How to handle this platonic friendships
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Hi i am slightly troubled by my friendship with a guy friend. I only know him for three months and we are classmates.Both of us are mature adults who returned back to school.
This friend did not admit that he has interest in me. He started to stand closer and closer to me. I feel uncomfortable with someone who i only know for a few months to kind of invade my personal space.Sometime, i caught him glancing over during lesson abd i find it is a major distraction. Somehow, i have this feeling that he is "monitoring my movement" ( Don't know why i feel this way lol?)
Unfortunately, i already like someone (Though not an official items) and have causally mentioned this before. Now I feel awkward to be around this friend. We used to be comfortable with each other. For instances, we used to go home together (take bus) and take dinner on of the day after the lesson.
Now I feel i have to draw a boundary between "friends" and being "something more than there. " He may have felt offended that "i have ignored him" but i am really trying to find the boundary.
I wonder have i led him on by being nice to him in the first place... like taking dinner with him?
Anyway he is a mature adult.. should be able to handle this kind of thing..
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Since u thk both of u are mature adults, why don't you clarify yr issue with him to sort it out?
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Not sure if mature is the right word to use in situation like this.
If you think you have somehow misled him, stop it now and clearly stay away.
If he doesn't get it and continue his advance, tell him nicely that you are not comfortable.
If he doesn't heed what you do and say, then you may either tell somehow in your class who know both of you to tell hem,
or you just simply tell him to get loss! by then he had been given enough chance to respect you.
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I agree that mature may not be the right word to use...
Have you both sat down b4 and discuss the problem? Telling him that you are uncomfortable and such. Sometime people get too "friendly" over time and it does not neccesary mean that he's interested in you. It might be a good idea to sort it out lest futhur misunderstanding occurs...
On whether have u sent the wrong signal to him or not, it is highly debatable as different ppl have different perception. Some may perceive having dinner together as a "chance", some might simply believe it as convience of eating (with someone), others might believe it as a normal friend dinner.
I suggest, stop guessing and formulating theories.
The most efficient way is to discuss this straight up, maybe in a place like a canteen or something...
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Seriously! Few months you took a guy around and after latching on to a new/better one you want to move this guy to friendszone. But in case the new guy leaves you need a backup(I don't know where to draw this line)Welcome to typical gal story.
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I don't think the comments of Bio-Hawk are fair. You are pre-judging someone from your own perspective which may not be true. I agree with those comments asking the writer to clarify the air with the guy friend. there is such thing as platonic relationship. I am comfortable with your presence doesn;t not necessarily we must be in a BGR.Originally posted by Bio-Hawk:
Seriously! Few months you took a guy around and after latching on to a new/better one you want to move this guy to friendszone. But in case the new guy leaves you need a backup(I don't know where to draw this line)Welcome to typical gal story.
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Hi i am telling the story from my point of view.
I am in a dilemma as I am feeling sad because we were becoming good friends but now it had now all gone wrong. I have deliberately ignored him to show that i have no interest in him. It does not feel good inside to ignore someone but i am trying to define a boundary while, losing a friendship. =( Friends told me it is for a better good and why create false hope? It will create more pain.
On the other hand, is it true that some guys cannot take rejection easily? For instances, some guy may feel ego-bruised when the people in the class know that he has been rejected by the girl.
Heart-to-heart clarification - will this work? I do not know how to open my mouth to say do you like me after ignoring him for 2 weeks. I am already feeling awkward when i see him around.
I think he did not like the ignoring part because it is rude. I don't know how to handle these stuffs.
Yes some "mature adults" may not be so mature.
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Well its likely your intuition (gut feeling) is correct. Thing is what if the guy is only interested in being yer partner. Then both yer aims will nvr meet he might even mistake it as you encouraging him. I agree that speaking to him abt it wud b the best option however u might want to avoid the awkwardness it all depends on how much u value the frenship. There is also the possibility that once he knows yer not interested he wont b the same fren anymore...if yer gut feeling proves right that is.
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Sry missed the some guys cannot take rejection part....not sure abt that but the opposite is also true ive seen guys not being able to move on till they get some kinda definitive answer. I wud b inclined to lean towards letting him noe u just want a friendship.
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Originally posted by Greece:
Hi i am telling the story from my point of view.
