My Mother-In-Law encouraged my hubby to have an affair
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Hi!
I had gone through a very rough period last Sep to Nov. My relationship with my MIL is at its worst state especially when she asked me to return the jewellery she had given to me when I got married. She had been very unhappy about my attitude towards her like not asking her how her day was and not coming out of my room to greet her when she came over. She called up my hubby while he was at work and gave her 'feedback' daily and that caused fraustrations and pressure on hubby.
Eventually, hubby found a confidant, his staff from China, who just seems to be able to understand what he is going through and agreed that I had been rude to my MIL. They started a relationship. MIL knew about her existance and told hubby to bring her home since she is an obedient and nice woman who will be nice to her.
Hubby suggested to cool off for a period but I refused to and insisted trying my best to salvage my marriage. MIL was very supportive of me trying to salvage my marriage and lent me her shoulder to weep on when I went to the rough period. I was very grateful of her support and hubby & I started picking up the pieces together again but he could not let go of his confidant from China.
It just happened that I found out they had spent a night together at a hotel and he had made hotel bookings before but I have no idea who he went with. MIL had been nice to me since but recently hubby's China confidant forwarded me a pic of her with MIL, together with the msg, "Bet you don't know about all these outings and I'm being accepted." I informed hubby and he asked her about the pic. She said she did not send. Hubby told me she is a very simple person and that may be an accident. However, without her sending me the pic, I will never know about MIL actually met her in person and gone out with her.
I felt very betrayed and hurt. Hubby cannot stop seeing her although he had been treating me very well and MIL had been nice to me too. I felt I am living with people who are keeping things from me. I am well educated and holds a respectable job, I do my best to make hubby feels proud of me infront of his friends which I succeed. However, hubby felt difficult to let go of her cos she is not as good as me. Is it my fault to be a working woman but not able to give MIL my attention due to work? Is being too capable a flaw? Please help.
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you have kids? if no then file for divorce.
its easy to live in a separte house with yor husband alone.
but living with parents can be very tought easp when the in laws pattern slowly surface.
form my view on this matter they can start once for the husband to go forjoyride, next time they will start again. and from your discription of the in laws - very problematice.
file for divooire. youa re young and have a good job no need this time of treatment. cheena women are known to cum her ehook sg mean, from old and young married or single. if a guy ffail to see this as clear as water that means he any hole also can.
from my this post onwards dont have sex with him. if need to make sure its protetcted. dont start have kinds with him it will make your position and the matter worse in a swift closure to your case.
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If your MIL loved you at the start of the marriage means she really loved you during that period. You could have changed your attiude during the process of marriage, resulting in this mess. It is kind of impossible to ammend your mess now, unless your have kids or have something in common. After reading your situation, i have a feeling your husband treat you good because you are with her for awhile and he does not want to make u sad at all.
The solution to this issue can have many different kinds. If you still love him, you could change slowly to your old self. Remember not to change quickly, because it would be weird. Try changing through time like 1-2year, than they could adapt to your change. Even if you have work, i am sure there is some moment where you could have your free time.
If the above solution does not work out, i think its better to face the true answer from your husband. The answer that he may not love you already, and prefer the china woman. And YOU MUST BE prepared to accept it, give him your appericate and lead another better life. Nowadays woman can live on their own, its matter on wheather you would give up just because of a guy or wheather you can DO IT...
Conclusion is, have faith in yourself and face the difficulty.. Do not run away from your troubles or negative answers..
Good luck
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Is not entirely your fault, likely is that your romantic nature was not very the evoking ...
Similar situation as you whose husband having another sweet wife, and the first wife has wonderful bliss, hope this helpful..
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come on no matter what this girl do the husband cannot go out and have joyrides.
even if girl dont want to have sex with husband husband also need to ork it out with her proper instead of going out for cheap thrill joyrides, esp when its abundant readily available cheena whores!
some more these cheena whores may be dirty and may have inherent a carrierof birdie flu (now is intel H*7 series already) so its endangering everyone.
if H7N** is electronically-borne, transmittion via the internet to eachand everyone of us is possible!
