My future is bleak
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Yesterday, I met with my mum who had moved away from me since June 2012 because my parents had divorced. She's renting a room in Sengkang [she doesn't have a house]. She's lowly-educated and a low-income Singaporean. I talked to her for an hour, and I do realised that life is going to get very very hard for her, given that she is using her muscles not brains for work, and the Singapore government policy [ 6.9 million policy] brings in a lot of cheap foriegners. I begin to wonder how is she going to live her old age [well obviously she is dependent on me, fillial piety lah], where is she going to live and wonder if she's going to end up like those auntie picking cans from the trash just to make ends meet. Well people still want to hire younger, stronger and cheaper workers eh?
I am a very responsible person, I do want to take care of her. But I just don't know how.
The stituation here is that both of my parents have divorced and are seperated. I know from the bottom of my heart and my logic that they hate each other so much that they will never ever get back together. That spells trouble for me. That means that despite the ever-rising HDB I have to get a house for both of them. I cannot leave my mum homeless if she's unable to work later [and she can't move into my Dad's apartment] and my Dad is working so hard for the family surivival, food on the table and I cannot neglect his well-being, I would need to upgrade his life and let him age gracefully. Because of my parent's mistake of getting married, and having sex to give birth to me, followed by both of them divorcing, I am born. I am responsible to them. FML.
My future is so bleak that I don't look forward to anything ahead. I may be 15-years-old but I am really terrified of my future.
My actual dream is to become a journalist but the press freedom here in Singapore sucks and we only have SPH. The entertainment industry in other countries is dying as well [i am not someone who is into medicine, computers...etc ] Being a journalist don't bring much money home and now I thinking of becoming a lawyer. Now, my grades sucks so much [i am making progess] that it seems to me that becoming a lawyer is impossible and the competition I faced is intense. People with richer parents have better resources, connections to start in life, and they wouldn't have to worry about university debt and some can even drive a car. I am not complaining about the struggles I will face in pursuing education, but the unfairness life had posed for me. Life will never be fair to me. I will accept the fact.
Frankly speaking I think that life as a lawyer will sucks. But at least it is about humanities and understanding people, huh? A law degree will be a big help in my life if I want to enter the government sector, and I will probably need to be a scholar to get a house for my mum, and another for my Dad. I have so much anxiety for my future that at some point in my life, I want to die.
Singapore sucks [the world sucks]. Income inequality is becoming bigger and bigger and the rich, gets richer and the poor get fucked over and over. I am living in poverty [single-parent household] and there's huge inflation in Singapore. I once board a taxi which drove for 2.1 km and it cost me $9.50. It was in the morning and my teacher called the cab for me because I was sick that they are afraid that I will faint on my way home. So I have the booking and the morning peak hour surcharge.
I don't want to get married ever. I have no resources for that shit. Don't blame me for the decling birthrate which became the reason for the government to bring in more foriegners causing the "extinction of singaporeans". Just look at how expensive housing is and how long is the HDB loan. Like what I said before, I need a house for BOTH of them. So FML. Fuck the birthrate and the stupid singaporean fairytale shit. I don't care if I get infertile if I don't give birth by age 24. All this meant that I don't want to get into a relationship forever. Relationships either end in break-up or marriage. And marriage = chance of children. FML. I also do not want to delude myself into having children so that they will care for me when I get old. I don't want them to live the same life as me, thinking that my mother loves me unconditionally, but rather out of obligation that I could support her at old. I recalled that they told me that was my purpose for being born.
Oh, on another confession I have NF1. An inherited genetic condition which is not my fault.. Neurofibromatosis type I (NF-1) is a tumor disorder that is caused by the mutation of a gene on chromosome 17 that is responsible for control of cell division. NF-1 causes tumors along the nervous system. NF-1 often comes with scoliosis (curvature of the spine), learning difficulties, eye problems, and epilepsy. Do you see?I developed fucking ugly and sometimes fatal tumors. I am probably going to have a very bad health if I develop the complictations and healthcare in Singapore is fucking expensive. FML. I need that law degree for my medical care.
Why is my future looking so bleak? I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either.
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You are thinking too much for a 15 year old.
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Hi Summer Hill,
There is a lot ahead of you and there is no telling when NF1 will strike, if ever. You may want to read about Grace who passed away at 34 from a congenital condition but led a full, happy life. Her blog which continues to inspire is http://dyingis.blogspot.sg/.
