Married with wonderful kids but .....
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Hi,
seems common, but I do not know who should I share about this problem..I have great kids..but my love for my wife has been eroding at a very fast phase..
Not to blame the lost of effection entirely to her, bt yup...I just have enough of it but the kids are why I am still here..hands are full but deep inside very lonely.!
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Originally posted by Botz71:
Hi,
seems common, but I do not know who should I share about this problem..I have great kids..but my love for my wife has been eroding at a very fast phase..
Not to blame the lost of effection entirely to her, bt yup...I just have enough of it but the kids are why I am still here..hands are full but deep inside very lonely.!
I think u need to seek help from therapists who are properly trained.
Your wife is probably having the same sentiments as u do now, but for the family she too kept her loneliness to herself.
What is lonely to you ? Why are you lonely ? How can u feel unlonely? If your wife feels lonely , how will you help her not be lonely ?
Are u seeking someone to fill that void ? You can't rely on another person to make you whole... Or happy. You can only rely on your self.
If you can't fix your self, your next relationship will end up the same as the one you tossed away.
Its better to work on what you already have, than to run away and hope to find something else that cannot be broken, only to find out the new one is no better.
Figure out why your current marriage is not working out. Resolve the issues , make amends, hope for the best.
Give yourself plenty of time for old wounds to heal and new feelings to foster.
Some times you know the answers to your questions, but you just don't wish to acknowledge it.
When u are busy seeking, u are not giving. When u cannot give, u can't be receiving.
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This has happened to me too... My collegues had left for better job prospects and my fiance, whom I spent my 24/7, has been assigned for overseas job assignments all at the same time. I chat with my bro online and he said he is busy and asked me to open a fb. I oso read forums to pass time. One thing leads to another. I dont know if its good or bad action but i know its my destiny/fate that things happened and its beyond my control. Finding a shrink does not help to solve the boredom. I oso have no answer to the problem. Just let nature takes it course.
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Originally posted by Botz71:
Hi,
seems common, but I do not know who should I share about this problem..I have great kids..but my love for my wife has been eroding at a very fast phase..
Not to blame the lost of effection entirely to her, bt yup...I just have enough of it but the kids are why I am still here..hands are full but deep inside very lonely.!
Touch wood first.
If your wife is suddenly killed in an accident today, would you feel the aloof, or would you cry and shout out you love her.
It is not you don't love her anymore, you lost your zest for life, maybe your wife too feel down.
Look in the mirror, how do you look? Glum.
Kick yourself, and smile, and think of a way to make your wife smile.
Alternatively be a couch potato, maybe you are right.
Love is growth.
See a plant, grow from seed to seedling, to sapling, to full fledge plant.
See a baby grow, from helplessness, to clingy, to crawling, to toddling.
You see growth, and you'll feel love.
Look at a picture of your wife, how do you feel?
Go and do something for her.
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Originally posted by Botz71:
Hi,
seems common, but I do not know who should I share about this problem..I have great kids..but my love for my wife has been eroding at a very fast phase..
Not to blame the lost of effection entirely to her, bt yup...I just have enough of it but the kids are why I am still here..hands are full but deep inside very lonely.!
Must be you are trying to give excuses to be single again, then, can go after younger and sexier girl right?Both know how to enjoy sex, and now dunno how to rise a family with kids, what talking you?
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Originally posted by Deana:
This has happened to me too…
My collegues had left for better job prospects and my fiance, whom I spent my 24/7, has been assigned for overseas job assignments all at the same time. I chat with my bro online and he said he is busy and asked me to open a fb. I oso read forums to pass time. One thing leads to another. I dont know if its good or bad action but i know its my destiny/fate that things happened and its beyond my control.
Finding a shrink does not help to solve the boredom. I oso have no answer to the problem. Just let nature takes it course.
get some hobbies or get yourself involved in some meaningful activities. This could brighten up your life. -
Exactly, like pubbing and clubbing hobbies, it really can perk you up
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Other than wondering out loud, and romanticizing loneliness/isolation, what have you been doing to improve the situation?
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Originally posted by Botz71:
Hi,
seems common, but I do not know who should I share about this problem..I have great kids..but my love for my wife has been eroding at a very fast phase..
Not to blame the lost of effection entirely to her, bt yup...I just have enough of it but the kids are why I am still here..hands are full but deep inside very lonely.!
I know I know. I feel your pain.
You walk by orchard road and watch chicks half your age walk past by, with legs up to their neck, skin as fair as heaven and breasts as juicy as papaya.
