Big ego kills relationships?
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Have you ever failed in your relationship or killed a potential one due to a problem with your ego or your SO's ego?
I've read a lot of posts that got to do with this and I also can relate to it so just wanted to ask you guys for your experience and thoughts so...probably I can avoid or handle it better.
I think we all know that for many people, due to the inclination to defend oneself and self-centredness, they'd rather let their potential or current relationship die down than admit their faults or do something that they are afraid will shoot down their ego.
Let's say...
You like someone but you don't dare to tell him/her due to the fear of rejection. Hence you'd hold back but keep asking yourself if that person likes you or not or...waiting for the golden moment that may never come. It'd be pathetic if that person also has the same fear of failure.
Or someone likes you, you reject them at first or tell them you are not sure of your feelings yet but later you find out you share the same feeling but you don't want to "lose face" so instead of taking action, you just hope or try to give some extremely "subtle" hints and wait for them to go back to you and woo/confess to you again...that eventually never happens because that person doesn't get to know how you feel and he/she decides to move on.
Or you like someone but you don't really let it show because you don't want to appear needy/desperate, so you keep sending mixed signals that confuse them and make them tired of waiting, so they give chance to someone else who is more daring and aggressive.
Or if you're in a relationship, because of the temptation to always be the one who wins, you don't really listen to your partner but want them to listen to you all the time and hardly admit your faults. As a results, almost your conversations end up with you taking the power of a winner and your partner feeling uncared, unloved that leads to her/his resentment and in the end the relationship doesn't work out.
I learned this lesson before and now I'm having problems with a bloated ego person and still thinking how to handle the situation.
What about you guys? Do you think you have big ego or seeing someone with big ego? Is it true that ego and love are enemies?
I just think, the ability to drop one's ego is really necessary for a healthy relationship. You only can truly love yourself and the other person if you can let go of your ego when need be. Speaking as a girl, I really think that letting go of ego doesn't make someone less than a man but makes him more mature and attractive.
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ya got relations with a crackpot.best u dump him.
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way to a mans heart is thru his stomach.
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make sure u can cook real food.
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Big ego poses more threat and harm than good in relationship.
Strike a balance is the key.....
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Originally posted by SJS6638:
Big ego poses more threat and harm than good in relationship.
Strike a balance is the key.....
True! It killed my relationship once and now I am facing something similar again.
Compromise, it's something hard to learn.
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Originally posted by Army 21:
make sure u can cook real food.
I can cook brilliant food that makes his ego die.
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maybe, u cook for the wrong person?
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Time will answer. I gonna tell him to get married to his ego and the two live happily ever after.
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I am probably patient enough to deal with him...but for the long haul? I don't think so. It's something one should realize and work on it themself imo.
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I think you need to ask yourself why you keep falling for guys with big ego.
Guys with big ego portray the image that they are self-confidence. And it could be that you are attracted to that facade of " self-confidence".
The problem is, you are unable to differentiate/separate Big-ego from true self-confidence.
Men with big ego needs constant praise and people giving in to their demands, because they are hiding their low self-esteem. By stroking the big ego, they will feel validated.
So, big ego men often tout their achievements, and work hard in attaining the goals........in order to get MORE admirations and validations.
Big ego men tends to wear out people they come in contact with. as they are often demanding and self-absorbed, neglecting the needs of others around them.
If you are in a relationship with a big ego guy, be prepared to constantly have your needs ignored and neglected. You must be emotionally self-sufficient enough and have more than you normally need to GIVE emotionally to a guy with big ego-. Because he will be constantly sucking you dry emotionally and not giving you back at all.
Men with big ego, tend to gravitate towards a person who seemingly is self-confident and generous/giving. Because they cannot take/demand from someone who is emotionally in-sufficient.
You can only give what you have, they cannot take what you don't have.
So, big ego guy will stay away from needy/clingy girls... as girls are the bigger emotional vampires.
So yah, time will tell. Just keep observing him. When you are emotionally sucked dry, you will need to leave him. Because that's the natural course of any relationship with a self-absored guy.
When you learn to identify them, you'll know to steer clear of em.
Big ego guy will never be able to be saved from himself.
When he gets dumped by the girl (due to his own self-absorbed way), his self-esteem will take another hit.
In order to make himself believe he is not a loser, he will become MORE self-absored to try to heal his bruised ego.
The more self-absored he becomes, the more he gets dumped... the vicious cycle continues.....
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jojobeach, looks like u understand quite well this kind of guy.
I asked myself the question sometimes too. One being self confident is attractive.....but oversized confidence=big ego = self-absorbed is a turn off but I kept falling for the same type and had to give up, move on, same circle. Shame on me too! Luckily, my last rs was safe from this drama.
