Some of you may have read my thread that I posted way back last year..thanks for all the help and replies =)
Ok so here are a myriad of issues I’m facing… lol. Help?
My question is – how to fit in? I do not have unrealistic expectations like expecting to have a best friend in office, but I would like to at least know how to fit in!
No matter where I go, I stick out like a sore thumb. Because everywhere I go, I see cliques, I see ‘woo’ girls. I hate cliques. I hate ‘woo’ girls. ‘woo’ girls are those who are always hyperactive and think life’s a party. It’s not that I hate them – but that overenthusiastic behaviour just puts me off..
I was really really really close (for a period) to a girl who is one of those typical ‘woo’ girls, so this shows I do not shun them..but they eat up my energy and the friendship does not last. Our friendship lasted like a few months. We are still friends, just not close at all although we do make note of each other eg if she asks me for stuff, I ask her etc. We still share quite a bit if we happen to talk. She’s my office mate btw.
In office now, I basically just stick to saying hi-bye to only (most of the time) the toilet and office cleaners – they are really nice ladies – and I am dis-inclined to making friends in the office. I do respond and try to make small talk with random ppl in office, especially those my age. But they are in cliques and make me so awkward.
Another thing…I so have issues concentrating.
Only one thing is on my mind all the time now – one my hobbies that I picked up when I was a kid. I just want to do that thing over and over and.. I already have problems concentrating (super easy to distract), can’t focus on studies and work (doing pt studies). This just makes it worst. Help?
One thing I’ve done is do more of my hobby and sign up for lessons. So that does kinda help.
=D
Yea heres how...stop drawing a line between yourself and WOO girls...Try to understand that people come from all walks of life and will have different out take in life. Don't expect other people to have the same life view as yours
You'll never ever fit in anywhere if you don't change that attitude of yours. Be more accepting of people around you because everyone is good for something. Even woo girls can help bring entertainment into your life so try to appreciate that. Also people that hang in clinques usually end up in office gossip. Easy way is when they go for lunch as them where they going and if you can join them lo. Or wait for the clinches to seperate then start working on one of the members and if you're nice enough he/she will introduce you to her circle of friends...
Originally posted by JelloPoop:Yea heres how...stop drawing a line between yourself and WOO girls...Try to understand that people come from all walks of life and will have different out take in life. Don't expect other people to have the same life view as yours
You'll never ever fit in anywhere if you don't change that attitude of yours. Be more accepting of people around you because everyone is good for something. Even woo girls can help bring entertainment into your life so try to appreciate that. Also people that hang in clinques usually end up in office gossip. Easy way is when they go for lunch as them where they going and if you can join them lo. Or wait for the clinches to seperate then start working on one of the members and if you're nice enough he/she will introduce you to her circle of friends...
Jello,
is not that I didn't try. I did - that's how I ended up super close with my friend-cum-colleague woo girl. We were super tight for months every day go out after work go out type. Den I got v tired. Cos the real me, is a shy introvert. I don't like big groups. She started going out with a big group, and I told her I don't wanna join.
It sure isn't easy for me to easily 'accept' people in a sense, cos they are mostly too loud and boisterous for me. It isn't easy for people to accept a retiring doormat too.
I have made friends with one of the members of two of the cliques, but since they are in cliques I don't hang out with them.
Why do you even see a need to fit in? People just fit in, they don't need to. It seems you adopt a discrimnatory attitude in the office. Perhaps you should reduce that aspect to a healthier level.
Just be natural. Simple as that. You can't blame someone for wanting to be a woo girl. Diff people got diff character. Especially those in customer service or sales, they have diff kind character - takes lots of training to become like that.
Office is a political arena. The more powerful or political connected you are - the more friends you got. If you are manager - more people respect you. If you are just a normal exec - higher level co worker may not give you the attention or respect you ask for.
Don't try to be too needy. Just do your job and if got chance strike up some conversation but don't do it at the time your co worker is busy finishing up their work.
That is life - people tend to find their own cliques. Some people feel comfortable in racial cliques, then there are the auntie cliques, the manager cliques so on so forth. Even in school you have cliques. You either find a clique you are comfortable with or don't. There is nothing wrong in being a loner at office. So as long as yuo are a team worker, open to social chats and once in awhile maybe hang out with your co workers but no need to do it all the time.
maybe you're meant to be different? have you ever thought it that way God made you different... and here you are trying not to be different.
Enlarge the area encompassed by your comfort zone
Originally posted by FunGuyWorkaholic:maybe you're meant to be different? have you ever thought it that way God made you different... and here you are trying not to be different.
I think your 'different' is really 'different' in a good way larh..
I'm labelled 'weird' by people cos I don't talk much and don't desire to interact with them.
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:I think your 'different' is really 'different' in a good way larh..
