lost everything after married
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
@zulkifli
I am from somewhere in Java
Seandainya di negri ku sudah ku cincang� tuch org.
Dari Jabat, Jaten atau Jatim mbak? Yang benar mbak, kalau sapian bunuh masnya sapian juga akan dihukum seumur hidup. Harap mbaknya jangan marah ya sekira saya tanyain sedikit soalan. Mbaknya orang Cina beragama Kristen ya? Saya pernah main-main di Jawa dan juga pernah tinggal di Jawa....justru itu saya bisa gerti orang Jawa atau WNI. -
Originally posted by IndonGirl:
I did google and read for the procedure but many I don’t understand. My english not so good.
If I can suddenly stop breathing, everything will be easier and I won’t be so suffer like now
Omongan bahasa Inggeris mbak bagus sekali lo. Mengapain mbak mau bunuh diri...itu kan dosa sekira mbak buat gitu. Mengapain mbak mau pusing...orang tua kan di Jawa...pulang aja ke Jawa mbak. -
@zulkifli It just often come to my mind when think about it, talk about and when I don't know how to solve this problem.
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
That’s why I also don’t want to be foolish forever. I choose to leave him alone to let him settle his problem. Although his friends said I am not supposed to leave him in his hard time. At that time, nothing I can do too, want to support him but not sure is he had tell me the truth? Is it still have any other debts he hide from me? Will he do what he promise me? How if house still can’t sold thus he bring me to Along to clear his debts? All this ever come to my mind. He had cheat me many times, from small thing to big thing.
For me, if today he so cham like this is because of business bankrupt then sure can blame me but this not. This because his gambling habits.
Luckily I came back not staying there waiting for his house sold and get my part as he promise. ( Life already so cham, still can say lucky
)@jojobeach, what u said is true, lucky no child yet. Just sharing, u know when I called him told him that he might be become papa soon. He just say good and talk bullshit then suddenly he got a call from customer and hang up my call. After that never ask me anymore until about a month then he ask me are u really pregnant. What the ** is him? No matter how busy, he shouldn’t don’t care like this. He just totally diff from the one I know, maybe this is the truth of him.
I feel this life is so unfair to me. I lost trustees of people, lost my friends, lost husband, lost virgin
am I born to be cheat, to be bully, to be betray. Some
more now his friends might think I am money face too. No body will
understand me if this thing not happen to them. So ‘bo gam buan’
Want to sue him, but what for? It just waste money and time and
still not sure yet will I win? I not sporean. Pray more, trust God
more trust people lessssss@zulkifli
I am from somewhere in Java
Seandainya di negri ku sudah ku cincang” tuch org.His friends has no business telling you what to do.
They are not the one married to a gambler. They are probably gamblers themselves.
They are also part of the problem.
Next time they tell you what to do, ask them what are they doing to stop the gambling problem. As long as this problem is not resolved, they should keep their mouth shut.
Don't worry too much about your virginity, you can reconstruct your hymen with the help of a cosmetic surgeon in another country. This virginity thing is so overated, another stupid idea men demanded because of their own insecurities.
I highly recommend you stop playing mind games with him. These demand for money to prove his truthworthiness and lying about being pregnant ,only makes you look more cunning and sinister. Makes you look very money face and lying bitch. He too will never trust you ever again. He can blame everything on you for the failure so he will come out looking like a victim.
This marriage is over, there is no trust, no morals. Both of you are just exploiting each other now.
I don't think you should go back to Singapore. I fear he may force himself on you and get you pregnant..or confiscate your passport .. cut you off from your family... not allow you any money to spend and keep you isolated.... that's how, many men trap their unhappy foreign wives.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
His friends has no business telling you what to do.
They are not the one married to a gambler. They are probably gamblers themselves.
They are also part of the problem.
Next time they tell you what to do, ask them what are they doing to stop the gambling problem. As long as this problem is not resolved, they should keep their mouth shut.
Don't worry too much about your virginity, you can reconstruct your hymen with the help of a cosmetic surgeon in another country. This virginity thing is so overated, another stupid idea men demanded because of their own insecurities.
