Originally posted by jojobeach:Devoted GAL,
You really need to wake up from your fairy tale dream.
I know.. you want to believe you married a Prince Charming.
But lets be frank , and brutally honest...
Your man is a S.O.B.. a user... a piece of shit.
Seriously... after 8 years... of USING you... he still didn't want to pick up the tab.. ROM cost him how much... $50 to register.. WTF.. and you didn't even get a wedding ceremony ? He won't even let you walk down the ailse in your dream wedding gown. Instead he puts you in shitty situation...
Now he wants to dump you for a make believe china mistress..
No he doesn't love you.... I think he actually HATES you.
Yet you still want to get all heart broken , depressed and weak over this piece of shit.
If you so truly believe you deserve a douche bag like him... you probably do deserve it.
After 2 years of relationship , and he still havn't propose.. you should have LEFT him already.. MOVE ON to the next interested party.
8 years of free milk... why would he need to buy the cow ? How cheap can you get ?
why would you tink that he actually hates her? i felt he is more like disinterested in her rather than hating her wor.
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:
Your story is not very different from one of my friend... The only difference is, she is now dead. died of cancer. Also, her first marathon relationship since secondary school.
My friend , she also very devoted, went thru NS with him, degree, career .. Etc etc..then , after her husband found out she got cancer... He dumped her.. He told her, he wants children... Now she has cancer..cannot have children.. And scared pass the cancer gene to his offspring.
Recently I saw her ex, and found out.. He didn't know she was dead. So I told him. His response was. "oh, I didn't know".. Shrug his shoulders and walk off with his new wife. My mind went blank... I couldn't believe how cruel a man can be...
Girl, u can love a man.. But u must keep your soul. You can love a selfish man, you can also love a tyrant . but in the end..When his heart is cold...he can become cruel.... So..please..... You must take care of yourself.
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:why would you tink that he actually hates her? i felt he is more like disinterested in her rather than hating her wor.
Ok. Maybe using hate was too strong.
What I am trying to say is.. On their current situation.. It's like TS is this ball and chain... Holding back he husband ..Like the prisoner of 8 years.Who.. Found the key to freedom.. But got held back by this "burden".
If I am the prisoner, I will be annoyed by the ball and chain... And I couldn't wait to shake the chain off... And run towards the big open field.
So, ok... Perhaps..annoyance is a better word.
The reason why there's a date line for relationship.. And typically 2 years is very simple.
There is a category of men... Known as the commitmentphobes... Meaning, commitment phobia...they run away whenever a woman wants her man to commit to her. So, if u are looking for a happy ending... Avoid this type of men, because u will be guaranteed to be disappointed.
By using the two years as mark. If this guy shows reluctance to commit.. It's time to high tail out of the relationship.
Two years is also just nice to get to know a person more intimately and is sufficient time to find out if both of u are compatible.
But typically, if a man is indeed in love with you.. And is not a commitmentphobe... He would have made up his mind to marry u within the first year of a relationship. Some are able to make up their mind within 6 months...
For ur case... I highly suspect u are dating a commitmentphobe.... And the reason why the relationship can last 8 years is because u never ask him for commitment ... Hence he never need to run.
But now... With pressures from families.. And moral obligation... He has no more reason not to....And so... He runs. Leaving you behind to pick up the pieces.
he got gf oladi.
he is a bastard.
"just few months ago we were saying to hold our customary wedding after he come back...nw he tell me he cannot commit...and he scare he may fall in love with other girls...what the hell..i really suffer shock and depression...he say he need to sort out his thoughts and feelings...he say there is no third party...but he is goin to CHina to work.,..,..not sure if he is suffering from post marriage symptons having cold feet..or he rely dun love me anymore"
He need to sort out his thoughts and feelings now after he ROM and purchase flat with you?
And he is scared that he may fall in love with other girls? What the f was he talking about?
"but i think maybe not true...guess he really dun love me lor..if really love won't behave like that."
But you know him for 8 long years. Don't or can't you detect his level of commitment and devotion to you or plainly speaking his love for you before you commit yourself to him?
Well, as the movie "Forrest Gump", life is just like a box of chocs, you nvr know what you going to get.