I'm labelled 'weird' by people cos I don't talk much and don't desire to interact with them.
becareful of how labels restrict you in life. the subconscious mind is more powerful than your conscious mind... there's a possibility that because someone says you are weird and it registers in your subsconsciousness, so you think you're weird, and so you do things to make you look weird, and so starts a spiral...
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:I think your 'different' is really 'different' in a good way larh..
I'm labelled 'weird' by people cos I don't talk much and don't desire to interact with them.
Paul Dirac, a famous physicist, is very anti-social and don't like to talk much. I read about his biography and his colleagues joked that a conversation can be measured in units of Dirac based on how many words are being used to convey a message.
Humans can flourish only if there are diversity of thoughts. If everyone think the same way, we are mere robots and there will be no medical or technological or any breakthrough at all. Those people who make breakthroughs, they are the ones who think differently.
Give you an example, the founder of vaccine, he go against the normal convention that by using the same virus that attacks you, it can save your life. Now if you tell someone that to protect himself from measles, you have to inject yourself with measles, almost everyone will say "ARE YOU STUPID?" The founder of vaccines, thought differently, created vaccines and saved millions of people... every year =)
There's nothing ashamed about being different.
Here's another video for you. =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2-g9ccB3cY&feature=fvst
Here's some pro tips -
Problem A : Go sign up for one of the local courses - "How To Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's the best. Once you succeed in applying it in real life, then go read the ebook entitled, "How To Get Any Girl In Bed Without Even Trying".
Problem B : Read up on Hyperactivity, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) & Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Go see a doctor for advice or get prescribed for Adderall.
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:I think your 'different' is really 'different' in a good way larh..
I'm labelled 'weird' by people cos I don't talk much and don't desire to interact with them.
You don't talk much and dont desire to interact with them, but want to talk much and interact with people. That is your problem in a nut shell.
Make up your mind, you want to fit in or not?
Originally posted by mancha:You don't talk much and dont desire to interact with them, but want to talk much and interact with people. That is your problem in a nut shell.
Make up your mind, you want to fit in or not?
In a nutshell..the innate me does not desire to interact with most people (because I do not have same interests as them - for girls mostly nails and hair and clothes etc..guys mostly sports and com and stuff), but I want to cos I need to...people need people..for a myriad of things.
I do desire to interact with people, it just is hard for me to find those I want and can connect to..and in order for me to find them I need to interact.
I do try to join in. I talk to my office girls about nails and stuff they're interested in. I merely look at it as small talk, nothing I would seriously consider eg book a gel mani with them. =X and then they are like "why talk to us about nails and then you dont come with us do mani."
This person seem to write normal. So what is the problemo?
So what if the person is quiet? I learn that a person can't be someone that they are not.
This person needs to learn that mixing with people is about being natural. If this person tries to force herself to mix with other people - it make her look very unnatural and people don't prefer to talk to needy people. So important thing is to talk because person likes to talk not because person feels lonely or awkward.
Originally posted by AngelOfDarkness:In a nutshell..the innate me does not desire to interact with most people (because I do not have same interests as them - for girls mostly nails and hair and clothes etc..guys mostly sports and com and stuff), but I want to cos I need to...people need people..for a myriad of things.
I do desire to interact with people, it just is hard for me to find those I want and can connect to..and in order for me to find them I need to interact.
I do try to join in. I talk to my office girls about nails and stuff they're interested in. I merely look at it as small talk, nothing I would seriously consider eg book a gel mani with them. =X and then they are like "why talk to us about nails and then you dont come with us do mani."
In the outside world, I also try to talk to them (referring to non-work ppl) but still it is awkward.
Ok you problem lies here. You can't find the right people for you.
Well there isn't any right people. There are also no wrong people. There are just people.
The simple solution is to mix with as many people as possible. There will always be people you can click with, people you just cannot click with. Extend your reach, and you increase your chances of meeting people you can click with.
People who have a large circle of acquaintance , would invariable have some who are amiable, and others contentious.
If u r an Angel of darkness, how on earth can you fit into anything in darkness, can't even find yr own ass you want to fit in what???
Everything start from self, once self is lack of confident, living in darkness and alway think that he or she belongs to the dark side of the moon, then no matter what conditon, atmosphere and environment, you will never fit into it. The moment you gather with peoples, you just want to get away and be alone, so how to fit in??
Go legoland and play more lego ya
Just like in this forum, some are ok, some are not.
But one thing must be constant, don't trust anyone here.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:This person seem to write normal. So what is the problemo?
So what if the person is quiet? I learn that a person can't be someone that they are not.
This person needs to learn that mixing with people is about being natural. If this person tries to force herself to mix with other people - it make her look very unnatural and people don't prefer to talk to needy people. So important thing is to talk because person likes to talk not because person feels lonely or awkward.
Generally if you ask me mix around with pple I won't..cos 7030 is right, I feel like running away when there are too many pple.
How to fit in?
You dun fit, you thrust it in. This is call interference fitting.