My future is bleak
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Summer, I have read through your previous threads.. and sadly it seems you are very much mis-informed and ignorant little girl... about a lot of issues leading you to have so much anger inside of you.
I am wondering, now that you have witnessed the current living condition of your mother and acknowledged how difficult her life will be in the future... are you still angry she STOLE your piggy bank ?
Given you already know her mental illness.. are you still angry at a mentally sick person ?
Your father's asset is not yours nor your siblings. In the event your father marry another woman, your new stepmom will become the legal beneficiary, potentially including the HDB flat you are living in now. Or if he decides to will away all his money to charity, you have no say.
You are only a DEPENDENT, until you hit legal age. Thereafter, the court need not award you anything unless you can prove you still need financial dependence on him.
The obligation of parents is to ensure you are given proper education, a roof over your head and well being of you "the minors" while you are unable to generate your own income. These are not entitlements.
If you cannot stand on your own two feet after legal age... it is not your parent's obligation to still take care of you untill they die. They do it only because they want to, not because they need to.
Given how much you are not aware of.. I suggest you go out and find real answers instead of fuming over what's untrue.
Frankly, I think it's not right at all to lock your mother out when she left. She has already lost everything. Nothing she took is irreplaceable. Just objects and things. You should have let her take whatever she needs to ensure she can live a life. Then go ahead and replace the things she took. Or at least offer to buy her what she needs so she don't have to "STEAL" from you.
I don't know what your father had been telling you. But apparently, he is a lost sheep himself, hopefully he don't go and marry another psychotic woman and make your life more complicated than it already is.
My father told me that he saved the house for me and my sister. He is not going to marry another women anyway because he has no time for it. [he is either working or looking after grandma.]
Like what you said, I am a minor and I don't generate my own income. Everything I buy either comes from my Dad or Grandma. My mum would give me $10 every month, while my Dad gives $2 everyday then.
No money to buy her stuff, I need to take care of myself first. I need to buy pens, examination pads, erasers and all sort of stationary which comes from my pocket money, no extra allowances.
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
A doctor wouldn't really help me understand or cure my illness. In fact, there is already a cure, called gene therapy. Gene therapy is the use of DNA as a pharmaceutical agent to treat disease. It derives its name from the idea that DNA can be used to supplement or alter genes within an individual's cells as a therapy to treat disease. The most common form of gene therapy involves using DNA that encodes a functional, therapeutic gene to replace a mutated gene. Other forms involve directly correcting a mutation, or using DNA that encodes a therapeutic protein drug (rather than a natural human gene) to provide treatment. In gene therapy, DNA that encodes a therapeutic protein is packaged within a "vector", which is used to get the DNA inside cells within the body. Once inside, the DNA becomes expressed by the cell machinery, resulting in the production of therapeutic protein, which in turn treats the patient's disease. Currently gene therapy has not reach the stage to cure NF1.
The scientists are just scratching the surface on this one. It will take many more years before it become viable.
In the next 10-15 years, medical health science will become very important. We will need more scientist than lawyers.
But it's up to you, the path is yours to choose.
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
My father told me that he saved the house for me and my sister. He is not going to marry another women anyway because he has no time for it. [he is either working or looking after grandma.]
Like what you said, I am a minor and I don't generate my own income. Everything I buy either comes from my Dad or Grandma. My mum would give me $10 every month, while my Dad gives $2 everyday then.
No money to buy her stuff, I need to take care of myself first. I need to buy pens, examination pads, erasers and all sort of stationary which comes from my pocket money, no extra allowances.
Since your father is not financially well off. He may need to sell the 3 bedroom in the future and downgrade to the Senior apartment. The profits , if any, will go to financing his retirement and geriatric health care. Older people will need more medical care, these will not come cheap. You cannot expect him to hold off his doctors visit or surgery just so he can give the HDB to you and your sister.
If he has no substantial savings, he will die broke, that means he will have nothing to give you and your siblings. So I recommend you don't hold your breath for any inheritance. If you do get anything, consider yourself lucky. But I really wouldn't bet on it.
Yes I agree, you need your pencils, your writing pads, erasers and the works. I guess those are so important to you that these things are worth hating your mother for , yes?
Yes you hated your mother for being selfish. Are you not also being very self centered when you only care about yourself too ? The apple does not fall very far from the tree.
You have become the person you hate.
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You can only play the victim for a short period of time. Soon after, you will have only yourself to blame for not achieving your full potential.
There are many people who became successful and achieved great things.... but grew up living more difficult life than you. They endured poverty, abuse, physical handicap, childhood trauma.
Sure you want to cry about your "disadvantaged" life now... when you are done crying, you will have to start making use of your brain, your vision, your non-handicapped body and your unbroken will to create a better life for yourself and not be a burden to your parents.