I highly recommend you stop playing mind games with him. These demand for money to prove his truthworthiness and lying about being pregnant ,only makes you look more cunning and sinister. Makes you look very money face and lying bitch. He too will never trust you ever again. He can blame everything on you for the failure so he will come out looking like a victim.
This marriage is over, there is no trust, no morals. Both of you are just exploiting each other now.
I don't think you should go back to Singapore. I fear he may force himself on you and get you pregnant..or confiscate your passport .. cut you off from your family... not allow you any money to spend and keep you isolated.... that's how, many men trap their unhappy foreign wives.
seems u have plenty of experience of a gambling husband.
are u happy with your marriage?
guess as much hahahah
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Originally posted by lce:
seems u have plenty of experience of a gambling husband.
are u happy with your marriage?
guess as much hahahah
Hahah, too bad your brain is too tiny to comprehend how others can be smarter than you.
Yes I am very happy in my marriage, but given how scornful a person you are, your puny brain and fragile ego will never want to accept it.
You have much to learn, not just from your own experience. Unfortunately, your intelligence can't go beyond the length of your tiny dick.
But if you need to throw stone at others just so you can feel good about yourself. You have my utmost sympathy and condolences.
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Unfortunately this legal aid is only eligible to Singaporeans. Getting a Divorce However, if you are certain you wish to proceed with a divorce, there are several requirements which you will have to meet before a Court will grant a divorce: You must have been married for at least 3 years before you can file a Writ for divorce on the ground that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. However, and with permission from the Court, you may proceed to file a Writ for divorce before 3 years of marriage if you can prove that you have suffered exceptional hardship or if your spouse has been exceptionally unreasonable and cruel. You are advised to consult a lawyer. You or your spouse must be domiciled (treated Singapore as your permanent abode) at the commencement of the divorce proceedings. Alternatively, either of you must have resided in Singapore for 3 years immediately before the commencement of divorce proceedings. What is 'Irretrievable Breakdown' The Court will only be satisfied that your marriage has broken down irretrievably if the Plaintiff (the person suing for divorce) proves one or more of the following factual basis: Adultery The Defendant (the person being sued) has committed adultery with another person (the Co-Defendant) and the Plaintiff finds it intolerable to live with the Defendant. 'Unreasonable Behaviour' The Defendant has behaved in such a way that the Plaintiff cannot reasonably be expected to live with him/her. Desertion The Defendant has deserted or left the Plaintiff for a continuous period of 2 years without any intention of returning. Separation for 3 years The Plaintiff and Defendant have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 3 years and the Defendant agrees to a divorce. Separation for 4 years The Plaintiff and the Defendant have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 4 years. No consent is required from the Defendant. Nullity You may apply to Court to annul your marriage in some circumstances, for example: 1. if at the time of your marriage, your 'spouse' is already married; your "spouse" has refused to consummate the marriage; 2. the marriage has not been consummated because you or your 'spouse' is incapable of consummating it; 3. if at the time of your marriage, your 'spouse' is suffering from venereal disease and you are not aware of this. The above grounds are not exhaustive. Please consult a lawyer if you require further information. Deed of Separation You may wish to be separated from your spouse for a period of time before you decide on a divorce. In this case, you may sign an agreement called a Deed of Separation which will set out the terms and conditions governing the relationship between you and your spouse during the period of separation. It would be advisable for you to consult a lawyer to draft the Deed of Separation. You may decide to reconcile with your spouse after signing the Deed of Separation. Alternatively, you may proceed with your divorce after 3 years (if your spouse consents) or 4 years (if your spouse does not consent). Legal Aid Who is eligible for legal aid? Briefly, to qualify for legal aid, a) you have to be a Singapore Citizen or a Singapore Permanent Resident and be present in Singapore (This requirement does not apply if you are making an application under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction); b) you have to satisfy the “Means Test�. Your disposable income, that is, your income for the past 12 months before the date of application for legal aid and after deducting prescribed allowances, must not exceed $10,000 and your disposable capital must not exceed $10,000; and (c) there must be merits in your case (the �Merits Test�) If you do not satisfy the Means Test but are facing hardship, the Director of Legal Aid may extend legal aid to you (subject to the requirements of the Merits Test) if: 1. You satisfy certain statutory provisions; and 2. It appears to him in his absolute discretion to be reasonable to do so to relieve hardship. Legal Aid Bureau If you cannot afford a lawyer, you may apply to the government-run Legal Aid Bureau for assistance. The Legal Aid Bureau is situated at: 45 Maxwell Road #08-12 The URA Centre, East Wing Singapore 069118 Tel: (65) 1800 325 1424 (toll-free) Fax: (65) 63251402 Website: www.lab.gov.sg Please note that you have to pass a Means Test to qualify for assistance from the Legal Aid Bureau. The Means Test is a procedure to ascertain your financial position.
