Lost my mind?
-
I'm in my early 50s. Married with 2 children in the early twenties. My wife is working and things were fine and life was pretty ordinary. We have sold off our HDB to buy a condominium and is fully paid. We had 3 bedroom, with me in the master bedroom and the son and daughter having a room each. However life was not easy the last 2 years. Initially I took in my sick mother-in-law on a fortnightly basis but have since become permanent when she becomes bed-bound. I had to make my son give up his room for my mother-in-law and the caretaker maid. My wife had since shifted to my daughter's room and my son to my room. Business wasn't going well as my company had gathered a bad-debt of over a million dollars and legal fees mounting to hundreds of thousand dollars. In order to keep business going, I was without salary for almost a year. I had to depend on my wife's salary to upkeep the family. My wife had since become depressed worrying over her mother, our children (they are not too bad but somehow I find that it can never satisfied the mother). She would blamed me for encouraging my son to take up subjects that she deem he was not interested. I had thought it was the best for him since he was clueless after his o level. He went on to diploma and a private university on the subject I had encouraged . he wasn't doing very well and being a boy became interested in soccer often ending up late nights outside watching the EPL. She would picked on him for any things and often would end up quarrelling with him. My son won't give in and I'm caught in between. I would finally be blamed for encouraging him to study the subjects. I am liberal and would encourage them to study a subject they like so that in future jobs can become a hobby rather than a chore. Therefore I encourage my daughter to follow her dreams. She was good in drawing therefore went on to study game design. However upon graduating, she took on a job that was not related to her field. To make matter worse, she was not interested in her jobs and had since become very attached to computer spending all her time till late night on games and chatting. I got blamed again for encouraging her to select the subject. Due to work stressed, my health wasn't in good shape. I've been diagnosed with high blood pressure and mild diabetes and put on medication. My wife had always being sick every now and then (hereditary), therefore always blaming herself for not bring up the children properly. Every now and then she would bring up the subject of selling the house to downgrade as we are no longer young. I have often discourage her from selling as resale HDB is ridiculously high and that the money would be locked up in the cpf. At time I would lose my temper and tell her to go ahead. We haven't have any intimacy for 2 years since we sleep separately and I often get rejected even touching her. At time we end up quarrelling and she suggesting that I go look for another one. Talking to her becomes a chore. A simple conversation often end up with her raising her voice in a bad manner. For example, she complained that medical bill is expensive the this treatment and ask her why because I paid way lesser for the same treatment. She said she went in as a private patient while I went as a referral from the polyclinics. I asked why she didn't go polyclinic for referral and the conversation ended with her raising her voice saying why she should go to the polyclinic when her company is paying for it. I often go home after work and would sit down to watch TV and she would interrupted by saying that I have watched the whole day and she wants to watch the other channel. Otherwise she would comment that I should have pack the newspaper on the table when I see them in a mess or that I should go do some exercise instead. There's definitely something to say. I'm tired and sometime just don't feel like talking to her anymore. Due to frustrations from work and home, I often went alone to the coffee shop for a drink and 6 months ago, I met this Vietnamese beer lady. She was sort of fun to communicate with and I found myself laughing again. We often talk about anything and her life in Vietnam before coming to Singapore and I became quite interested. We become quite friendly and in fact, I found myself being jealous when I saw a male driving her to work. I do not understand as I have no relationship with her other than being the "other closed customer". I think I still love my wife who had sacrifice for the family. What is happening to me?
-
u are normal, since now u are still able to control yourself, go find another drinking place that have only old aunty beer lady and u will be ok
-
great. jumping from a hole into another hole.
-
Originally posted by FireIce:
great. jumping from a hole into another hole.
Oh...mother queen, and your opinion is...? -
aiyo, old aunty he also fall in love
then buy beer go drink at the viodeck should be ok
-
deleted
irrelevance
-
Of course that beer lady is fun to communicate with.. it's part of her job to entice unkers like you to buy more beer from her.
If your wife go be a beer lady.. I'm sure your wife will also make a lot of old men happy too.
Given current financial situations.. and stress level related to money.. you need to stop being the control freak you've been your whole life.
If selling the condo can help alleviate financial pressures so your wife can have more room to breath..it may help get some edge off her.
Some times in front of your wife.. wayang a bit lah... show some helpfulness.. tidy up the place and do some chores lor... only when she not around then be a couch potato lah.
Also, if the topic of contention is not very important to you... there's really no need for you to argue with her over ..let her be lor.. is your pride more important than your wife? Why win a battle only to lose the war ?
If the queen is not happy.. the kingdom is not happy. It's that simple.
There is currently an exemption for private property owners like you to buy directly from HDB. You and your wife may try to apply for it.
Your health is already no good.. stop drinking beer lah... no good for you..
-
Originally posted by BotaHead:
seven eleven
u got another nick call fromhell right
me? how's that so?
-
so wtf u talking?
the beer lady or yr household problem?
-
Originally posted by lce:
so wtf u talking?
the beer lady or yr household problem?
and you saw 2 problems?
-
There's really only one problem here.
This man is going through mid life crisis.
He thinks it's easier to please that beer lady, than her stressed out and unhappy wife.
If only he can get his self-worth back, someone else's lowly ride wouldn't seem so desireable anymore.
