Originally posted by TANET:...After 3 years, when he file for divorce using separation, you contest, this will give you another year. By then, you would reach the age of 35 and qualify to own the HDB flat by yourself. But be prepared to buy out his share though, so start saving.
Good, It'll take some time to heal. just take one day and one step at a time. As long as you keep walking, you'll definitely walk out of this one day. It took me 2 years to forget and I heard some people said that no matter how hurt you are, you'll forget it within 7 years. So maybe hate lasts as long as love. :)
All the best.
jia you, Jadiry
this ecard is for you
Jadiry, focus on what you need to do.
1) Divorce, he want to file for divorce, based on what grounds? Sue himself for adultery? If there is no valid reason, will have to go for separation, 3 years. Be careful if he wants to back date the date of separation, that is a false declaration and it might come back to haunt you. If he wants to sue you for unreasonable behavior, not performing the duties of a spouse, are you willing to accept? It all depends on "yi kou qi" and whether you want to get out of the marriage fast and also financial. If he want to sue you for divorce and you chose not to contest, you don't have to fork out any legal fees. But I'm afraid that you might lose out when it comes to division of matrimonial assets of you don't have a lawyer to advise you.
2) Plan for your life after divorce. Hopefully your finances and job is secure, then you only need to worry about shelter.
3) Spend time on imrpoving yourself and meeting more people. Don't dwell on your own problems. A lot of time people will start to question about their own self worth, whether it is their own fault. Let me tell you this, sometimes there is no explanation other than the fact that the selected partner is an ass, and you failed to see it earlier. And the way to treat them is like the way you would treat a cancerous or gangerous limb, cut it out as soon as possbile. Spend time going out with your friends, knowing more people, working out, revamp your wardrobe etc. Build up your own self esteem, live a happier life without him.
From what you've described, you have a terrible husband. One day, when you finally settled your emotions, you might even be thankful that that stupid woman took the burden off your arms. Good luck.
Hi Jadiry,
1) My first reply was lost. This is my 2nd try. It is common to backdate the date of separation as 3 years is a long wait. Thus, he might suggest putting the effective date of separation on 2011 instead of the day he moved out. Do note that this is amounting to making a false declaration and it might cause you to lose your job if found out, eg. you are in banking line. If you also want out of the marriage asap, you might agree to it, but what if he later use the false declaration against you to demand half the rights to the flat. He is a despicable man and jobless with nothing to lose, so you have to take this into consideration.
2) There is no need for the womb check unless he wants to sue based on you not having a child, which probably won't stand in the court. And even if it did, are you sure you want to spend the money just to refute him? For what purpose? You want to save the marriage?
3) Shelter, hope you can work out something like going back to stay with mum or something. Renting a room will cost you at least 500 a month and is a waste of resources.
4) I'm so glad that you are meeting people and keeping yourself busy. Do get proper rest as well. For me, the inability to sleep puts my mood down and the depression just spirals downwards from there. As for losing weight, you can consider joining a gym for 50-100 a month. You'll get more variety of workouts and meet new people as well. Do stick to your routine for at least a month, and once you start to see results, it'll spur you on.
5) Yes I've been stabbed repeatedly and left to die alone but I do thank God for it. If not for this, I would not have the courage to walk out of the marriage. And now I am so glad that I did. You will go through the same pain, but trust me, your peace and happiness is in the future, not mired in such an unhappy marriage with such a useless and irresponsible husband.
Hi Jadiry,
Do note that you paying for his phone bill is a breach of separation if you two do decide to go down this route.
And if you are interested in working out in order to lose weight I do have so tips for you, so do drop me a message if you are interested.
Good luck.
Looks like you are going to get 50% of everything.
Divorce can be painful, but don't be afraid... God is with you.
The worst part... you are already going through it.
From here, things get better as you adapt to your circumstances.
What's important is to keep up the Faith, and keep believing your brighter days are ahead.
Go to your temple and make a prayer. Sometimes Divine Will helps.
This resource might help: http://book.lancism.com
Sorry, let me try again: http://book.lancism.com
Dear Jadiry,
actually I would encourage you to keep the flat as well. Sometimes a single decision you make will affect your well being for the rest of your life. Keeping the flat means you will have shelter and you can even rent out a room which will bring in another 600 a month. So I hope you can stay put there and bear with the painful memories. At most in future, u can rent it out for 2200 while you rent another room for yourself for 600, that will still put you ahead. So, do bear with it.
Looks like he is quite eager to have a life with her, make use of this to get favorable terms from him. The terms can be stated in the Separation papers, So you two can come to an agreement that he will move out and leave you to stay at the matrimonial home till official divorce. You can also state down how the flat should be divided upon divorce. It is possible for you to get a bigger share if you are able to show that you had been paying for it. But if you want more, be prepared to fight for it. That means after divorce, there will be another hearing for division of matrimonial assets.
Losing sleep and having maigraine is normal, due to the stress you are going through. You can drink a bit if it helps you to sleep better at night. Use your setback to give you the strength and motivation to lead a better life. The best revenge is to show him that you can have a much better life without him. So, manage your finances properly and develop your career. Slim down, work out, learn to doll yourself up and reinvent yourself. Improve yourself in every way and regain your confidence, it is his loss that he did not cherish you.
Good Luck.
.
Originally posted by TANET:Dear Jadiry,
actually I would encourage you to keep the flat as well. Sometimes a single decision you make will affect your well being for the rest of your life. Keeping the flat means you will have shelter and you can even rent out a room which will bring in another 600 a month. So I hope you can stay put there and bear with the painful memories. At most in future, u can rent it out for 2200 while you rent another room for yourself for 600, that will still put you ahead. So, do bear with it.
Exactly...People usually want to get over their divorce asap due to their emotional state only to regret it later.
Keep the freaking flat.
Sorry about heard your divorce case. May god bless you. I am hearing impaired not fit for hearing aids. I too jobless. I am new user today.
to leave or dont leave is sitting on the fance
Hey, maybe you need a man now. Although I am 17, I'm a man! Contact me okay?
No... You are Neither a man Nor a boy...
Just see what your trouble here is at
http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/471179
Originally posted by FireIce:yes. leave.
its not just a simple matter of leaving the husband or not. there are many other issues at hand.
Originally posted by Happybananami:Hey, maybe you need a man now. Although I am 17, I'm a man! Contact me okay?
hey lunatic, stay away from this. she has already enough problems. she doesn't need another lunatic like you.
Originally posted by Oto45:hey lunatic, stay away from this. she has already enough problems. she doesn't need another lunatic like you.