Ok this is going to be a very long post... actually i did reveal a little in another thread. But i guess it would be more appropriate to start a topic here.
This entire issue start way back, about 7-8years ago... happened when i was in jc 1 which din involved me during that time.
Back then, my dad owed some bank loans of which im unsure of the amount. However, the situation was such that the bank had informed my dad that he would need to pay a lump sum of 1k to the bank or if not they would come and remove my assets. The amount of 1k was not revealed to us by the bank, but only revealed to us by my dad. By us, i mean me and my siblings. During that time, my bro had just graduated from Uni and has yet to find a job and my sis had just started her poly work attachment. My dad forcefully borrowed $800 from my sis and told her that he and mum would come out with the $200 and that would be able to save the furnitures from being moved away. However, on the day itself, me and sis came back home only to realise that all the furniture was gone. I was not in the knowing then and got to know a large part of the story only recently when i went into army and started working when i ORD.
After that incident, there were recent quarrels within my family, mainly b/w dad and sis. He did not reveal how he could not come out with the $200 and where and what did he used my dad's $800 on. Furthermore, throughout these years, he had not brought back a single cent home. My mum and sis who was working, had to support the whole family, my allowance, my bro's allowance and my dad's allowance with all other family expenses. I only went self sufficient the moment i went in army. During these years, dad had continually borrowed money from my mum and sis and even forcefully borrowed money from them so that he could go overseas(china cheng du) with his friends during CNY. Reason being, his friends will pay for the flight tickets and he have already agreed and committed to them. He also borrowed money from mum and sis in the name of trying to set up business and then buying goods, which for so many years, we haven't seen any of the goods at all. Also, he went to the extent to ask my sis, to borrow money from her bf for him when my sis told him that she had no money. Because of such a issue, my sis lost 3 relationships all because they could not accept my family, my dad.
Recently, my dad received a letter from a certain bank that because he has defaulted payment, the entire account has been transferred over to a legalised money lending company and we would need a entire sum of 15k to pay it off, or there would be court proceedings and we would have to pay a sum of about 20k. If we fail to pay, is saying good bye to the assets again which over the years, me and my siblings have worked to buy back things like sofa, fridge and washing machine.
After much discussion without my dad being around as he was "working", my bro decided that we should pay while me and my sis felt that we should only pay if he comes clean with all the loans he had incurred throughout the years, why he had taken those loans and where he had used them on. We decided that since there are 5 of us, we should share the burden equally in that everyone pays 3k to come up with the 15k and since we cant come out with all the cash instantly, we intended to borrow some from our relatives and then return to them. After the discussion, my mum called the relatives to tried to borrow the money and then my dad got angry and shouted at her. Telling her not to call the relatives and scolding my mum for protecting us. The reason for not calling the relatives was that "how will they look at us" It was then that i couldn't control anymore and quarrelled with him and shouted at him for i felt that it was unjustified for him to scold my mum, a women who spent her life working to support a hb who brought back nothing but debts. My dad then eventually threaten to sell the house and told us that he would take his share and just go off with it and tell my mum that she would stay with us(her 3 children) and he doesn't want her anymore.
We then asked him to repay the debt and share the debt with us in which he does not want to return and does not want to claim any responsibility for it. He claimed that as a father when we need the money, he doesnt question how we use his money and so when he needs the money, we should not question how come he needs and how and where he uses it. Eventually, he insist that we do not borrow for relatives but instead we should go and take personal loans to return that 15k claiming that personal loan with an installment of $100-$200 per mth shld be affordable for us. That way, we can repay the debt and he wouldn't have to pay a single cent. The children pays for him.
Hearing that, i was disheartened. Eventually the decision is to repay off the debt and i came out with my own "life savings" of 4k to repay it. Mayb to many forummers here, 4k is a small amount, but for me, it is a big amount. i take home less than a 1.5k, i self fund my own university fees, i have a gf, i pay my own bills and i need to be self sufficient. This 4k is a scrimpt and save for many years that i manage to salvage the 4k. It was meant to be a start off as a marriage fund for me and my gf. I cried so hard that day when i was to make such a decision to use it to repay the debt. That money, meant tears, sweat and blood for me. It meant my commitment to my gf, a commitment probe that i was serious into looking for a marriage. In a instant, i went penniless, in an instant, it felt like a dream/bubble burst infront of me.
