He doesn't love me anymore..
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Okay, this is my first time posting in the forums, sorry if its in the wrong session.
a little background info;
the guy is in his 30s and is currently going through a divorce. he has three kids and i'm young. he is an introvert and keeps thoughts to himself and he is a bit quiet until you loosen him up. he has very little friends, he is very logical and rational (i know all man are like this, but he is extremely logical). i know he is a nice guy, otherwise i wouldnt fall in love for a jerk. i am actually quite independant for my age but this guy really makes me go crazily in love with him. he is just my type, if you put it that way. he makes me clingy to him, but i resist the urge to text him all the time and keep our conversation short so as to give him space.Well, he and i had a relationship for 3 months. everytime i spend time with him, i feel like i want to spend the rest of my life with him. okay, so i havent felt his love for 1 month, therefore, this week, i went to ask him about his feelings for me. it turns out my feelings were right, he doesnt love me anymore and he only loves me as a friend now.
at first i wasn't angry and was very very hurt. he kept apologizing and said that he needed time to sort things out and he asked me not to leave him and that he will try to find the feelings back. at first i was determined to leave him if he doesnt love me, because well, whats the point right? so i went mad and told him that he would actually grow old being lonely if he doesn't even want to give this relationship a try. he told me he isnt interested in a relationship right now because of all the things that he is going through (troubled and stress from the divorce). but as time grew, i find myself thinking of him every second and i cant sleep well and i just love him so much. i dont want to get over him, i want to get him back.
i told him about my feelings and try to get him to reminisce the good times that we have so that getting his feelings back for me would be easier. i told him that i still wants to be his girlfriend and he said he dont want to hurt me. he said 'okay we are still together, but we will not have sex okay?' so i agreed. i then told him that he has to promise me to at least try to have his feelings for me back. he didnt reply and 5 hours later, he asked 'what are you doing?' like i never said that..
before i slept last night, i texted him goodnight and that i love him. he changed topic before that, but the next message he sent included a 'love you'. i know he is fulfilling his duty as a 'boyfriend' but do you think that rekindling our love is possible? if i were to bring him to places that we first held hands and first kissed, does it matter? should i let go or keep trying, because im so in love with him? do you think he is still in love with me, but is afraid of having a commitment since he just got out of his marriage? do i ever have the chance to experience love from him again...?
i dont want to keep having these conversations with him that makes him say things that he doesn't want to say. please help me..
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Originally posted by TheAddict:
Okay, this is my first time posting in the forums, sorry if its in the wrong session.
a little background info;
the guy is in his 30s and is currently going through a divorce. he has three kids and i'm young. he is an introvert and keeps thoughts to himself and he is a bit quiet until you loosen him up. he has very little friends, he is very logical and rational (i know all man are like this, but he is extremely logical). i know he is a nice guy, otherwise i wouldnt fall in love for a jerk. i am actually quite independant for my age but this guy really makes me go crazily in love with him. he is just my type, if you put it that way. he makes me clingy to him, but i resist the urge to text him all the time and keep our conversation short so as to give him space.Well, he and i had a relationship for 3 months. everytime i spend time with him, i feel like i want to spend the rest of my life with him. okay, so i havent felt his love for 1 month, therefore, this week, i went to ask him about his feelings for me. it turns out my feelings were right, he doesnt love me anymore and he only loves me as a friend now.
at first i wasn't angry and was very very hurt. he kept apologizing and said that he needed time to sort things out and he asked me not to leave him and that he will try to find the feelings back. at first i was determined to leave him if he doesnt love me, because well, whats the point right? so i went mad and told him that he would actually grow old being lonely if he doesn't even want to give this relationship a try. he told me he isnt interested in a relationship right now because of all the things that he is going through (troubled and stress from the divorce). but as time grew, i find myself thinking of him every second and i cant sleep well and i just love him so much. i dont want to get over him, i want to get him back.
i told him about my feelings and try to get him to reminisce the good times that we have so that getting his feelings back for me would be easier. i told him that i still wants to be his girlfriend and he said he dont want to hurt me. he said 'okay we are still together, but we will not have sex okay?' so i agreed. i then told him that he has to promise me to at least try to have his feelings for me back. he didnt reply and 5 hours later, he asked 'what are you doing?' like i never said that..
before i slept last night, i texted him goodnight and that i love him. he changed topic before that, but the next message he sent included a 'love you'. i know he is fulfilling his duty as a 'boyfriend' but do you think that rekindling our love is possible? if i were to bring him to places that we first held hands and first kissed, does it matter? should i let go or keep trying, because im so in love with him? do you think he is still in love with me, but is afraid of having a commitment since he just got out of his marriage? do i ever have the chance to experience love from him again...?
i dont want to keep having these conversations with him that makes him say things that he doesn't want to say. please help me..
