My husband is a fillial person. Unlike me; I'm not close to my parents.
My husband has been kind enough to suggest bringing my parents on trips overseas.
We did once so far.
But during the trip, I was trying real hard to be tolerating. Because frankly speaking, I have no patience with my parents. Basically I have no patience with elderly people.
The tolerance was straining on me. If my husband were not present, my irritability would simpy unleash. Which actually would be better because if I contain my emotions for a long time I will breakdown.
So these days I have tried to talk to my husband to say that it is not necessary to bring them overseas. I have provided them with allowance every month. They could plan their own trip. I have also explained to him that I am temperamental sometimes. I suggest to him that it will be better if it's just the both of us.
He does not seem to understand my intentions and felt that he is trying to mend my relationship with my parents. I do agree his views are not wrong but it starts to be straining on our relationship because he wonders why I am so insisting.
Any ways that I can convince him?
You are lovely not just because you are nice to him only.
You will be very lovely if you are nice also to the people around you.
And he may love you more because of that.
He is a commendable person for doing all these things.
But some trips may be nice with just thhe two of you going. I don't see why he would not agree since he seems a very nice and reasonable person.
Some trips can bring in-laws and some trips with just the two of you. Or do more meals and outings together locally that are less trying on your patience; and bring them overseas only once in a while.
You will not always have your parents you know.
Don't regret one day when they are no longer around.
Wah your husband is so good person. Usually husbands don't give a damn. If I have my way, I would make sure I don't have to meet my wife's parents, its half the hassle. Don't really like in-laws.
Originally posted by Angjaydyn:My husband is a fillial person. Unlike me; I'm not close to my parents.
My husband has been kind enough to suggest bringing my parents on trips overseas.
We did once so far.But during the trip, I was trying real hard to be tolerating. Because frankly speaking, I have no patience with my parents. Basically I have no patience with elderly people.
The tolerance was straining on me. If my husband were not present, my irritability would simpy unleash. Which actually would be better because if I contain my emotions for a long time I will breakdown.
So these days I have tried to talk to my husband to say that it is not necessary to bring them overseas. I have provided them with allowance every month. They could plan their own trip. I have also explained to him that I am temperamental sometimes. I suggest to him that it will be better if it's just the both of us.
He does not seem to understand my intentions and felt that he is trying to mend my relationship with my parents. I do agree his views are not wrong but it starts to be straining on our relationship because he wonders why I am so insisting.
Any ways that I can convince him?
He does not understand your problem, as the problem lies with you.
If you think, carefuly about yourself, you will realise, that what you call temperamental, is actually you way of reacting to your parents. That is your habitual way of responding to them. It is the Parlovian conditioning, and your parents trigger off your emotions.
You have been getting at them since, don't know when, must be all along, until you don't know how else to react to them.
You better get a good stock of yourself, and seek help in helping yourself to be less "temperamental".
Your temperamental nature is a learned behaviour from your selfishness. That is what you husband fail to recognise.
You hate it because you are not having fun.
He loves it because he enjoys seeing other people having fun.
Thats why he cannot understand why u hate bringing your parents out on trips.
He lives vicariously through other people happiness, u live a self-Ish existence.
An incompatibility on a very serious level. Unfortunately, a giving person tend to attract selfish people. Giving person give, selfish person takes. A lasting marriage is one that give and receives back and forth..
Unless u have good reason to dislike your parents, example... Abuse, neglect, etc.... but u only dislike them because they are old people.......
A self professed temperamental... U are only riding on your husband''s kindness...one day he will also get sick of your "temperamental " personality. Then what ?
I suggest u seek a middle ground, instead of insisting having your own way. You are no longer a single woman anymore.........u also need to consider your husbands happiness, not solely yours.
True , your parents need not travel with you, they probably preferred to travel with their own group of friends/relatives... Next time, just give them the money so they may plan a nice getaway.. To where they want and do what they want without feeling like a big burden to young people....many seniors are afraid of such liability.
FYI, planning a trip with allowance money is not a treat.
Now, are u and your husband planning on having children ?
With your kind of self-ish mentality, u are not suitable to be a good mother.
You husband will make a good father... But u will be a mother your children will eventually grow to hate.
If you are not thinking of being one, please be honest and tell your husband, so he may decide if he wants to continue the marriage with you or find someone else.
Kindly do not waste your husband time and resources if his ultimate desire is to have a loving family with children.
