Is It Possible For A Married Woman To Have A Male Best Fren?
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My Wife's best friend is a man. He was my ex-colleague and my wife's best friends since secondary school. He's not married. While me and my wife have 2 kids.
As best friends, they see each other and hang out together a lot, like everyday.He sends her to work and sends her home from work everyday as their offices are in the same building. So they also have lunch and dinner together every weekday. They also go out during weekends to pubs and cafes. This has been like this for many years, even before we got married.
She said that they are just best friends and their relationship is platonic and they are not lovers. But many times i have questions and some doubt..
Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that.
Of cause it is possible.
Is that what you want to ask thou?
Or what you really want to know is if it is possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that and still remain loyal to her husband.
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The way u describe, it seems very fishy to me.
its not right to meet for lunch everyday, not possible for him to send and pick her everyday too. U can see what's happening..
let me draw you a scenario, if you were a tiger, u had already finished your meal and resting in your cave.
suddenly, a rabbit just runs in to your cave too. Despite you having had your fill, will you still attack the rabbit? The answer is yes... ���错，��放过。
looks like your wife is having the best of both worlds.
another way to look at it
1) if you trust her, then don't doubt her
2) if you doubt her, means you do not trust her.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
My Wife's best friend is a man. He was my ex-colleague and my wife's best friends since secondary school. He's not married. While me and my wife have 2 kids.
As best friends, they see each other and hang out together a lot, like everyday.He sends her to work and sends her home from work everyday as their offices are in the same building. So they also have lunch and dinner together every weekday. They also go out during weekends to pubs and cafes. This has been like this for many years, even before we got married.
She said that they are just best friends and their relationship is platonic and they are not lovers. But many times i have questions and some doubt..
Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that.
are you sure it's a friend?
not relative/father/brother?
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yes
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"This has been like this for many years, even before we got married."
I would like to suggest to TS, better go for DNA test for your 2 kids.........
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no
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yes
and the other way applies too
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Yes.....
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
My Wife's best friend is a man. He was my ex-colleague and my wife's best friends since secondary school. He's not married. While me and my wife have 2 kids.
As best friends, they see each other and hang out together a lot, like everyday.He sends her to work and sends her home from work everyday as their offices are in the same building. So they also have lunch and dinner together every weekday. They also go out during weekends to pubs and cafes. This has been like this for many years, even before we got married.
She said that they are just best friends and their relationship is platonic and they are not lovers. But many times i have questions and some doubt..
Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that.
Your statement is a value statement; technically you are asking if it is possible for women to have platonic male friends - adding a 'married' presume that somehow you do not feel 'right' for married woman to have close guy friend/s. Unless you have unearthed some critical information to suspect that they are potentially having an affair, if not, it's likely to be issues relating to self-esteem and/or trust rather than issues of infidelity. As much as you are thinking if their relationship is 'more than meets the eye', honestly: if they are sharing such close relationship since secondary school days, then why did she choose you instead? (unless you are saying that you knew her earlier).
I am not in the school of 'preventing anticipated infidelity', which usually bring about an overall negative output; learn to work towards developing the relationship in such a way that it has a natural mechanism to ward off infidelity. For example, if her best friend is having lunch and dinner everyday, my question would be then why are you not at least having dinner with her? Perhaps you might have some concrete, practical reason why this cannot be done, but at the end of the day, it is still a choice made - regardless of reasoning.
I do not view it as a warning alarm since this is a routine that has already been established way before you are married to her, so I would see it as manageable risk. However, I would think that it is a good time to reflect on the state of your relationship: if you are not putting conscious effort to spend quality time together (not just as a family, but also to look into having couple time), then this might be something you could think and work something out reasonably.
Cheers
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actually i think it is quite unthinkable
if it were the other way round, the husband having lunch and dinner with someone else everyday, the wife would have freaked out long ago
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watch the guy. anything can happen.
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If you have children, I recommend a DNA paternity test.
Also, why are you not the one hanging out with her and going to pub with her ?
Marriage is about a life long companionship, not just a room mate.
If they had known each other for so long and enjoyed each other's company so much why is she married to you n not him?
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Lately some relatives and friends started to ask me who he is and what his relationship with my wife is. I started me sitting back and thinking...Both of them are avid divers, so they always go diving together to diving spots in Malaysia, Philippines. Thailand, Indonesia and Australia. I'm not into diving. They started diving while studying in Australia. Next month they are going diving in Maldives. She said they always sleep on separate beds. I trusted her.On weekends, i don't work. So i spend most of my time with her and the kids. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We also go out together. As i no longer like going to pubs, she goes to pubs with him on Saturday nights. I stay home to look after the kids.I can't have lunch and dinner with my wife on weekdays due to my long working hour. I reach home after work around 9pm everyday. By then she was already home. I send the kids to school every morning while she picks them up from my in-laws house after work. Usually he drives her to pick up the kids from my in-laws place.My wife and that guy have knew each other since secondary school. I met my wife thru him and we soon became a couple. Then i went to NTU to study while she and him went to Melbourne to study for 3 yrs. We remained a couple and i visited her there a few times. We got married 1 yr after i graduated and we have our first child soon. I was 27 while she was 25. We had our 2nd child 3 yrs ago.For the 1st 4 yrs after graduating, i worked in the same company as him. She also joined us for 1 yr but we all left after that to join different companies.
He attended our wedding and always come to our house. We are good friends although she's closer to him. I have always trusted her.
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If she had such a close relationship with him before you I doubt there is anything going on because from what you said it doesn't make sense why she chose you over him. Obviously you're her choice. For all you know your friend is closet gay.
