Shirt less.
I know that guy. He was my ex colleague and was the one who introduced my wife to me long time ago. He comes to my house quite often to pick up my wife or send her home.
Talked to him several times. He assured me that he and my wife are just best friends. .nothing more.
Wtong, What exactly are you hoping to get from this forum ? Sympathy ?
You just wanna come here and whine and complain, and play the victimised husband ?
You are obviously quite incapable of husbanding your wife.
That ex-colleague is more like your wife's husband than you.
He comes and pick her up and send her home ?... why can't YOU do that?
He goes diving with her ? why can't YOU do that ?
You are lazy and un-involved with her life.
No wonder she is having more fun with another dick.
Did you do something really bad before..and she now owns you ?
I won't be surprise that even with a divorce threat.. your wife will just laugh it off.. becuase she knows you are too chicken shit to do it.
You want respect.. you have to earn it.
either you step up.. or you shut up.
I'm not here to get sympathy or what. I'm just here to find an outlet to tell and talk to someone, to de-stress, to seek different views and opinions. I don't have someone to talk to about my problems and feeling. My friend told me to divorce her. It's not that simple to divorce when yiu have kids involved. I don't have parentsror siblings to talk to. I
'm not here to tell everybody I'm a saint and victim and that she's bad. ..I just need some opinions and views to help me analyze the situation and think of a solution. It's not that I don't want to fetch her to and from work. I don't have car. He has. It's not that I don't bring her for tour. I did that every year. In fact we're going to Korea this June holiday for tour. But too bad I don't dive. ..had a very bad experience when I first tried long time ago. .she loves diving very much. It's also a fact that she earns more than me. But that doesn't stop me from contributing more Financially to the household. She spends a lot on her clothing, bags, cosmetics and tours.
i suggest u engage a PI to clear your doubts.
By spending a little will put your heart at ease for the moment but bear in mind nothing stay forever. They maybe clean now but who knows what will happen in future.
Personally, i don't believe there is 100% pure friendship between male and female.
You should work double hard to get a car if u think car is the solution.
bro... either your stand to her, she dont get you or simply she ignoring you and your feeling... I think is time to make a big fuss.. legally what she doing and in eyes of the law she already commited adultery....sex or no sex involve is not the issue already.....
Please understand, I not asking you to divorse her, but I guess even a person likes freedom she had cross the line... I likes my freedom also, my wife give me lots of it too... but i dont think she can tahan me stay over night alone with some gals... even if is a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time good fren...
As a guy point of view, let believe she had not done anythg...but should big a big issue with her now..... if she still ignore you and choose to be with her fren... then I really dont know where you stand in her heart.... and is time you make a decision and buy a nice green cap and wear it everyday and suck thumb.... but if it works, then you will have back your nice cosy family....
Good luck....
Originally posted by Smarttech.888:i suggest u engage a PI to clear your doubts.
By spending a little will put your heart at ease for the moment but bear in mind nothing stay forever. They maybe clean now but who knows what will happen in future.
Personally, i don't believe there is 100% pure friendship between male and female.
You should work double hard to get a car if u think car is the solution.
what the point of PI??? The PI cant take pict in room...is illegal... TS already knows they in and out of hotel already.. and some hand over here and there....
go court is already a case of adultery and can divorse striaght away....
Originally posted by "newbie":
what the point of PI??? The PI cant take pict in room...is illegal... TS already knows they in and out of hotel already.. and some hand over here and there....go court is already a case of adultery and can divorse striaght away....
Har.. in and out of hotel...one time still can find excuses, two times three times or more, thats it, confirmed liao.
I cannot accept betrayal of woman typically is WIFE. No tolerance even just kissing.
TS, I really salute you able to endure this till today.
But sorry, i look down on you if you still carry on.
Come on, so many woman out there, scare u no money only.
2 Suggestions:
A) Divorce , get the evidences so that you will have more bullets in the court
B) Final conversation with her. She must promise NEVER see her lover again.She must ensure that she will change and will not commit adultery again. As for you, forget about everything and move on towards future.
Conduct the DNA , you might be doing your ex-colleague a great flavour by raising his children for screwing your wife.