Focus on what you are good at and try to excel in those area. If cost of living is an issue, be prudent with your spending, don't neglect your heakth, plan for yourself financially and learn to be savvy with your investments and finances. Let the adults sort out their own issues. Do the best you can, and the rest will take care of itself.
Best Wishes.
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Originally posted by gunner77:
You are thinking too much for a 15 year old.
Really too much? That how I think of future. I hate a stressful job, but if I don't get a one (most high-paying jobs are stressful) my life will be full of financial concerns.
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Three routes:Study hard get a job(dead end route after the insourcing and outsourcing in sg)
Startup business online ./offline(high cost entry/competition and high failure rates)
Strike 4d/toto(odds against you)
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I had been thinking for 3 years now. NF1 is not some self-inflicted disease where you can take drugs or do surgery to get over it. It's a lifelong disease that can cause serious complications.
I am afraid of developing more cafe-something something spots and/or which will made me ugly so I don't want a relationship. I have no time for that.
The parents(especially my mother)are very irresponsible people. I think my mum is expecting me to clean up her messed up marriage by getting married myself so that I will have some children and she won't be lonely forever. Not forgetting that I need to take care of my father well-being as well.
In a way, people around me are doomed if I choose to die, and I choose to live, I will live in so much pain, anxiety, tears and fear.
I am unable to find an utopian solution yet.
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.....just take one step at a time. Concentrate on your studies first and foremost. Your parents are adults, they can take care of themselves. You're not superhero, you can't solve all their problems no matter how. As long as your parents are healthy, they can find a job and work within their capabilities. Nobody says life is easy, lowly educated is not an excuse. If your mum is needy and stubbon, then it's time to show some tough love. Ask her, "Hey mum, if I failed my study or my grades suck, I'm gonna end up like you." Am sure this will shake her up.
Meanwhile, do not stress too much, it will affect your health. Go de stress, do the things you enjoy doing or get together with good friends or eat more desserts LoL
You can't predict the future, it's not as scary as you project it to be. You ain't gonna die. Dying is only for looser, I meant those who choose to die. And the world is not as cold as you made out to be, that's why they invented oven.
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å¤©æ— ç»�人之路
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船到桥头自然直. You must know that having a Law Degree does not guarantee that you would be come a lawyer ( i think lawyer is about reasoning and not humanities lol ) . And in fact the government have some policy or something that makes young adult easier to afford a flat ( though you might still need to pay installment for quite a long time ). Apart from the flat installment, i can't think of anything that will be a financial concerns to you. If you really doesn't have the capability to own a house for your mum, you can ask her to rent a 1 room / 2 room flat from the HDB? and also apply for some support from the government if she cant support herself. Link for the 1/2 room flat rent. http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10323p.nsf/w/RentDirectHDBRentDeposit?OpenDocument Hope that this helps you and remember to stay strong.
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Originally posted by Empower.advisory:
Hi Summer Hill,
There is a lot ahead of you and there is no telling when NF1 will strike, if ever. You may want to read about Grace who passed away at 34 from a congenital condition but led a full, happy life. Her blog which continues to inspire is http://dyingis.blogspot.sg/.
Focus on what you are good at and try to excel in those area. If cost of living is an issue, be prudent with your spending, don't neglect your heakth, plan for yourself financially and learn to be savvy with your investments and finances. Let the adults sort out their own issues. Do the best you can, and the rest will take care of itself.
Best Wishes.
Summer hill, I agree with this guy. Let the adults settle their own problems. Chances are your parents may remarry someone else in the future. About your impending illness....I still feel that you are being carry away with those worries now. Just live your life and see your life is worth living....take it from someone who has seen many cancer patients who have live longer than expected and they have overcome their unnecessary worries. Take care and be good. -
Originally posted by IWantToTravelSoBadly:
船到桥头自然直. You must know that having a Law Degree does not guarantee that you would be come a lawyer ( i think lawyer is about reasoning and not humanities lol ) . And in fact the government have some policy or something that makes young adult easier to afford a flat ( though you might still need to pay installment for quite a long time ). Apart from the flat installment, i can’t think of anything that will be a financial concerns to you.
If you really doesn’t have the capability to own a house for your mum, you can ask her to rent a 1 room / 2 room flat from the HDB? and also apply for some support from the government if she cant support herself.Link for the 1/2 room flat rent.
http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10323p.nsf/w/RentD…Hope that this helps you and remember to stay strong.