Bright side is that you know he is not the right one for you eventually. Just move on. Like many here said, once he experienced something new it's hard to go back. Only when he is tired of those new excitements. Unless you are willing to do that, if not then move on and life goes on. Your right one will sure to come along the way.
Originally posted by jojobeach:For ur case... I highly suspect u are dating a commitmentphobe.... And the reason why the relationship can last 8 years is because u never ask him for commitment ... Hence he never need to run.
Hi Jojo thanks for your reply..it make me think alot...wat u say makes sense...i slowly trying to tell myself to stand up...but all these need time...hope time will heal in my heart if i rely let him go..
last weekend still got meet him like normal....still chating n teasing..like no such ting hapen..but realised he dun realy hold my hand except crossing the road...
i guess he still thinking...n sorting out his thoughts...he been busy with work..n goin to china this week for few days business trip..
his mum was chatting to me on our new house..n asking if we leave a room for babies...n she even plan next time to live with us...n rent out her current flat to help us pay for our house...i say ok ah can live together lar...but rental no need giv us lar can keep herself......his parents are very nice...then she told me 2 months ago she was discussing with her son on wedding ceremony to be held...and going to my house to meet my parents ...and my hubby still say he can easily book hotel as he know contacts..
after i heard it, i cry in front of his mum..to think 2 months ago he still committed to hold the wedding..with me..why sudenly now..he changed his thoughts..
really cannot accept it...i think i canot let go..been thinking why..
his mum ask me wat hapen y i cry..she shock...she ask isit my dad scold me..i shake my head n tell her nothing...she tell me anything can let her know ..she won't tell her son...she apologised to me say her son is very bad tempered she know that i been giving in.....she say she can talk to him slowly....he will listen to her..she say wedding ceremony must held if not will be unfair to me n my parents..
but i don tink i will tell his mum what hapen..cos his mum aso strong character wait both quarrel...i better dun lor...last time they ever quarrel until half year never talk to each other..
haiz i rely sad..dono...
then i go Qiu qian at Guanyin temple waterloo...super zun...its a bad qian...
tell me Trying to put out fire using wood will make the fire worst....one 's thoughts can lead to 1000 dwell...things..and one day will reealise its futile....ask me to be quiet , and calm and all will be well...it also say change of residence to be considered..and less worse events will happen for fortune...
i guess its telling me not to tell the mum what happen leh....if not will make it worst..and tell me not to think so much leh..
so i remain calm now...n quiet lor...c wat happen..haiz....
last weekend still got meet him like normal....still chating n teasing..like no such ting hapen..but realised he dun realy hold my hand except crossing the road...
i guess he still thinking...n sorting out his thoughts...he been busy with work..n goin to china this week for few days business trip..
his mum was chatting to me on our new house..n asking if we leave a room for babies...n she even plan next time to live with us...n rent out her current flat to help us pay for our house...i say ok ah can live together lar...but rental no need giv us lar can keep herself......his parents are very nice...then she told me 2 months ago she was discussing with her son on wedding ceremony to be held...and going to my house to meet my parents ...and my hubby still say he can easily book hotel as he know contacts..
after i heard it, i cry in front of his mum..to think 2 months ago he still committed to hold the wedding..with me..why sudenly now..he changed his thoughts..
really cannot accept it...i think i canot let go..been thinking why..
his mum ask me wat hapen y i cry..she shock...she ask isit my dad scold me..i shake my head n tell her nothing...she tell me anything can let her know ..she won't tell her son...she apologised to me say her son is very bad tempered she know that i been giving in.....she say she can talk to him slowly....he will listen to her..she say wedding ceremony must held if not will be unfair to me n my parents..
but i don tink i will tell his mum what hapen..cos his mum aso strong character wait both quarrel...i better dun lor...last time they ever quarrel until half year never talk to each other..
haiz i rely sad..dono...
then i go qiu qian at guanyin temple waterloo...super zun...its a bad qian...
tell me Trying to put out fire using wood will make the fire worst....one 's thoughts can lead to 1000 dwell...things..and one day will reealise its futile....ask me to be quiet , and calm and all will be well...it also say change of residence to be considered..and less worse events will happen for fortune...
i guess its telling me not to tell the mum what happen leh....if not will make it worst..
so i remain calm now...n quiet lor...c wat happen..haiz....