Nowadays, you think the kids really care? Don't amplify the problem thinking that the kids will be miserable if you get a divorce. Growing with with this kind of mother and dysfunctional family might be doing more damage to them and both of you are a bad example to your children.
The way you describe, I don't think she feels much for the children. Else, she'll not be going clubbing every saturday and making monthly overseas trips. She's basically a pyschopath, very selfish and has no empathy, she only cares about what she wants and has no ability to put herself in other people's shoes. Else, she'll not be doing the things that she had done. Like I've said, no normal woman will be doing the things she is doing, and TS, no normal guy can tolerate like what you are tolerating. And, no normal guy will do what your friend is doing, getting touchy and having fun with the friend's wife.
You think that you have to tolerate all these nonsense for the kids, why don't she stop all her nonsense for the sake of the kids then? You made a mistake marrying such a woman, are you going to continue the mistake for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favor and get out while you are still sane, do that dog couple a favor and wish them all the best, they really deserves each other. And best friends my foot, once they are together, they will be tearing at each other's throat within 3 years. Cos thay are basically very selfish people who don't care about their partner's needs and wants, so they will be hurting each other soon.
Smarttech "Personally, i don't believe there is 100% pure friendship between male and female"
Totally agree with you. As much as a guy and girl only want to be friends, the fact is that our hormones and the power of attraction screws up our mind. And no matter how mentally strong we are, there are just times when we have our guard down or mentally weak due to work stress or relationship problems, and then in a moment of weakness, everything screws up.
And the things they are doing, it far exceeds what good friends will do together and for each other. 99% there's something going on, thats what any logical mind will think. The amazing thing is, the wife and friend totally don't care what other people will say or think.
Newbie, the PI only need to show their intimacy like holding hands and shoulders, walking in hotel, coming out of hotel, don't need photos in bed. The court mainly need an independent witness, (in this case the PI report) to prove the case of adultery. It can't do it based on one man's word against another.
But for TS case, the divorce case dosn't have to be filed based on adultery. Her behavior alone constitutes "unreasonable behavior" and is valid ground for divorce.
there is a chinese saying call 晓之以情, 动之以�...
ts need to touch the wife heart with love and move her with reasons
go and find back the attention that u give her during courtship that make her fall in love with u and marry u
then discuss your concern with her and see how both can reach an agreement on this issue
Originally posted by Wtongzl78:I'm not here to get sympathy or what. I'm just here to find an outlet to tell and talk to someone, to de-stress, to seek different views and opinions. I don't have someone to talk to about my problems and feeling. My friend told me to divorce her. It's not that simple to divorce when yiu have kids involved. I don't have parentsror siblings to talk to. I
'm not here to tell everybody I'm a saint and victim and that she's bad. ..I just need some opinions and views to help me analyze the situation and think of a solution. It's not that I don't want to fetch her to and from work. I don't have car. He has. It's not that I don't bring her for tour. I did that every year. In fact we're going to Korea this June holiday for tour. But too bad I don't dive. ..had a very bad experience when I first tried long time ago. .she loves diving very much. It's also a fact that she earns more than me. But that doesn't stop me from contributing more Financially to the household. She spends a lot on her clothing, bags, cosmetics and tours.
Don't use your children as excuse for your cowardice.
Children wants BOTH parents to be happy.
You just have to explain to the children that it is not their fault you and your wife are not getting along so both of you cannot stay together , but will be co-parenting from different home. You'll be surprise how understanding they can be.
While they hope for both parents to be together.. they also don't want to see one suffer.
There is no need to instill hatred in your children just so you play the victimised party.
If your wife cares for her children.. she will stop her nonsense when she realised her "freedom" will cost her children a wholesome family.
If she don't care.. she won't.. so whats the point of you trying to keep it together when she is no longer interested ?
Your children will grow up and they will start to realise how meek and useless their father was... is that how you want your children to view you ?
Ask yourself.. if one of your children married a spouse like your wife... what will you tell them ? How will you guide them ? Are you going to tell them to do what you did just to keep the family together ?
Lead by examples...can you ?
Dear Wtong, I am experienced in this area. Don't be shocked or sad, but...
you are already history.
A man, and a woman, together, just best friends... who you trying to kid.
Nobody will admit anything, unti they are caught.
Why kick up the fuss, you failed.
Sorry for being so harsh, but truth are always difficult.
