Is It Possible For A Married Woman To Have A Male Best Fren?
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Are you uneasy because her travel partner is a male ?
If that travel companion is a female or an open gay.. will you be more at ease ?
Are you not happy with her active lifestyle or her choice of companion or both ?
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The last time I went for tour with her and tge children was last June to Korea. The last time we went for tour together without the kids was during our honeymoon. We have been going fot tour with yhe kids once almost every year. She went for tour without me more often though, mostly with him. Last year they went overseas together 4 times. It's
t not that I'm not comfortable with her lifestyle, but it's because she goes with another men. ..
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before you mary her is she like that? she got also have close guy friends? her behaviour all along is equal to men and women?
i tthink for men and women if they ar married they should give more thoughts for the other half and the kids family.
things somethimes just happen and in this type of gabra situation after marriage it only takes pairs of hands to clap.
dont want couples ended up divorce aagin. when you take the vow its not for fun becasue so dramatic people frieds relatives agther arund so touching cry tears and laffters. when you take the volve and file for section 31 it means business. let your wife know that at least you post show that you care and is caution with your relationship/
wife may be too blind to the situation if its real
men also know people amrried at least hold back a little if they have no intend to cock people's marriage up. its not what their own charcter is like that or what, but not other people like seeing their partner getting so close to a third party who has no relation to the family at all!
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
The last time I went for tour with her and tge children was last June to Korea. The last time we went for tour together without the kids was during our honeymoon. We have been going fot tour with yhe kids once almost every year. She went for tour without me more often though, mostly with him. Last year they went overseas together 4 times. It's
t not that I'm not comfortable with her lifestyle, but it's because she goes with another men. ..
OK. If that's the case, you need to speak up and tell her you are not comfortable with her going with a man. Tell her you are ok if she goes tour with a female instead.
This to set your boundaries.
That way you are not attacking her lifestyle.. rather her choice of travel companion.
As a married woman, we should know our boundaries. Same as a married man should not be going on a tour with a woman other than his wife and children.
I reckon you had been very lenient with this boundary for too many years.. she will likely protest as you had been OK with it before....
Explain it in a polite but assertive manner, that.. you are NO LONGER comfortable as people are starting to talk.. and you do not wish to be disrespected.
If she continues to disregard, you will need to let her taste her own medicine.. but I do hope you talk to her first as a first line of defense.
Do not resort to Passive Aggressive tactics..as this will only hurt your marriage more.
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Where can I do paternity DNA test?
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
Where can I do paternity DNA test?
You can ask your lawyer for a reference.
This company is found via online search. But please make sure their work is accredited and eligible for legal purposes. Disclaimer : I am not familiar with this company.. so please use proper discretion. .if you choose to engage their service.
Paternity Testing Corporation Singapore
Office Tel: 6755 7510Mobile
Tel: 9733 8363
14 Robinson Road #13-00
Far East Finance BuildingSingapore 048545
www.ptclabsingapore.com
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its depend
take elindra for example she manage her male friend quite well so having male friend should be ok for her
as for jojo...her temper a bit...err.... no comment
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I've had a talk with her early last week after her she came back from Phuket with him. I told her I have become uncomfortable that she has spent more and more time with him and that she has gone for more and more overseas trips with him. I also told her that people have started to talk.
But she became upset that I brought up this matter and insisted that there is nothing between her and him and that I should not interfere too much into her life and choice of her good friend and travel companion. She bacame angry and stormed off and refused to talk to me for the next few days.
She resumed talking to me again last Thursday but i can sense that she is still not happy. But at least she has started talking to me again and i hope she got the message even though in the process i have upset her.
But tomorrow she's going overseas with him again. He will be on working trip to Hong Kong and she will just tag along as accomodation has been paid for by his company. They will be in Hong Kong till Sunday. This is not the first time she tag along with him for his working trips overseas. She has done so many times over the years and each trip they would extend the stay for 1-2 days more on top of the official days paid by his company. He has also tagged along on her overseas working trips many times.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
I've had a talk with her early last week after her she came back from Phuket with him. I told her I have become uncomfortable that she has spent more and more time with him and that she has gone for more and more overseas trips with him. I also told her that people have started to talk.