You've been eating the same old steak every day but your salivate when you see burger king, macdonalds and tony romas walk past by.
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Just a take a shower with her. Couples are NOT doing this enough. It is depressing and you pretty much have a wife and children you love. Lots of men can't even get a girl. Come on.
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Originally posted by killtheink:
Lots of men can't even get a girl.
Sorry for off-topic, but......
Ouch.
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Originally posted by AYYX:
Sorry for off-topic, but......
Ouch.
Should have put a "no offense" or some kind of disclaimer before I said that. LOL. Just saying that this issue that TS is talkng about can actually be resolved and he should be thanking all his stars and the entire planetary system that he has a wife and wonderful kids. keyword: wonderful kids? How many people have wonderful kids? We are digressing.
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Originally posted by killtheink:
We are digressing.
I'm sure none will mind... I think.
And nope, no offence taken. Just that thinking of those can get hot GF/wife de......
somemore can shower together...... Oh my... >.<" *attempts to chop off train of thought*
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Exactly, like pubbing and clubbing hobbies, it really can perk you up
Its not my style and I dislike crowds. -
Originally posted by [imdestinyz]:
get some hobbies or get yourself involved in some meaningful activities. This could brighten up your life.
I cannot go out anywhere without my bf's permission. Many years ago, I went out with my galfriends one night and he scoulded me like I am a slut. Since then, I never go out with friends anymore. -
Your wife have become your family and have no time to communicate with you.
Just have to put in more efforts to maintain the relationship.
Or else you will have to find a new mother for your kids.
And history will repeat itself.
So, try to work some efforts in your marriage and dun give up.
As for Deana, get a new bf as your bf is treating you like a slave.
Get your own life back or else you will regret when you get married later.
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There is romance and there is reality.
Get real. there are milkpowder cost as well, you can't just live on water.
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I have a beautiful(and still very sexy) wife. We have 5 kids. We don't make love as much but when we do we'll make it count....
Time and energy is sapped away by the kids... Our private time is almost always improptu. A dinner for two, window shopping, grocery shopping, shopping, ktv, night strolling... but its always cut short by her concern of the kids.
I'm a repenting husband who almost blew this bliss away by extra marital affairs. My wife gave me a chance that I'd cherish for the rest of my life.
We plan to drink in our bed alone after the kids sleep tonight. The rest is up to spontaneity. 久别胜新婚... Well not that long, but feels that way.
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so inspeiaational rad here - i am at the brinkof bursting into tears - so many inspirations for my camella and video cammelala. to make stories and MVs out of it
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Originally posted by Aneslayer:
I have a beautiful(and still very sexy) wife. We have 5 kids. We don't make love as much but when we do we'll make it count....
Time and energy is sapped away by the kids... Our private time is almost always improptu. A dinner for two, window shopping, grocery shopping, shopping, ktv, night strolling... but its always cut short by her concern of the kids.
I'm a repenting husband who almost blew this bliss away by extra marital affairs. My wife gave me a chance that I'd cherish for the rest of my life.
We plan to drink in our bed alone after the kids sleep tonight. The rest is up to spontaneity. 久别胜新婚... Well not that long, but feels that way.Wah. Can you describe in detail your extra marital affairs?
What happen? Was she pretty? you had a mistress?
Or were you just only going to GRO clubs?
Why she forgave you?
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She was my wife's good friend. Well to do, pretty and I believe a nymphomaniac. She was on a business trip here and un/fortunately my wife went back to vietnam. One thing leads to the other... *skips explicit sexual details*
That was an one off affair and I thought would remain closed. Somehow she blurted out our affair during some dispute... *skips pathetic details of how I beg my wife t stay*
Thus I'm still repenting even after she forgiven me and gave a chance. A chance to mend the wrong that has been done.
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Let me guess...because of the kids? Must be.
One thing for sure, marriage will never be the same again. Very sure there's a lot of penned up anger and bitterness in her still.
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In the marriage, love generally won't last for one's whole life, as the time goes by, love will change to kinship. when love fades and problems occur, you should find a proper time to communicate with your wife, or take her to travel to find the privious feelings of love. do not easily give up .
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I did use the kids as leverage. The fact is the kids really need her more than me...
My wife and me has a couple of similar trait, we can be awefully honest to each other. We don't keep the pressure inside until limit break. We don't dig into the past to manipulate. The kids are the priority. Sometimes i feel im quite immature compared to her at times, but more often than not, we complement each other.
The hurt will always be with her and i am fully responsible for it, no excuse. I love her and cherish our family unit more after this episode.