pls share your experiences. have one very difficult sib to deal with, very vexed. help!!
No problems lea.
Share what is your problem la, ppl here will give advice
The only problem with my family is no money, hdb keep call, pub wan cut electricity, singtel & starhub wan cut phone line, where got time to have problems with siblings?
Watch "under one roof"!
Mypillowtalk, my problem not money issue. more like I really cannot tolerate living with her under one roof. Damn two faced. one moment stab me in the back in front of my parents, the other moment lie to me say this and that. really make my life like damn miserable. before my exams, purposely bang my room door disturb me, say curse me fail this and that. and when I screw up job interviews, she damn happy.
In front of my whole family say I fucking useless this n that. ahya any chance for her to yaya payaya and put me down she will find a chance. damn buay tahan. Say what I damn pathetic cos I not rich blah blah.
Somemore she found my diary and go photocopy it show my parents and everyone. go my fb create hate etc.
Recently I found out she had an abortion but did not tell my parents I really feel like using it to threaten her sia but I don't know how to. And she posted in her laptop, tt her tt she wanted to get rid of that STUPID thing which was her child. Really tio stun. Sometimes I really feel like she's a devil sia.
anyone knows of a better way to deal with her? really cannot stand living w someone like this. Older sis btw.
How old are you guys? She maybe be depressed because of the abortion
Has she been like this always? If shes against pre marital sex then how did she get pregnant?
She is simply jealous of you.
Because she is your elder, she has the advantage over you, and she is using it.
You are the goody girl, she is the slut, thats what is in her mind. So she will try to hurt you whenever she can.
As long as she uses just words, do not let her affect you much. Let her be, and she should be pitied anyway.
What you can do is, when there is an opportunity talk to your mother (and dad or anybody else), quietly and calmly about whats happening. Do not accuse your elder sister of anything. Do not say she is a liar, cannot be trusted or an evil person to your mother. A mother will defend her offspring. Just relate the facts. Tell your family your elder sister like to make up things about you. Just say the facts of what happened. In time to come your family will realise by themselves what your elder sister is like. By now they should already have an idea. So don't rub it in, or counter attack.
You must stay calm, and let your family know of what is happening. Your family must know. It is only fair to them. Otherwise you will be on your own at your elder sister's torture.
"Sticks and stones, may break my bones, but words will never break me" Remember these words. Refute all what your sister says about you calmly and cooly.
Words like: Thats not true, Thats not correct, I did not do that. I did not say that. I am not like that.
Do not attack her, attack only what she says.
Do not lose your cool. Thats what your sister want to see. She wants to hurt your feelings, and you are allowing her to. And she is waiting for you to badmouth her, so she can be even more vicious.
Aiyah what is the point?
What are you going to achieve by exposing her?
If there is a $1,000,000 reward to expose her so-called abortion, then by all means, do it.
But you don't get a single cent nor reward by doing so. You just wanna spite her.
There is an easier way, start a heated argument with her and then punch her in the face. Then both of you wrestle all over the living room. Problem solved. She won't date to disturb you after you air all your grievances.
Besides how you know her abortion thing is true or not? A lot of people babble rubbish in their facebook. Until you get concrete evidence such as a doctor's certificate to prove that, don't even think about it. Because surely she will call you a liar. Its her word against yours.
Originally posted by daydreamergal:Mypillowtalk, my problem not money issue. more like I really cannot tolerate living with her under one roof. Damn two faced. one moment stab me in the back in front of my parents, the other moment lie to me say this and that. really make my life like damn miserable. before my exams, purposely bang my room door disturb me, say curse me fail this and that. and when I screw up job interviews, she damn happy.
In front of my whole family say I fucking useless this n that. ahya any chance for her to yaya payaya and put me down she will find a chance. damn buay tahan. Say what I damn pathetic cos I not rich blah blah.
Somemore she found my diary and go photocopy it show my parents and everyone. go my fb create hate etc.
Recently I found out she had an abortion but did not tell my parents I really feel like using it to threaten her sia but I don't know how to. And she posted in her laptop, tt her tt she wanted to get rid of that STUPID thing which was her child. Really tio stun. Sometimes I really feel like she's a devil sia.
anyone knows of a better way to deal with her? really cannot stand living w someone like this. Older sis btw.
You have a severe case of sibling rivalry.
Why is it so severe in your case ? Other families also got sibling, but why in your family the problem is so bad.
Does your parents cultivate this kind of rivalry through sibling competition ? Do they outwardly, compare you against your sis and vice versa ?
Your sister feels this strong need to be better than you.
When she lies, she is trying hard not to seem like a loser in front of you. Covering up her failures.
She wants to be the winner, but she is failing miserably, hence she seeks to pull u down.
When u fail, she is happy, that's because you are not better than her.
She will gloat at your failures and snub your success.
She will never admit the abortion , she knows its a image crusher, a stupid mistake, and so don't expect a confession from her as her purpose is not to lose to you.
To you, your sis Is a toxic family member. To deal with toxic members, you stay away. They cannot hurt you when u cannot be reached.
Emotionally, shut her out, physically, stay away. Ignore her and not react. That way she cannot touch you.
A tyrant can only be a tyrant when there's victims. You don't have to be a victim.
If your exam is coming, and she is trying to disrupt you. Ask your parents to find another place for you. If they refuse to assist u, then go to your relatives or friends house.
Originally posted by jojobeach:You have a severe case of sibling rivalry.
Why is it so severe in your case ? Other families also got sibling, but why in your family the problem is so bad.