But she became upset that I brought up this matter and insisted that there is nothing between her and him and that I should not interfere too much into her life and choice of her good friend and travel companion. She bacame angry and stormed off and refused to talk to me for the next few days.
She resumed talking to me again last Thursday but i can sense that she is still not happy. But at least she has started talking to me again and i hope she got the message even though in the process i have upset her.
But tomorrow she's going overseas with him again. He will be on working trip to Hong Kong and she will just tag along as accomodation has been paid for by his company. They will be in Hong Kong till Sunday. This is not the first time she tag along with him for his working trips overseas. She has done so many times over the years and each trip they would extend the stay for 1-2 days more on top of the official days paid by his company. He has also tagged along on her overseas working trips many times.
Actually why don't you tag along?
Leave your kids with your in-laws or parents
Granted I'm close to my male friends and my husband to his female friends, we don't travel and stay in the same room. It's either we sleep seperate rooms or even if shared, my hubby is along.
Thing is both of us know our opposite sex friends well and we join each other outings at times.
I think it's normal to go on diving trips etc together but maybe you should put it to her that she should consider your feelings. You may trust her on sharing the same room with the guy but let's say if you do it with a close female friend, would she allow the same?
Try to put her in your shoes.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
I've had a talk with her early last week after her she came back from Phuket with him. I told her I have become uncomfortable that she has spent more and more time with him and that she has gone for more and more overseas trips with him. I also told her that people have started to talk.
But she became upset that I brought up this matter and insisted that there is nothing between her and him and that I should not interfere too much into her life and choice of her good friend and travel companion. She bacame angry and stormed off and refused to talk to me for the next few days.
She resumed talking to me again last Thursday but i can sense that she is still not happy. But at least she has started talking to me again and i hope she got the message even though in the process i have upset her.
But tomorrow she's going overseas with him again. He will be on working trip to Hong Kong and she will just tag along as accomodation has been paid for by his company. They will be in Hong Kong till Sunday. This is not the first time she tag along with him for his working trips overseas. She has done so many times over the years and each trip they would extend the stay for 1-2 days more on top of the official days paid by his company. He has also tagged along on her overseas working trips many times.
Its time for an ultimatum. Is she wants her freedom so much , give her.
Going radio silence on you the past few days was her means of punishing you.
Tell her you are granting the freedom in the form of divorce.
You need to grow some balls and stop being such a push over. Call up that guy and congrats him that he will soon be able to keep that trashy wife of yours for himself, no need to share that woman with you anymore.
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Maybe it's partly my fault to let her have so much freedom in the first place. She has have freedom even before we got married. I was okay with it as I trusted her. 2 years ago she went backpack with him to Europe and US for 3 months, I wasn't entirely happy but still could accept it. Friends and relatives started to talk from then on but I just ignored. Perhsps she has taken things for granted and forgot about my feeling.
She came back from Hong Kong last night and was in a very good mood. Bought me and the kids lots of stuff. I didn't want to tslk about this matter last night coz I don't want to spoil the occasion with argument.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
Maybe it's partly my fault to let her have so much freedom in the first place. She has have freedom even before we got married. I was okay with it as I trusted her. 2 years ago she went backpack with him to Europe and US for 3 months, I wasn't entirely happy but still could accept it. Friends and relatives started to talk from then on but I just ignored. Perhsps she has taken things for granted and forgot about my feeling.
She came back from Hong Kong last night and was in a very good mood. Bought me and the kids lots of stuff. I didn't want to tslk about this matter last night coz I don't want to spoil the occasion with argument.
Since you got no balls.. then keep quiet lor.
Buy stuff only.. you lembeh already... next trip she go where ? What is she going to buy back for you so you keep your mouth shut ?
By the way.. is she spending his money or your money on the stuffs she bought for the family?
