unfaithfull husband and i am closing 2 eyes now .
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Originally posted by Genie99b:
@jojo bcos if custody is awarded based on the best interest of the child $ is a major concern and is not mutually excl. to her situation.
whilst it is true that he has done wrong there remains the possibilty that he still luvs his famili and only wanted physical gratification.
it is a fact that most men are attracted by physical stimuli hence "see dun touch" came around
she has a real problem which is best solved logically and to let emotions get involved might be detrimental to the outcome
"whilst it is true that he has done wrong there remains the possibilty that he still luvs his famili and only wanted physical gratification.
it is a fact that most men are attracted by physical stimuli hence "see dun touch" came around
she has a real problem which is best solved logically and to let emotions get involved might be detrimental to the outcome"
- I am assuming you must be a very young male with no idea how relationships work.
If he loves his family but only wanted physical gratification, he can always go get it from his WIFE.
The see dun touch is another self serving justification men tell themselves to avoid the feeling of guilt. In reality, looking at or admiring other women when the wife is right next to him is just as insulting and hurtful to her.
If you think women are just a bunch of meatbags with a vagina, you are so dead wrong. Women also need "physical gratification" , if she is not getting it from her husband, are you implicating it's ok for her to fulfill her physical needs from another man ? If that is so, may I know what is the purpose of "marriage" if each gender are to go sleep around with anyone for their unfulfilled "physical gratification" ?
So for TS's case.. her husband is not having intimacy with her.. can she go and get her "physcial gratification" from a sex service provider ? Or are you implying only men are "allowed" to seek physical gratification elsewhere but not the women ?
While men likes to justify away his guilt and hide betrayals... believing.. in " what she doesn't know ain't gonna hurt her".... hence all the lies and denials.... Women are more logical and straight to the point.. most of us who doesn't want to hurt our love ones... SIMPLY do not commit the act of betrayal nor try to seek out one.
Whatever lame excuses you come up with to justify men cheating.. are unfortunately.. unacceptable.
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thanks u guys for the advices and also ideas....i have decided to give my marriage a strong try and i have never thought about divorce .. ...i will be patience to embrace mistakes forgiveness and communication...even if he denies i am ready to face the truth myself ....because i love my baby and my dream is to set up a family with him .... untill now i truely believe why the first place i marry him and have a baby ....its a dream n goal for me.. no matter which other women or other sexual or financial obstacle come by i will keep my marriage with me.....because i knew if i leave him i will be freedoom yes but i will miss him and my love is still with him ...after this couples of days..i thought clearly i am able to handle emotions properly now.....and be calmly upfront..so far i have seen it works. and sometime i can see n feels he maybe feel guilty talks to me better and nicely...
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Originally posted by daylight004sg:
thanks u guys for the advices and also ideas....i have decided to give my marriage a strong try and i have never thought about divorce .. ...i will be patience to embrace mistakes forgiveness and communication...even if he denies i am ready to face the truth myself ....because i love my baby and my dream is to set up a family with him .... untill now i truely believe why the first place i marry him and have a baby ....its a dream n goal for me.. no matter which other women or other sexual or financial obstacle come by i will keep my marriage with me.....because i knew if i leave him i will be freedoom yes but i will miss him and my love is still with him ...after this couples of days..i thought clearly i am able to handle emotions properly now.....and be calmly upfront..so far i have seen it works. and sometime i can see n feels he maybe feel guilty talks to me better and nicely...
Good to be cautiously optimistic. Let not your husband take your kindness for your weakness.
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@jojo u assume wrong im 36 met my wife at 17
im just stating facts how you wish to perceive it is yer perogativ but the fact that men generally respond to physical stimuli is true.
not saying that it means husbands should sleep arnd that is a qn of morals.
i dun think women are "meat" wif holes
however u come across as some1 who feels men are like that
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Originally posted by Genie99b:
@jojo u assume wrong im 36 met my wife at 17
im just stating facts how you wish to perceive it is yer perogativ but the fact that men generally respond to physical stimuli is true.
not saying that it means husbands should sleep arnd that is a qn of morals.
i dun think women are "meat" wif holes
however u come across as some1 who feels men are like that
Men really need to stop blaming women for their own shortcomings. Perhaps when this day of reckoning comes, only will men evolve into a better being.
Of course men respond to physical stimuli, so do women. So I really do not know where you are going with using this as an "excuse". Wrong is wrong, no amount of "excuses" will justify a wrong behavior.
Truth is... women tend to respect their husbands more than, husbands respect their women.
Apparently this unbalance in mutual respect has a lot to do with the male ego.
For most men are fearful with plenty of insecurities within. And through immoral ways men deal with their insecurities, cheating, lying and what not, .. jeopardise their relationship with love ones, yet seeking forgiveness after tearing them apart. The paradox.
Perhaps men will only behave, if they forever live in guilt, instead of simply enjoying the marital bliss they've worked so hard for.
So there you go, if men wants women to think of them as more than some talking horn dog with no brains... all men really need to do.. is not act , think and talk like one. It's just that simple, really.
