Chinese vs Punjabi
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he meets almost every single requirement in my list for a mr right, except for one - he's a Punjabi, but been living here all his life. Should I get rid of this requirement? Or give it a try? I'm afraid to decide.
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get blessings from your parents first and foremost... -
Originally posted by Rednano:
get blessings from your parents first and foremost...
I am confused myself, can't decide yet. How to talk to my parents like this? And my destiny is in my hands, my parents can only guide me, not to decide for me. -
thinking ahead in the long term, a marriage is between two families, not just two of you.
if both families cannot even see eye-to-eye and give both of you the blessings, there will be strains on the relations to parents and the road is very tough and rough... -
Originally posted by Rednano:
thinking ahead in the long term, a marriage is between two families, not just two of you.
if both families cannot even see eye-to-eye and give both of you the blessings, there will be strains on the relations to parents and the road is very tough and rough...
he's been living alone since young. My parents are not conservative, and they trust my choice. Biggest issue is within myself, whether I can take it or not in the long term. The thing is, I have not met someone as nice as him in my life. -
you have not meet a nice man yet does not mean he does not exist... -
Originally posted by Rednano:
thinking ahead in the long term, a marriage is between two families, not just two of you.
if both families cannot even see eye-to-eye and give both of you the blessings, there will be strains on the relations to parents and the road is very tough and rough...BULLL SHIIIITTTT! Everyone lives their lives for themselves. If someone makes key decisions like relationships based on what their family thinks, it's clearly a huge mistake. And marriage is between just two people, if the families get united by it, good for them, but if they can't accept it, that's too bad.
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Originally posted by Uraniumfish:
BULLL SHIIIITTTT! Everyone lives their lives for themselves. If someone makes key decisions like relationships based on what their family thinks, it's clearly a huge mistake. And marriage is between just two people, if the families get united by it, good for them, but if they can't accept it, that's too bad.
it's very naive to think your way...
parents' blessing is one of the factors to a successful and smooth start to a marriage.in the long term, should 2 people just get married without the blessings of their parents, the strains on relations between parents and their child will be greatly affected. other problems/ situation will arise...
e.g. no in-laws contact, discord kinship relations, future child has no trust on blood ties/ kinship when grandparents have cut off ties with the parents, thus affecting bonding with own parents when grow up...etc. -
I don't really get your logic. What the heck is wrong with a Punjabi. Is TS a racist?
As long got nose, two hands, two legs, like normal human being, is ok, rite?
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If you have a problem with the fact that he's Punjabi, then the problem lies within yourself.
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Originally posted by speakoutfor:
I don't really get your logic. What the heck is wrong with a Punjabi. Is TS a racist?
As long got nose, two hands, two legs, like normal human being, is ok, rite?
No racist but afraid of culture clash. Like normal human being can already? It's easier said than done. -
If differing cultures is a potential deal-breaker to you, then the problem still lies within yourself.
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Originally posted by Uraniumfish:
BULLL SHIIIITTTT! Everyone lives their lives for themselves. If someone makes key decisions like relationships based on what their family thinks, it's clearly a huge mistake. And marriage is between just two people, if the families get united by it, good for them, but if they can't accept it, that's too bad.
Young people would think in this way. But it is not true. Marriage is about relations between the two families as well. In other parts of the world, the entire clan, tribe, village are also involved.
Marriage only brings a woman closer to man, and they become friends in a special sense, never to be parted either in this life or in the lives to come.” [1]
Some people are fortunate enough to have found their soul-mates while others have their soul-mates selected for them. In South Asia and the Middle East, arranged marriages are preferred over love marriages, which is the predominant system in the West. In today’s society, arranged marriages are looked down upon because, as many argue, not having the right to choose one’s partner is cruel. People of the West reason that only the person who is to marry can decide whom s/he wishes to spend the rest of his/her life with, which leads to a successful marriage. On the other hand, people of South Asia and the Middle East claim that the elders of the family have the final say over the marriage for they have seen the world and know that a successful marriage is not just a uniting of two people, but of two families.
What is a marriage? According to the Encarta dictionary a marriage is,
....a legally recognized relationship, established by
a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend
to live together as sexual and domestic partners.” [2]Encarta’s definition of a marriage does not mention anything to do with how the partners found one another and who decided they should marry. According to the definition, Western marriages are just as legal and proper as South Asian and Middle Eastern marriages are, for both types of marriages have either been recognized through a religious or civil service.
What is an arranged marriage? It is usually perceived as a marriage that one is being forced into but, in all truth, it is not. It is a merging of not only two people, but of two families through the process of agreement. Now, in today’s modern world, there are two types of arranged marriages: arranged-love marriages and pure-arranged marriages.[3] An arranged-love marriage is where the couple loves one another and wishes to marry, receiving the permission and advice of their respective parents and family elders. Here, caste and dowry are not as important as status, both economic and social, and family reputation.