The sooner you stop crying and blaming , the sooner you get on your two feet and start achieving something.
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my story similar to urs...
my parents divorced
The toilet has become dirty. No one to help me clean.
stay strong
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Originally posted by Ee Hoe Hean Club:
We are blessed to have both hands to create wonders in this world,unlike those in the above pictures.I can tell that they still continue with life,the way it is.
I feel that the adversity you are currently facing is avoidance of the harsh reality.
In order to take the first step forward,you have to take a 180degrees shift to be optimistic.
Try not to dwell on the unhappy moments of life so much,remember life is so short,you can probably view the unhappy moments as positive ones,e.g. you can interact better with your teachers.
Since you want to be a journalist,the next step will be most applicable.Keep a journal and pen down all the happy things each day(you will be surprised how small gestures of kindness really influences your entire day.)
Perhaps,you can use your present situation to build your character and make better decisions.Turn the adversity to strength.Be fortunate that you have had it hard at a young age,as compared to forging the brighter future.
Try to forget that the world is against you,or that you are destined to lead such a life.You can work hand-in-hand together with your parent,you by mentally encouraging her to be stronger every night by chatting for 30minutes or so.Simple actions of emotions can go a long way.
Place emphasis on academics,do not be taken down by negative comments.Make the right choice in studies and do not let it be affected.I know of some who did badly in O levels and have to retake again.Why lose this one year when all of your energy,this indomitable fighting spirit is channelled towards building a better family in the past.(I will send you a message of how to do well in studies)
I can rationalise that you want to fortify your family ties,you can do so now by having fun and leading a normal life.It is every parent's belief that their children will lead a happy life,as seen from your dad wanting to save the house for you and your mother providing money for you.Just be happy and your parents will be happy for you!!
Last but not least,it is better for you to set goals that are nearer than further.Maybe are you considering to go jc or poly? Jc will land you in good stead towards uni route,if you can handle the stress.(this is equivalent to dedicating two hours each day for revision>>I am in Jc btw)
Poly will also get you to uni,but it will be more difficult to get you to your career options.
Have fun and take care,hope this simple gesture of kindness enriches your purpose to live strong and perservere!!
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Originally posted by GyroXX:
my story similar to urs...
my parents divorced
The toilet has become dirty. No one to help me clean.
stay strong
wtf? you are upset over a dirty toilet?
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Originally posted by a mugger:
We are blessed to have both hands to create wonders in this world,unlike those in the above pictures.I can tell that they still continue with life,the way it is.
I feel that the adversity you are currently facing is avoidance of the harsh reality.
In order to take the first step forward,you have to take a 180degrees shift to be optimistic.
Try not to dwell on the unhappy moments of life so much,remember life is so short,you can probably view the unhappy moments as positive ones,e.g. you can interact better with your teachers.
Since you want to be a journalist,the next step will be most applicable.Keep a journal and pen down all the happy things each day(you will be surprised how small gestures of kindness really influences your entire day.)
Perhaps,you can use your present situation to build your character and make better decisions.Turn the adversity to strength.Be fortunate that you have had it hard at a young age,as compared to forging the brighter future.
Try to forget that the world is against you,or that you are destined to lead such a life.You can work hand-in-hand together with your parent,you by mentally encouraging her to be stronger every night by chatting for 30minutes or so.Simple actions of emotions can go a long way.
Place emphasis on academics,do not be taken down by negative comments.Make the right choice in studies and do not let it be affected.I know of some who did badly in O levels and have to retake again.Why lose this one year when all of your energy,this indomitable fighting spirit is channelled towards building a better family in the past.(I will send you a message of how to do well in studies)
I can rationalise that you want to fortify your family ties,you can do so now by having fun and leading a normal life.It is every parent's belief that their children will lead a happy life,as seen from your dad wanting to save the house for you and your mother providing money for you.Just be happy and your parents will be happy for you!!
Last but not least,it is better for you to set goals that are nearer than further.Maybe are you considering to go jc or poly? Jc will land you in good stead towards uni route,if you can handle the stress.(this is equivalent to dedicating two hours each day for revision>>I am in Jc btw)
Poly will also get you to uni,but it will be more difficult to get you to your career options.
Have fun and take care,hope this simple gesture of kindness enriches your purpose to live strong and perservere!!