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Originally posted by daylight004sg:
thanks u guys for the advices and also ideas....i have decided to give my marriage a strong try and i have never thought about divorce .. ...i will be patience to embrace mistakes forgiveness and communication...even if he denies i am ready to face the truth myself ....because i love my baby and my dream is to set up a family with him .... untill now i truely believe why the first place i marry him and have a baby ....its a dream n goal for me.. no matter which other women or other sexual or financial obstacle come by i will keep my marriage with me.....because i knew if i leave him i will be freedoom yes but i will miss him and my love is still with him ...after this couples of days..i thought clearly i am able to handle emotions properly now.....and be calmly upfront..so far i have seen it works. and sometime i can see n feels he maybe feel guilty talks to me better and nicely...
damn it u deserve someone better.. hope he appreciates you but who am i to judge.. sigh~ i hope you will be happy!!!
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Maybe he will change for the better, maybe he will not....since you are forgiving him, I wish you the best...the thing is, if he continues, what will you do?
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all da angst... man vs women again.. LOL
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yesterday i realied secretly he changed his phone from the swpe passcode that i secretly knew to numbers key lock ..i couldnt access his phone anymore...i know its not right to invade the privacy ...but now i have no idea on his doings anymore....gave up totally....everyday its is loving a man i cannot trust ....
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Originally posted by daylight004sg:
yesterday i realied secretly he changed his phone from the swpe passcode that i secretly knew to numbers key lock ..i couldnt access his phone anymore...i know its not right to invade the privacy ...but now i have no idea on his doings anymore....gave up totally....everyday its is loving a man i cannot trust ....
Sorry to hear that but I m happy for u. Clearly he does not deserve yr love so pls stay strong. Wat do u intend to do now?
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Hire a PI first, and gather the evidence you need. Even if you're not gonna get a divorce. You need to be able to get the custody of the child should you divorce one day. The child would most prolly be neglected if you leave him with the husband, judging from his night life.
Maybe the two of you need some time apart? Go back to your 娘家 with your child. Make him realize that he needs you. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking for him etc.. But note that this method MIGHT fail. He could eventually bring women back to your own house...
Well, I know the emotional hurt that you are feeling. The feeling of the love of your life touching another woman. Makes me sick. What's worse for me was, the 3 of us were friends...
Just stay positive okay? :) I'm trying to move on too...
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Ts, Muse over this, Two loving persons, may be married or not be married but there is a very slight possibility of using another to ''prop'' oneself or using extraneous agents (add in what comes to mind) to sustain it. On the other hand, two unloving persons use the word ''love'' and exploit each other, extract from each other what they can to fulfil themselves. Compromising is the game! This is not sustainable and along the way, it is a drudgery and all efforts and stances are unconsciously calculated n contrived to keep the marriage in order. He is going to be what he is, rite or wrong; the choice at the end of the day is what u choose to be and also to know what of u is being revealed. His perceived ''wrongs'', by u and from u reveals u more than it does about him.
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You are the wife, yet you dare not ask him directly for the passcode?
It seem u are more afraid of him than he is of you.
If he has nothing to hide, he won't need to.
To feel guilty about invading his privacy? You must be kidding right? Does he work for the government with sensitive data on his phone that is highly classified? if not, I'd probably slap his face silly for acting so sneaky.
There should be no secrets between husband and wife. Did he keep his undies on when he got you pregnant? privacy my kar cheng lah !
You have a dysfunctional marriage. Time to go for marriage counseling.
Stop being a meek wife.. no wonder he walks all over you. Get access too ALL his accounts.
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Originally posted by jojobeach :
Men really need to stop blaming women for their own shortcomings.
More woman blame men for their real and perceived shortcomings
Truth is... women tend to respect their husbands more than, husbands respect their women.Apparently this unbalance in mutual respect has a lot to do with the male ego.
Don't say a woman do it only to please a man. She needs a man around and hence is willing to do all the ego boosting.
For most men are fearful with plenty of insecurities within. And through immoral ways men deal with their insecurities, cheating, lying and what not, .. jeopardise their relationship with love ones, yet seeking forgiveness after tearing them apart. The paradox.
For every man cheating there is 2 woman cheating. Don't come with statistics crap, men don't cheat with men. If few woman cheat with more men then they are slutsrus.
Perhaps men will only behave, if they forever live in guilt, instead of simply enjoying the marital bliss they've worked so hard for.
Marital bliss, tell it to the henpecker who takes out her PMS and what her friends said,why he is not romantic, or why he don't treat her like he used to after a days hard work, again and again to annoy and demoralize a poor soul
So there you go, if men wants women to think of them as more than some talking horn dog with no brains... all men really need to do.. is not act , think and talk like one. It's just that simple, really.
So the woman can use 'I told you so" when it didn't go well and 'If you had listened to me, it would have been better' when it went well.
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Originally posted by tripsky:
Sorry to hear that but I m happy for u. Clearly he does not deserve yr love so pls stay strong. Wat do u intend to do now?
So sorry that she couldn't spy on her husband's mobile?
No wonder with a woman like this the guys behaving like this