Hello everyone this is my first time posting on Sgforum's Aunt Agony
Let me start with a bit of background info. My mom passed away some months ago, leaving behind my father, my younger brother (lower sec) and me (tertiary student). My brother, lets just call him D, has always been a computer gamer and will buy game credits like garena shells and all that so that he can buy new games. he will switch on the cpu like an hour after he reaches home at like 3pm and will game all the way to like 11pm. my father works shifts and isnt home during the late day most of the time.
The thing is, he is in NAd i dont want him to be so focused on gaming that he totally neglects his work and does badly in NA or even drop to NT. He was supposed to get into express but he claimed he wasnt as smart as me to do well in his psle. That stung. i believed he could do it if he
simply worked hard instead of playing games but he keeps saying that he wasnt born with smart genes.
I notice he always hurls insults and shouts at the friends he is gaming with and that he will usually shout in hokkien or english, vulgarities he learned from my father. Then when i scold him for doing such things and tell him that if he wants to ay the game, he shouldnt act like a gangster, he would just give this exaggerated sigh and look at me as uf i dont understand him at all. and he would always be like, ''whatever.
(continued)
He would give ke this exasperated look and be like, i can just face palm right now and you dont ubderstand and sigh very loudly.
Ive tried simply switching off the cpu and he would just get angry and stomp into his room or fume and pull a long face. Oh and when either my father or i try to talk to him about these things he would just sigh like we dont understand him and just nod and seemingly agree with what we all say. but a few days later he still remains like that.
Im worried about his behaviour, his academics and his body weight (yes he is fat). how can i help him and get him to work out more? how do i prevent him.from being an ah beng? and how do i reach out to him and help him see my perspectives!?!
How old is him?
Who hives him pocket money?
ask him to stop giving him pocket money and
ask your brother to earn his own money.
Ask life to teach him if u all can't teach.
Both your father and you must work together... No soft heart...
Smash the PC...
Cut off his pocket money...
Throw the PUB bill at his face and tell him sternly to pay up his share of electricity use...
Tell him seriously to face up to reality real life and sternly go work part-time as a retail assistant/ waiter/ cashier/ any other work suitable for secondary school students...
Total defence starts at the family level.
see your brother this type is very problematic, similar to many youths nowsaday.
standing on your bro's POV its an addiction to gaming, makes he not do anything else. since your mom gone her role has to fall on your. If your family is average income you really have to look after and control the bills.
that's why i always happy we have the NS system. Works well to tine such behaviour and character 359 degrees!
your case is children.
you still havent encouter older people like parents. got some money only spend. then no money already all the fake sickness siao come out already. predictable the schedule.
You can help him by not mothering him.
He is your sibling, not your son. You need to stop telling him what to do as if you are his mother.
What he needs from you is support... not a replacement mom.
It is likely he is suffering from depression, the gaming virtual world is where he escapes to and seek solace.
As a sibling, it is not your place to lecture him about how to live his life.
He needs an authoritative figure, unfortunately his father is not there for him.. and his mom is gone.
Your brother may just be trying to fit in with his online friends.. acting all tough cookie.. when in real life.. he does not behaves that way. You should get worried only when he starts getting into trouble in real life.
Perhaps a respected uncle or someone older whom he admires and can look up to.. be the right person to talk/guide him out of the rut he is in right now.
You need to go live your own life.. and be a good example for him.
losing a love one can be devastating. he needs love.
i also like that one leh
whole day go lan shop pak game only
tired that time go coffee shop lar kopi
see chio bu bom pi pi
i also got a sister she was a conveyancing lawyer
everday work and work only, dont have any boyfriend
she alway gave me pocket money to play game one
my case is i know if i started playing games i will be addcted.
so after ns i work and study part time. that time i never even buy a computer at home, just randomly go arcade play game. i was so good at one game i play is every time i go exchange buy credit, i just need 1 dollar my time one credit 50cents) 2 credits. by the time i play complete the game, i stillleft with the otehr credit whcih i can play fnish it or continue using another day.
after i completed my studies settle in, i got my first retrenchment and i started to know whct if one day i no job to pay my bils and loans. so when i got my next job i slaready started saving up early. with major forseenalbe worries cover, started saving up enough to tackle the worse case scenario, and completed my studies, then i bought my first personal computer and DIY later for my subsequent rig to save more money....i became a gaming freak and played for months during y unemployed! onc ethe addiction wears off, its just aother day and i have to find some other things to amuse me.