-
You have been working for "free" in your company and you still have time and $ to drink deer and make "friend" with beer lady? You mean your employees under you is also doing "volunteering" work as well? I would be surpised if MOM didn't knock on your door if they didn't get an salary for an year with you as well. And why didn't you either look for solution in other ventures for your business or just look for other job, said an Taxi Driver to earn an living instead of idle at home?
-
“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”
“Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well.”
“Silence the angry with love. Silence the ill-natured with kindness. Silence the miser with generosity.”
“A man asked Gautama Buddha, "I want happiness."
Buddha said, "First remove "I," that's Ego, then remove "want," that's Desire. See now you are left with only "Happiness.”
“The past is already gone, the future is not yet here. There's only one moment for you to live, and that is the present moment”
“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”
“Love deeply but attachment to love leads to suffering.”
“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. ” :)
-
-
LostMyMind wrote: "However life was not easy the last 2 years. Initially I took in my sick mother-in-law on a fortnightly basis but have since become permanent when she becomes bed-bound. I had to make my son give up his room for my mother-in-law and the caretaker maid. My wife had since shifted to my daughter’s room and my son to my room." Burden carried by you and your wife, gave you a depression. LostMyMind wrote: "Business wasn’t going well as my company had gathered a bad-debt of over a million dollars and legal fees mounting to hundreds of thousand dollars. In order to keep business going, I was without salary for almost a year. I had to depend on my wife’s salary to upkeep the family." Business is bad. Take it like this. Business failed and must do something about it fast. Either let the business continue with new investments and partners or sell it; and lastly just close it down. See what you can do to earn a stable income in Singapore or leave Singapore to open up a new business in a country that you feel its good for business and provide your family a good quality life again. LostMyMind wrote: "My wife had since become depressed worrying over her mother, our children (they are not too bad but somehow I find that it can never satisfied the mother). She would blamed me for encouraging my son to take up subjects that she deem he was not interested. I had thought it was the best for him since he was clueless after his o level. He went on to diploma and a private university on the subject I had encouraged . he wasn’t doing very well and being a boy became interested in soccer often ending up late nights outside watching the EPL. She would picked on him for any things and often would end up quarrelling with him. My son won’t give in and I’m caught in between. I would finally be blamed for encouraging him to study the subjects." She is depressed and feel insecured because nothing good from your business. LostMyMind wrote: "I am liberal and would encourage them to study a subject they like so that in future jobs can become a hobby rather than a chore. Therefore I encourage my daughter to follow her dreams. She was good in drawing therefore went on to study game design. However upon graduating, she took on a job that was not related to her field. To make matter worse, she was not interested in her jobs and had since become very attached to computer spending all her time till late night on games and chatting. I got blamed again for encouraging her to select the subject." Your problems with your wife affected your daughter and son I guess. In Singapore, you can't actually get a job you want to do as a passion. Money is more important in Singapore for survival....no more passion in her dream I guess. LostMyMind wrote: "Due to work stressed, my health wasn’t in good shape. I’ve been diagnosed with high blood pressure and mild diabetes and put on medication. My wife had always being sick every now and then (hereditary), therefore always blaming herself for not bring up the children properly. Every now and then she would bring up the subject of selling the house to downgrade as we are no longer young. I have often discourage her from selling as resale HDB is ridiculously high and that the money would be locked up in the cpf. At time I would lose my temper and tell her to go ahead. We haven’t have any intimacy for 2 years since we sleep separately and I often get rejected even touching her. At time we end up quarrelling and she suggesting that I go look for another one." Both of you are stressed out and burnout in life due to financial burdens and difficulties. What are you going to do with your financial problem and future....think carefully. LostMyMind wrote: "Talking to her becomes a chore. A simple conversation often end up with her raising her voice in a bad manner. For example, she complained that medical bill is expensive the this treatment and ask her why because I paid way lesser for the same treatment. She said she went in as a private patient while I went as a referral from the polyclinics. I asked why she didn’t go polyclinic for referral and the conversation ended with her raising her voice saying why she should go to the polyclinic when her company is paying for it. I often go home after work and would sit down to watch TV and she would interrupted by saying that I have watched the whole day and she wants to watch the other channel. Otherwise she would comment that I should have pack the newspaper on the table when I see them in a mess or that I should go do some exercise instead. There’s definitely something to say. I’m tired and sometime just don’t feel like talking to her anymore." She is blaming you for all the problems she is facing and the family is facing. That makes her feel insecured and angry with you. LostMyMind wrote: "Due to frustrations from work and home, I often went alone to the coffee shop for a drink and 6 months ago, I met this Vietnamese beer lady. She was sort of fun to communicate with and I found myself laughing again. We often talk about anything and her life in Vietnam before coming to Singapore and I became quite interested. We become quite friendly and in fact, I found myself being jealous when I saw a male driving her to work. I do not understand as I have no relationship with her other than being the “other closed customer�. I think I still love my wife who had sacrifice for the family." You feel frustrated within you for all the problems you are facing and you are also seeking for help and morale support which is lacking in your family now. You want some form of advise via a friend which you can just talk to for listening ears but that or those friends of yours have their own problems and family now. You tend to be aloner now which you find very unsatisfying until you see someone is interested in listening to you and talking to you like that Vietnamese beer lady (Sales Demonstrator). LostMyMind wrote: "What is happening to me?" You feel alive and wanted again after meeting that Vietnamese girl. You are not able to make it should you go against your own conscience....it only going to add more problems in your life now....your downfall if you proceed with you infactuation for her.