What followed was a phone call to my gf, cried hard over the phone to tell her what had happen and that i need to and am going to use the money. What followed was me telling her to look for someone else. Someone who could provide her better financial security, someone who would give her a better chance of a future, someone who is not so penniless. But im glad, glad that she stayed and supports me but i feel so.... indebted to her... every girl, would run upon knowing i've such a family, but yet she choose to stay, for me.
After trying all ways and means to get the money, we finally pay off the debt. But there was not a tinge of appreciation from my dad, the one who created the debt. He still shows his attitude around, and takes it for granted that we pays for him. That feeling, is as though we not a family, or at least i dont feel i have one now. I've personally longed for a heart warming family, what has happened, tore it apart.
I started spending more time with my gf and her family, i feel more at ease, more relax, more warmth over there. But im quite lost, lost at what to do... helping him this time, would not ensure there's no next time. If it happens every year, once every few years, how many 4k 5k 6k would each of my siblings have to pay? how am i going to plan for a future with my girl, this girl who stood by my side when im having my darkest moment now?
Restarting is pain, many have told me to move out, get myself stablised and self sustain myself. Only then will i come back stronger, where in the event i wish to take care of my mum, i would be more able to do so... as my mum currently, has not entertained a thought to divorce my dad, has been play sympathy cards to make us accept dad and to forgive him. I felt as if my future has been reaped to pieces, i dont want to keep picking up the pieces time and again, neither do i want, this girl, to suffer with me again and again.
Many thanks for reading this long post, advises much appreciated.
Apologies jojo if my issue caused you a heated argument with oldbread.
Fooled you once, shame on your father. Fooled you twice, shame on you. You pay off his debt.. he go and borrow somemore... All you and your siblings did was ENABLING him to take advantage of all of you.
Your father wants to become a bankrupt, LET HIM. once he becomes a bankrupt, he CANNOT borrow from banks anymore. Problem SOLVED. Yet you idiots keep paying the debt off.. geesh.
Your mom is willing to sacrifice her children to keep her messed up marriage .. why ? Love ? That's bullshit. She is afraid of something.
Your father borrowed money to go China, when was the last time he brings your mother for a vacation ?
Oh so he commit to his bunch of pig friends... what about HIS VOWS to your mom to take care of her ????
Your mom wants to continue this wretched life to a deadbeat, that's HER problem !!
Why are you still clinging on to your parents ? Have you not learned how to fish ?
Your parents will not die without you... but if you keep hanging on to your toxic family, YOU will be the death of you and your future.
Your father cannot FORCE you to borrow money. You just have to learn to say NO to him. he wants to throw a tantrum, LET HIM. After he is done, IGNORE the fool.
Your sister cannot keep blaming your father for her failed relationships.. There are many people out there with shitty family.. but they don't let shitty family affect their personal relationship.
Advise to your sister.. she can stop acting the victim, there's one simple to prevent your father from "ruining" her relationships... tell her to SHUT UP . STOP complaining about your lousy parents to her bfs. All her bf don't have to know.
her bf left her , NOT because of your parents.. its because they got tired of her , the DRAMA queen. It is obvious why she is doing it... because she is HOPING a knight in shiny armor come saves her from her wretched life....
And you... you are FOLLOWING your sis footsteps... wtf...you are no damsel in distress.. you are the one with the dick !!!
When you tell your gf to find someone else... are you trying to get sympathy from her ? You idiot. It was never about the money, it always about HOW you are handling adversities in your life. And you FAILED.
If you cannot even manage your family on your own , how are you going to protect your gf ? Is she the one wearing the pants.. or you ? You cried like a baby.. what you want her to do ? Solve YOUR problem for you ???
YOU need to STAND on your own two feet and stop acting like a WUSS.