I am in a dilemma as I am feeling sad because we were becoming good friends but now it had now all gone wrong. I have deliberately ignored him to show that i have no interest in him. It does not feel good inside to ignore someone but i am trying to define a boundary while, losing a friendship. =( Friends told me it is for a better good and why create false hope? It will create more pain.
On the other hand, is it true that some guys cannot take rejection easily? For instances, some guy may feel ego-bruised when the people in the class know that he has been rejected by the girl.
Heart-to-heart clarification - will this work? I do not know how to open my mouth to say do you like me after ignoring him for 2 weeks. I am already feeling awkward when i see him around.
I think he did not like the ignoring part because it is rude. I don't know how to handle these stuffs.
Yes some "mature adults" may not be so mature.
there is always a subtle way of putting it across...I am a guy and I had been through this situation whereby I admired a girl from the same class (adult learning like yours). What this girl did subtlely was to tell me that she had a boyfriend already. Well, I was not offended in any way, and we continued to be friends while we were still in the same class taking the course. You can always give it a try...at least you give yourself a chance to continue this platonic relationship...but of course if you feel that he is not acceptable to this fact, then of course you have no choice but to back out of this relationship. -
Originally posted by Greece:
Hi i am telling the story from my point of view.
I am in a dilemma as I am feeling sad because we were becoming good friends but now it had now all gone wrong. I have deliberately ignored him to show that i have no interest in him. It does not feel good inside to ignore someone but i am trying to define a boundary while, losing a friendship. =( Friends told me it is for a better good and why create false hope? It will create more pain.
On the other hand, is it true that some guys cannot take rejection easily? For instances, some guy may feel ego-bruised when the people in the class know that he has been rejected by the girl.
Heart-to-heart clarification - will this work? I do not know how to open my mouth to say do you like me after ignoring him for 2 weeks. I am already feeling awkward when i see him around.
I think he did not like the ignoring part because it is rude. I don't know how to handle these stuffs.
Yes some "mature adults" may not be so mature.
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Sometimes a guy is just being friendly and not intrested.
When a girl tells me she just wants to be friends when I have NO intrest and I was just being friendly, I get really insulted.
This is what comes to mind...
1) She is arrogant.
2) She lacks interaction with the opposite sex, can't tell the difference being friendly, fliritng and real intrest.
3) She think I'm a despo who doesn't know the "boundry" <--super insulting....
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I find that SG girls have low EQ.
Since you say that you are 'mature'
Why cant you open your mouth and say you already have a bf
or you have someone you like already instead of 'ignoring'. That
attitude is plain rude.
If you cant face him directly, send him sms.
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Hi TS,
I think I know where you are coming from. Not to sound conceited but been there several times and currently going through the same thing.
I don't know if your situation is really similar to mine but from the sound of it, I think I can relate to a good extent.
I lost some friendships or potential friendships just because the guys would right from the start have or later develop feelings for me and then confess despite my brutal initial sort of declaration that I wouldn't be interested n anything more than friends. But the more I tried to draw the line, the harder they would try thinking that I was playing hard to get or will change my mind if they try hard enough which were all wrong, only until I would have to go cold and aloof, they stopped, but I lost the friendships.
If I was you, if he nver confessed his feelings but it's just your guess, I'd try to talk to him casually at least one more time, telling him again about the guy you are seeing, and clearly state that you have no interest in other guys, see how he reacts and what he says, then go from there. I know it must be uncomfortable for you, but I think there is no better way then having an open conversation. If he is really interested, being ignored without knowing what has been wrong must be hard to bear and it can get just even more awkward if the two of you keep your own thoughts to yourself.
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I think you should confront him in order not to destroy this friendship.
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Talk to him clearly and don't let him misunderstand incase of wasting of times and preveting conflicts.
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tell him dat u canot accept a guy who has no car of his own.
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Hi Greece,
Let me advise you from my standpoint, I'm in my late 30's but I got the body and face of a 25 yr old bobdybuilder. If I got rejected, let's say by a young pretty girl like you, my ego will be greatly shattered.
An older guy needs to constantly remindered that he is old, testesterone level low, beer belly popping out, low sex drive this kinna of thing you know. Everytime he tries to get close to you, just tell him he is old and ugly. Maybe you can tell hime more like his breath stinks, teeth too yellow or belly too big or his hairline retreating this kinna of things.
If this guy try to date rape or go hard on you , just tell the whole world thru tweeter or facebook. Shame him constantly, get the picture girl?
Good luck.