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Take it easy sis. Take a time off and seriously measure the factors of it before making any actions as a reckless action can kinda finalise the whole situation.Hope u get my point
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Woah i think you are really a v strong lady!!!
I think the best is to see what you really want. I know when a gal loves a guy wholeheartedly & no matter how he treats her she will still choose to forgive & forget. I feel that you have nothing to lose! except for a broken heart.
A gal needs all the support, love & attention a guy can offer her. Why stick on & make yourself suffer? I am glad you are a financially stable lady! It gives you the freedom & strength to do what you think is the best for yourself. It is worst when a gal depends solely on the guy & then he betray you & your life is led in misery & in a loss.
If you feel that this relationship is still worth to salvage, do your best to woo him back! What caught his eyes when you were dating is probably what attracted you to him. Was it your gentleness? Or? it could be anything.. I admit.. If i turn back the clock to when we were dating 8yrs ago.. I can't be as demure & gentle as he first know me.. I think over the yrs we take things for granted.
Guys like novelty. I dunno for you but i dun think i can trust ur MIL. She seems nice to you yet on the other hand encourage her son to have an affair. A good mother shld advice her son to stay commited & steer far away from affairs.
Easy to say.. Everything lies in your own hand. If you want to fight for it, go ahead! Jusremember when this whole m
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cont..
Just remember when this whole issue is over, everything to be start afresh. This will definitely leave a crack & strain on your relationship.
Be strong! I'm sure whatever you decide, you will have plenty of supports from this forum here. Ps i think you deserve better. You just haven meet the right guy yet.
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yes, you deserve a good man who respect you and no matter what happens will not take the excuse to flirt and mate with foreign pigs.
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Rachel, your mama's boy husband betrayed you.
Your MIL was never your friend.
They are trying to push the blame on you so they don't walk away looking like a bunch of ruthless assholes. In fact, they are cowards.
These two people are doing things behind your back yet pretending to be nice to you.
That china girl is just doing what she needs to do.. to snag your husband. After she gets her PR here.. she will throw your ex-MIL out of the house. You'll see, that woman is no saint, she too shrewed and cunning. Your husband totally deserves that kind of trash.
You deserve better .
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yeh file for separation then divorce.
staying with this guy is damgerous, cheena woman may sleep around a lot with other guys and not clea, pass stds to your husband then you if you matewith him. also one more risk now, cheena people tends to mix and come into conatct with cheena people a lot in times like these birdie flu about be careful. she may be a carrier already and pass the birdie flu to you peopple.
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You seem more like the 'simple" person. You bend over too much to please everyone but yourself. You even doubt your own common sense when it tried to tell u something is wrong.
Besides why are you the only one trying? Your husband doesn't seem to be trying...
Learn to let go.
Or keep lying to yourself that everything will be back to normal eventually assuming you "do" the right thing.
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
― Thomas Stephen SzaszI'm not asking you to forgive your husband or even your MILBut to move on, we need to let go of thing holding us back and remember them at the same time as lessons learnt so we can draw from them without letting them obstruct our future judgement.If you do intend to divorce him......Gather more evidence on his 'adultery" legally including message from his MIL and if possible photos of them mid intercourse.Don't forsake what is rightfully yours because I know most people are willing to forsake what is rightfully theirs during divorce to ensure a smooth transaction but only live to regret it in the future.And no...getting pregnant will not change anything. Dont ever think about using this................ -
go counseling with your husband
let the counselors know in detail on what happened
then seek advice and work out a plan with them as in how to stop him for seeing that chinese lady
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Originally posted by rachel_ella:
Hi!
I had gone through a very rough period last Sep to Nov. My relationship with my MIL is at its worst state especially when she asked me to return the jewellery she had given to me when I got married. She had been very unhappy about my attitude towards her like not asking her how her day was and not coming out of my room to greet her when she came over. She called up my hubby while he was at work and gave her 'feedback' daily and that caused fraustrations and pressure on hubby.