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However, the foreign spouse in Singapore can seek legal aid from Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People (ACMI). Please read the article appended below first. INTER- AGENCY TEAM LOOKING INTO INTEGRATION ISSUES OF FOREIGN SPOUSES When the Government last month signalled its intention to help Singaporeans and their foreign spouses remain here together and form stable families, it seems that work was already under way to look into issues faced by foreign spouses. An inter-agency team had reached out to at least one non-government organisation (NGO) and received proposals from it on how foreign spouses could be given more support. The team was trying to gain a better understanding of challenges faced by foreign spouses in integrating here, TODAY understands. Such teams are formed to look into various issues as part of policymaking and reviews. The proposals it received included making marriage preparation courses mandatory for all transnational couples before they could solemnise their marriages, providing them with resources like language courses at minimal cost and extending pro bono legal aid to Long TermVisit Pass holders. They were made by the Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People (ACMI) in January, its Executive Director Jeremy Khoo told TODAY. Marriages between Singaporeans and non-citizens have increased over the years, with about 9,000 such marriages last year. Based on the population census of 2010, an estimated 114,000 married couples comprised a citizen and non-citizen; 86 per cent of the non-citizen spouses were permanent residents and the remainder were here on passes such as the Long Term Visit Pass, Deputy Prime Minister Teo Chee Hean said in a written parliamentary reply in January. Several Members of Parliament last month spoke about their constituents’ spouses facing difficulty securing long-term passes, permanent residency or citizenship. Mr Teo had said that the Government wants to “facilitate such couples to remain together in Singapore and for them to form stable families who would contribute in a positive way to Singapore�. The help required by foreign spouses — mainly women from countries like Việt Nam, Thailand and the Philippines, in ACMI’s experience — depends on their situation at home, Mr Khoo said. In the absence of marital conflict, the challenges mainly centre around language, immigration and employment issues. But if conflict arises, they would often need advice and legal help. Besides equipping transnational couples for married life, the marriage preparation course should include information on where foreign spouses can seek help if the union breaks down, as such situations can leave them in a lurch, he said. ACMI is the only group here offering free legal aid to foreign spouses, said Mr Khoo. The Legal Aid Bureau — a department under the Law Ministry — as well as the Pro Bono Services Office of the Law Society of Singapore both generally require those seeking help to be either Singaporean or a permanent resident here, according to their websites. Cases involving foreign spouses can be complex and long-drawn, said Mr Khoo. ACMI’s foreign spouses casework has increased in recent years, from 23 in 2010 to 38 last year. A recent case involved a 37-year-old Indonesian woman who had married a Singaporean in Batam in 2004. They registered the marriage at the Syariah Court in Singapore. She divorced him in 2011 in Batam when he was imprisoned here for drug abuse but could not obtain custody of their daughter, a Singaporean, without her husband’s presence. In Singapore, ACMI Senior Executive Officer Elizabeth Tan accompanied the woman to the Syariah Court, which directed them to civil court for child custody. ACMI also found a restaurant job for the woman and appealed to the Manpower Ministry when her work permit application was initially rejected. The appeal succeeded last month. “Her daughter is schooling in Singapore,� said Ms Tan. “Hopefully being gainfully employed, when the time comes, she may be considered for a Long Term Visit Pass.� http://vietnamcentre.wordpress.com/2013/04/22/inter-agency-team-looking-into-integration-issues-of-foreign-spouses/ ACMI Casework Our casework services include providing social/legal assistance, counseling and befriending services to migrants. Through our casework we also provide research data towards advocacy and awareness on migrant issues that will assist in solving the exploitation of migrants. In addition we network with Embassies, Government Offices (MOM, FSC, MCYS, etc.), NGOs and other groups that have resources to assist migrants/itinerants in their needs beyond ACMI’s capacity. These include the Catholic Lawyers Guild, Catholic Medical Guild, Good Shepherd Sisters, Clarity, Family Life Society and others. Employers who are facing difficulties with their foreign workers can also contact us. http://www.acmi.sg/node/12 http://www.acmi.sg/
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
@zulkifli
It just often come to my mind when think about it, talk about and when I don’t know how to solve this problem.
