I don't know what to do...I am very bad at communicating with people. I have it everywhere I go basically, at home, at work, and throughout my life, at school, too. I didn't have that much of a problem when I was in primary school and kindergarten, in fact I was a 'leader' type, a lot of friends and 'followers'.
But now, eh, no matter what I say, how I say, nobody hears, and even if they do, they don't listen, or they totally don't get me at all. I can ask a question about just A, and people would tell me the answer to B. And when I repeat myself about the question on A, they would just continue talking about B like I never said anything.
I have problems expressing myself (my feelings etc). I have problems explaining myself (like if something goes wrong). And have problems wording stuff (like if someone asks me to teach maths, eng, work stuff or whatever i know). You know those kinds of loner-types that always get super tongue-tied when they have to say anything? I'm like that. I'm that, basically.
It boils down to esteem problem. Somewhere along the road, I changed. A bit of backstory: my parents divorced when I was 6, and me and a sibling went to my mum.
I was officially diagnosed with hearing impairment when I was five, both ears. And then now it's like I'm almost deaf....I wear aids, yes. And no, aids don't help that much.
Because of these things I think I have developed some really serious problems that I don't know how to seek help for:
1. trust issues - I don't trust people
2. kind of a misanthrope - disappointed in people easily, disappointed in self. i am not like super super mean to people, am super nice to people i like and consider friends. But to normal acquiantances I am very very very cold. So yea..no friends..
3. don't know how to talk cos - cannot hear, - not interested etc
and I am normal enough that many people are totally unaware that I have hearing impairment, they just think I 'blur' or weird. I bluff my way quite easily.. But no EQ. IQ getting low cos I feel very very depressed, hard to cope with normal life. Much less work..and in the midst of finding jobs..applied loads..and got a few interviews coming up. Trying to psych myself to feel better, to not lisp (cos cannot hear proper, people with this problem tend to lisp), to feel more confident.
But I feel like is no point living liao..just going through e motions..and 'sides my ma, feels like there's no one left in the world for me. She doesn't take care of herself, and she threaten me that she'll kill herself by imbibing excess alcohol etc..and family has history of liver failure which my uncle died of and two other relatives (her sibs) are undergoing intensive treatment for their liver.
I'm thinking, when she dies, I think will be my chance to say goodbye too...is so painful living in this world. I am very logical..so don't need to tell me that don't do this and that, will hurt people etc. I have gone through all the thought processes...that's why I'm still here today to type this wall of text, innit..
And i have to say I don't think myself stupid, nor very clever, just naive..and simple. Been in normal schools not special needs schools..although I have allowances made for me by teachers and principals..but still got through everything with a diploma..so that's why i say I'm not stupid nor clever..just hardworking...but now..sibei tired..
Rant over...just wish I can find help..read a lot of self help books..helping self seem so easy..but when it comes down to it, very hard. I have this feeling of...everyday I just want to cry, but cannot, because gotta be strong, if I cry, how to hear properly? How to think properly?
But my relationships with people is very very very very bad..coming home feels bad..being at work feels bad..only being alone feels better but then I start worrying about my future.
To cope with the pain...I eat..but then..got side effects..I used to escape into the world of books to cope with the pain, but then my concentration just went off and so I just eat..
Can someone advise pls? I know I shouldn't be doing a lot of these things..but really so painful. I just want someone to listen and stuff and help maybe?
I'm seeing a counsellor but then don't seem to help..
Originally posted by MoRpHeUz56:I don't know what to do...I am very bad at communicating with people. I have it everywhere I go basically, at home, at work, and throughout my life, at school, too. I didn't have that much of a problem when I was in primary school and kindergarten, in fact I was a 'leader' type, a lot of friends and 'followers'.
But now, eh, no matter what I say, how I say, nobody hears, and even if they do, they don't listen, or they totally don't get me at all. I can ask a question about just A, and people would tell me the answer to B. And when I repeat myself about the question on A, they would just continue talking about B like I never said anything.
I have problems expressing myself (my feelings etc). I have problems explaining myself (like if something goes wrong). And have problems wording stuff (like if someone asks me to teach maths, eng, work stuff or whatever i know). You know those kinds of loner-types that always get super tongue-tied when they have to say anything? I'm like that. I'm that, basically.
It boils down to esteem problem. Somewhere along the road, I changed. A bit of backstory: my parents divorced when I was 6, and me and a sibling went to my mum.
I was officially diagnosed with hearing impairment when I was five, both ears. And then now it's like I'm almost deaf....I wear aids, yes. And no, aids don't help that much.
Because of these things I think I have developed some really serious problems that I don't know how to seek help for:
1. trust issues - I don't trust people
2. kind of a misanthrope - disappointed in people easily, disappointed in self. i am not like super super mean to people, am super nice to people i like and consider friends. But to normal acquiantances I am very very very cold. So yea..no friends..
3. don't know how to talk cos - cannot hear, - not interested etc
and I am normal enough that many people are totally unaware that I have hearing impairment, they just think I 'blur' or weird. I bluff my way quite easily.. But no EQ. IQ getting low cos I feel very very depressed, hard to cope with normal life. Much less work..and in the midst of finding jobs..applied loads..and got a few interviews coming up. Trying to psych myself to feel better, to not lisp (cos cannot hear proper, people with this problem tend to lisp), to feel more confident.
But I feel like is no point living liao..just going through e motions..and 'sides my ma, feels like there's no one left in the world for me. She doesn't take care of herself, and she threaten me that she'll kill herself by imbibing excess alcohol etc..and family has history of liver failure which my uncle died of and two other relatives (her sibs) are undergoing intensive treatment for their liver.
I'm thinking, when she dies, I think will be my chance to say goodbye too...is so painful living in this world. I am very logical..so don't need to tell me that don't do this and that, will hurt people etc. I have gone through all the thought processes...that's why I'm still here today to type this wall of text, innit..
And i have to say I don't think myself stupid, nor very clever, just naive..and simple. Been in normal schools not special needs schools..although I have allowances made for me by teachers and principals..but still got through everything with a diploma..so that's why i say I'm not stupid nor clever..just hardworking...but now..sibei tired..
Rant over...just wish I can find help..read a lot of self help books..helping self seem so easy..but when it comes down to it, very hard. I have this feeling of...everyday I just want to cry, but cannot, because gotta be strong, if I cry, how to hear properly? How to think properly?
But my relationships with people is very very very very bad..coming home feels bad..being at work feels bad..only being alone feels better but then I start worrying about my future.
To cope with the pain...I eat..but then..got side effects..I used to escape into the world of books to cope with the pain, but then my concentration just went off and so I just eat..
Can someone advise pls? I know I shouldn't be doing a lot of these things..but really so painful. I just want someone to listen and stuff and help maybe?
I'm seeing a counsellor but then don't seem to help..
its not your probblem. its their problem in communicating.
also nowsadays sg lots of chapalang natuinality people. i fera one day if call emergency hotline some cheena pinoy or bangladai answer and you will be already dead before help ever cums
I'm seeing a counsellor but then don't seem to help..
See counsellor very difficult lah, as counsellor might also faced your same problem, and you also got wanna listen to counsellor...feel their love, feel their compassion....and then you logically think, how to logically consolidate the power of your love and compassion to develop the world of peace and joys...that tis whole farting world is but just a love together :p