Does your parents cultivate this kind of rivalry through sibling competition ? Do they outwardly, compare you against your sis and vice versa ?
Your sister feels this strong need to be better than you.
When she lies, she is trying hard not to seem like a loser in front of you. Covering up her failures.
She wants to be the winner, but she is failing miserably, hence she seeks to pull u down.
When u fail, she is happy, that's because you are not better than her.
She will gloat at your failures and snub your success.
She will never admit the abortion , she knows its a image crusher, a stupid mistake, and so don't expect a confession from her as her purpose is not to lose to you.
To you, your sis Is a toxic family member. To deal with toxic members, you stay away. They cannot hurt you when u cannot be reached.
Emotionally, shut her out, physically, stay away. Ignore her and not react. That way she cannot touch you.
A tyrant can only be a tyrant when there's victims. You don't have to be a victim.
If your exam is coming, and she is trying to disrupt you. Ask your parents to find another place for you. If they refuse to assist u, then go to your relatives or friends house.
The bigger the age gap the bigger the sibling rivalry.
Why? Because there is lack of understanding between them. The age divide makes it worst. Not to mention the youngest will feel alienated because she keeps on getting hand-me-downs from her elder sister.
Why be so concern? Since the elder sister is 26, maybe in 3 years she will find a fiancee who would marry her off and she will move out from the home.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:The bigger the age gap the bigger the sibling rivalry.
Why? Because there is lack of understanding between them. The age divide makes it worst. Not to mention the youngest will feel alienated because she keeps on getting hand-me-downs from her elder sister.
Why be so concern? Since the elder sister is 26, maybe in 3 years she will find a fiancee who would marry her off and she will move out from the home.
I also disagree, that guy TCSS one lah, speakoutfor what?? All TCSS, the wider the gap, the more motherly or fatherly the elder one will look after his or her siblings.
Whatever sibling enemity there is, nothing beat the fight for their parent's assets
assets? like what ? breasts?
1 to 1 talk? maybe?
Originally posted by daydreamergal:Mancha and jojo, thanks so much for the advice I’ll try to stay away from her. But my parents.. they want us to bond so we always have family time together so it’s hard. Today when I overheard a conversation of my sis with my parents and she was speaking ill of me again, trying to put me down. And no matter how I try to defend myself, my sis will always find a way to make my parents believe her. (my sis is very good with her words, she does sales, and is doing extremely well in her career)
What i don’t understand is that.. she’s already much more successful than me. She earns so much each month and I’m just a student with no income. She always says that everyone should respect her simply because she’s earning alot each month and that she looks down on her friends because they are poor as compared to her. And then she provokes me, saying that I’m useless because I am not earning as much as her. And then… I do allow her words to get to me and that’s when I’ll cry and she’ll spread it to my parents and her friends that i’ve depression and that i’m some weird emo freak.
I just want her to stop all her rubbish blabbering. The problem is that I can’t stop her and I can’t just detach from her because I know my parents wants me to bond with her. arghhhhhhhhh
All parents wish for one big happy family. They can try, but most time they will fail.
They think as long as they push hard enough, the square peg will fit into a round hole.
Pushing only creates more conflict. Damaging the relationship more than repairing.
They need to back off. understand the differences between u and your sibling. Give both of you personal space.
When she was talking bad behind your back, why didn't u walk up to them and confront her ?
Are you afraid of your sis ? If yes, why ?
It's time u stand up to her. Stop the self helplessness thoughts.
Ask her, why she keeps back stabbing you. Tell her to stop the hate mongering.
Why she hates you so much.
Why can't she just leave u alone ?
When she start to diss in in front of others, you need to speak up and ask her " what is it you are trying to accomplish now by saying such hateful words?".
"now that you have mercilessly put me down, are you happier ?"
The trick is not to defend yourself, but put the ball back in her court. The more you try to defend, the more she wants to attack.
Your parents cannot force you to be part of the family gathering. They can only Guilt u into going. But u can always choose to stay away.
If your parents ask why u don't join in anymore, simply tell them, you don't enjoy being there especially with your sis around. Dont need to beat around the bush, just tell them the truth.
Your parents will not be able to do much . YOU can . You are not as weak s you think.
Your sis may earn a lot, but her insecurities are showing through thick.
Sales jobs are not stable income. Sometimes they can earn a lot, some times they don't.
A person who lacks inner peace , acts hostile to others she see as threats.
If you do well in your studies, you may one day out earn your sis. Perhaps that's why she hope for you to fail now.
If your parents use the guilt tactic to make you go do the "bonding" , tell them this. Mom/pa, I love u, and I do want to make you happy too. But forcing me to bond with a person who does not want me, will only hurt me more.
If u love me and care about my feelings, you will not want me to be unhappy just to make you happy, right ?
Pic they want to enjoy some together time with you, they can, without your sis.
blood is still thicker than water
Originally posted by lce:blood is still thicker than water
Good blood is thicker than water.
Bad blood needs to be dump, else cancer will grow.
Sibling abuse must never be condoned.
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Good blood is thicker than water.
Bad blood needs to be dump, else cancer will grow.
Sibling abuse must never be condoned.
there was never bad blood in family
only bad parenting
Originally posted by lce:
there was never bad blood in familyonly bad parenting
Since her parents aren't gonna help her, she will have to learn to defend herself.
give her a big hug and tell her you love her big sister
Ya, a bear hug, squeeze the lung air out of her, until she is breathless, then release her, take her insurance and all other assets (breast not included).
Cause of death shall be accidental due to over hugging
hell yeh@! this type of reply