Every minute I spent talking to her will always either be about
1) How useless will English be in the future
2) How my Dad used to "posion" her
3) How my Dad made her lose her jobs and friends
4) Ask if there's any PI following us
5) Ask me to go to China with her
6) Dissing USA
7) Conspiracies about her life
8) How useless are National Geographic, Reader Digest, TIME magazine, Asian Geographic vs her favourite $2 celebrity magazine
Do you how emotionally distressing is it for me to talk to her?!! She doesn't support my intellectual pursuits in social affairs, politics and current events, she just want me to
1) Get married
2) Buy house and move INTO my house
3) Have children
So that she can take of my "children" and happily ever after for her.
I AM TIRED. She's not going to control my life.
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Seems like you are facing challenges with your parent relationship. Not an issue to be pessimistic about. I too,favour intellectual pursuits in areas,which are different from my parents.
Anyway,based on that:1.your mother communicates mainly in chinese.
2/3. keeps recalling of the past unpleasant events.
4. apprehensive of being monitored by others
5.she does not like living here.
6.Does not like western cultures
7. similar to 2/3
8.Like to compare the value of materials
The below: 1.all parents will want that
2.wants to live with you(be glad that your parent wants to stay with you,that shows she does care for you,even if she is more driven by accommodation.)
3.all parents will wish their child to be like this
Before I continue,I will share with you about myself as of the bottom section.Ever since my psle,which I had fared poorly in,I started to work hard.I was usually hovering about the top 35% of the cohort,despite scoring an average of Cs for most of the subjects.It was then I know that my parents only wish for me to work hard and study only.No straight As,no 80s, just Bs alright. My parents will supporting all the while.Do not be surprised that they are thinking of you at this very moment.
I can tell from your perspective that,you favour english over chinese,trying your best to live in the present and not be reminded about the past.Modern style of thinking(to stay single until you can get a job or to remain as one,as read from your first post.)
Modern Vs Tradition thinking
Surprisingly, both modern and traditional ethics are the faces of the same coin,head and tails. So one should not try to antagonize them, but see them as they are – not two contrasting values, but values linked and intertwined since the dawn of modern ethics.
Traditional ethics tends to be expressed in a series of prohibited activities which "thou shalt not" do and a series of virtues that point a person in the direction of the best possible life
On the other hand, Modern ethical thinking tends to reduce ethics to a series of rules and procedures that can be used to prevent the harm of others and to maximize human freedom.
If she mentions 2/3/7,''erm,can we talk about (a happy event) rather than this/that?"1:Explain to her the importance of English + its the national language of state of administration.(I can tell she does not accept this argument,from how she mentioned of China.)Perhaps,you prefer the use of philosophy to win this argument?Do you know how China is successful today?This is because the chinese are willing to pick up English>>This include our forefathers who migrated here to Sg to work and the locals in China today. So if your mother say"Now,Chinese Economy is going to overshoot USA,explain why?"
The 2008 Beijing Olympic Games increased the emphasis on English conversation skills for the general public. The government established local offices to help adults learn to speak English during the months leading up to the games. Because hospitality is so highly valued in China, citizens showed great enthusiasm in improving their skills to become better hosts. China seems having stepped into an ‘everyone learns English’ era since then. English is highly valued amongst business and tourism as majority of the clients do not communicate in English and this will require the Chinese to adopt Singapore's method of bilingualism.
Of course,do try to speak both chinese and english at home.I like to chat with my grandparents in chinese and english to my brothers.Bilingualism>English and Chinese alone.So seek this advice~
4.Calm her down,ask if it is better if she wants to set up a surveillance camera to ease her mind down>>hope that helps
5.Reassure her that life will be better in Sg,talk about the positive aspects,cost of healthcare! If she rebuts, e.g. then cost of living? It is higher in Sg than China.Divert by saying Sg has a lower crime rate. Can you imagine the dangers of living there?You wanna trade being poor or being in the risk of danger?(do not mention that you are more english-inclined and that chinese is not your style.For e.g. you can't imagine working there etc.It serves to agitate your family relationship)
6.apply same method for USA,agree with her on the weakness of USA,but rebut if her points seem contradictory.(should be alright for you,if you are well-versed in current affairs)
8.When you are reading these books/magazines and she begins the comparison,what's so good about these celebrity magazines?(do not be sacarstic,just prompt her.) What's so useless about these books/magazines? If she is stumbled,explain to her that such books will guide you in your education,especially EL such as boosting your vocab skills and knowledge.If she mentions,why not read chinese newspapers instead? I suggest you develop a good habit to read chinese newspapers or perhaps borrow some chinese books.(It's your choice on this one.)
I can tell that you are an avid reader,do try to emphathise with her surroundings and viewpoints,just like how you rationalise about how people think when they write.Maybe it's practical or realistic?If it's not,do not be turned way.