Being a lawyer is about understand perspective and making a point, and SBQs achieved the point. Humanities can achieve that. We understand people.
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Originally posted by Summer hill:
Being a lawyer is about understand perspective and making a point, and SBQs achieved the point. Humanities can achieve that. We understand people.
Go and study nursing..... to achieve material wealth requires sacrifices looking at what you have written nursing is a good choice.
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Do you know that you write so well for a fifteen year old ? To tell you the truth , even if I share the same problems as you , I dont mind turning the clock backwards to be fifteen again.
You are very lucky that you are in Singapore . You do not have to worry about your mum or dad . There are plenty of jobs available and we are so protected by the government . If your mum really cannot get a job, consult your MP. That's what they are paid to do . You should not shoulder such responsibilities .
Back to why I want to be fifteen again ( i am 41 ) . There are so so so so many opportunities available out there after you complete your studies . You just need to know what you want. If you want to be a journalist, especially when you write so well , contribute articles in the straits times youth forum . Surely after numerous articles , SPH will contact you for you to write more , They are always looking for ideas and young people .
Kick the negative thinking and start thinking postively . The world is changing so fast everyday . I used to watch Videos in cassettes and they are all obsolete today . You will never know what is going to happen in the future . So live the most of your life today .
I just share with you of a colleague of mind. He comes from a poor family and never gets a chance to travel abroad . As a Sales representative , every year we get to have sales incentive of going abroad for the top in sales . He is the first to reach the office and last to leave and he works 7 days a week so that he is always the top and get to go abroad every day fully paid by the company .
So , nothing is impossible if you set your goals for it . Singapore is a wonderful place to be in where the opportunities are abundance . You have to be hungry to catch them .
About your illness, do you have the effects now ? I have a friend who is living on one kidney because of cancer and he is only in his 20's .Every month he has to go for blood test to see if there is a relapse. But he still lives everyday with a smile and thanking God for it .
There are people out there worst off than you . So when you wake up everyday , just tell yourself in the mirror that you will meet positive people today and they are all going to help me . It works !! Believe me !!
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Originally posted by Always Can:
Do you know that you write so well for a fifteen year old ? To tell you the truth , even if I share the same problems as you , I dont mind turning the clock backwards to be fifteen again.
You are very lucky that you are in Singapore . You do not have to worry about your mum or dad . There are plenty of jobs available and we are so protected by the government . If your mum really cannot get a job, consult your MP. That's what they are paid to do . You should not shoulder such responsibilities .
Back to why I want to be fifteen again ( i am 41 ) . There are so so so so many opportunities available out there after you complete your studies . You just need to know what you want. If you want to be a journalist, especially when you write so well , contribute articles in the straits times youth forum . Surely after numerous articles , SPH will contact you for you to write more , They are always looking for ideas and young people .
Kick the negative thinking and start thinking postively . The world is changing so fast everyday . I used to watch Videos in cassettes and they are all obsolete today . You will never know what is going to happen in the future . So live the most of your life today .
I just share with you of a colleague of mind. He comes from a poor family and never gets a chance to travel abroad . As a Sales representative , every year we get to have sales incentive of going abroad for the top in sales . He is the first to reach the office and last to leave and he works 7 days a week so that he is always the top and get to go abroad every day fully paid by the company .
So , nothing is impossible if you set your goals for it . Singapore is a wonderful place to be in where the opportunities are abundance . You have to be hungry to catch them .
About your illness, do you have the effects now ? I have a friend who is living on one kidney because of cancer and he is only in his 20's .Every month he has to go for blood test to see if there is a relapse. But he still lives everyday with a smile and thanking God for it .
There are people out there worst off than you . So when you wake up everyday , just tell yourself in the mirror that you will meet positive people today and they are all going to help me . It works !! Believe me !!
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I have a few Neurofibroma [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurofibroma#Plexiform_Neurofibroma] at the back near my spine. So far I have no problems. But there is if I could avoid threatening life complications of NF1, I should have no problem. But the future still looks bleak to me.
sigh.
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actually in spore we are all screwed..
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Don't worry too much....everybody whether young or old, will have troubled times....we lived in a modern world with really difficult situations...if you started to plan your future now, its not too late...but you are just 15 yrs old ! What can you do to help both your parents? I really don't know....even if you worked part-time, you'll not earn much to be of any help...who is still paying for your school fees?