Had a big quarrel with my wife last night. Told her I was upset that she goes for tour so often with that guy and asked her whether she's really having affair with him. Asked her to stop spending so much time with him so that our family will not break down. I raised my voice and showed my displeasure. Again she got angry and Started to shout. She denied having affairs and told me there's nothing between him and her and she will not stop going for tour with him. .she stormed off during the heat of the argument and didn't returned home last night.
Originally posted by Wtongzl78:Had a big quarrel with my wife last night. Told her I was upset that she goes for tour so often with that guy and asked her whether she's really having affair with him. Asked her to stop spending so much time with him so that our family will not break down. I raised my voice and showed my displeasure. Again she got angry and Started to shout. She denied having affairs and told me there's nothing between him and her and she will not stop going for tour with him. .she stormed off during the heat of the argument and didn't returned home last night.
Originally posted by Wtongzl78:Had a big quarrel with my wife last night. Told her I was upset that she goes for tour so often with that guy and asked her whether she's really having affair with him. Asked her to stop spending so much time with him so that our family will not break down. I raised my voice and showed my displeasure. Again she got angry and Started to shout. She denied having affairs and told me there's nothing between him and her and she will not stop going for tour with him. .she stormed off during the heat of the argument and didn't returned home last night.
That's good.
Now you should call up that guy and tell him he can keep her for as long as he likes. Let it be known that he plays a huge part in breaking up the family.
DO NOT chase after your wife. Give her time to think through exactly what she wants. Give her as much time as she needs.
As for your children.. continue to take care of them and stay calm. Let them know you are there for them always.
If your children ask about their mom.. let them call her and talk to her on the phone.
Be strong.
Thats good, to be blunt , call up the guy and tell him to screw her as much as he like because u are already tired with her.
Don't worry , outside so many beautiful and young girls.
当局者迷，when it's so apparent to everyone else that something is so wrong. They think that they still can hide it and you'll believe that there's nothing between them. Even if they're purely just friends, it doesn't change the fact that your wife and friend have a very lousy character.
like jojo said just let her go, if u r to back down, she'll give you even more nonsense in the future. The problem started cos u did not draw the boundary earlier in the relationship and she's stepping all over you now. So u either have to fight for your rights now, or be prepared to suffer in silence for the rest of your life.
To me, life is short and it's important to let yourself be happy, off course not at the expense of others. That crazy wife of yours is not worth keeping, there are plenty of better women out there.
My wife has not returned home since we quarreled that night. Didn't called also. I didn't call her either. She did SMS me yesterday saying she couldn't pick up the kids from school.
Originally posted by Wtongzl78:My wife has not returned home since we quarreled that night. Didn't called also. I didn't call her either. She did SMS me yesterday saying she couldn't pick up the kids from school.
That's how she punish you.. teaching you a lesson for going against her will. Do not let her think she can control you through punitive actions.
Do not contact her..do not reply her msg. go pick up your kids and bring them out for a fun day during the weekends. From now on simply plan your days as if she does not exist, ... rope in help from other family members..
Let her know she is not as important as she thinks she is... show her the family can do fine without her. She wants to be absentee mom.. let her be. In the end, the children will judge her.
When you go out with your kids.. take plenty of pictures and post it on facebook or any photo share site.
She's the one missing out, she's the one on the outside looking in.
Brother, like I say, I am "experienced" in this area.
I am not teaching you to go against your wife,
But I am trrying to tell you to understand the fact, that,
you relationship already "gone case".
From your description, it is clear that she is already in a deep intimate relationship with him.
Do not try to prove anything, you will only put up her guards.
Do not try to reconcile, it will only let her know your mind.
Pretend everything is normal, can ask her whether she picking the kids.
My prediction is she will use the fact that you accused her, to go and "be alone"
But actually she will spend time with her boyfriend
But very soon she will come back to you, because her boyfriend is not prepared for being a full time "husband".
Hope you will not take her back otherwise you will go through the sufferings again.
Prepare yourself for single life. It is best for both of you.
Prepare yourself mentally there is no more her.
Prepare yourself to look after the kids full time.
Very Important, do not go into a relationship with another woman now, not even sending them back. It will work against you, believe me.
And, prepare to file for divorce.