sigh...... (relationship problems)
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i just got attached recently
althou there's the sweetness of a new found relationship but there's also the bitterness of reality
we've been talking abt life and we find tht we have so much differences.
yesterday we had a phone call and I've been thinking abt what was mentioned over the phone.
1. she being the only child, had things easy for her.
althou her family's not rich but she's the kind tht will spend a bit more once in a while for a better lifestyle (eg. branded stuff, go europe etc..) but for me, I'll keep it simple cause I do not wanna compromise my lifestyle just because i need to spend a bit more on some stuff. eg, i dnt wanna get a car cause tht will eat in a lot to my funds and i have to adjust my lifestyle just because of a piece of metal.
2. she says she's driven in work and tht she's disappointed that i'm relac one corner but the truth is tht i just dnt wanna stress myself.
In addition, she's looking for a family man, someone who will love and place his family as 1st priority in life but the truth is tht being driven and having a family man doesn't go hand in hand.
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I just feel that she seems to wanna put me in this mold/idea she has for a man she wants and not wanting to take me for who i am.
i really hate this feeling cause i always believe tht if u wanna love someone, u love him/her for his good and bad and not to only want his/her good and dnt want his/her bad
I'll highlight this to her the next time we talk abt this and tell her either she take me for who i am or dnt take me at all
PS: she's my 1st gf (althou i'm over 30 already) and I know it'll break my heart more than it breaks her's
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You did a bait and switch on her didn't you.
Now that you've bagged her.. you want her to accept you are but a slacker in life.
The expectations of a man to be ambitious and provide for his family is nothing new..were you hoping she will forgo these expectations just because she "love" you ? Clearly you have mistaken the meaning of love.. or you watched too much "shrek".
If you love her, why don't you give her what she wants ?
Perhaps you are too self-ish for any relationship to work. It is indeed time to let go of this relationship. .. certainly there is no love lost .
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ts
in a relationship u have to give and take
i am not asking u to give her false hope but at least let her know what is your limitation.
the thing that u can give her then u should gave in a bit and not letting her know that this is what i am and i wont change.
try to reach some consensus
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Originally posted by redname:
i just got attached recently
althou there's the sweetness of a new found relationship but there's also the bitterness of reality
we've been talking abt life and we find tht we have so much differences.
yesterday we had a phone call and I've been thinking abt what was mentioned over the phone.
1. she being the only child, had things easy for her.
althou her family's not rich but she's the kind tht will spend a bit more once in a while for a better lifestyle (eg. branded stuff, go europe etc..) but for me, I'll keep it simple cause I do not wanna compromise my lifestyle just because i need to spend a bit more on some stuff. eg, i dnt wanna get a car cause tht will eat in a lot to my funds and i have to adjust my lifestyle just because of a piece of metal.
2. she says she's driven in work and tht she's disappointed that i'm relac one corner but the truth is tht i just dnt wanna stress myself.
In addition, she's looking for a family man, someone who will love and place his family as 1st priority in life but the truth is tht being driven and having a family man doesn't go hand in hand.
-----------
I just feel that she seems to wanna put me in this mold/idea she has for a man she wants and not wanting to take me for who i am.
i really hate this feeling cause i always believe tht if u wanna love someone, u love him/her for his good and bad and not to only want his/her good and dnt want his/her bad
I'll highlight this to her the next time we talk abt this and tell her either she take me for who i am or dnt take me at all
PS: she's my 1st gf (althou i'm over 30 already) and I know it'll break my heart more than it breaks her's
The reactive self is often triggered when one is being challenged by the presence of a relationship to change ourselves. It is pretty much an illusion if one expects the existence of a new relationship to fit very well into the life of an individual. Most of the time, some degree of adjustments and negotiations have to take place. After all, living in your own skin for a good thirty odd years as a singleton and literally sharing a sofa with a 'stranger' inside your inner state of comfort zone is surely a new experience. I believe this is not something that you could easily adjust immediately and would require some effort on your part to accept.
If your above mentioned values were to be the foremost qualities that you seek in a partner, then in the first place this relationship wouldn't have manifested. Hence, something 'stronger' is likely to be pulling you; which is a sense of emotional connectedness or what I would term as a Love and Belonging need being satisfied.
Definitions of things may differ; but that does not automatically mean it is a gone deal. Talking about each definition of value and what it means to both of you would help to clarify each other's belief. With each then putting forth a position of whether you could agree to disagree, yet willing to do something to bring each other's position harmoniously closer for the relationship is critical.
Sticking to your gun works well with individual's identity, but are generally bad for well-being of relationship. While I am not saying that good relationship demands weak-willed individuals; it depends largely on your choice and the battle you pick to fight. More often than not, good communication does help to lessen several possible bloodshed that could have been minimized or avoided.
You choose your relationship - not the other way round; therefore, you decide how much you want to put into the relationship before you raise the white flag. You can logically decide that she is not the one given the 'problems' listed. Just remember that for every problem we avoid facing, we are pretty much missing on the opportunity for self growth.
One for One
Cheers
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i saw this same thing on another forum
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Ts, Whoever u are, first reconcile to this ''reality'' - love is not attachment and attachment is not love. Till it is acknowledged and understood, any relationship is going to suffer and what is left is that of enduring and trudging along. It presupposes self-honesty!
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I know I am stupid
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cannot i also the same i see if i like i want to marry her
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If it's not meant to be, then it's not. Move on.
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Hooray~!
You've gotten yourself into a relationship!
Now, it's time for some bitterness, and some sweetness, and some high level bonding time!
Enjoy the ride dude!
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Originally posted by redname:
i just got attached recently
althou there's the sweetness of a new found relationship but there's also the bitterness of reality
we've been talking abt life and we find tht we have so much differences.
yesterday we had a phone call and I've been thinking abt what was mentioned over the phone.
1. she being the only child, had things easy for her.
althou her family's not rich but she's the kind tht will spend a bit more once in a while for a better lifestyle (eg. branded stuff, go europe etc..) but for me, I'll keep it simple cause I do not wanna compromise my lifestyle just because i need to spend a bit more on some stuff. eg, i dnt wanna get a car cause tht will eat in a lot to my funds and i have to adjust my lifestyle just because of a piece of metal.
2. she says she's driven in work and tht she's disappointed that i'm relac one corner but the truth is tht i just dnt wanna stress myself.
In addition, she's looking for a family man, someone who will love and place his family as 1st priority in life but the truth is tht being driven and having a family man doesn't go hand in hand.
-----------
I just feel that she seems to wanna put me in this mold/idea she has for a man she wants and not wanting to take me for who i am.
i really hate this feeling cause i always believe tht if u wanna love someone, u love him/her for his good and bad and not to only want his/her good and dnt want his/her bad
I'll highlight this to her the next time we talk abt this and tell her either she take me for who i am or dnt take me at all
PS: she's my 1st gf (althou i'm over 30 already) and I know it'll break my heart more than it breaks her's