What if your spouse has an opp. gender good friend
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whom they call each other 'darling'? Platonic friendship is very common nowadays. However, will you get too close to the opp. gender without falling in love with him/her? My spouse has a good female platonic friend and they call each other 'darling', in fact she also call another gf of her 'darling' so in a way nothing weird. But isn't it weird if my spouse whatsapp with her: she: darling, you sound bored. my spouse : darling, bla bla... Should this be something I need to be concern over? I mean, for awhile, I can say I trust them but what about in the long run, are they going to darling here and darling there forever?
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wow i would be quite concerned if i were you... while it is ok to have platonic female friends, but as your hb, it is his job to assure you security... and calling female platonic friends "darling" aint assuring at all.
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Originally posted by Earthcosmic2:
whom they call each other ‘darling’?
Platonic friendship is very common nowadays. However, will you get too close to the opp. gender without falling in love with him/her?
My spouse has a good female platonic friend and they call each other ‘darling’, in fact she also call another gf of her ‘darling’ so in a way nothing weird.
But isn’t it weird if my spouse whatsapp with her:
she: darling, you sound bored.
my spouse : darling, bla bla…
Should this be something I need to be concern over?
I mean, for awhile, I can say I trust them but what about in the long run, are they going to darling here and darling there forever?
It does not seem uncommon for one to address someone else affectionately, especially if their friendship is good. However, your post appears to me as a two-part question:(1) Is my husband at risk of cheating?
Usually a cheating partner would progressively leak out a collective bunch of signs that are mutually coherent. If it is just a singular isolated sign, you could brush it off as platonic friendship. Surely, if he does have history of cheating, then I would say the risk is higher.
From this, one would generally have two schools of thoughts: (i) you believe that if any cheating would happen, it would. Hence any intervention wouldn't make a difference, but would instead hasten the process. (ii) you believe that you should address potentiality before it becomes a reality.
Both philosophical schools of thoughts in love are neither positive nor negative; it is merely how we are geared towards making certain resolution of conflicts in love. If you ask for my personal opinion, I would say my inclination is towards the middle way.
(2) Am I being too paranoid/bad for thinking this way?
It is only natural to be feeling what you are feeling.
We all have our basic needs in relationship and security is one fundamental need. If you feel uncomfortable with him addressing her in such a manner, then surfacing it to him and letting him know is one step you could actively take. You could approach and share it in a reasonable way that you feel uncomfortable with him doing what he is doing.
Instead of assuming, being able to communicate our feelings is important to ensure that there is no elephant in the room. It is the surest way of clarifying our doubts and strengthening the relationship, if we are haunted meaninglessly but by the ghosts in our mind.
Cheers
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Good friendship itself is nothing wrong . BUT all parties must understand their own position and marital status and do nothing that will jeopardise the trust that their spouses have in them . And as such the individuals in that platonic friendship must be very clear about their boundaries of friendship One should never be unduely narrow-minded or concerned about the platonic friendships of one's spouse. One way is to get to know the friend well too, so as to be able to assess the so called platonic friendship.
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: It does not seem
uncommon for one to address someone else affectionately, especially
if their friendship is good. However, your post appears to me as a
two-part question:
(1) Is my husband at risk of cheating?
Usually a cheating partner would progressively leak out a collective bunch of signs that are mutually coherent. If it is just a singular isolated sign, you could brush it off as platonic friendship. Surely, if he does have history of cheating, then I would say the risk is higher.
From this, one would generally have two schools of thoughts: (i) you believe that if any cheating would happen, it would. Hence any intervention wouldn't make a difference, but would instead hasten the process. (ii) you believe that you should address potentiality before it becomes a reality.
Both philosophical schools of thoughts in love are neither positive nor negative; it is merely how we are geared towards making certain resolution of conflicts in love. If you ask for my personal opinion, I would say my inclination is towards the middle way.
(2) Am I being too paranoid/bad for thinking this way?
It is only natural to be feeling what you are feeling.