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Originally posted by becalm:
jojobeach, looks like u understand quite well this kind of guy.
I asked myself the question sometimes too. One being self confident is attractive.....but oversized confidence=big ego = self-absorbed is a turn off but I kept falling for the same type and had to give up, move on, same circle. Shame on me too! Luckily, my last rs was safe from this drama.
Yes indeed, I have met plenty of big ego men and had a few bf with big egos. I tend to attract guys like that...and when they do become my boyfriend.. their egos get so bloated they think they must be super attractive.. and then it's all downhill from there....
They are a total emotional drain, and they are quick at blaming you if you are unable to fulfill their ego needs.
It's always about their needs.
When you realised you are sucked dry, you stop giving. When you stop giving, they will seek the validation from other people.. and they have no problem doing so, because their self justification is .....that since you are unable to fulfill his needs, he need to seek it from another source... and that's entirely valid as it's again... your fault...
So you see... don't beat yourself up when the big ego guy is trying to manipulate you with guilt...it's not your fault... be kind to yourself.. leave and never get involve with this type of losers ever again.
On another note, Playing mind games is a form of manipulation and deceit. Too many are guilty of playing ,mind games during the course of courtship. I suggest you refrain from it, because the end result is never worth it.
Always start with honesty, a relationship built on honesty is one that's going to last.
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ohhh sooo they get their ego bloated when they do become your bf :)
thats a nice indirect way of praising.
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
ohhh sooo they get their ego bloated when they do become your bf :)
thats a nice indirect way of praising.
It's true ok.
got one guy say he couldn't believe it that I agreed to be his gf... Like strike lottery. For the next few weeks, he walk also got swag. Then as if, all of the sudden his cock turned to gold and he must be so desirable.
Every time we go out together.....When other girl look at him he thinks they are admiring him. Actually, those girls are probably thinking, "what is that ugly fiak guy doing with that sweet goddess.. oMG... "
Soon enuff, the size of his upper head grew bigger, his lower head grew lamer. Of cors I had to dump him.
Then only he realized I was the one who made him look good.
Few case already ... Cannot deny anymore.
i can't make this shit up.. It's all personal experience. If you don't believe me, you can try it yourself... Go pick a guy waaayyyy below your league and see what happens.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
It's true ok.
got one guy say he couldn't believe it that I agreed to be his gf... Like strike lottery. For the next few weeks, he walk also got swag. Then as if, all of the sudden his cock turned to gold and he must be so desirable.
Every time we go out together.....When other girl look at him he thinks they are admiring him. Actually, those girls are probably thinking, "what is that ugly fiak guy doing with that sweet goddess.. oMG... "
Soon enuff, the size of his upper head grew bigger, his lower head grew lamer. Of cors I had to dump him.
Then only he realized I was the one who made him look good.
Few case already ... Cannot deny anymore.
i can't make this shit up.. It's all personal experience. If you don't believe me, you can try it yourself... Go pick a guy waaayyyy below your league and see what happens.
LOL I know where u r coming from. Been there, done that, but not with guys WAY below my league though.
Wow, now I know I'm also good at boosting self image like many others ;)
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ok here a true story cause u reminded me of this guy.
he got looks, money, everything, well, u call it 5cs. I used to like him when i still thought he is a good guy. But gradually I realized he thought I was crazy for those trashy things, that he is sooooo desirable and got me around his little fingers like any other girls he can have anytime anywhere. I lost my interest gradually then feelings finally faded completely. But he was too self conceited to even realize that. Then one day he asked me to be his gf but his way was like hey girl, u r so damn lucky, I'm asking u to be my gf but I know it's you who want me. I'm a god's gift. You must be proud. Then ding dong, I rejected him. You know what happened to his ego afterward. So lame guys like that don't spend time to invest in their personalities instead. They are actually so insecure that they don't think a girl can like them for who they really are.
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ya lor hor! you are always the better one... such that guys had to get ego boosted after having u as gf. Cool story!
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Originally posted by becalm:
ok here a true story cause u reminded me of this guy.
he got looks, money, everything, well, u call it 5cs. I used to like him when i still thought he is a good guy. But gradually I realized he thought I was crazy for those trashy things, that he is sooooo desirable and got me around his little fingers like any other girls he can have anytime anywhere. I lost my interest gradually then feelings finally faded completely. But he was too self conceited to even realize that. Then one day he asked me to be his gf but his way was like hey girl, u r so damn lucky, I'm asking u to be my gf but I know it's you who want me. I'm a god's gift. You must be proud. Then ding dong, I rejected him. You know what happened to his ego afterward. So lame guys like that don't spend time to invest in their personalities instead. They are actually so insecure that they don't think a girl can like them for who they really are.