Get your own place, get your own furniture, get your own farking life.. that way, your father CANNOT TOUCH YOU.
Right now, ALL your siblings are LEECHING off your father. As long as you live under his roof, you play by HIS RULES. Understand ???
Sorry to say this.. but i think your whole family are just a bunch of stupid people.
The only person who is really smart is your FATHER.
cuz, Only smart people knows how to take advantage of Stupid people.
Yes, the truth hurts.. after reading this, and you still feel like a victim, then you truly deserved it.
To summarise the above.
1. STOP BAILING OUT YOUR FATHER.
2. SHIELD your gf/bf from your shitty family
3. GROW some backbones !!
4. Be INDEPENDENT , then your lousy parents cannot crush your balls !!
OK ? Good.
can u link the previous thread also?
Originally posted by mr music:your dad has not learn his lesson, chances of him giving y’all trouble again is very high. all of you siblings should gathered and have a serious discussion together on throwing him out to the streets. your mum? Y’all should knock some sense into her and tell her to toughen herself and not give in to his nonsense anymore.
as for you, stop pushing your gf away. you are poor now does not mean you are poor forever. who knows you will be rich in future? she is investing on your future, not now. you are undergoing a tough period in your life but this will pass in a few years time. i have a word for you å�ƒå¾—苦ä¸è‹¦ï¼Œæ–¹ä¸ºäººä¸Šäºº. a person who has undergone hardship will put in more effort and hard work in life hence chances of you being successful in future will be high.
when my spouse met me, i was at the lowest point in my life with my family in financial trouble. who knows who support who in the future? I am supporting her now.
Thanks for your encouragment... yea... shall bet on my future.. already taken steps to ensure i secure my future.
Tried knocking sense into my mum already, but she's too stucked on the "i need to maintain face" mentality. Gave up trying to knock some sense into her already.
" a person who has undergone hardship will put in more effort and hard work in life hence chances of you being successful in future will be high."
This whole episode only made me more resilent, and my dad turned out a perfect bad example. It only strengthen my resolve to get more resilent and to become a better person.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Fooled you once, shame on your father. Fooled you twice, shame on you. You pay off his debt.. he go and borrow somemore... All you and your siblings did was ENABLING him to take advantage of all of you.
Your father wants to become a bankrupt, LET HIM. once he becomes a bankrupt, he CANNOT borrow from banks anymore. Problem SOLVED. Yet you idiots keep paying the debt off.. geesh.
Your mom is willing to sacrifice her children to keep her messed up marriage .. why ? Love ? That's bullshit. She is afraid of something.
Your father borrowed money to go China, when was the last time he brings your mother for a vacation ?
Oh so he commit to his bunch of pig friends... what about HIS VOWS to your mom to take care of her ????
Your mom wants to continue this wretched life to a deadbeat, that's HER problem !!
Why are you still clinging on to your parents ? Have you not learned how to fish ?
Your parents will not die without you... but if you keep hanging on to your toxic family, YOU will be the death of you and your future.
Your father cannot FORCE you to borrow money. You just have to learn to say NO to him. he wants to throw a tantrum, LET HIM. After he is done, IGNORE the fool.
Your sister cannot keep blaming your father for her failed relationships.. There are many people out there with shitty family.. but they don't let shitty family affect their personal relationship.
Advise to your sister.. she can stop acting the victim, there's one simple to prevent your father from "ruining" her relationships... tell her to SHUT UP . STOP complaining about your lousy parents to her bfs. All her bf don't have to know.
her bf left her , NOT because of your parents.. its because they got tired of her , the DRAMA queen. It is obvious why she is doing it... because she is HOPING a knight in shiny armor come saves her from her wretched life....
And you... you are FOLLOWING your sis footsteps... wtf...you are no damsel in distress.. you are the one with the dick !!!
When you tell your gf to find someone else... are you trying to get sympathy from her ? You idiot. It was never about the money, it always about HOW you are handling adversities in your life. And you FAILED.
If you cannot even manage your family on your own , how are you going to protect your gf ? Is she the one wearing the pants.. or you ? You cried like a baby.. what you want her to do ? Solve YOUR problem for you ???
