am I being too harsh?

• redname

  5 Dec 13, 13:12

  I've been in a relationship for close to 5 months already.

  In these 5 months, there were frequent ups and downs & there are some things that i hope can be changed but i don't know is it reasonable or being too harsh on her cause it could all be just how  a woman is.

  for eg...

   

  1. she likes to think a lot, often negatively and through this, she'll put in extra stuff that aren't there at all. She'll get emotional becaue of all this and give me cold war and black face when nothing of the sort happen actually.

  I told her she gotta change this, stop thinking of all these rubbish, so as to make our relationship better cause both of use dnt feel good when she goes through her emotional phrase.

   

  2. this happened last night. she had a bad day and not feeling well & because of that she starts getting cranky and treats me badly and starts being rude to me.

  I told her off as I felt that we shouldn't be mistreating others just because we had a bad day, the other party doesn't deserve that at all.

• shirt_less

  5 Dec 13, 16:38

  well well...I do agree that parties in a relationship should not mistreat each other just because we had a bad day. But that is exactly what couples do, because they feel that they are already in a relationship so they just take things for granted, which they will not do so to another party who they are not close with. So in a way, she has treated you as a close companion if you look things at the positive side. Let her cool down and things will be alright. And women in general tend to have more mood swings than guys...in general.
• speakoutfor

  6 Dec 13, 09:07

  She is mid 30s right? She seem to stil exhibit the princess characteristics. Shows she is not matue. Welcome to the world of relationship. Tough luck my friend. She is what she is and you have to deal with it. It is good that you have the guts to bring this out to her. Most guys don't have the guts to tell off their girlfriends. But a word of warning, she may suddenly think that both of you are not suitable due to arguments and differences. Usually her cold war is a bad sign and this is just your 5th month into the relationship, shows that her aceptance of you is not so bright. So go one pace at a time. If this doesn't work out, its not the end of the world. remember you are looking for a matching partner, not somebody who will treat you like a carpet.
• woohoo874

  6 Dec 13, 14:12

  Its all in the chemistry that things will work it out for you. In my opinion, if there are hipcups that both cannot resolve, then it will only prolong the pain. 
  
  Do you think both of you have a mutual understanding of each other's problem? 

• jojobeach

  7 Dec 13, 09:35

  You don't need to agree with her, all you need to do is validate her feelings.

  Do not tell her what to feel or think, let her ride out her emotions.  

  When she is in a bad mood, learn to back off and give yourself and her plenty of space.

  She is your girlfriend, not a toy to pleasure you all the time.

• sgdiehard

  7 Dec 13, 09:58

  First month into a relationship already like that...What kind of relationships are you having with her?

  if you think long term, you want to find somebody you can build a family together, share your happiness and sorrow, live an everlasting life together. you won't find a girl who is made for you, you need to find somebody with whom you can live together.

  Do you find happiness when you are together, do you understand why does she have no faith in you, does she find happiness to be with you, does she know it was unfair to throw temper at you when it was her bad day?

  If all the answers are negative, why you want this relationship? what so good about having someone you can call girlfriend?

  If truely what you need is a companion, go mix around and meet more people. If every girl you meet is like that, then it is not the problem with the right girl anymore, it's time you look at yourself.

• lce

  7 Dec 13, 12:49

  dont ever give-in in such a relationship. if u cannot satisfy the heart , u will be cranky n go for more.

  its a heart over mind matter

• jojobeach

  8 Dec 13, 02:19

  Tsk tsk tsk... SMH at all the singletons giving clueless advise about relationship with women.China men had already figured out women. while u sg n malaysian guys are still fumbling in the dark feeling all righteous and believing you're superior. 

  其实，女人想�LV，其实�的是男人的�得�女人想�你出差的礼物，其实�的是男人的挂念�女人想�拥抱亲�，其实�的是男人的温暖�女人想��架，其实�的是男人的包容�女人想�的一切，无�是�男人在乎她的感觉.

  If u can understand the above you'll be a better lover and less of a jerk who keeps failing in the relationship department. 

• sgdiehard

  8 Dec 13, 15:07

  Originally posted by jojobeach:

  Tsk tsk tsk... SMH at all the singletons giving clueless advise about relationship with women.China men had already figured out women. while u sg n malaysian guys are still fumbling in the dark feeling all righteous and believing you're superior. 

  其实，女人想�LV，其实�的是男人的�得�女人想�你出差的礼物，其实�的是男人的挂念�女人想�拥抱亲�，其实�的是男人的温暖�女人想��架，其实�的是男人的包容�女人想�的一切，无�是�男人在乎她的感觉.

  If u can understand the above you'll be a better lover and less of a jerk who keeps failing in the relationship department. 

  I am learning....though my  relationship with my wife has been good.

• mlmersrlosers

  16 Dec 13, 01:54

  Sad to say she is what she is. 

  The biggest mistake will always be either party trying or think that they can change the other party.

  u can only learn to accept, compromise but u cannot change her.

  tbink about it. Sit down and Talk to her tell her that how much u love her but u r affected by her behavior.

  If she can't accept this, then u need to give her an ultimatum at a point of time.