Yes, very funny right ? These guys are so full of themselves when they have no real substance inside.
Looks , money and whatever things.. All fade and depreciates to nothing eventually. Of cors having those are bonus. Not denying they do give the guy an edge.
If only they learn how to respect a girl... Geesh... What's so difficult bout that ?
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Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.
So fed up. Now I'm dreaming ~~~~ if that guy had a bit of respecttttt then I would have become a happy girl with a 5cs guy and a fine personality and we could live happily ever afer. Weeee ~~~ dreaming~~~~LOL
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Originally posted by becalm:
Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.
So fed up. Now I'm dreaming ~~~~ if that guy had a bit of respecttttt then I would have become a happy girl with a 5cs guy and a fine personality and we could live happily ever afer. Weeee ~~~ dreaming~~~~LOL
lol... the weather is just too suitable for that right! -
Originally posted by becalm:
Have you ever failed in your relationship or killed a potential one due to a problem with your ego or your SO's ego?
I've read a lot of posts that got to do with this and I also can relate to it so just wanted to ask you guys for your experience and thoughts so...probably I can avoid or handle it better.
I think we all know that for many people, due to the inclination to defend oneself and self-centredness, they'd rather let their potential or current relationship die down than admit their faults or do something that they are afraid will shoot down their ego.
Let's say...
You like someone but you don't dare to tell him/her due to the fear of rejection. Hence you'd hold back but keep asking yourself if that person likes you or not or...waiting for the golden moment that may never come. It'd be pathetic if that person also has the same fear of failure.
Or someone likes you, you reject them at first or tell them you are not sure of your feelings yet but later you find out you share the same feeling but you don't want to "lose face" so instead of taking action, you just hope or try to give some extremely "subtle" hints and wait for them to go back to you and woo/confess to you again...that eventually never happens because that person doesn't get to know how you feel and he/she decides to move on.
Or you like someone but you don't really let it show because you don't want to appear needy/desperate, so you keep sending mixed signals that confuse them and make them tired of waiting, so they give chance to someone else who is more daring and aggressive.
Or if you're in a relationship, because of the temptation to always be the one who wins, you don't really listen to your partner but want them to listen to you all the time and hardly admit your faults. As a results, almost your conversations end up with you taking the power of a winner and your partner feeling uncared, unloved that leads to her/his resentment and in the end the relationship doesn't work out.
I learned this lesson before and now I'm having problems with a bloated ego person and still thinking how to handle the situation.
What about you guys? Do you think you have big ego or seeing someone with big ego? Is it true that ego and love are enemies?
I just think, the ability to drop one's ego is really necessary for a healthy relationship. You only can truly love yourself and the other person if you can let go of your ego when need be. Speaking as a girl, I really think that letting go of ego doesn't make someone less than a man but makes him more mature and attractive.
me guilty. always desperate for compliments to boost my ego ;))
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Originally posted by becalm:
Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.
So fed up. Now I'm dreaming ~~~~ if that guy had a bit of respecttttt then I would have become a happy girl with a 5cs guy and a fine personality and we could live happily ever afer. Weeee ~~~ dreaming~~~~LOL
u dreaming about me? i have a very decent personality and a loaded pocket but wat a pity i already have a gf ;)
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Originally posted by becalm:
ok here a true story cause u reminded me of this guy.
he got looks, money, everything, well, u call it 5cs. I used to like him when i still thought he is a good guy. But gradually I realized he thought I was crazy for those trashy things, that he is sooooo desirable and got me around his little fingers like any other girls he can have anytime anywhere. I lost my interest gradually then feelings finally faded completely. But he was too self conceited to even realize that. Then one day he asked me to be his gf but his way was like hey girl, u r so damn lucky, I'm asking u to be my gf but I know it's you who want me. I'm a god's gift. You must be proud. Then ding dong, I rejected him. You know what happened to his ego afterward. So lame guys like that don't spend time to invest in their personalities instead. They are actually so insecure that they don't think a girl can like them for who they really are.
true. when it comes to rs, guys of high class often have almost any girl they want but their biggest insecurity is the girls around them always go for money, or sex and what not.
let's not talk about how wealthy you are or tell them you got bankrupted, then they will run away. let's say there are 100 girls after you. when you tell them that, often 97 gone, only 3 left. one is if you provide good sex, she'd stay for it, another is who willing to wait until you grow some money, but if she sees no progress, then bye...forever. the last one is who truly loves you, even when you remain penniless like forever, she'll be there to support you, help you to get back to your feet, she will be the cheer leader for you. She even sacrifies her will for you. She is definitely a keeper, but this is a super rare creature in this day and age.