Girl, you are his REBOUND.
He is going through a divorce. Life is messy for him.
3 kids.. are you sure you are ready to be a STEPMOM ?
What is the custody arrangement ?
After the divorce he will be looking at all OTHER options... you are one of them... among other women he may want to date before he pick one.
Sure.. you can wait.. since you are young... plenty of time to waste away ..but he may be looking for someone else who is much more mature.
You must understand that, you have a big shoe to fill.
Have you any idea WHY he is divorced ? Was it because he was unfaithful ? Was he a lousy husband ? All these you must consider...
because love is BLIND. And sure.. I get it you love him... you want to heal his wound.. you want to mother him and be there for him when he is down.. sad.. lonely.. whatever.
As a rebound... you should wait it out... if he couldn't find another suitable wife replacement... he MAY become yours.
Also... after 3 kids... I doubt he wants anymore children.. can you accept that ?
Will he need to pay child support and alimony ? Once the divorce is finalised.. he will have to start paying.... are you ok with that ?
FYI... a warning.... any divorce with children involved will never be a 100 percent separation.. he will still be co-parenting with his ex wife. There will be birthday parties to go.. family gathering to be at... extra curriculum activities to attend... you may not be part of those.
If you have thought it through.. instead of just get all dizzy with "love".... be extremely prepared... then ok.. wait it out...
Perhaps one day... you may remove that Rebound status.
Add: As much as I hope all is real for you ... his feelings and his divorce... I sincerely hope he is not USING you.
You are young.. and gullible.. you should have waited till he finalised his divorce and you see the official papers.
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You are only 17 ???
Girl... please ignore my previous post....
I think you are his fuck buddy... i don't think he is even serious with you from the very beginning.
He told you he is getting a divorce to get into your panties...
There is separation papers he should be able to provide you .. if he can't produce them... you 've been scammed.
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Let me guess...he didn't use condom when he had sex with you, correct ?
And I'm sure he tells you as long as he use the pull out maneuvere you won't get pregnant.. right ?
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Oh I saw everything, he is really going through a divorce. He produced his credit card bills and text messages for me to view. He doesn't treat me as a fuck buddy because he goes out with me and we don't have sex every single time when we meet. We don't get hanky panky every single time too.
I agree with what you said when you first replied to the post. From your replies and your consideration to find out my age shows that you genuinely care and I Thank you for that. I don't want kids and he knows about that. It was him that wanted one from me Last time. But I didn't want one. And I know he has to pay, in fact my parents are going through a divorce right now too. So I understand.
He isn't the main cause of his divorce, his wife bullies him and doesn't love him. His wife was unreasonable. I read all the texts They exchanged and I fully understand. Perhaps I should wait it out and make myself scarce. If he really cares, he will come for me. Am I right? I'm 18 turning 19 this month.
I will try to rekindle his love for me and also at the same time l, try to let go of him slowly, in short, not get too emotionally attached to him. I hope i can make it. After all, break ups are tough. And i dont know how to handle that..
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Originally posted by TheAddict:
Oh I saw everything, he is really going through a divorce. He produced his credit card bills and text messages for me to view. He doesn't treat me as a fuck buddy because he goes out with me and we don't have sex every single time when we meet. We don't get hanky panky every single time too.
I agree with what you said when you first replied to the post. From your replies and your consideration to find out my age shows that you genuinely care and I Thank you for that. I don't want kids and he knows about that. It was him that wanted one from me Last time. But I didn't want one. And I know he has to pay, in fact my parents are going through a divorce right now too. So I understand.
He isn't the main cause of his divorce, his wife bullies him and doesn't love him. His wife was unreasonable. I read all the texts They exchanged and I fully understand. Perhaps I should wait it out and make myself scarce. If he really cares, he will come for me. Am I right? I'm 18 turning 19 this month.
I will try to rekindle his love for me and also at the same time l, try to let go of him slowly, in short, not get too emotionally attached to him. I hope i can make it. After all, break ups are tough. And i dont know how to handle that..
You may be too young to get involved in this sort of relationship.pretty soon b4 the age of 20 u would be saddled with 4 kids or 5 even.and what about your career as your peers are already studying in universities and getting executive level jobs where they arent sadled with 3 kids?!!!and what about the bills?school fees..kids to feed??etc etc......u are too young for this at your age.the wife is unreasonable?have u thought that the wofe might be going thru menopause after all the kids and thus get unreasonable all the time..its a female thing and all men get to know and cope with it.
that is why u are too young for stuff like this.focus on your career and get your own life and career in order first before u even have kids n marry him!give and take 5 years later than u come back and talk to him!