Wow! I am surprised that you are so angry over SG ways of lives...its actually life in general that you hate, right? Haha! Life in general are full of ups/downs...sometimes the downs attacked you in combos....one after another they wacked your wellbeing of mind, body and spirit....good people got bullied, the wicked have lots of $....simply unfair isn't it? Welcome to the real world....If you believe the buddha, he once said that suffering was a noble truth.....Try reading from this website:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths
If you're a christian, you'll know the bible well about our modern world is ruled by the devil...really...things like that...so suffering is due to our "sinful nature" and in some extent the work of the devil....
I think being single is a type of choice...but how are you gonna get a HDB flat in the future? Costs of living can become a problem if you don't have someone to share the housing loans with you...then again if you become a lawyer or a famous journalist, you can of coz support your way of life....your future is in the making! Since you wrote so well, I am guessing you'll succeed in whatever you decide to do...Good luck !
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Then there's the problem of old age...how should single people plan for that? I've asked some singles about this issue and generally they said $ upon retirement = most important....when they couldn't walk anymore, they could hire a maid to take care of them...some said they would admit themselves into old age homes.... So the future of singles are not bad at all...the key is to save alot of $....
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Some married people are happy....no doubt about that....and they will disagree with single people....they believe that family life make their life fulfilling and complete...lets face the facts....many SG people will get married to get BTO HDB flats..., I will not be surprised that people getting married with this mentality will end in divorce....
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Dear Summer,
Sorry to hear about your problems that you have to face. The post reflects your maturity and challenges faced by a 15 year old in the new world.
Because of my parent's mistake of getting married, and having sex to give birth to me, followed by both of them divorcing, I am born. I am responsible to them. FML.
Every life is precious. You have summed up partially the activities that led to your birth.Being a bright person,think also of why was it why was it that 'you' were born to this parent and not elsewhere?~
Situation in SG you ahve summed up well. Being a journalist or a lawyer wouldn't really give you freedom as in other countries.But SG has its own advantages as well.Don't forget that.Your father has a HDB,give a room for your mom.
And many things will take care of itself as time goes by,of course new ones will take its place. Welcome to life.
You can be a Monk and be detached from this world as well^^
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Originally posted by Bio-Hawk:
Dear Summer,
Sorry to hear about your problems that you have to face. The post reflects your maturity and challenges faced by a 15 year old in the new world.
Because of my parent's mistake of getting married, and having sex to give birth to me, followed by both of them divorcing, I am born. I am responsible to them. FML.
Every life is precious. You have summed up partially the activities that led to your birth.Being a bright person,think also of why was it why was it that 'you' were born to this parent and not elsewhere?~
Situation in SG you ahve summed up well. Being a journalist or a lawyer wouldn't really give you freedom as in other countries.But SG has its own advantages as well.Don't forget that.Your father has a HDB,give a room for your mom.
And many things will take care of itself as time goes by,of course new ones will take its place. Welcome to life.
You can be a Monk and be detached from this world as well^^
Yes, my father has a HDB, and it is a 3 room flat. It is barely enough for my current family [dad sis and grandma] and it is impossible that my dad wil allow her to move in.
look at my previous thread [http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/444705]
as much as i try to forgive and move on, there are still cracks on my relationship with my mum.
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Instead of becoming a lawyer, you should study hard and become a DOCTOR.
A lawyer's life is very stressful, and more often your boss is a jerk. Yes, the money is good, but that's pretty much what you get.
A doctor will open up many doors for you. Arn't you curious about your current health issue ? Don't you want to maybe one day come up with a cure so no child will ever go through life like yours again ?
There's a reason for everything. I think your calling is in the medical science field. That's where you can shine and do good for humanity.
Your mother's condition is a lost cause. Stop harping on your lousy past and look forward to your bright future.
Do not be blinded by the failures of your parents...your life is yours and you make what you want out of it.
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Summer, I have read through your previous threads.. and sadly it seems you are very much mis-informed and ignorant little girl... about a lot of issues leading you to have so much anger inside of you.
I am wondering, now that you have witnessed the current living condition of your mother and acknowledged how difficult her life will be in the future... are you still angry she STOLE your piggy bank ?
Given you already know her mental illness.. are you still angry at a mentally sick person ?
