Firstly, I know it is not my business to intervene. But, I just can't get the matter out of my mind. Thus, I have written it here, to seek your views and opinions.
I get to know this person for around a year. In this year, I must admit that I have not been a true friend, because of the fear of losing him as a friend, I had not offer my true words of advice, but just simply agreeing on what he said all this time, knowing that he is the type of person who refuses to agree that he is wrong. However, as we know that he is in some financial difficulties, myself and another friend of his, have been aiding him in some ways or another. But, it was recently then we realized, in his dictionary, we were never his friends, because he believes that friends would not have pay him, and in this world, there are not such thing such as friends. We pay him to buy his time to spend it with us, so we are his clients, sort of. Despite our effort to secure his pride all this time, we felt that our kindness are being trampled. Although the other friend of his is still in contact with him, I am not, at least for the time being. This is part 1 of the story, if you were me, what will you do?
Lately, I have catch up with that friend of his and talked about the issue.
Since young, his parents had taught him not to trust friends and in this world, there are no friends, everything is about money. Around ten years ago, he married this foreign lady, and together with his foreign mother in law (who happened to have had bad experience with marriage), they live in a 4-room HDB flat. We do not know much about his past experiences with his wife, because I know him for a year, and this friend of his for around four, but we know he loves his wife very much.
So much so, he gives every single cents to his wife, and report every single bits of details to his wife. Because his mother in law had bad experience with marriage, she always educate her daughter not to trust her husband so much. Thus, to secure this marriage, he will do all he can to secure the trust. In his life, wife is the first priority, himself is probably the second, there are never friends, or worst for me and this friend of his, as we are never his friends. His family is in some credit cards debts, at least this was what we were told, and because he had recently lost his job, his wife had constantly pressurized him, even with the use of threats such as divorce.
Despite all these surfaced hardships, we were always told that his wife and his mother in law went shopping in Orchard, or having meals in restaurants, however he do not have money even for his meals, which forced him to skip his meals frequently. His explanation is his mother in law is all alone in Singapore, thus not wanting her to feel lonely, whenever possible, his wife would bring her out to enjoy life.
Every time we feel bad for him, we would give him some money. Although it is not what we had intended, we know that whenever we give him money, he will give it to his wife. That is his choice, we cannot say anything, because he had never forced us to give him money, but we still feel a little frustrated because we are aware that his wife believes that we have a thing for him, and told him that we have did what we have done because of some ulterior motives. For this, both of us questioned ourselves, if so, knowing that this money come from us, how could you have use such money so freely like its no big deal. Don't you have pride?
This friend of his told me that recently, probably he is being too stressed or what so ever, he had told her something probably he should never have said. She told me that when he meet her one day, he complaint that his wife is pressurizing him and wanted to divorce him, for that, she try her best to help and give him $100. The next day when she met him, he told her his wife was so happy that evening, and make love with him the entire night, making him feel tired and having some backaches.
She feel frustrated when she heard this, and so am I. We have given you the money because we feel that you needed it for your daily necessities, but you choose to give it to your wife, whom we do not respect for the kind of person she is. However, that is your choice. But knowing this, should we help you the next time? You are the one who we wanted to help, not your wife. To us, she is the kind of person that only cares for her own enjoyment without even considering the facts of life whether is it worthwhile. Probably she still have some savings. But if so, how could she let her husband suffers?
There are many questions here?
To us, (myself and that friend of his), should we help him? That friend of his say she will keep it to the minimal. For me, there are still a long time for consideration, because of some dispute, we are not in contact for the time being. We, at least for me, would love to help him, so he can understand that not everyone in this world do things for ulterior motives, but I do not want to help someone who misjudged me. Worst, I do not know her, and I have never wanted to help her, because I don't see that she needed it, but she so just happened to be the financial controller of the person I wanted to help. Should I cut down my own expenses so as to help someone whom I know my help would not reached?
To him, why can't he see our sincerity? How can he even says such thing that if we had not pay him, he would not have anything to associate with us? Why can't he recognized what sort of person he put his love on? Is she really that good? What type of persons we are? Aren't we good enough?
To his wife, what kind of person you are, treating your husband like a slave? Isn't marriage a commitment that binds each other with trust and support. How could you only think of your own enjoyment and leave your husband to suffer in hunger? For what we have done to your husband, we did out of good faith, how could you misjudge us and yet used our money happily as if you deserve it?
To all of us, how can a person be so blind not to recognized what is good for them and what is not?
u better go write novel
a fucking wall of text
Originally posted by Chaiwenloong:Firstly, I know it is not my business to intervene. But, I just can't get the matter out of my mind. Thus, I have written it here, to seek your views and opinions.