Not bad lah... he is paying for your wife to go travel, with him. Cheaper than a social escort anyway.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
Maybe it's partly my fault to let her have so much freedom in the first place. She has have freedom even before we got married. I was okay with it as I trusted her. 2 years ago she went backpack with him to Europe and US for 3 months, I wasn't entirely happy but still could accept it. Friends and relatives started to talk from then on but I just ignored. Perhsps she has taken things for granted and forgot about my feeling.
She came back from Hong Kong last night and was in a very good mood. Bought me and the kids lots of stuff. I didn't want to tslk about this matter last night coz I don't want to spoil the occasion with argument.
I think it's very healthy for a couple to trust each other and have freedom to do what they like. However, I think both parties have to auto-manage by drawing a line somewhere.
It's not a matter of "Trust" but actually considering how your partner feels. However, in your case it's obvious you have doubts since you want a paternity test done.
If you can't talk to her, maybe write her a email and explain why you are doing it. She might be more receptive to talk after.
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why should she even get angry at your mention over your discomfort with her being too close to her guy friend? is she actually trying to show that freedom and that guy friend weighs more than husband family and children? if thats the case then its about time u give her all the freedom that she wants in the form of a divorce. Then she can tag along and go travel at any time she wants.
It is ok to have good friends of the opposite sex even after marriage... but a line has to be drawn... if she refuses it, then time to make her sign the paper of freedom that she adores it so much.
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yah.. it's tough being the second fiddle .
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Jojobeach
It's' not that I lembek after she bought home gifts from Hong Kong, it's just that the kids were very happy and I didn't want to spoil it...but thanks for your advices anyway.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
I've had a talk with her early last week after her she came back from Phuket with him. I told her I have become uncomfortable that she has spent more and more time with him and that she has gone for more and more overseas trips with him. I also told her that people have started to talk.
But she became upset that I brought up this matter and insisted that there is nothing between her and him and that I should not interfere too much into her life and choice of her good friend and travel companion. She bacame angry and stormed off and refused to talk to me for the next few days.
She resumed talking to me again last Thursday but i can sense that she is still not happy. But at least she has started talking to me again and i hope she got the message even though in the process i have upset her.
But tomorrow she's going overseas with him again. He will be on working trip to Hong Kong and she will just tag along as accomodation has been paid for by his company. They will be in Hong Kong till Sunday. This is not the first time she tag along with him for his working trips overseas. She has done so many times over the years and each trip they would extend the stay for 1-2 days more on top of the official days paid by his company. He has also tagged along on her overseas working trips many times.
When we communicate in relationship, we often opt for the 'safer' systemic way of getting our message across in an indirect fashion. We expressed that 'people are talking about it' or that we are just 'uncomfortable'. But when we unmask the packaging, the truth of the matter is that you abhor the thought of how this situation has developed to such an uncontrolled manner.Her right to travelling companions or good friends is something that you have no control over? Quite different from your original concept of you 'allowing' this to happen, isn't it? A more troubled thought might actually be the fact that you are also afraid of what is coming - when we fail to clear up dust in the room for too long a period, sometimes, we are also fearful of what we might actually find. Dead cockroach? Spider and its well-spun web? Or simply just dust needing to be cleaned?
If you are trying to find (or hopefully trying not to uncover) evidence of her possible infidelity, then naturally your sense would be to detect anomaly in her statement, choice and behavior. My guess is that you will eventually find something of varying degree if your focus is as such. Well, if I don't clear my room for too long, it is only natural to encounter at least a dust mite, if I decide to look deep enough.
However, what you fear you might find or what you think you would find should not be the main considerations of what you ought to do. Namely, even if I may fear dead roaches lying somewhere in my cupboard, it shouldn't fetter me from spring cleaning because the fact of the matter is that if there is indeed a dead roach in my cupboard, nothing I can do now will change this very fact that the cockroach is dead right there.
I can only decide what I can do ONLY after I have decided upon my choice of spring cleaning. Who knows? Perhaps there are no dead roaches ultimately. Hence, what you gain is a peace of mind.