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that is the mans problem not yours!let him handle it first if he is a man!and how on esarth did u ever meet with him?at a disco???kfc restaurant?library?
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Originally posted by TheAddict:
Oh I saw everything, he is really going through a divorce. He produced his credit card bills and text messages for me to view. He doesn't treat me as a fuck buddy because he goes out with me and we don't have sex every single time when we meet. We don't get hanky panky every single time too.
I agree with what you said when you first replied to the post. From your replies and your consideration to find out my age shows that you genuinely care and I Thank you for that. I don't want kids and he knows about that. It was him that wanted one from me Last time. But I didn't want one. And I know he has to pay, in fact my parents are going through a divorce right now too. So I understand.
He isn't the main cause of his divorce, his wife bullies him and doesn't love him. His wife was unreasonable. I read all the texts They exchanged and I fully understand. Perhaps I should wait it out and make myself scarce. If he really cares, he will come for me. Am I right? I'm 18 turning 19 this month.
I will try to rekindle his love for me and also at the same time l, try to let go of him slowly, in short, not get too emotionally attached to him. I hope i can make it. After all, break ups are tough. And i dont know how to handle that..
Credit card bills ? What has that got to do with proving divorce ?
Did you see his DIVORCE papers ? COURT papers ..the LEGAL documents not some credit card bills or emails.
sure his wife bullies him... that's because he's probably doing something shitty.
After 3 kids.. you must be kidding me.. if she is such a horrible person... no man will have 3 kids with unreasonable woman.
Girl you can't have babies if you are not having sex... 3 kids... is a lot of sex. Are you saying he had all these problem with his wife.. and yet they are still getting pregnant..
If they are fighting.. you don;t know what is behind the arguments... couples fight all the time...it's normal to say nasty things at the heat of the moment... and he saved those for you to see ???
How can you be so sure... that he didn't text himself those nasty messages ? Did you see them as they were transmitted to his phone ?
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Tell him "Lets Go Beach Tomorrow and just have sex". Play first, think later..hee hee...
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oh dear, now i know the gahmen is not fully to be blameed.
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Originally posted by TheAddict:
Okay, this is my first time posting in the forums, sorry if its in the wrong session.
a little background info;
the guy is in his 30s and is currently going through a divorce. he has three kids and i'm young. he is an introvert and keeps thoughts to himself and he is a bit quiet until you loosen him up. he has very little friends, he is very logical and rational (i know all man are like this, but he is extremely logical). i know he is a nice guy, otherwise i wouldnt fall in love for a jerk. i am actually quite independant for my age but this guy really makes me go crazily in love with him. he is just my type, if you put it that way. he makes me clingy to him, but i resist the urge to text him all the time and keep our conversation short so as to give him space.Well, he and i had a relationship for 3 months. everytime i spend time with him, i feel like i want to spend the rest of my life with him. okay, so i havent felt his love for 1 month, therefore, this week, i went to ask him about his feelings for me. it turns out my feelings were right, he doesnt love me anymore and he only loves me as a friend now.
at first i wasn't angry and was very very hurt. he kept apologizing and said that he needed time to sort things out and he asked me not to leave him and that he will try to find the feelings back. at first i was determined to leave him if he doesnt love me, because well, whats the point right? so i went mad and told him that he would actually grow old being lonely if he doesn't even want to give this relationship a try. he told me he isnt interested in a relationship right now because of all the things that he is going through (troubled and stress from the divorce). but as time grew, i find myself thinking of him every second and i cant sleep well and i just love him so much. i dont want to get over him, i want to get him back.
i told him about my feelings and try to get him to reminisce the good times that we have so that getting his feelings back for me would be easier. i told him that i still wants to be his girlfriend and he said he dont want to hurt me. he said 'okay we are still together, but we will not have sex okay?' so i agreed. i then told him that he has to promise me to at least try to have his feelings for me back. he didnt reply and 5 hours later, he asked 'what are you doing?' like i never said that..
before i slept last night, i texted him goodnight and that i love him. he changed topic before that, but the next message he sent included a 'love you'. i know he is fulfilling his duty as a 'boyfriend' but do you think that rekindling our love is possible? if i were to bring him to places that we first held hands and first kissed, does it matter? should i let go or keep trying, because im so in love with him? do you think he is still in love with me, but is afraid of having a commitment since he just got out of his marriage? do i ever have the chance to experience love from him again...?
i dont want to keep having these conversations with him that makes him say things that he doesn't want to say. please help me..