I get to know this person for around a year. In this year, I must admit that I have not been a true friend, because of the fear of losing him as a friend, I had not offer my true words of advice, but just simply agreeing on what he said all this time, knowing that he is the type of person who refuses to agree that he is wrong. However, as we know that he is in some financial difficulties, myself and another friend of his, have been aiding him in some ways or another. But, it was recently then we realized, in his dictionary, we were never his friends, because he believes that friends would not have pay him, and in this world, there are not such thing such as friends. We pay him to buy his time to spend it with us, so we are his clients, sort of. Despite our effort to secure his pride all this time, we felt that our kindness are being trampled. Although the other friend of his is still in contact with him, I am not, at least for the time being. This is part 1 of the story, if you were me, what will you do?
Lately, I have catch up with that friend of his and talked about the issue.
Since young, his parents had taught him not to trust friends and in this world, there are no friends, everything is about money. Around ten years ago, he married this foreign lady, and together with his foreign mother in law (who happened to have had bad experience with marriage), they live in a 4-room HDB flat. We do not know much about his past experiences with his wife, because I know him for a year, and this friend of his for around four, but we know he loves his wife very much.
So much so, he gives every single cents to his wife, and report every single bits of details to his wife. Because his mother in law had bad experience with marriage, she always educate her daughter not to trust her husband so much. Thus, to secure this marriage, he will do all he can to secure the trust. In his life, wife is the first priority, himself is probably the second, there are never friends, or worst for me and this friend of his, as we are never his friends. His family is in some credit cards debts, at least this was what we were told, and because he had recently lost his job, his wife had constantly pressurized him, even with the use of threats such as divorce.
Despite all these surfaced hardships, we were always told that his wife and his mother in law went shopping in Orchard, or having meals in restaurants, however he do not have money even for his meals, which forced him to skip his meals frequently. His explanation is his mother in law is all alone in Singapore, thus not wanting her to feel lonely, whenever possible, his wife would bring her out to enjoy life.
Every time we feel bad for him, we would give him some money. Although it is not what we had intended, we know that whenever we give him money, he will give it to his wife. That is his choice, we cannot say anything, because he had never forced us to give him money, but we still feel a little frustrated because we are aware that his wife believes that we have a thing for him, and told him that we have did what we have done because of some ulterior motives. For this, both of us questioned ourselves, if so, knowing that this money come from us, how could you have use such money so freely like its no big deal. Don't you have pride?
This friend of his told me that recently, probably he is being too stressed or what so ever, he had told her something probably he should never have said. She told me that when he meet her one day, he complaint that his wife is pressurizing him and wanted to divorce him, for that, she try her best to help and give him $100. The next day when she met him, he told her his wife was so happy that evening, and make love with him the entire night, making him feel tired and having some backaches.
She feel frustrated when she heard this, and so am I. We have given you the money because we feel that you needed it for your daily necessities, but you choose to give it to your wife, whom we do not respect for the kind of person she is. However, that is your choice. But knowing this, should we help you the next time? You are the one who we wanted to help, not your wife. To us, she is the kind of person that only cares for her own enjoyment without even considering the facts of life whether is it worthwhile. Probably she still have some savings. But if so, how could she let her husband suffers?
There are many questions here?
To us, (myself and that friend of his), should we help him? That friend of his say she will keep it to the minimal. For me, there are still a long time for consideration, because of some dispute, we are not in contact for the time being. We, at least for me, would love to help him, so he can understand that not everyone in this world do things for ulterior motives, but I do not want to help someone who misjudged me. Worst, I do not know her, and I have never wanted to help her, because I don't see that she needed it, but she so just happened to be the financial controller of the person I wanted to help. Should I cut down my own expenses so as to help someone whom I know my help would not reached?
To him, why can't he see our sincerity? How can he even says such thing that if we had not pay him, he would not have anything to associate with us? Why can't he recognized what sort of person he put his love on? Is she really that good? What type of persons we are? Aren't we good enough?
To his wife, what kind of person you are, treating your husband like a slave? Isn't marriage a commitment that binds each other with trust and support. How could you only think of your own enjoyment and leave your husband to suffer in hunger? For what we have done to your husband, we did out of good faith, how could you misjudge us and yet used our money happily as if you deserve it?
To all of us, how can a person be so blind not to recognized what is good for them and what is not?
You are not aiding him. You are enabling him to continue his problem.
If his wife needs to be divorced, so let her. Your "aid" is prolonging this condemned marriage. Since the marriage is fed by money, then let the money run dry.. so the marriage can die.
Since you recognised your friend as being a very prideful person. He is likely deperately trying to hang on to a marriage just so he does not become a "total failure". So he tolerated his wife's manipulative and abusive behavior.
You should be helping him wean himself off this self destructive behavior, not feed him more so he continues this addiction.