Mbak, saya ngak gerti dengan situasi mbak? Pulang keJawa mungkin lebih baik buat mbak daripada tinggal terus di Singapur. Soalan yang ada didalam pemikiran saya sekarang mengenai situasi mbak mungkin mbak rasa kesal krena status mbak di Singapur belum lagi di proses oleh masnya. Dan mungkin juga mbak menikahi masnya krena pingin tinggal di Singapur dan bekerja di Singapur. Saya simpati dengan mbak tapi saya lihat diri mbak sendiri tidak mencintai masnya. Mbak juga sudah dapat keuntungan uang dari masnya. Mbak ngak ada kerugian nilai keuangan malah masnya sudah memberi dokongan keuangan kepada mbak dan mungkin buat keluarga mbak juga ya kan? -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Hahah, too bad your brain is too tiny to comprehend how others can be smarter than you.
Yes I am very happy in my marriage, but given how scornful a person you are, your puny brain and fragile ego will never want to accept it.
You have much to learn, not just from your own experience. Unfortunately, your intelligence can't go beyond the length of your tiny dick.
But if you need to throw stone at others just so you can feel good about yourself. You have my utmost sympathy and condolences.
i bet u are getting all the expereience from your boyfriends or ex-hubbies and thinking u have all what it takes to handle man.Women use thier wombs to think and men use their dick heads to screw every slut avaiable
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it is advisable to date a guy for 5 years before you marry him. Now that you know its a mistake, you should divorce early and find another suitable partner.
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Thanks for all ur respond ;)
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
Thanks for ur respond.
I am not a mail-order bride. We are introduce by his friend when I visit spore.We have date but as u know we are from diff country so of course can’t often date like in the same city. Sometime he visit me and vice versa. Usually I stay at spore just few day because I still working, he also can’t always accompany me have to work and I feel not so good to every time go spore stay at his friend house. That’s why I think should be ok if we don’t take long time in relationship since many people I trust said he is a good guy. He and me also not young already.
Before married, I ever said want to cancel. I found out that he talk more than action. I think I need time to know him more but what can I do he told me that if cancel I have to responsible for the dinner party too. Its a dinner party at 5 star hotel, so expensive. Me where got so much money, some more I just post my resign letter as he ask me to stop working and start prepare for wedding things. He said he will give me pocket money and will take care of me. At that time, many thing happen to his family too, father sick go hospital, brother got car accident. His friend also had scold him because of his bullshit, then I think give him a chance see how. If until the married day he still not done some of what he promised me then I will cancel my wedding. After resign he did give me pocket money 2K/ month as he promise. He did some renovation for our new room. No one tell me he is a gambler.
During his tough time, he got send me pocket money too but of course not as much as he promise. He send every time I ask money from him. Come back to my country, every month also have expenses. I think its no wrong for me to ask from him, am I right?
We seldom message or call each other already after I come back to my hometown. I hate to hear I miss u, I love u. For me all this is bullshit. If u love me, should u cheat me, should u hurt me. Just wait and see whether he will do what he promise me or not.
