Dated office co worker: now is my career in trouble?
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I just joined this company, and so did this girl, Girl A. We both work closely as a team. Then company sent us to Australia for training for 2 months. She told my team that she is single and not married. So during that two months at Australia, I took opportunity to take her out, ask her for date. We went sightseeing, watch the musicals, movies, snacks, coffee bars, shopping, etc. I thought things were going great. However moment when we took the plane, and touchdown at Changi, her whole attitude changed.
When back at HQ, I use company messenger to ask her out. But I suspect she made a screen shot of her messenger and sent it to the co workers. I then suspect that she's going out with another guy at the office. She and another guy- GuyA from her previous company, came over to this company. Guy A is a good friend of hers, he decided to recommend another guy, Guy B from his department. Before Australia, Guy B was already pursuing her. So I ask her about Guy B, because she has been refusing to go out with me lately. She refuse to answer about Guy B, claim that she's going out with her friends. I know its not my right to ask these questions, she's not my girlfriend, but I just want to know if she's going out with more than one guy.
Then within weeks, the whole company know about this including the HR. I try to sit next to her, during work, but was prevented by one of the secretaries. And then the HR was saying something like stalking is a form of harassment so loud until I can hear.
So far there is no disciplinary action taken against me because I am now smart not to write any electronical messaging to her, including watsapp, because she could easily screen shot it with her Iphone and send it to everyone else.
But in so far, I haven't been stalking her. I thought when I had to chance to ask her out in Australia, I could do the same, back in Singapore, so I ask her out, casually through the electronic messaging. I am not sure if she has made some form of complain, but maybe the evidence weren't sufficient.
But nowadays, is awkward at office, she refuse to talk to me, whenever I have work questions, I ask her, she ignores me. My boss seems to notice this but my boss keeps quiet.
Also I fear that I may face retribution from colleagues. They hear this from her version, not mine. Aiyo, every day I have to face this hostility from her.
By the way, I unofficially stopped pursuing her. No point, because she refuse to answer me, and refuse my invitation to go out. Also, she's been dating this guy B, from the other department, they go out like almost every day. Her iphone seem to going to explode, with so much messaging from him.
I wonder if I would get boycotted by everybody at the company. So far, my boss seems ok. But the other team members are staying away from me. I try to lay low for awhile, but its hard with all this hostility. I find it hard to ask questions about my work, but at least some co workers are willing to help.
And so how is my career prospects? Ok you may ask me to resign but since I went to Australia for 2 months, they bonded me for 6 months. So I am not going to pay for it. Also I would like to persevere and prove that I can make it at my job. Although I may not know if I would get a promotion next time.
I also want to prepare myself for the eventuality when she announces that she is with her boyfriend. I am not going to give her my priceless shock face, instead I will congratulate her and happy for her that she met somebody she want to be with.
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She has moved on already.. but you are still stuck in Australia.
Stay away from her.. and focus on your work.
Never shit where you eat.. if you value your job.. you should leave your romantic life OUTSIDE work place.
Who she dates or what she do in her personal life is none of your business.
Stop being so suspicious about everyone's motives and intentions... get on with your life.
The more you scared this scared that.. the more people think you are guilty.
Stop thinking about how others sees you.. your work performance is more important right now.
But given the way you "took advantage" of the situation in Australia... its likely your company will not dare to send you off with another female co-worker overseas ever again.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
She has moved on already.. but you are still stuck in Australia.
Stay away from her.. and focus on your work.
Never shit where you eat.. if you value your job.. you should leave your romantic life OUTSIDE work place.
Who she dates or what she do in her personal life is none of your business.
Stop being so suspicious about everyone's motives and intentions... get on with your life.
The more you scared this scared that.. the more people think you are guilty.
Stop thinking about how others sees you.. your work performance is more important right now.
But given the way you "took advantage" of the situation in Australia... its likely your company will not dare to send you off with another female co-worker overseas ever again.
I didn't think it was a "took advantage" situation because she willingly went out with me. There were others in the group to Australia, she could have followed them, but she chose to follow me.Perhaps yes, they will not send me with another female colleague. I am not sure if I would have the opportunity to go overseas again. If I do, maybe I'll go alone.