Relatives like to talk shit most of the time. Just ignore them.
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Is It Possible For A Married Woman To Have A Male Best Fren?
no.
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Well.. are you happy with the status quo?
Perhaps the paternity test will help put your mind to ease and keep well meaning relatives and friends a good assurance you are not being cuckold.
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no
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
My Wife's best friend is a man. He was my ex-colleague and my wife's best friends since secondary school. He's not married. While me and my wife have 2 kids.
As best friends, they see each other and hang out together a lot, like everyday.He sends her to work and sends her home from work everyday as their offices are in the same building. So they also have lunch and dinner together every weekday. They also go out during weekends to pubs and cafes. This has been like this for many years, even before we got married.
She said that they are just best friends and their relationship is platonic and they are not lovers. But many times i have questions and some doubt..
Is it possible for a married woman to have a male best friend like that.
Ask yourself, how do you feel about it?
-> Direct your queries to your wife, for example, you are uncomfortable with her meeting up with him so often, going overseas with him alone.
Personally, I dont think its right, but its your relationship and how you handle and feel about it. Are you ok with another man doing so much stuff with your wife? Maybe even fucking her behind your back.
Its like, you see a hole in the road, and you knowingly push your wife down the hole. Then again, even if your ok with it, what about comments made from your friends and relatives? Can you contain those emotions within yourself?
Honestly, in my humble opinion, i dont think its COMMON for a wife to be so extreme in the stuff you mentioned she does with the 3rd party guy. Grow some MAN BALLS and approach her about how you feel. Your a guy, not a sissy.
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Why dun u try to befriend the friend?
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If they have something going on, why did you marry her in the first place ?
Isn't it too late to make such statements ?
Have faith in your wife cos she chose you instead of him.
Unless you have been neglecting your wife or abusing her, why are you worrying over such matters ?
I suggest you spend more time having dinner with your wife.
Stop wasting time on meaningless assumptions.
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:Both of them are avid divers, so they always go diving together to diving spots in Malaysia, Philippines. Thailand, Indonesia and Australia. I'm not into diving. They started diving while studying in Australia. Next month they are going diving in Maldives. She said they always sleep on separate beds. I trusted her.On weekends, i don't work. So i spend most of my time with her and the kids. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We also go out together. As i no longer like going to pubs, she goes to pubs with him on Saturday nights. I stay home to look after the kids.I can't have lunch and dinner with my wife on weekdays due to my long working hour. I reach home after work around 9pm everyday. By then she was already home. I send the kids to school every morning while she picks them up from my in-laws house after work. Usually he drives her to pick up the kids from my in-laws place.My wife and that guy have knew each other since secondary school. I met my wife thru him and we soon became a couple. Then i went to NTU to study while she and him went to Melbourne to study for 3 yrs. We remained a couple and i visited her there a few times. We got married 1 yr after i graduated and we have our first child soon. I was 27 while she was 25. We had our 2nd child 3 yrs ago.For the 1st 4 yrs after graduating, i worked in the same company as him. She also joined us for 1 yr but we all left after that to join different companies.
He attended our wedding and always come to our house. We are good friends although she's closer to him. I have always trusted her.
Lately some relatives and friends started to ask me who he is and what his relationship with my wife is. I started me sitting back and thinking...
Before your post, I was thinking what was the catalysis and your last paragraph says it clearly - folks who questioned status quo. In some ways, the intent of your question was almost to seek if such behaviours were a norm. Nope - it is uncommon - given the intensity and depth of your description. However, uncommon does not imply impossibility and certainly does not suggest infidelity.At the end of the day, whatever arrangement made is an outcome of choices chosen in view of our needs. For example, if she pubs with him on a Saturday night and you choose to stay at home, then if this arrangement works for you in a practical sense - economically speaking, this exchange is efficient. However, emotionally speaking, if it is uneasy for you, then being 'efficient' is not something that you need.
Since his presence existed way before the birth of your relationship, then there must be something good about you (and the relationship) and something 'missing' between them that has never allowed development of a relationship to manifest. An analogy would be: if I have kerosene on the floor, it does not necessarily means a fire will start; without lighting the match, it is merely kerosene on the floor.
A good start would be to get involved with your wife's life or find something common to do together. Somehow, I get the sense that this element is rather subtle in your marriage. You don't have to see it as a mechanism to control/keep an eye on her, but rather, learn to have quality time beyond that of child rearing. Having fun in love marriage is also crucial, especially when the couple is becoming overly enmeshed with the concept of raising children at the expense of their interaction pattern.
Not raising any alarm at the moment - but it's good to do a review of your relationship once in a while so as to embrace growth and find greater fulfillment in it.
Cheers
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To be honest, another reason I started to feel a bit uneasy is because they have been spending more and more time together., especially those diving trips and going for tour together, although sometimes not just the two of them together, but with other friends. The movie "Friends with Benefits" doesn't help too
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Originally posted by Wtongzl78:
To be honest, another reason I started to feel a bit uneasy is because they have been spending more and more time together., especially those diving trips and going for tour together, although sometimes not just the two of them together, but with other friends. The movie "Friends with Benefits" doesn't help too
When was the last time you bring your family on a tour ?
And when was the last time you went on a tour with your wife only ?
If you stop her from going with that friend, are you prepared to step up and step into his shoes ?
Are you hoping she will give up her lifestyle so she can lead a passive life like you ?
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Just speak honestly to your wife about your worries and clear your doubts.