hell. You WILL eventually find some as long as you make sure that you have the right attitude and a nice personality. Have you ever asked why some do not like to hang out w you? Maybe because you're too insensitive or are you too clingy? Ask yourself these questions, there is nothing wrong w that. And if you've figured out where is wrong, change yourself! And you'll realize that people around you changes, that's the first step.
You can join volunteery work to make some new friends as well, but don't be over-friendly as you've just met them. Read up on some good books, they'll have you mature and grow as a better individual. I hope you will be able to better socialize. And keep negative thoughts away, they'll hinder your confidence and make you a more pessimistic person.
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This is
POLITICS
such things can begin with a "I don't like your face" and you recieved a slap in the face. Sucess is learnt throught bruises and scars, people without friends then will know the key and skill in winning friends when they do not have any friends.
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Or are you the problem because you are a JERK?
I know of many boys who do not want to make friends with "unattractive girls" who are fat, ugly, etc. Who am I to judge them? Just wish that they won't complain about lonliness ever.
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Man's Search for Meaning
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
Or are you the problem because you are a JERK?
I know of many boys who do not want to make friends with "unattractive girls" who are fat, ugly, etc. Who am I to judge them? Just wish that they won't complain about lonliness ever.
I do not think he is referring solely to "girls" but both sexes. No need to jump to conclusions.
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Eric, you need a change in perspective and you are also seeking answers and acceptance in wrong places.
Your lecturers are not your counselors. Your lecturers can't tell you what is your life about. They themselves probably have their own personal issues they can't solve themselves... who do you think they seek help from ?
University is a comeptitive environment. Most students are in a survival mode. Of course they are going to try to associate with smart kids because they want to leverage on their skills and abilities to run ahead of the packs.
You need to take responsibility of your own life, stop blaming everyone else around you for your poor performance and lack of social life. You cannot blame your slide in grade due to lack of personal connections. When you play the victim, you've only yourself to blame for your lack of enthusiasm and motivation.
Being popular takes effort on your part. Most time a popular person can feel very lonely even when surrounded by his "friends".
Being generous is not about expecting a return. You lived a life expecting a transaction, that's why you will always feel short changed.
If you want to see and experience care and generosity, join a volunteer group and give unconditionally.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Eric, you need a change in perspective and you are also seeking answers and acceptance in wrong places.
Your lecturers are not your counselors. Your lecturers can't tell you what is your life about. They themselves probably have their own personal issues they can't solve themselves... who do you think they seek help from ?
University is a comeptitive environment. Most students are in a survival mode. Of course they are going to try to associate with smart kids because they want to leverage on their skills and abilities to run ahead of the packs.
You need to take responsibility of your own life, stop blaming everyone else around you for your poor performance and lack of social life. You cannot blame your slide in grade due to lack of personal connections. When you play the victim, you've only yourself to blame for your lack of enthusiasm and motivation.
Being popular takes effort on your part. Most time a popular person can feel very lonely even when surrounded by his "friends".
Being generous is not about expecting a return. You lived a life expecting a transaction, that's why you will always feel short changed.
If you want to see and experience care and generosity, join a volunteer group and give unconditionally.
Eric, you do not want to be a dog, right? My advice is don't take advice from a bitch like Jojo. -
Eric, If you think like a loser, you will be a loser. So start thinking positive. Life is not easy, yah. So you got to roll with the punches. Just because people don't want to take picture with you or doesn't talk to you, does not mean that you are a loser. Maybe its because they just don't know you well enough. If you approach people with a loser attitude, people will surely stay away from you. But i also urge you not to approach people with a desperate "i want to make friends" attitude...I've seen guys do that before, and surely they get rejected. Just act naturally and be patient, be yourself. For starters, since your grades are falling a bit, why don't you suggest some sort of group study? Or if you do notice your class mates doing group study, suggest to join them. Or you can even ask for their phone numbers, call them to ask them for tips or you give tips for assignments and projects. Don't you do group projects? When you are in a group, this is your chance to connect with them. I don't know which university you are studying in but you can join some sort of club or interest groups, make some friends there. At 22, I really think you are very lacking in social skills. If you are feeling this way, I can bet you, life is going to be a lot more tougher, when you go out there to work. What more, when you go looking for a future wife? Go talk to your family, your dad, mom, bro, sister, find a friend, counsellor, to address your communication problems. It takes skills and experience to be a good communicator. There are some people out there who are trained from young to make themselves likeable and popular. They know how to play the political game and make thermsevles popular. But for you, you don't have to be like them, you need to set the level of social that you feel satisfied with. As i said...be yourself and think postive all the time. Go to borders, pick up some motivational books especially those that teach you to boost your EQ. This is your last chance to improve your social skils before you go out there to work because work performance is 50% work capability and 50% communication. Make the best of it...good luck.
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some facts abt humans... they r insecure creatures, therefore they like to attach themselves to a larger entity eg religions, influential ppls, groups of popular ppls etc, tats y we have youngsters joining gang... they r uncertain in their behavior...they could be yr best buddies but worst enemies the next moment. they r cheap...they often take things tat come easy for granted. so, do u think its worthwhile to build yr happiness on something so unpredictable? its enough tat u like yrsell, don't be a prisoner of others.