Eventually, hubby found a confidant, his staff from China, who just seems to be able to understand what he is going through and agreed that I had been rude to my MIL. They started a relationship. MIL knew about her existance and told hubby to bring her home since she is an obedient and nice woman who will be nice to her.
Hubby suggested to cool off for a period but I refused to and insisted trying my best to salvage my marriage. MIL was very supportive of me trying to salvage my marriage and lent me her shoulder to weep on when I went to the rough period. I was very grateful of her support and hubby & I started picking up the pieces together again but he could not let go of his confidant from China.
It just happened that I found out they had spent a night together at a hotel and he had made hotel bookings before but I have no idea who he went with. MIL had been nice to me since but recently hubby's China confidant forwarded me a pic of her with MIL, together with the msg, "Bet you don't know about all these outings and I'm being accepted." I informed hubby and he asked her about the pic. She said she did not send. Hubby told me she is a very simple person and that may be an accident. However, without her sending me the pic, I will never know about MIL actually met her in person and gone out with her.
I felt very betrayed and hurt. Hubby cannot stop seeing her although he had been treating me very well and MIL had been nice to me too. I felt I am living with people who are keeping things from me. I am well educated and holds a respectable job, I do my best to make hubby feels proud of me infront of his friends which I succeed. However, hubby felt difficult to let go of her cos she is not as good as me. Is it my fault to be a working woman but not able to give MIL my attention due to work? Is being too capable a flaw? Please help.
Your situation does seem a little awkward; something that could easily be perceive as a morally questionable outcome is somewhat culturally accepted in the family. This leads me to wonder about the circumstances leading to your process of getting married. Your focus also appears to emphasize on your career dimension and how this leads to 'face quality' for your husband.In that nutshell, I am just curious about how did it get embedded into your perspective - that this is an important value that needs great attention, insofar that other things (e.g. positive regards for your in laws) somehow gets compromised.
Also, your mother-in-law does seem to have a major influence on the way your husband run his relationship. If his definition of love revolves around having positive relationship with his mother, then certainty it would make reasonable sense for his behaviour. In some ways, it is likely to be a mix of reasons and excuses, where he conveniently seeks out someone 'outside' the content of his relationship, instead of opting to work things out.
After all, this third party has already been endorsed by the dowager; almost like some special permit.
In addition, if there is severe power imbalance in this relationship against you, then it does spell some degree of unfairness, suppression and trouble. Having one person to fulfill the 'face quality', another to fulfill the mother's liking and two to fulfill a combination of emotional/physical needs - this is the best of three worlds, isn't it?
Being capable isn't a fault of it's own - it's the sacrifice we accept as part of being capable that is the problem. Reasonably, working fifteen hours a day may make you a productive and valuable player in your work team, but surely, that would also mean that you are sacrificing quality time in your family for such pursuit.
However, I do feel that your struggle is unique (as mentioned in my first paragraph about how ironic your circumstances are) and my sense (I may be wrong) is that it may have something to do with your self worth. I do believe your current position is painful.
Do you have anyone in your network (e.g. friends/family) supporting you emotionally? Do anyone know about your situation?
Cheers
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Divorce lor. else u will never be happy
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this story appears in Sin Ming Newspaper today
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Originally posted by newgal:
this story appears in Sin Ming Newspaper today
what? damn tabloit....should be renamed "exploit"!
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never ask a couple to divorce.... to simply say divorce to others is very easy, but not if you are the parties concerned. it takes many years of fate for a couple to get together and eventually get married, and there must be something common between them to bind them together. only the couple themselves know what is the problem between them, and what is the best solution. it is difficult for outsiders to judge and give suggestions. "qing guan nan bian jia shi" we only hear what the writer has to say here, but we do not hear what the hubby has to say. yes men tend to stray and give to temptations, but there are reasons,....not that they are right to do so... if a marriage can still be salvaged...all efforts should be made to salvage it. don't give up so easily.