Start to develop a sense of trust for your mother.You need to have trust in her,I am sure that it will make your life more comfortable.As the chinese saying goes "å¦‚æžœä½ å�¯ä»¥å¿˜è®°ä½ 过去的分æ§ï¼Œä½ 的生活会更顺畅" Slowly develop this connection and affection,it may be hard but continue to emphathise.Jia you~!"People resist change and are uncomfortable with uncertainty. Strong ties constitute a base of trust that can reduce resistance and provide comfort in the face of uncertainty. This it will be argued that change is not facilitated by weak ties, but rather by a particular type of strong tie."
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
I AM TIRED. She's not going to control my life.
U just answered yourself dear....
You have listed determinism factors in your life. Even your quote is one of determinism....but I just want to remind you.... you still have free will....
YOU and only YOU are in control of your life.
Now what do u want to do?
Dream, plan, execute :)
Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness - Naploeon Hill
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
My father told me that he saved the house for me and my sister. He is not going to marry another women anyway because he has no time for it. [he is either working or looking after grandma.]
Like what you said, I am a minor and I don't generate my own income. Everything I buy either comes from my Dad or Grandma. My mum would give me $10 every month, while my Dad gives $2 everyday then.
No money to buy her stuff, I need to take care of myself first. I need to buy pens, examination pads, erasers and all sort of stationary which comes from my pocket money, no extra allowances.
You are what youmake of this world.This life is only a flicker. You blink your eye, next thing you know you are 40. So don't live with regrets. Do what you can, do your best.
I got a friend whose dad divorced his mom, when he was teenager. But today he is much better off, married with three daughters. His career is successful because he studied hard.
If you become so negative, your negativity will follow you and you will not be successful. Always see things positively.
Also your negativity will scare off a lot of guys. Always be confident and tell yourself you can do it.
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I'm sorry for your situtation hope u can get out of it the better and stronger person.
all the best.
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the fact that we all have time to write in this forum shows that we are not leading a bad life after all. at least we are all alive and should be glad for that to be able to write here. at least we are all intectually and physically able in order to write here. there are many more unfortunate people around, so don't lament your current situation, no matter how bad it is or may seem to be. you have an education, so complete your studies. My family was poor also. I finished my A-levels but did not go to U because of finance. So I worked full time and studied part time and worked my way up. In life, there is always a route that you can take. Choose your path. Not everyone's path is smooth. But it will not be forever bleak. For this moment, study hard and get your cert and come out to work to earn a living. your parents can take care of themselves for the time being. You can worry about supporting them when you are older.
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Originally posted by Ee Hoe Hean Club:
Be more sensitive to TS, will you?
Do people in the pic living quality is on par with Singaporeans? Do they share the same stress as Singaporeans? Do they have to struggle to make ends meet to support family and high maintenance PAP govt?
Don't live in negative simplicity that will block you from reality and truth. Be not a blind person to others' plight.
What you did is comparing an apple to durian. Very lame.
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its very hard to explain to people who are blind to reality.
just ask yourself like when was the alst time you have a sudden urge to buy something - for example. that feeling - its the samewhat otehrs feel, blinded, wanting/
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Summer Hill, do you mind if I ask you your current situation now?
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Originally posted by 23ispolo:
Summer Hill, do you mind if I ask you your current situation now?
no change yet.
i don't have a job and i need to ace my o levels.
goddamn it .
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
no change yet.
i don't have a job and i need to ace my o levels.
goddamn it .
Whoa, hope you study well for your O Levels! Hope your friends (classmates) can boost your mood and help you excel well, with their bonds with you about studying and friendships!
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
Every minute I spent talking to her will always either be about
1) How useless will English be in the future
2) How my Dad used to "posion" her
3) How my Dad made her lose her jobs and friends
4) Ask if there's any PI following us
5) Ask me to go to China with her
6) Dissing USA
7) Conspiracies about her life
8) How useless are National Geographic, Reader Digest, TIME magazine, Asian Geographic vs her favourite $2 celebrity magazine
Do you how emotionally distressing is it for me to talk to her?!! She doesn't support my intellectual pursuits in social affairs, politics and current events, she just want me to
1) Get married
2) Buy house and move INTO my house
3) Have children
So that she can take of my "children" and happily ever after for her.
I AM TIRED. She's not going to control my life.
It's denfinitely unfair for your mother to force you to have children, yet take care of them as her own children... Don't worry, I know nowadays taking care of a child is getting tougher, but I hope you can still see a glimmer of hope for the next 10 years of your life, where you can see your own children grow up and give you the care you deserve as a mother... Don't forget your teachers and good friends, for you can talk to them and they will listen, give you a possible solution and, bang, before you know it, you know how to handle all these issues! Even your dearly loved teddy bear of plush toy can be something to 'talk' to, to let off your grief... Wish you good luck!
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I hate my life.