Sunita and Chila, two of the three protagonists of Life Isn’t All Haha Heehee, had arranged-love marriages with their boyfriends, Akash and Deepak. Chila and Deepak had courted for quite some time before marriage, even though their parents were not aware of their relationship, and decided to marry. They were both Indian Hindus which is why their parents agreed to the marriage. Sunita and Akash met at law school and started dating with their parents’ knowledge.
Sunita and Akash were both Punjabi Hindus which is why their parents did not disapprove of the relationship...
http://www.aller-stead.com/martin/pages/FirstComesMarriage.htm
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No offence, I heard that once punjabi drink too much, thing can get worst, those belt beating can happen, and also as they get older, they tend to seek more kinds of sex. Usually they look handsome when young, once above 30s, you might see a beast in the making.
Eh...I only hearsay hor
By the way, are there no more your kind of men around singapore??
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lokkin for me arh?
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Yes, looking to whack you!
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Originally posted by mcsy86:
he's been living alone since young. My parents are not conservative, and they trust my choice. Biggest issue is within myself, whether I can take it or not in the long term. The thing is, I have not met someone as nice as him in my life.Ignore those racist and ignorant posts by stupid forumers.
Even if you marry a Chinese guy, there's no guarantee u willbe treated well. A Chinese guy is also capable of abusing and betraying. They are also prone to wife beatings and other vices, just like any man with a dick.
You need to understand that whoever u choose, your parents just want to be sure he will not only treat u well now, but in the long term. No matter what color he is, he must be able to take good care , respect and love you for life.
Remember this, you cannot fool your parents. They know that any man who is after your vagina will be nice to you now. It may be a different story after he marries u and have kids.
Singapore is becoming too diverse nowadays, there will be more and more cross cultural and Inter racial marriages/ relationships in our country.
Your parents will be more cautious because of stereotypical perception due to his culture.
If he can treat you well, keep you happy and prove his sincerity, your parents will eventually accept him. So give them some time and be patient. Ease them in, don't shock them with a bomb.
Let them know he is a really nice guy, and let him be himself in front of your family.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Ignore those racist and ignorant posts by stupid forumers.
Even if you marry a Chinese guy, there's no guarantee u willbe treated well. A Chinese guy is also capable of abusing and betraying. They are also prone to wife beatings and other vices, just like any man with a dick.
You need to understand that whoever u choose, your parents just want to be sure he will not only treat u well now, but in the long term. No matter what color he is, he must be able to take good care , respect and love you for life.
Remember this, you cannot fool your parents. They know that any man who is after your vagina will be nice to you now. It may be a different story after he marries u and have kids.
Singapore is becoming too diverse nowadays, there will be more and more cross cultural and Inter racial marriages/ relationships in our country.
Your parents will be more cautious because of stereotypical perception due to his culture.
If he can treat you well, keep you happy and prove his sincerity, your parents will eventually accept him. So give them some time and be patient. Ease them in, don't shock them with a bomb.
Let them know he is a really nice guy, and let him be himself in front of your family.
All men are after vagina. If the man not interested in vagina, the only thing he can be interested in, is another man's backside hole.
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Originally posted by mcsy86:
he meets almost every single requirement in my list for a mr right, except for one – he’s a Punjabi, but been living here all his life. Should I get rid of this requirement? Or give it a try? I’m afraid to decide.
He did not meet your requirement on race!
What race did you specify? Or did you want any race except Punjabi.
Punjabi, most likely to be of the Sikh religion. Is he a modern Singh? Or the traditional 5K one. Or he met the religion of your choice.
You are lucky he met all of your requirement except one which is insignificant.
Finally we have one person who chooses her signifiant other in a manner better than buying a car. Most just say they love the guy and marry him. But thats ok, most Sikhs marry first, love comes later, through building a family life together.
You have already got the best in your opinion, do you want to settle for second best?
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Originally posted by angel7030:
No offence, I heard that once punjabi drink too much, thing can get worst, those belt beating can happen, and also as they get older, they tend to seek more kinds of sex. Usually they look handsome when young, once above 30s, you might see a beast in the making.
Eh...I only hearsay hor
By the way, are there no more your kind of men around singapore??
He's not that good looking, but presentable. I don't go after handsome guys because they don't give me security. My kind of chinese guy taken already la. And my circle of friends very limited, so my choice is also limited lo. -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Ignore those racist and ignorant posts by stupid forumers.
Even if you marry a Chinese guy, there's no guarantee u willbe treated well. A Chinese guy is also capable of abusing and betraying. They are also prone to wife beatings and other vices, just like any man with a dick.
You need to understand that whoever u choose, your parents just want to be sure he will not only treat u well now, but in the long term. No matter what color he is, he must be able to take good care , respect and love you for life.
