Let me first start off by saying that I have been depressed for the last 12 years. I met a guy in hospital while trying to get help for my long-term depression. He had the same issues as I had with depression, but differed in some aspects.
Here are my reasons for my depression: My father killed himself when I was 9 and I was curious to find out where and why he had abandoned me. I had a problem with my meaning and reasons for living, I just couldn't find a reason to live in a meaningless and cruel world (that's the way life looked to me). I couldn't fit in with society because I am very shy so I never made friends easily. I also didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, so I never excelled in my studies or pursued a career and now I am struggling to find a job.
I may have a seretonin deficiency, but I haven't been on psychiatric drugs for over a year now and I don't feel suicidal anymore. He and I both smoke marijuana, and I feel that it helps more than any psychiatric drug I've ever taken (though I do feel it makes me lazy sometimes, so we decided to smoke only once a week rather than everyday).
His reasons for depression: He couldn't fit in with society either and lacked meaning in his life too. He was also depressed for almost a decade, but he had the basic tools for overcoming his depression, like eating a balanced diet and exercise.
He is very intelligent and has a critical mind and is able to think clearly. He helps me to think clearly and has taught me the importance of exercise and a proper diet and it has helped me get over some bad days. I now look at each day as a learning experience and I don't let little things like not having a job get me down and I strive each and every day to better myself. I now feel like I am finally moving forward in my life.
We have found a kinship in one another which helps us with our meaning and reasons for being alive. It's a simple life but we find much joy just being with each other everyday. I've been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years.
We live in South Africa and my mother has been living overseas for the last 8 years. My mother recently returned to SA, with the intention of staying permanently. She offered to let us live with her when she arrived (my bf and I don't have jobs at the moment and she wanted to start a business and include us in it, he designed a website for her business and I was willing to help her out in any way possible), but now she has turned around and said that she doesn't want him to live under the same roof as her. She has adamantly insisted that he is not right for me since we both suffered from depression and we smoke weed, which in her opinion is making our depression worse (although this ignores the reality that if it was going to, it would have already). She is worried we might turn back to our old ways of thinking and try suicide again. I've tried to tell her that this is not the case, but in the middle of an emotional argument I made a mistake with her by saying that if he is not with me then I will feel depressed and suicidal again. I did this in a very unknowingly manipulative way (I only realised after the fact that I was being manipulative) and she is convinced now that my bf and I will not have a happy future together. She doesn't like him and thinks I can find someone better, preferably someone wealthy.
My step-father is arriving from overseas in 2 days time and she wants me to come along to the airport to collect him, and stay at her house this weekend and discuss how to proceed with our lives. I think she still wants to involve me in the business and I'm not sure what she's going to say about my relationship.
Please help. I don't know how to tell my mother that I would like to not be involved with her business at all. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know she has my best interests at heart but she doesn't have all the facts straight and she won't listen to reason. She doesn't like him, doesn't think he's good enough for me and that's that, I can't change her mind. I just want to live with my boyfriend and find a job doing whatever I can in the meantime (e.g. waitressing) until I can go back to university and finish a degree in Psychology (it's over halfway done).
Sorry if the post is too long, and if there's anything that needs clarification please let me know.
Thanks for reading.
Originally posted by Zenophon:Let me first start off by saying that I have been depressed for the last 12 years. I met a guy in hospital while trying to get help for my long-term depression. He had the same issues as I had with depression, but differed in some aspects.
Here are my reasons for my depression: My father killed himself when I was 9 and I was curious to find out where and why he had abandoned me. I had a problem with my meaning and reasons for living, I just couldn't find a reason to live in a meaningless and cruel world (that's the way life looked to me). I couldn't fit in with society because I am very shy so I never made friends easily. I also didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, so I never excelled in my studies or pursued a career and now I am struggling to find a job.
I may have a seretonin deficiency, but I haven't been on psychiatric drugs for over a year now and I don't feel suicidal anymore. He and I both smoke marijuana, and I feel that it helps more than any psychiatric drug I've ever taken (though I do feel it makes me lazy sometimes, so we decided to smoke only once a week rather than everyday).
His reasons for depression: He couldn't fit in with society either and lacked meaning in his life too. He was also depressed for almost a decade, but he had the basic tools for overcoming his depression, like eating a balanced diet and exercise.
He is very intelligent and has a critical mind and is able to think clearly. He helps me to think clearly and has taught me the importance of exercise and a proper diet and it has helped me get over some bad days. I now look at each day as a learning experience and I don't let little things like not having a job get me down and I strive each and every day to better myself. I now feel like I am finally moving forward in my life.