You made a good attempt at surfacing this issue to her; however, a bigger issue lies with (1) your insecurity & (2) the lack of power in the relationship. I hope you do realize that despite your attempt to start talking about this, she does not answer directly, but chose to exhibit a statement of power to coerce you into accepting her individuality.
[Quote: I should not interfere too much into her life and choice of her good friend and travel companion]
When I talk about insecurity, it does seem to me that you might have a coping mechanism through placating where you minimize or downplay your needs in view of harmony. Hence, the cosmic lesson for you in your marriage is to decide between avoiding (for social harmony) and confronting (for self expression). The latter probably put you in state of discomfort - you might want to find a way to communicate your needs and set a mutually agreed boundary.
Cheers
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I know it's not right, but I looked into my wife's laptop for the last few days to see whether I can find some answer. Saw lots of photos of hers on her overseas trip wth that man. There are many photos of them together, but was glad and relieve not to find any intimate photos of them. There are only photos of him holding her shoulders or waist. There are quite a lot of photos of my wife topless on the beach though, including many taken from their recent Thailand trip. I know all along that she go topless at beaches overseas..so that didn't bother me too much, There are several photos of her topless together with him.
She is now holidaying in Maldives with him. .
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you mentioned that he is your ex-colleague, so i assume you know this guy.... how did he get to know your wife? if you had doubts, why didn;t you clear them before you married your wife? the fact that you already have 2 kids with your wife shows that you have a healthy relationship with your wife. don;t believe the crap about the suggestions on going for DNA tests. you would have known better if they are your kids! men and women can have platonic relationships...but for your wife and friend's case, they seem to meet too often... you should suggest to your wife to spend more time with the family on weekends.
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You have a totally unreasonable wife, your marriage is an insult to both men and women, and you are the most ridiculous man I have even known. I don't know if your story is true, but it's the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever heard and both of you are borderline psychopaths if not outright crazy.
Go and ask all the males you know, is there a single one who will let his wife hang out and go holiday regularly with another guy. And holding shoulders and waist and going topless is ok. And you can take it as if nothing is wrong. No normal guy will take this kind of nonsense from his wife. What a wimp you are, no pride and self esteem. You are probably relying on her financially and don't dare to rock the boat. You are also probably doing your own share of fooling around while she's away to vent your frustrations. You, your life and your marriage is a joke. Please wake up.
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Originally posted by TANET:
You have a totally unreasonable wife, your marriage is an insult to both men and women, and you are the most ridiculous man I have even known. I don't know if your story is true, but it's the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever heard and both of you are borderline psychopaths if not outright crazy.
Go and ask all the males you know, is there a single one who will let his wife hang out and go holiday regularly with another guy. And holding shoulders and waist and going topless is ok. And you can take it as if nothing is wrong. No normal guy will take this kind of nonsense from his wife. What a wimp you are, no pride and self esteem. You are probably relying on her financially and don't dare to rock the boat. You are also probably doing your own share of fooling around while she's away to vent your frustrations. You, your life and your marriage is a joke. Please wake up.
Tanet, since when did the writer mentioned about the wife going holiday with the male friend and holding shoulders and waist and going topless? are you ok or you are the one facing such a situation? -
sorry Tanet my mistake...he did mention all these in his later posts.
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Hi Shirtless, And they go for holidays regularly , like the last trip was like only last month. I know I was overly harsh, but I think TS being able to tolerate all this and still take it, he really need a wake up call. Both the husband and wife behavior is simply out of this world.
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I'm not overly bothered seeing that guy holding her waist or shoulder because I knew all along that she is a friendly person. She would hold shoulder and waist with most of her friends, male or female. She's like that since the day I knew her. At first I could also tolerate her going holidays with her male friends, but lately she has done it too often. ..and also going with that guy 1 to 1. I started to feel uncomfortable.
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you gotta put a stop to all these nonsense behaviour. she is already your wife and ought to carry herself more maturely... i think she has gone beyond the accepted boundaries...unless that male companion is a gay...if she has nothing to hide and this guy is just a close friend, then she should introduce him to you to remove all doubts.