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I have the same experience as you, even though I'm already 28 and working. 90% of the SMS I've received are advertisements too. Before I continue, I'm assuming you're not one of those weirdo doing strange things behind the classroom, like chewing your hair or acting like a complete himbo (compare bimbo, or if you're an animal, jumbo). Because if you're too weird, you can't blame people for avoiding you.
The ugly truth is that people have to look out for themselves. No one is obliged to take care of you (except your parents, when you're younger anyway). Anything more you get from others are bonuses. You have to learn to love yourself and being with yourself first, cos it's the only person who can take care of you even if the whole world crumbles in ashes and you're still alive somehow.
The uglier truth about the happiness and laughter you see on people's faces when they are together in a social group? They ain't always genuine. Especially in Asian country like Singapore, where we prefer to fit in socially, rather than being too individualistic. If you think about it, it's not that admirable.
There are two potential paths you can take from here:
1) Be a social chameleon. Learn to socialise with people, even if they don't click well with you. Put on a facade if you need. With enough practise, you'll get used to it and will have enough skills to manage bigger social circles. Of course, don't demoralise yourself by questioning the genuinity of social connections made. This is a useful skills to have once you start working.
2) Be yourself. Find people who are like you to hangout with. Lesser but closely-knitted friends. This is where quality matters more than quantity. These are the people who won't judge you and accept you as who you are. Find activities you would like to do when you're alone.
Social skills wise, I suggest you find your style/brand, so people can identity with you or remember you easily. It's ok to be abit quirky sometimes. Eg. I'm bloody good at making lame statements, and may sometimes start singing in the public, when with my friends.
Another thing to learn is not to take things too personally. Most people don't warm up to each other that easily. It's not just a "Happy New Year" sms that people will start contacting with you all over again. Some people might not find that they could click well with you, hence they do nothing more than just return the courtesy. Also, there could be a case of being too over-friendly too fast. Don't get too sticky!
If you're keen in boardgames or karaoke, just pm me. I usually meet up some friends on a monthly basis for that.
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chew!
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Hey, Eric.
I'm like you before, I will share with you my experience, maybe it can help you in some way?
My experience: I was also a loner during school days. At first, I also felt unwanted and quite sad but after some time, I looked up the net to find things I could do by myself instead of making myself more depress about having no friends so I picked up hobbies like cycling, swimming, learning how to cook new dishes and picking up some activities, and also working part time. From then, I find myself becoming more independent.. I would say I'm quite okay with having no friends after experiencing those fun stuffs. Friends wise, honestly if it comes, then yea sure, if it doesn't happen, then I'm fine with being alone.
not asking you to follow my foot steps. You have your own opinion so yup. But I believe in this saying: better to be a loner than to have fake friends. I don't know how you will feel about this sentence but yea for me I really agree with this saying.
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How do you know people don't want to be friend? Maybe you are too sensitive. Relax. Just enjoy life...
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Originally posted by ChocoMint:
Hey, Eric.
I'm like you before, I will share with you my experience, maybe it can help you in some way?
My experience: I was also a loner during school days. At first, I also felt unwanted and quite sad but after some time, I looked up the net to find things I could do by myself instead of making myself more depress about having no friends so I picked up hobbies like cycling, swimming, learning how to cook new dishes and picking up some activities, and also working part time. From then, I find myself becoming more independent.. I would say I'm quite okay with having no friends after experiencing those fun stuffs. Friends wise, honestly if it comes, then yea sure, if it doesn't happen, then I'm fine with being alone.
not asking you to follow my foot steps. You have your own opinion so yup. But I believe in this saying: better to be a loner than to have fake friends. I don't know how you will feel about this sentence but yea for me I really agree with this saying.
+1
A very sensible post.
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Hello Eric,
I feel that you desire for companionship. Most people wants somebody to share their life with. Yet i feel the most important thing is to attract the right group of friends.
I feel that you have to understand youself first. Are you being yourself when you are with your friends. Do they trust you? Perhaps you want to explore and find out who you really are.
Personally, i could rather not attract people who want to befriend me because of my good grades. I want people to value me for who i am so that these friendship could be more long-lasting relationship. It will be more emotionally fufilling and an authentic bond.
Sometime, we tends to point fingers at the external environment and forget to reflect on ourselves. Perhaps we have behaved in a certain ways that put people off. I am saying perhaps because i don't know you in real life. Only you know. So don't take it personally if i have offended you.
You can't conclude that people are negative in a certain way because they did not fufill your expectations.
As there is a saying, if you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself. I have a friend who is sociable and has strong bonds with her friends. She has a characteristic of being sincere and are helpful to her friends. She also know what is the right thing to say at the right time.
You can start off by being helpful by helping your parents and families (cousins). You can join those volunteering clubs to help the less fortunate people.
Having no friends do not mean that you are a loser. I used to have no friends. It takes a while to build relationships. It takes a while for me to understand myself.
ok! Jiayou
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You can try talking to people in your classes. Be friendly and most importantly be yourself :) .