We have found a kinship in one another which helps us with our meaning and reasons for being alive. It's a simple life but we find much joy just being with each other everyday. I've been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years.
We live in South Africa and my mother has been living overseas for the last 8 years. My mother recently returned to SA, with the intention of staying permanently. She offered to let us live with her when she arrived (my bf and I don't have jobs at the moment and she wanted to start a business and include us in it, he designed a website for her business and I was willing to help her out in any way possible), but now she has turned around and said that she doesn't want him to live under the same roof as her. She has adamantly insisted that he is not right for me since we both suffered from depression and we smoke weed, which in her opinion is making our depression worse (although this ignores the reality that if it was going to, it would have already). She is worried we might turn back to our old ways of thinking and try suicide again. I've tried to tell her that this is not the case, but in the middle of an emotional argument I made a mistake with her by saying that if he is not with me then I will feel depressed and suicidal again. I did this in a very unknowingly manipulative way (I only realised after the fact that I was being manipulative) and she is convinced now that my bf and I will not have a happy future together. She doesn't like him and thinks I can find someone better, preferably someone wealthy.
My step-father is arriving from overseas in 2 days time and she wants me to come along to the airport to collect him, and stay at her house this weekend and discuss how to proceed with our lives. I think she still wants to involve me in the business and I'm not sure what she's going to say about my relationship.
Please help. I don't know how to tell my mother that I would like to not be involved with her business at all. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know she has my best interests at heart but she doesn't have all the facts straight and she won't listen to reason. She doesn't like him, doesn't think he's good enough for me and that's that, I can't change her mind. I just want to live with my boyfriend and find a job doing whatever I can in the meantime (e.g. waitressing) until I can go back to university and finish a degree in Psychology (it's over halfway done).
Sorry if the post is too long, and if there's anything that needs clarification please let me know.
Thanks for reading.
what? you smoke weed? it's illegal!
I know, and that's what my mom said as well, but I haven't found anything else that works to soothe me when I get stressed. I don't drink alcohol because it makes me feel like crap the next day. What else can you suggest to ease the stress? I know that in Singapore drugs are very taboo, but what else can I do? Weed is not a major offence here. Psychiatric drugs may be legal but they've made me feel worse (many side effects) and I have no memories of the 2 years I was on prescription medication in the past.
We understand that we should stop smoking, and will do so in time, so please let's not get distracted - I need advice regarding my mother.
This is your life. you control it and just move on with ur bf. ur mum aint gonna be ur soulmate, ur bf is. but u must make sure he is really worth it for u to do that, u don wan to crawl back to ur mum asking for help next time should u break up with him and let her laugh at you and that u not listening to her in e first place
I had a problem with my meaning and reasons for living, I just couldn't find a reason to live in a meaningless and cruel world (that's the way life looked to me). I couldn't fit in with society because I am very shy so I never made friends easily. I also didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, so I never excelled in my studies or pursued a career and now I am struggling to find a job.
This world is not just about you, my dear. Maybe if you change your self centered thinking, life is much more meaningful to you.
I apologize for using personal pronouns too much.
We are all human beings placed on this earth for a reason. I am grateful for having such a loving and caring mother and my wish is that she be happy in her life too. I want to do all I can to help her out and move forward with the life we have been given. We strive to make each day better for everyone on this planet.
I appreciate everyone's advice in this matter. Thank you very much for allowing me to see the issue in a different light.
As mother, she must be so heart broken to see her own daughter suffering from depression.
on top of that... her daughter is hanging out with a guy suffering from depression... that's a DOUBLE WHAMMY for your mom to have to deal with.
How much more do you want your mother to bear ?
Instead of dealing with only ONE.. now she has to deal with TWO of you, is that fair to her ? No.
It's great that you and your bf seek solace and acceptance in each other's arms.. but that is not going to help your mother deal with the problem.
Help your mother to help you.
Your mom is just like any human being, she does not possess super powers.
She is doing all she can, to help you get out of the rut you are in now... but she is only capable of handling ONE at a time.
You can only take care of others.. when you have taken care of yourself. - you cannot give what you do not have.
Your mom is there to help.. she wants to help.. and she hopes she CAN help. Help her achieve her goals...
When you have taken care of yourself... when you are in a better place.. then will you be in a position to help your bf or anyone else who needs your assistance.
So, let your bf go back to his home for now... it's the fair and right thing to do.