Times are bad.
Times are bad for men, good men.
Amen
You need to accept growing old yourself. You may well be gone than be a burden - but that thinking is unrealistic and selfish because you cannot come to terms yourself. You live in a world of only a young self - influenced by the media in praise of everlasting beauty and youth. All youth codes will eventually turn old. If the children and society cast away the old which themselves are next...that will be very sad...
gerontophobia is alienating us from the old, and it terribly exists...thats why it paves the need for parents maintenance act...in law, we owe each other a duty of care...but we cannot offer the same for our parents but through legal means...that is really v.sad...
Originally posted by mancha:
He does not understand your problem, as the problem lies with you.
If you think, carefuly about yourself, you will realise, that what you call temperamental, is actually you way of reacting to your parents. That is your habitual way of responding to them. It is the Parlovian conditioning, and your parents trigger off your emotions.
You have been getting at them since, don't know when, must be all along, until you don't know how else to react to them.
You better get a good stock of yourself, and seek help in helping yourself to be less "temperamental".
Your temperamental nature is a learned behaviour from your selfishness. That is what you husband fail to recognise.
+100
Totally agree. Someday when you get old, your kids treat you the same. You will definitely feel like shit. Don't do that, and karma will bite you back.
I have been living away from my parents, far away and for a long time.
I used to be like you, getting irritated fast when my parents start critizing my lifestyle.
I now understand that all of the irritation was from my immaturity. Without my parents, I'm really nothing.
Good thing is I have decided to move back.
Oh btw, I'll make sure my wife loves my family. It is crazy to think again that I will get a wife like you. I can't imagine that I'm already very tired at work, and I have to deal this everytime when I'm home.
U guys are preaching good morals to the wrong audience.
Such a woman will not care if her own child treats her as she treats her parent.
She will pop her child out for the sake of keeping a marriage.
Feed her child animal and synthetic milk, so her boobs not have to sag.
Clothe her child in rags while she wears Gucci.
Abandon her child to the maid, while she goes for high tea or champagne lunches.
Throws money at her children so they go away.
Do u think she will care if her children treats her bad ? No. She wouldn't.
Originally posted by jojobeach:U guys are preaching good morals to the wrong audience.
Such a woman will not care if her own child treats her as she treats her parent.
She will pop her child out for the sake of keeping a marriage.
Feed her child animal and synthetic milk, so her boobs not have to sag.
Clothe her child in rags while she wears Gucci.
Abandon her child to the maid, while she goes for high tea or champagne lunches.
Throws money at her children so they go away.
Do u think she will care if her children treats her bad ? No. She wouldn't.
+1
Yeah, she wouldn't =/ I feel sorry for her husband. It's truly rare to have a good husband like hers. Where can you get a person who enjoys seeing other people having fun?
Where can you get someone who always prioritize someone else before his/her?
Say there is only one lifesaver boat for 3 persons. I can guarantee you that your husband will give it to you and your parents.
You really need to go to Church lol.
养儿方知父�心...
Truly treasure your love ones, especially your parents. Once they are gone, you will regret that you have not done enough for them and with them.
PS: While I type this, I can feel how much I miss my mom now that I am living in another country.
TS i think you've made a very good first step to ask least try to seek help and not sit on it. Many advices have been given. Do take time to digest them.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:Wah your husband is so good person. Usually husbands don't give a damn. If I have my way, I would make sure I don't have to meet my wife's parents, its half the hassle. Don't really like in-laws.
That's why people dun like you, including me
By laws, you cannot dun give a damn
Going to tour with family good mah, what is the problem??? Standing next to old people makes you look ugly is it?
dear all. thanks for your advises. i have gone through all and some pretty harsh ones. :(
i have decided to make a compromise with my parents by dividing time with parents and our personal time. i believe all parties will be happy this way.
i believe the best thing we can do is communication, saying out the difficulties that we are facing.
Originally posted by angel7030:
That's why people dun like you, including meBy laws, you cannot dun give a damn
People like you, dumb dumb wan. You never understand because you are not married or you always want your future boyfriend (doubt you have because you are so irritating) to spoil you only.
Nobody likes their in-laws, that is the law of marriage.
Only Angel who work in the Joo Chiat pub swat swat flies with no customer, going to bankrupt bar, no customer place would not understand this. Learn how to run your run-down bar first before you chastise other people about in-laws.