Losing a loved one is devastating. He needs time, yes, believe me, he needs TIME.
Originally posted by Rednano:
Both your father and you must work together... No soft heart...
Smash the PC...
Cut off his pocket money...
Throw the PUB bill at his face and tell him sternly to pay up his share of electricity use...
Tell him seriously to face up to reality real life and sternly go work part-time as a retail assistant/ waiter/ cashier/ any other work suitable for secondary school students...
Smash the computer? It will only makes things worse. If the computer is not there to occupied his time, and he has nothing else to do, nowhere to fit in, where do you think he will go?
The only here, is, TS, you are just his sister! You, YOU, I am talking about YOU, TS, here, is NEVER MENTALLY PREPARERD TO BE A PARENT NOW.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REPLIES!!!!!
I think Ill need to let go and let him find his own path. The bills should be ok but Ill prolly show it to him anyways haha. Hopefully he knows that there isnt just gaming in life and he'll develop into a better person one day.
And I never thought I would get so much advice from others, thank you all so much for your new perspectives and advice!! :)))))
Originally posted by nananananah:Hello everyone this is my first time posting on Sgforum's Aunt Agony
Let me start with a bit of background info. My mom passed away some months ago, leaving behind my father, my younger brother (lower sec) and me (tertiary student). My brother, lets just call him D, has always been a computer gamer and will buy game credits like garena shells and all that so that he can buy new games. he will switch on the cpu like an hour after he reaches home at like 3pm and will game all the way to like 11pm. my father works shifts and isnt home during the late day most of the time.
The thing is, he is in NAd i dont want him to be so focused on gaming that he totally neglects his work and does badly in NA or even drop to NT. He was supposed to get into express but he claimed he wasnt as smart as me to do well in his psle. That stung. i believed he could do it if he
simply worked hard instead of playing games but he keeps saying that he wasnt born with smart genes.
I notice he always hurls insults and shouts at the friends he is gaming with and that he will usually shout in hokkien or english, vulgarities he learned from my father. Then when i scold him for doing such things and tell him that if he wants to ay the game, he shouldnt act like a gangster, he would just give this exaggerated sigh and look at me as uf i dont understand him at all. and he would always be like, ''whatever.
Originally posted by nananananah:(continued)
He would give ke this exasperated look and be like, i can just face palm right now and you dont ubderstand and sigh very loudly.
Ive tried simply switching off the cpu and he would just get angry and stomp into his room or fume and pull a long face. Oh and when either my father or i try to talk to him about these things he would just sigh like we dont understand him and just nod and seemingly agree with what we all say. but a few days later he still remains like that.
Im worried about his behaviour, his academics and his body weight (yes he is fat). how can i help him and get him to work out more? how do i prevent him.from being an ah beng? and how do i reach out to him and help him see my perspectives!?!
Originally posted by nananananah:But i have one more question! How do i take care of him.and makes sure he doesn’t play too much without being over strict and mothering him?!?
Originally posted by nananananah:But i have one more question! How do i take care of him.and makes sure he doesn’t play too much without being over strict and mothering him?!?
Are you a control freak ?
What makes you believe he needs you to take are of him ? Is he still a baby ?
Perhaps you want to believe you are more important than you are.
You think telling him what not to do is caring for him ? No , you are only trying to assert your control over him. It's about you feeling all powerful as the older sis.
The reason why he is so absorbed in computer games.. is because he is BORED.
If you want to 'help" him.. you need to distract him away from the computer.
Get him more involved with other "healthier" activities. Can you do that ?
eg.Go jogging/cycling with him.. find out what other interests he has and build on that.
you want him to listen to you... you'd need to be part of his world... be on his side.. be his friend instead of the naggy annoying sister who has no clue what he wants.