When he ask me when will I go back to him, I told him will go back after his problem settle, house sold, I got my part as he promise me. Many time he ask me and I give the same answer. But then I rethink, will he give me those money? Why not just push him to faster buy new house. And when not enough, can u those money that he promise will give me. So the next time he ask when will I go back, I told him after he buy new house, If not I will not go back.
Finally house sold, he already got money he forgot what he promise me, he forgot he already married and wife still waiting for him to do what he promise. I message him ask him have he find new house? How will he give me my part as he promise me. I message him many time ask him how and he don’t want to reply me. Then after a month I call him, ask him how, I told him it is not possible for me to keep staying at my hometown, hiding from people. And the answer I get is ‘I will not give that money, I have put all money into business so if u want to come back then come back otherwise I can’t force u too. I will only give you allowance every month’. Is this what he should answer me? Is this my husband?
I told him to give me money so I can do some business since I don’t know I will stay here for how long but he don’t want, he said he never ask me to work here but ask me to go back to him. If readers are me, will u just go back like nothing happen?
Then I told him, he still owe me. When I am there, he ever borrow money from me. He also haven’t give me enough for my allowance as he promise. This time he send 7K for me. He have send money, if readers are me, will u go back to him?
I think many days and still can believe this horrible marriage . Is he ever love me? Really love me? Why when the time I ask for cancel, he don’t want to cancel. Is it a mission behind this married? So stress every time think of this thing. Why my life become like this? Am I did a big mistake in my past life that’s why now I have to receive all this. Suicide or be crazy always come to my mind every time I can’t cool down my mind. I feel so unfair, have been cheat from the beginning we know each other. Are we girl born to be cheat, to be bully? I want to find my woman right but I don’t know how?
I really can’t endure anymore what he had done to me, I message him said that better we separate and start prepare for all the documentation if he can’t do what he promise me. How can I trust him if he always promise but not do it? Told me will stop gambling but who can guarantee. His attitude, irresponsibility, unrespect, nothing can make me feel happy and secure to be with him anymore. He no reply me, then I call him and told him. The answer I get is ok tomorrow will look for lawyer to settle. He really hurt me again and again although I want to divorce should he straight away told me that. Why he didn’t say ok we cancel when I ask for cancel. This is men, I don’t know is all men like this or not but for sure is I really can’t trust anyone anymore except my parents.
if readers are me, what will u do? Will you go back to him since now he already have job have business, have give you money, have promise will not gambling? But no house and didn’t do what he promise write on agreement letter.
oops...you didn't date him for a reasonable time and you still married him?
You don't love him. Love is not something that happens everytime you meet someone. Sorry, if a few dates and you are saying that you love him...meant that you don't enjoy getting along with him.
You love something else about him.
and also, please lah, husband of course must treat you well. you know shit about women's rights. just by look at they way how you marry on impluse because of your age, you are not a feminist.
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Since you talk about love, could you tell me what is love? I become confused about it too. My friend also said I married him is because of lymphatic of him not love him.
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
Since you talk about love, could you tell me what is love?
I become confused about it too. My friend also said I married him is because of lymphatic of him not love him."The English word "love" can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.[1] It can also be a virtue representing humankindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".[2] As well, it may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals."
Look at this lucky bastard named NG BOON GAY who found a girl who loved him and stayed with him, faced the frenzy of photographers with him, endured humliation from people at workplace/family gathering..
This guy was accused of corruption in a sex-for-contracts case where the wife could have easily dumped him[ without even hiring a PI ] and get over 50% of his stuff, but instead she choose to stick with him even though
- he cheated on her
- he lost his job, he lost his income
- his future is bleak
- his reputation is ruined by the media [ gulity til proven innocent ]
And you...you are leaving him because he is a gambler? This is laughable. If he you really love him, you wouldn't open this thread in Aunt Agony and think about leaving him. Touch your heart and you will really know how you feel about him. -
If what ng boon gay wife did is the only way to show love then mine is consider not love anymore. Before I leave him, I ask myself should I do that, should I leave him when he is in difficult time? Am I a human? But then, I also think how if one day he bring me to Along to settle his debts since many unexpected thing had happen. If it is really happen, how, what can I do? That's why I open this thread just want to know is what I doing so far is correct or not?