Remember this, you cannot fool your parents. They know that any man who is after your vagina will be nice to you now. It may be a different story after he marries u and have kids.
Singapore is becoming too diverse nowadays, there will be more and more cross cultural and Inter racial marriages/ relationships in our country.
Your parents will be more cautious because of stereotypical perception due to his culture.
If he can treat you well, keep you happy and prove his sincerity, your parents will eventually accept him. So give them some time and be patient. Ease them in, don't shock them with a bomb.
Let them know he is a really nice guy, and let him be himself in front of your family.
Jo, thank you very much for your advice. Good piece. Will take it with me :) -
Originally posted by mancha:
He did not meet your requirement on race!
What race did you specify? Or did you want any race except Punjabi.
Punjabi, most likely to be of the Sikh religion. Is he a modern Singh? Or the traditional 5K one. Or he met the religion of your choice.
You are lucky he met all of your requirement except one which is insignificant.
Finally we have one person who chooses her signifiant other in a manner better than buying a car. Most just say they love the guy and marry him. But thats ok, most Sikhs marry first, love comes later, through building a family life together.
You have already got the best in your opinion, do you want to settle for second best?
I'm ok with any race as long as it doesn't clash with my culture and does not prohibit any meat intake. I can't give up good food ever in my life. How can I tell if he's the modern type of singh? -
Originally posted by Dalforce 1941:
Young people would think in this way. But it is not true. Marriage is about relations between the two families as well. In other parts of the world, the entire clan, tribe, village are also involved.
Marriage only brings a woman closer to man, and they become friends in a special sense, never to be parted either in this life or in the lives to come.” [1]
Some people are fortunate enough to have found their soul-mates while others have their soul-mates selected for them. In South Asia and the Middle East, arranged marriages are preferred over love marriages, which is the predominant system in the West. In today’s society, arranged marriages are looked down upon because, as many argue, not having the right to choose one’s partner is cruel. People of the West reason that only the person who is to marry can decide whom s/he wishes to spend the rest of his/her life with, which leads to a successful marriage. On the other hand, people of South Asia and the Middle East claim that the elders of the family have the final say over the marriage for they have seen the world and know that a successful marriage is not just a uniting of two people, but of two families.
What is a marriage? According to the Encarta dictionary a marriage is,
....a legally recognized relationship, established by
a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend
to live together as sexual and domestic partners.” [2]Encarta’s definition of a marriage does not mention anything to do with how the partners found one another and who decided they should marry. According to the definition, Western marriages are just as legal and proper as South Asian and Middle Eastern marriages are, for both types of marriages have either been recognized through a religious or civil service.
What is an arranged marriage? It is usually perceived as a marriage that one is being forced into but, in all truth, it is not. It is a merging of not only two people, but of two families through the process of agreement. Now, in today’s modern world, there are two types of arranged marriages: arranged-love marriages and pure-arranged marriages.[3] An arranged-love marriage is where the couple loves one another and wishes to marry, receiving the permission and advice of their respective parents and family elders. Here, caste and dowry are not as important as status, both economic and social, and family reputation.
Sunita and Chila, two of the three protagonists of Life Isn’t All Haha Heehee, had arranged-love marriages with their boyfriends, Akash and Deepak. Chila and Deepak had courted for quite some time before marriage, even though their parents were not aware of their relationship, and decided to marry. They were both Indian Hindus which is why their parents agreed to the marriage. Sunita and Akash met at law school and started dating with their parents’ knowledge.
Sunita and Akash were both Punjabi Hindus which is why their parents did not disapprove of the relationship...
http://www.aller-stead.com/martin/pages/FirstComesMarriage.htm
Why are we talking about aranged marriage. Either way, I still stand by my point that marriage is just between two people. The most basic family nucleus consists of just parents and kids, to simplify.
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Originally posted by mcsy86:
He's not that good looking, but presentable. I don't go after handsome guys because they don't give me security. My kind of chinese guy taken already la. And my circle of friends very limited, so my choice is also limited lo.
Your kind of chinese guy (handsome, rich, young, successful, smart, caring, charismatic, adventurous, nice family, not a spec of flaw)? My my...you must have very very high requirements.There are a lot of single chinese guys out there. The trouble is you are not looking hard enough and you are blindsided by your high requirements.
And you are making the same mistake with this punjabi guy. Go down from your pedestal and start looking at him in the positives instead of harboring in your negatives.
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Originally posted by mcsy86:
I'm ok with any race as long as it doesn't clash with my culture and does not prohibit any meat intake. I can't give up good food ever in my life. How can I tell if he's the modern type of singh?Please reread what you wrote (bold for emphasis):
'I'm ok with any race as long as it doesn't clash with my culture and does not prohibit any meat intake. I can't give up good food ever in my life. How can I tell if he's the modern type of singh?'
It's all 'me, me, me, me, ME, ME, ME'.