Nowadays, those that I connected at the start of the work, they seem to shy away, staying a distance from me, am I a liability now?
I call one of the co worker for yam cha, he didn't pick up the call, then messenge him, he also didn't answer. After that, I call him the next day, he didn't answer. Until I ran into him the other day, he bothered to say hi.
Yes, right now I am laying as low as I can. But there's nobody to go out lunch with. Our office, there's only like 2 places to eat lunch. Right now, the only gang that I can eat with is with my gang. I am getting a lot of stick from her and her friend. They've been boycotting me, like quite phobia of me, not wanting to sit next to me and sorts. But I am keeping a big heart to encourage myself.
On the bright side, I did managed to get some dates outside. Some friends were nice to recommend this girl, I decided to ask her out. Lets see how it goes. Also, its a pleasant distraction from all the hostility I receive from office.
Yes I already mentioned, who she dates is none of my business. But at least I realise that she is doing this, and I am being KIV. So I know my situation, I am not caught by surprise. I don't want to run against the contender guy whom she prefer, because there is no point in running a losing race. Its none of my biz but knowing this useful info, helps me to put my priorities into perspective. At first I felt confused as to why she wasn't responding, but now I realised, the reasons behind it and I was able to move on.
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she was just "hanging out" with u since both in foreign land
but u thought too much
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Life is surreal.
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Originally posted by FireIce:
she was just "hanging out" with u since both in foreign land
but u thought too much
Yes, but she could have hang out with the other girls in the team back at Australia.Why want to go out with me, one to one?
I now not think too much, because I know she don't like me.
She is now going out with another guy.
It will be like one or two more weeks before he hitches her.
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????u went all the way there to australia to go out wiv one another???might as well stay in hotel watch tv....till last day.
either it must be damn scary to go out in oz or oz damn bo0ring.or both.............\]
i lagi better !!first time i went there..i watched tv in hotel room all day n night.....din go out anywhere becuz too dangerous.....for many months.onkly got cold weather....supermarket ..and people with very long n sharp nose....big heads too.
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stay until your 6 months bond is complete then decide loh
at the time being talk only to those co worker that are willing to help u
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cos u were willing
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fall in love already what to do
that why i alway tell young people this
dont know head and tail
control the feeling 1st
alway keep a distance with the all chio bu
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Originally posted by Borg_86:
I didn't think it was a "took advantage" situation because she willingly went out with me. There were others in the group to Australia, she could have followed them, but she chose to follow me.Perhaps yes, they will not send me with another female colleague. I am not sure if I would have the opportunity to go overseas again. If I do, maybe I'll go alone.
Nowadays, those that I connected at the start of the work, they seem to shy away, staying a distance from me, am I a liability now?
I call one of the co worker for yam cha, he didn't pick up the call, then messenge him, he also didn't answer. After that, I call him the next day, he didn't answer. Until I ran into him the other day, he bothered to say hi.
Yes, right now I am laying as low as I can. But there's nobody to go out lunch with. Our office, there's only like 2 places to eat lunch. Right now, the only gang that I can eat with is with my gang. I am getting a lot of stick from her and her friend. They've been boycotting me, like quite phobia of me, not wanting to sit next to me and sorts. But I am keeping a big heart to encourage myself.
On the bright side, I did managed to get some dates outside. Some friends were nice to recommend this girl, I decided to ask her out. Lets see how it goes. Also, its a pleasant distraction from all the hostility I receive from office.
Yes I already mentioned, who she dates is none of my business. But at least I realise that she is doing this, and I am being KIV. So I know my situation, I am not caught by surprise. I don't want to run against the contender guy whom she prefer, because there is no point in running a losing race. Its none of my biz but knowing this useful info, helps me to put my priorities into perspective. At first I felt confused as to why she wasn't responding, but now I realised, the reasons behind it and I was able to move on.
There's always 3 sides to the story.. your side, her side.. and the truth.
perhaps you were coming on too strong after she accepted your 'entertainment" at Australia.
For a girl.. you were just "entertainment".. she wasn't expecting "payback".
For you.. you see that as an "investment".. perhaps you got a little emotionally aggressive after she starts to ignore you..seeing that your investment is not paying off.
or she could be just another drama queen.. and you've been psyched.
Just lay low.. and forget about this incident. Don't try to control what is out of your control.