YOU need to STAND on your own two feet and stop acting like a WUSS.
Get your own place, get your own furniture, get your own farking life.. that way, your father CANNOT TOUCH YOU.
Right now, ALL your siblings are LEECHING off your father. As long as you live under his roof, you play by HIS RULES. Understand ???
Sorry to say this.. but i think your whole family are just a bunch of stupid people.
The only person who is really smart is your FATHER.
cuz, Only smart people knows how to take advantage of Stupid people.
Yes, the truth hurts.. after reading this, and you still feel like a victim, then you truly deserved it.
Nah... not gonna feel like a victim... cause my biggest mistake is to agree to pay... which in other words im feeding the troll.
Nope i dont think i deserve it. Anyway i think your comments went way out of point.
And oh ya,
1) I already decided to not pay for him any futher
2) If i hadn't wanted to protect my gf, wont even entertain the thought of cutting her off so that she doesn't have to go through this with me.
3) Already grew the backbones, the whole issue is basically moral obligations vs self.
4) Yes i have lousy parents, no they din crush my balls, yes im independent.
5) My sis is no drama queen btw, ppl have eyes to see, so do her bfs... Your comments, shows a lack of sight from other's POV.
But nvm, im providing a platform for you to shoot your mouth off.
Your salary less than 1.5 k is too low. My friend is looking for a sales assistant salary is $1.7k at a very prestige clothing store at Plaza Singapura. You can get to meet lots of rich people.
Let me know if your interested.
salary askin cannot toohighe leh, we got less than 1k labor around you know, and if can look for FOC photogrpaher. come on unemployed pppl like me can pay, employed people cannot still wanna get married do ROM chio kao peng. don;t tell ppl, ppl laffthe cokhead out.
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:Nah... not gonna feel like a victim... cause my biggest mistake is to agree to pay... which in other words im feeding the troll.
Nope i dont think i deserve it. Anyway i think your comments went way out of point.
And oh ya,
1) I already decided to not pay for him any futher
2) If i hadn't wanted to protect my gf, wont even entertain the thought of cutting her off so that she doesn't have to go through this with me.
3) Already grew the backbones, the whole issue is basically moral obligations vs self.
4) Yes i have lousy parents, no they din crush my balls, yes im independent.
5) My sis is no drama queen btw, ppl have eyes to see, so do her bfs... Your comments, shows a lack of sight from other's POV.
But nvm, im providing a platform for you to shoot your mouth off.
" Already grew the backbones, the whole issue is basically moral obligations vs self."
There's a very bold and defined line between moral obligations and being stupid.
Your moral obligation is to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family.
You simply cannot give what you don't have.
Letting your father CRIPPLE you financially is NOT moral obligation, it's being stupid.
Oh well... You obviously dont understand what I was trying to say. But nvm... I definitely don't think that I'm stupid... Basically to me its just between giving out of moral obligations or keeping it for myself. Nonetheless you can say what you want... Up to me whether to take what u say.
Anyway thanks for your "kind" replies and your "clever-ness"
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:Oh well... You obviously dont understand what I was trying to say. But nvm... I definitely don't think that I'm stupid... Basically to me its just between giving out of moral obligations or keeping it for myself. Nonetheless you can say what you want... Up to me whether to take what u say.
Anyway thanks for your "kind" replies and your "clever-ness"
Dude, you don't need to get all defensive about the word "stupid".
Everyone of us did some stupid shit when we were ignorant and naive. We simply didn't know any better.
What is IMPORTANT is that you have WISED UP.( doesnt mean you are smarter, it just means you are more EXPERIENCED)
I suggest you take up some Personal Financial Management courses or at least READ some self help books.
Time to get out of the Matrix.
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
Apologies jojo if my issue caused you a heated argument with oldbread.