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Originally posted by IndonGirl:
If what ng boon gay wife did is the only way to show love then mine is consider not love anymore.
Before I leave him, I ask myself should I do that, should I leave him when he is in difficult time? Am I a human? But then, I also think how if one day he bring me to Along to settle his debts since many unexpected thing had happen. If it is really happen, how, what can I do?
That’s why I open this thread just want to know is what I doing so far is correct or not?
You are an adult. NOT A KID.
Kindly take out your moral compass and do what you think is right. (a moral compass is your perceived code of enthics, values, morals and idea of right vs wrong)
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Thanks @summerhill, I get what u mean
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Summer, you're a 17 year old living in fairy tale land.You are so easily fooled by what you see on the outside.
Hillary clinton, Eleanor Roosevelt.. famous wives with cheating husbands... they didn't walk away.. but are they happy ? No they are not. But you can say they are "loyal".. although their hearts are dead.
Mr.Ng's wife has her own reputation to protect. She is playing the "good wife". Lucky for him he is acquitted, if he had been convicted and goes to jail plus a hefty fine, do you really believe his wife will "wait" for him ? By then she can easily walk awayfrom her 19 year marriage and no one will blame her.
Mr Ng has already publicly admited he loves the other woman. If his wife is not heart broken, then she probably don't love him much anyway.
It's easy to put on an act to let others think they are so noble. But behind closed doors, no one knows what truly go on inside their heads.
Gambling is a vice. There is no happy ever after in this case. The end result will always be financial ruin and misery.
Moral compass only works when the party is deserving. If Indongirl becomes a bankrupt due to her husband's complusive gambling.. are you going to help her get out of debt ?
Your naivety is pointing yourself and other ignorant people in the wrong direction.
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Warning to Indogirl.If you are declared a bankrupt in Singapore, you will not be allowed to leave the country until you clear your debt or become a discharged bankrupt.
You will have to surrender your passport to the court .
Those of you forumers who are telling Indogirl to go back to Singapore to prove she loves him / has a "moral compass"..., knowing her husband is a compulsive gambler... might as well simply tell Indogirl to go jump off a cliff.
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a lot of time, when we are stuck in a rug we could not see any way out. i too was once stuck in the rug. you have to be strong and look for ways to move out of the hole.
readup on http://sacredsagesg.blogspot.sg/p/understand-aura.html this can help you understand and hopefully help you through. it was recommended by a friend at first for my education but it later helps me gain positive events enough to chance the whole situation around.
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Originally posted by waterful:
it is advisable to date a guy for 5 years before you marry him. Now that you know its a mistake, you should divorce early and find another suitable partner.
there are side effects when ppl dont really married for love - you klnow. that's why this trehad exists.that's also problem of some sgmen cannot find local wives - so go for rofeign ones.
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luv is cultivated thru time. hence some women choose to forgive their partners for their error simple as that. it might b a heart wrenching error and a sacrifice on the womans part but if the partner changes all is not fer naught.
the wound will take a long time to heal though.
as fer the TS the time spent in the relationship is short hence it has degenerated into a squabble ovr $.
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For love to be meaningful and effective, the heart always go along with the brain. Without the brain, you won't even know what your heart feels.
IndoGirl, its time to use your brain more than your heart now.
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When in doubt (unsure, worried) , consult (look and talk to) an expert.
Talk to a lawyer for legal issues
Find a counsellor for interpersonal (you and him) issues
Call a helpline if you need someone specialised to listen to your problems.
Reinforce your own ethics (morals, life principles, own way of life) by asking yourself what do you really want and deserve.
Lastly, here's a takeaway tip: Everyone, i repeat, everyone around you will take things away from you, regardless of whether you allow them to. The only question is, how much are you willing to let him/her/everyone else take from you. Draw the line and stick to it, regardless of the outcome. You will be so much more happier.
All the best!