Your father's asset is not yours nor your siblings. In the event your father marry another woman, your new stepmom will become the legal beneficiary, potentially including the HDB flat you are living in now. Or if he decides to will away all his money to charity, you have no say.
You are only a DEPENDENT, until you hit legal age. Thereafter, the court need not award you anything unless you can prove you still need financial dependence on him.
The obligation of parents is to ensure you are given proper education, a roof over your head and well being of you "the minors" while you are unable to generate your own income. These are not entitlements.
If you cannot stand on your own two feet after legal age... it is not your parent's obligation to still take care of you untill they die. They do it only because they want to, not because they need to.
Given how much you are not aware of.. I suggest you go out and find real answers instead of fuming over what's untrue.
Frankly, I think it's not right at all to lock your mother out when she left. She has already lost everything. Nothing she took is irreplaceable. Just objects and things. You should have let her take whatever she needs to ensure she can live a life. Then go ahead and replace the things she took. Or at least offer to buy her what she needs so she don't have to "STEAL" from you.
I don't know what your father had been telling you. But apparently, he is a lost sheep himself, hopefully he don't go and marry another psychotic woman and make your life more complicated than it already is.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Instead of becoming a lawyer, you should study hard and become a DOCTOR.
A lawyer's life is very stressful, and more often your boss is a jerk. Yes, the money is good, but that's pretty much what you get.
A doctor will open up many doors for you. Arn't you curious about your current health issue ? Don't you want to maybe one day come up with a cure so no child will ever go through life like yours again ?
There's a reason for everything. I think your calling is in the medical science field. That's where you can shine and do good for humanity.
Your mother's condition is a lost cause. Stop harping on your lousy past and look forward to your bright future.
Do not be blinded by the failures of your parents...your life is yours and you make what you want out of it.
A doctor wouldn't really help me understand or cure my illness. In fact, there is already a cure, called gene therapy. Gene therapy is the use of DNA as a pharmaceutical agent to treat disease. It derives its name from the idea that DNA can be used to supplement or alter genes within an individual's cells as a therapy to treat disease. The most common form of gene therapy involves using DNA that encodes a functional, therapeutic gene to replace a mutated gene. Other forms involve directly correcting a mutation, or using DNA that encodes a therapeutic protein drug (rather than a natural human gene) to provide treatment. In gene therapy, DNA that encodes a therapeutic protein is packaged within a "vector", which is used to get the DNA inside cells within the body. Once inside, the DNA becomes expressed by the cell machinery, resulting in the production of therapeutic protein, which in turn treats the patient's disease. Currently gene therapy has not reach the stage to cure NF1.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Summer, I have read through your previous threads.. and sadly it seems you are very much mis-informed and ignorant little girl... about a lot of issues leading you to have so much anger inside of you.
I am wondering, now that you have witnessed the current living condition of your mother and acknowledged how difficult her life will be in the future... are you still angry she STOLE your piggy bank ?
Given you already know her mental illness.. are you still angry at a mentally sick person ?
Your father's asset is not yours nor your siblings. In the event your father marry another woman, your new stepmom will become the legal beneficiary, potentially including the HDB flat you are living in now. Or if he decides to will away all his money to charity, you have no say.
You are only a DEPENDENT, until you hit legal age. Thereafter, the court need not award you anything unless you can prove you still need financial dependence on him.
The obligation of parents is to ensure you are given proper education, a roof over your head and well being of you "the minors" while you are unable to generate your own income. These are not entitlements.
If you cannot stand on your own two feet after legal age... it is not your parent's obligation to still take care of you untill they die. They do it only because they want to, not because they need to.
Given how much you are not aware of.. I suggest you go out and find real answers instead of fuming over what's untrue.
Frankly, I think it's not right at all to lock your mother out when she left. She has already lost everything. Nothing she took is irreplaceable. Just objects and things. You should have let her take whatever she needs to ensure she can live a life. Then go ahead and replace the things she took. Or at least offer to buy her what she needs so she don't have to "STEAL" from you.
I don't know what your father had been telling you. But apparently, he is a lost sheep himself, hopefully he don't go and marry another psychotic woman and make your life more complicated than it already is.
How young was I when all the shit happened? How mature and understanding do you think a 12-year-old should be?
By the way, my family is poor, so when the divorce hits, the family gets even poorer. There's not even enough money to pay for my trip to the private clinic when I was terribly sick.
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Seek help from your MPs etc. Sad to hear about this.