People has eyes to see.. you don't need to hang out with your co-workers.. go find your own friends to hang out with.
Work is work.. keep it that way.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
There's always 3 sides to the story.. your side, her side.. and the truth.
perhaps you were coming on too strong after she accepted your 'entertainment" at Australia.
For a girl.. you were just "entertainment".. she wasn't expecting "payback".
For you.. you see that as an "investment".. perhaps you got a little emotionally aggressive after she starts to ignore you..seeing that your investment is not paying off.
or she could be just another drama queen.. and you've been psyched.
Just lay low.. and forget about this incident. Don't try to control what is out of your control.
People has eyes to see.. you don't need to hang out with your co-workers.. go find your own friends to hang out with.
Work is work.. keep it that way.
Something strange happen on thursday.
I attended a company dinner (in which girl A - the girl who accompanied me to Australia could not attend. I had the opportunity to meet girl B, she's single and she's kind of sweet girl. I got introduced to her and we spoken for several minutes.
However, next day when I came to work, suddenly girl A became very friendly to me and helpful to me at work. She started chatting with me. Because she's a close team worker, I am not the kind of person who keeps personal stuff in heart, so I immediately became friendly to her too.
Then she invited me to go lunch with her friend. When I met her friend, he looked very unhappy at me. Girl A explained to me that this friend of hers is actually a married guy, his wife lives in Melacca, Malaysia but he works in singapore. So because he is lonely, he accompanies her and another lady friend for social outings. He appears pissed at me for saying that both girl A and him are going out. But in my heart, I never suspected him, because I felt that there are more guys who are interested in girl A because she's chio bu.
Anyways, girl A tries to make it sound like because I said those things, she was pissed with me for 3 weeks and told everyone about what I said.
But this makes me think that, though I may be wrong, she may have over reacted in some ways. Besides, how does she explain why she has rejected my requests for dating - 3 times???
So after this I am being very careful and not want to read too much into this.
The other day, we had a debate over some food stuff in Australia so I kind of have a bet with girl A, to go back to Singapore to proof that this food stuff can also be found in Singapore. It was suppose to be an excuse to go on a one to one date.
But girl A, decided to invite my team members along with me, to a certain restaurant just to prove to me that this food stuff (we both found it in Australia) can be found in Singapore.
This makes me belief that she's not willing to go out with me on a date. Without this important element, there is just no hope of extending any hope to this venture.
I am thinking, what is girl A up to??? When she see me showing interest in girl B, suddenly she dropped all her hostilities and became nice to me.
Is she like trying to get my attention or just genuinely like me?
I know I know, me being a stupid guy, I tend to read too much into her actions.
But without that one to one personal with her, I am just thinking that I am being friendzoned but she's not willing for me to give up on her.
I just want to move on...I ask her out, she don't want to come out, not to mention, she complain behind my back to my co workers - causing me some form of discomfort, she seem to be trying to befriend every new single guy she meets.
Should I try to get to know girl B better? Of course just as friends. I won't even think about asking her out, unless she's interested.
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10 ways to know if she's right for you : http://www.meetyoursweet.com/men/blog/10-ways-to-know-shes-right-for-you
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this kind of insecure woman only wants attentions from men...the more the merrier...sooner or later u will be a cuckold...
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A person caught up in an obsession is enslaved by that obsession. Independent and objective judgement is lost. The obsession controls all thinking, all feeling and almost all action.
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What happened in Australia, should stay in Australia. If you did exactly what she did when the plane touched down here, this thread wouldn't exist.
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Yes sir.
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Good move to stop pursuing her. She is not worth your money at Australia. What a waste. She might just be another player and may dump Guy B soon enough. Althought i may be wrong to say that. But this is what i judge from the experience you told us.
Also, great job on preparing yourself for the day where you'll congratulate her. The last thing she would want to see is the smile on your face, signifying your happiness with the current life you have. If you love your job, do carry on working although people are judging you now, the tide will soon turn. If you love what you do, and you do it not because you have to, then i don't see the point in caring about what others think. I think your boss there might be giving you a chance to redeem yourself through your work. Bosses will reward for good results and not for the number of co-workers you have good relations with. Not everyone can like you, but there is definitely some that would support you. Good luck!