? we were arguing?
with her?? (-.-") she's entertainment.
about your family, I think deep down it isn't advice you need. you already know what needs or don't need to be done.
maybe you just needed someone to share the same view and make you think that path is correct.
like what I told my friend once in a somewhat similar situation with less shitty parents, both ways won't end well but one path is less damaging financially .
and whatever you choose be content with your choices and how they turn out.
amount of money is pretty large? your dad is either gambling or he has a woman outside liao.
Originally posted by oldbreadstinks:? we were arguing?
with her?? (-.-") she's entertainment.
LOL... really.. so why are you getting all huffy and puffy when I didn't bother to read every single one of your nonsense postings ?
Yah, male pride.. how pathetic.
Originally posted by jojobeach:LOL... really.. so why are you getting all huffy and puffy when I didn't bother to read every single one of your nonsense postings ?
Yah, male pride.. how pathetic.
replying to most of my posts would qualify as such
not to mention specific replies towards specific topics
adding in a cheap insult don't help, it only enforces the point of poor upbringing as I mentioned earlier.
" He claimed that as a father when we need the money, he doesnt question how we use his money and so when he needs the money, we should not question how come he needs and how and where he uses it"
This is a classic manipulator. If you are smart, you would never buy into this.
Try asking him for $50,000 , see if he will question why and where you want to spend it. Chances are... he'll ask you why and say NO anyway, because he is no fool.
Originally posted by oldbreadstinks:replying to most of my posts would qualify as such
not to mention specific replies towards specific topics
adding in a cheap insult don't help, it only enforces the point of poor upbringing as I mentioned earlier.
yadda yadda yadda... the old man talks and talks and talks... he doesn't know when to stop !!
Originally posted by jojobeach:yadda yadda yadda... the old man talks and talks and talks... he doesn't know when to stop !!
what happened? drastic drop in IQ and maturity upon seeing me point out your faults??
Originally posted by jojobeach:yadda yadda yadda... the old man talks and talks and talks... he doesn't know when to stop !!
see? to TS , you think it's possible to argue with this kind of standard? lol that's why I say entertainment. she's not the kind you can take seriously. she doesn't even give serious advice.
every situation ends with her saying it's best to burn the whole country to the ground. put it all to the sword . bomb the blighters.
Originally posted by jojobeach:" He claimed that as a father when we need the money, he doesnt question how we use his money and so when he needs the money, we should not question how come he needs and how and where he uses it"
This is a classic manipulator. If you are smart, you would never buy into this.
Try asking him for $50,000 , see if he will question why and where you want to spend it. Chances are... he'll ask you why and say NO anyway, because he is no fool.
I din buy into that leh... cause i felt that was nonsense right from the start... i will slap myself in the face if i paid because he said that... but it aint the reason i paid...
But wad's impt, is that it is not gonna happen a 2nd time...
Originally posted by oldbreadstinks:about your family, I think deep down it isn't advice you need. you already know what needs or don't need to be done.
maybe you just needed someone to share the same view and make you think that path is correct.
like what I told my friend once in a somewhat similar situation with less shitty parents, both ways won't end well but one path is less damaging financially .
and whatever you choose be content with your choices and how they turn out.
i was just trying to see if there's a better alternative solution to this issue... but apparently there aint.
Originally posted by oldbreadstinks:see? to TS , you think it's possible to argue with this kind of standard? lol that's why I say entertainment. she's not the kind you can take seriously. she doesn't even give serious advice.
every situation ends with her saying it's best to burn the whole country to the ground. put it all to the sword . bomb the blighters.
Tsk tsk tsk... why do men always try to discredit their opponents when they are losing ground ?
So yeah... can't win me with brains... just pull me down to your level of stupid and beat me with your experience... well played.
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:I din buy into that leh... cause i felt that was nonsense right from the start... i will slap myself in the face if i paid because he said that... but it aint the reason i paid...
But wad's impt, is that it is not gonna happen a 2nd time...
Oh.. so what's the big secret ? What was the reason ? Hmm ? To embarrassed to let us know ?
Besides, bankrupts can't leave the country... let him go bankrupt... he'll have to kiss his China lover goodbye until he gets discharged several years later... heck.. you'd be doing your mom a favor , now ain't that a win-win situation.