Originally posted by 4sg:
i aso dun know what the F he was talking about...just before we are talking about wedding and sudenly he like that...all these 8 years he only true to me...but dono y recently he doubt his thoughts..haiz..
Originally posted by GamerAtHeart:Well, as the movie "Forrest Gump", life is just like a box of chocs, you nvr know what you going to get.
Bright side is that you know he is not the right one for you eventually. Just move on. Like many here said, once he experienced something new it's hard to go back. Only when he is tired of those new excitements. Unless you are willing to do that, if not then move on and life goes on. Your right one will sure to come along the way.
ya really life is a box of chocs..
sad...
to think my love story becoming a tragedy soon..
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:
ya really life is a box of chocs..sad...
to think my love story becoming a tragedy soon..
Dont be sad. Lets hire some gigolos or go zouk to happy ourselves.
got a feeling jojobeach will scold me in next post....
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:
got a feeling jojobeach will scold me in next post....
we can ask her to join us to happy. after happy, your brain will be clearer and answers will come to you naturally
Originally posted by 4sg:i aso dun know what the F he was talking about...just before we are talking about wedding and sudenly he like that...all these 8 years he only true to me...but dono y recently he doubt his thoughts..haiz..
Originally posted by newgal:
we can ask her to join us to happy. after happy, your brain will be clearer and answers will come to you naturally
funny u ah wat gigolo
haa ask jojo go beach gd idea..
wow so sad me feel so stuffy waiting for air..
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:last weekend still got meet him like normal....still chating n teasing..like no such ting hapen..but realised he dun realy hold my hand except crossing the road...
i guess he still thinking...n sorting out his thoughts...he been busy with work..n goin to china this week for few days business trip..
his mum was chatting to me on our new house..n asking if we leave a room for babies...n she even plan next time to live with us...n rent out her current flat to help us pay for our house...i say ok ah can live together lar...but rental no need giv us lar can keep herself......his parents are very nice...then she told me 2 months ago she was discussing with her son on wedding ceremony to be held...and going to my house to meet my parents ...and my hubby still say he can easily book hotel as he know contacts..
after i heard it, i cry in front of his mum..to think 2 months ago he still committed to hold the wedding..with me..why sudenly now..he changed his thoughts..
really cannot accept it...i think i canot let go..been thinking why..
his mum ask me wat hapen y i cry..she shock...she ask isit my dad scold me..i shake my head n tell her nothing...she tell me anything can let her know ..she won't tell her son...she apologised to me say her son is very bad tempered she know that i been giving in.....she say she can talk to him slowly....he will listen to her..she say wedding ceremony must held if not will be unfair to me n my parents..
but i don tink i will tell his mum what hapen..cos his mum aso strong character wait both quarrel...i better dun lor...last time they ever quarrel until half year never talk to each other..
haiz i rely sad..dono...
then i go qiu qian at guanyin temple waterloo...super zun...its a bad qian...
tell me Trying to put out fire using wood will make the fire worst....one 's thoughts can lead to 1000 dwell...things..and one day will reealise its futile....ask me to be quiet , and calm and all will be well...it also say change of residence to be considered..and less worse events will happen for fortune...
i guess its telling me not to tell the mum what happen leh....if not will make it worst..
so i remain calm now...n quiet lor...c wat happen..haiz....
I am usually not a superstitious person. But it seems even the deities are trying to tell you something.
Telling his mother will not do much. Doing so will only create more animosity between you, him and his mom.
Granted his mom is a responsible person.. but unfortunately, you are not married to his mom... you are married to the son who is an individual being.
Even if his mom sided with you... still she cannot force him to continue the relationship against his will. And surely, you wouldn't want that either.
Better he tell his family himself... at his own time.. at his own pace... ultimately... after you and him are no longer together... he will need to face them on his own, because they are HIS family.
As a married person... I am telling you this... even tho you married "into" his family, and as customary practise.. they "accept" you into the family... remember , it is customary only... you don't become their blood, and you never will.
If there be any reason you done something against best interest of their son... YOU will be the one they boot out. YOU will be the one they get rid off. They will not treat you like blood.. so just keep this in mind.
Again... like I mentioned before.... you need to go live your life..live it like you've been just released from the prison after 8 years of devotion.
Live life with passion and flare EVERYDAY , like there is no tomorrow.