When we are in love, our executive thinking function partially shuts down. It is where our sense of reasoning and logical thinking lies. Thus when folks say 'love is blind' - it is somewhat true. If you are truly 18-19 years old, then there would be certain elements or factors that you have deliberately downplayed to pursue the love you desire in a seemingly reasonable fashion. For a man in his 30s, he probably experienced a good deal of how love and relationship have been functioning in his life. In terms of social age, he is far beyond your level of mere companionship and relatively untainted feelings.
Other than his reason of 'having no feelings', he is likely to feel ambiguous about this relationship. Surely, part of his sexual and emotional needs are satisfied through you, however, it is a much greater hurdle to convince himself in reality that he (and you) is in for a real relationship after his wife exit the scene. Three children, financial obligation and negative perspective from external family and friends: these are very real issues he would have to deal with if he wants to upgrade a seemingly need-driven relationship into something more concrete.
You might want to figure out what exactly you are getting out of this relationship and what is stopping you from leaving. More often than not, these are intangible qualities, value or event that extends itself beyond just 'I love him.' Sometimes, falling for a much older man reflects the absence of close male figure/s in your early childhood environment. The possibilities are numerous; however, having some clarity would help you to sort out internally if this relationship as a whole (not just a selective part) is what you want and what you need.
Cheers
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TS how are u doing right now? i seriously think you've became his rebound for the tough times he is going through. You are young and full of life and you should not be placing yourself in such a position. He could have taken you as a f buddy and move on with it but you being the one whom essentially is trying to invest feelings into it, you are just going to be causing yourself the hurt. Back off while you still can because you cause urself more hurt.
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Please take a cue from me, don;t take your advice from an american housewife who havent got a clue what sex is ie, jojo.
TS, do you possibly think that a man divorced with three kids got time for relationship? Maybe he wants to keep his options open until he get somebody better. Who knows?
You like him because he was a married man and all young women are suckers for divorced men, you think he can provide warmth and security better than any other single guy can.
The worst part is, you are 18. I don't know your background but from my volunteer at my buddihst counselling sessions - most girls 18 to 25 years old came to us for counselling because they suffer from tramautic relationships with older men in their 30s, 40s and 50s because they were mistresses of these old uncles. Why? They choose old uncles apart from other guys their age? Answer is simple because these young girls are looking for father figures. Most of these young girls, they come from broken families, either their family got no dad (he ran away) or some dysfunctional step dad or a physically/sexually abusive father. So they seek a divorced family men as replacement and serve as their father figure.
I know because I regularly hang out with my swinger buddies, some of them are married men with children but have mistresses with young PRC women.
So, start opening your options and try out dating agencies to meet other guys. Or go back to your religion, to your roots and seek back your faith. Or you can PM me, I can be your father figure - muahahahaha.
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Ride out with him this rough times together... Since you presence is not a contributing factor to the divorce, I'd say a listening ear is worth more than sex in this context. Who knows it might actually blossom. A divorce is a chance to start all over again. . . I was divorced once, had a partner during the down moment but it didn't work out... Hope yours would be of fruitful outcome.
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but a huge age gap and experience difference might place TS at a disadvantage in understanding a divorcee's needs and position?
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
but a huge age gap and experience difference might place TS at a disadvantage in understanding a divorcee's needs and position?
True... What some man need is an eagerly listening ear.... The rest is durian drop.
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Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
but a huge age gap and experience difference might place TS at a disadvantage in understanding a divorcee's needs and position?
True... What some man need is an eagerly listening ear.... The rest is durian drop.
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well i would still think it would be better for TS to draw herself out from this r/s
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Divorcee over 30 years old man hanging around with 18 year old girl.
Look very odd.
Maybe he don't want to look like an Uncle Pedophile.
So he is trying to make the relationship look like a friendship.
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My goodness, what is wrong with young girls nowaday, 30yo + guy, at my current age, I would not even want to go near them, calling them uncle already, and to rub more salt, a divorcee with kids somemore.
Hey Miss, you nid a brain scan ya, so many young K pop look guys around and you go for one oldies, please reserve yourself for some young guys, care for them and build a nice family out of it.
There is 2 lifes you can choose here as a lady, either stay single like me, a nun, or find a better, decent (hardly any) and clean (may takes more time) with no other committment. Dun mess it up ya.
30yo++ divorcee, with kids...omg! this uncles all like young gals like us, they want to bring back their ole good times, just like my admirer Uncle troublesome...tiko pek + cunning + joker, never mess with them, they can talk and make you think they are better than god
666
Angel