We all have our basic needs in relationship and security is one fundamental need. If you feel uncomfortable with him addressing her in such a manner, then surfacing it to him and letting him know is one step you could actively take. You could approach and share it in a reasonable way that you feel uncomfortable with him doing what he is doing.
Instead of assuming, being able to communicate our feelings is important to ensure that there is no elephant in the room. It is the surest way of clarifying our doubts and strengthening the relationship, if we are haunted meaninglessly but by the ghosts in our mind.
Cheers
omg.
yunhaier is still around.
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Originally posted by Earthcosmic2:
whom they call each other ‘darling’?
Platonic friendship is very common nowadays. However, will you get too close to the opp. gender without falling in love with him/her?
My spouse has a good female platonic friend and they call each other ‘darling’, in fact she also call another gf of her ‘darling’ so in a way nothing weird.
But isn’t it weird if my spouse whatsapp with her:
she: darling, you sound bored.
my spouse : darling, bla bla…
Should this be something I need to be concern over?
I mean, for awhile, I can say I trust them but what about in the long run, are they going to darling here and darling there forever?
What is acceptable to him , may not be acceptable to you.
"Darling" may be just a frivolous label to him, but that same word has deeper and intimate meaning for you. It is not wise for you to disregard your feelings in a relationship and what should be reserved only for someone deserving of such intimate status. Like between lovers/ husband and wife.
You are his wife, if you feel uncomfortable with his current behavior , you should speak up because YOUR FEELINGS MATTERS in a marriage.
Ask yourself why you married him. If you don't need him to regard your needs, then you really don't need him around , no ?
Let him know you wish for the communication to cease. A loving husband will respect his wife wishes and ensure emotional security.
A selfish man will disregard his partner's needs and focus on his own enjoyment.
If they want to continue, it's time you stop being the third wheel and get out of there.
Like what Princess Diana commented about her marriage prior to the fatal accident. " "There were 3 of us in the marriage".
If your husband wishes to continue such scandalous behavior, the marriage will not last very long. So better you leave now than later when everything becomes more complicated.
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+1
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totally not acceptable.
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So what is the line drawn as to what is aceptable and what is not acceptable?
What is white, black or gray?
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accnot acceptable is havin to many guy froiend like houseflies like that and worse calling her 'darlin'.eptable is no oppo sex allowed as friend calling darlins.
why not i call our mom darlin and your sisters and girlfwens darlnins.? you hear that you will know the answer already.
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What about "babe" or "sexay" or "honey bunny" ?
Or "my tau sha pia" ?
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Can a married guy go out for lunch with his female ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Can a married woman go out for lunch with her male ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Why?
Why not?
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Originally posted by charlize:
What about "babe" or "sexay" or "honey bunny" ?
Or "my tau sha pia" ?
Cannot call them by their name arh.. why must so boh liao.
Your wife call you hunny, she also call her "friend" hunny, on the bed when she calling hunny, is she refering to you or her friend leh ?
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Originally posted by charlize:
Can a married guy go out for lunch with his female ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Can a married woman go out for lunch with her male ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Why?
Why not?
Can lah, You go Les Amis with your gf, your wife go Au Jardin with her boyfriend lor.
You pay the bill, your wife pay his bill. Not very economical lah.
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Originally posted by charlize:
So what is the line drawn as to what is aceptable and what is not acceptable?
What is white, black or gray?
Very clear cut, no grey area lah.
Your wife say cannot , means CANNOT.
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Originally posted by charlize:
Can a married guy go out for lunch with his female ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Can a married woman go out for lunch with her male ex classmate one to one on a sunday afternoon at Les Amis?
Why?
Why not?
cannot, becasue i never do this typeof things. and i expect my other half also behave appropriately. -
Originally posted by charlize:
omg.
yunhaier is still around.
LMAO!
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And after so long he is still the only yun are In AA
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When confronted with such matters, you will feel that life is surreal.
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So can a guy call his guy friend "honey" or "babe"?
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Originally posted by charlize:
So can a guy call his guy friend "honey" or "babe"?
stop pretending gay guys don't exist please.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
stop pretending gay guys don't exist please.
you seems very experience? been watching tapes?