Stop clinging on to someone else's dream... go live out your OWN dream.
If I be in your shoes... I be telling him... " If you don't want to stay married with me, don't force yourself. I rather a man who wants to be with me... than one who feels obligated to be beside me"
A marriage is a union of two.. marriage is not a lonely journey...like what yours has become...
Like old Fuggazi used to say.. love is not beggarly.
Add: when your hubby comes home and tell his mom, he is in love with a China girl, an she is pregnant with her grandchild... Do u think his mom is going to tell him to leave that girl ?
The first thing his mom will do, is tell u so sorry, but u need to get lost....
Then what are you going to do? Cry ur eyes out and keep harping on your undying love for your hubby ? Remind them, The 8 years u invested on the relationship ? Keep telling them u will wait and hope one day he will come back to love you again ? You tell me.
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:funny u ah wat gigolo
haa ask jojo go beach gd idea..
wow so sad me feel so stuffy waiting for air..
what so funny, now trendy gigolo ok, if needed, can contact me, since sister sister, i can consider give you a 10% cut on my earning, depend on your taste.
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:thanks all for your replies...
speakoutfor:
if i married him earlier n give birth to kids, worst right if later few years say dun love me...kids are the suffering ones..but u are right,. i think men cannot resist woman temptation also..if really alot good choices..
angel7030:
very hard to cancel home like that as everything renovation all paid and done...yes this incident let me learn something..
maxsee:
yes i am not optimistic, i expxecct worst senario...already imagine him leaving me..even though nw he say he need to think over it..i am already preparing for the worst..just that i am very sad daily keep thinking..how to save this ..
mr music:
ur words are exacctly what i will advise my friend if she encounter my situation...and it makes sense but i really canot say let go means let go like that...when it happen to myself..guess i need time
Originally posted by mr music:
I teach you an easy method to let go. Go to Sammyboy forum and read abt the nature of men everyday then soon you will be devoid of feelings. Everything That Used To Matter To You...Dont Matter No More....
I dedicted this song to you
Miss A - I don't need a man
Originally posted by jojobeach:
wow u remind me of Terence cao case recently.
..anyway ..wat u say makes sense..i trying to digest and tink in tat direction...maybe i need more time..still healing.haiz...n convincing myself..
haizzz sianz...
How i wish there is 忘情水selling in the market...
wow jojo u remind me of Terence cao case recently.
..anyway ..wat u say makes sense..i trying to digest and tink in tat direction...maybe i need more time..still healing.haiz...n convincing myself..
haizzz sianz...
How i wish there is 忘情水selling in the market...
Mr Music : simi sammyboy...wow kaoz..ho gai siao..
hey gal, nothing better than a photgprahy session on this breakup. i make a story of how you are meet the storm and leading to the break up. inbetween if you all wnat some sultry makeout scenes, i can script it in the timeline.
Alvin Tan and vivian lee blogs received too bad critics because they make their online materials like porn and sickening shit. they made a mistake by not hiring me to plan and shoot all their photos and videos.
Originally posted by Devoted gal8888:wow jojo u remind me of Terence cao case recently.
..anyway ..wat u say makes sense..i trying to digest and tink in tat direction...maybe i need more time..still healing.haiz...n convincing myself..
haizzz sianz...
How i wish there is 忘情水selling in the market...
Mr Music : simi sammyboy...wow kaoz..ho gai siao..
Terence Cao is a high profile case...but he is not the first one already.
I personally have seen so many similar cases... I also talked to some China co-worker about why they don't want to marry China men.
In China, the government is very very restrictive... if a young couple want to get married, they need to get approval from their superiors.Every aspect of their life is controlled by the government... it's scary.
The China women folks are FLEEING their own country.. so any foreign men they can find.. they LATCH on immediately.... some even divorce their husbands to get out of China when they have a foreign lover.
It's a social problem that had spilled out from China and is now affecting foreign marriages as China economy opens up more..
So, unless China Govt do something about this, you will have more China women destroying marriages of foreign families just so they can free themselves.
"How i wish there is 忘情水selling in the market..."
The more you want to forget.. the more you remember...
I think you should just stop blaming yourself... yes, your situation is not ideal.. but that's not the end of your world.
Just roll with the changes... like what we hear a lot... he is part of your fate.. but he is not your destiny.