Nil
Originally posted by farnee:How can i win a stubborn ex boyfriend back ?
Basically i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months, and i am his first love after 40 years of his singlehood. The reason he had presented to me for breaking off were communication problem, he find it hard to communicate with me.
Even i am willing to sit down and discuss how we can resolve the problem. I have even try to explain that every relationship has their up and down even quarrels but we need to communicate when things happen. But he is refusing to talk but chosen to broke off. He insist his way in shutting me out of his life making no contact with me saying he doesn't want to give me a chance to be his normal friend and to walk into his life again because not he don't love me but he find us not possible to love again. Yet he confessed he still have 60% of feeling for me it's just to go thru the relationship again he felt tired.
After 1 week of cooling period after broke off, we meet this afternoon during weekly event, when he saw me he tried to smile to me but i ignore him thrice. By right he is suppose to attend a meeting in the afternoon, suddenly he leave the event after lunch.
I like to know how do you guys feel when you ignore your ex GF, and when your GF ignore you back..
What is in your brain and thinking what.. will you have major wish to have her back ? ( Those relationship website, said ignore him will make him want us back) how true was that ?
He is 45 years and i am his first love. I thought he should be very much cherishing me ? Sigh..
Did he elaborate as to what kind of communication difficulties they were exactly?
Ignoring each other back and forth sounds like passive-aggressiveness to me.
If he chooses to shut you off, there is nothing you can do. Communication is of top importance in any relationship.
Try have a heart to heart talk with him and hope that he adopts an open view and heart to you and be willing to put in effort to make things work in the relationship. If you keep trying and still fail then it is time you move on.
There are a lot of "grass" in this world, no worry!
Originally posted by farnee:How can i win a stubborn ex boyfriend back ?
Basically i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months, and i am his first love after 40 years of his singlehood. The reason he had presented to me for breaking off were communication problem, he find it hard to communicate with me.
Even i am willing to sit down and discuss how we can resolve the problem. I have even try to explain that every relationship has their up and down even quarrels but we need to communicate when things happen. But he is refusing to talk but chosen to broke off. He insist his way in shutting me out of his life making no contact with me saying he doesn't want to give me a chance to be his normal friend and to walk into his life again because not he don't love me but he find us not possible to love again. Yet he confessed he still have 60% of feeling for me it's just to go thru the relationship again he felt tired.
After 1 week of cooling period after broke off, we meet this afternoon during weekly event, when he saw me he tried to smile to me but i ignore him thrice. By right he is suppose to attend a meeting in the afternoon, suddenly he leave the event after lunch.
I like to know how do you guys feel when you ignore your ex GF, and when your GF ignore you back..
What is in your brain and thinking what.. will you have major wish to have her back ? ( Those relationship website, said ignore him will make him want us back) how true was that ?
He is 45 years and i am his first love. I thought he should be very much cherishing me ? Sigh..
Our chronological age has little to do with our maturity and learnings in love. In fact, if the scale of love was measured, he is probably at the stage akin to a teenager's first brush with love.
The fact is that some people intentionally avoid the 'cosmic lesson in love'; they may appear or express certain wanting to have a relationship or share a life with a significant someone, but the unconscious truth is that they are so used in living the skin of their own individualism insofar that any amount of 'self' sacrifice to the altar of love would tantamount to pure sacrilege.
Given the benefit of the doubt, still, his attempt to synchronize his theoretical understanding of what love is psychologically and his nascent love-filled emotional state would not be an easy process. Until the point where he decides to humble himself and realize that being in love means having the inconvenience of needing to communicate, empathize and to connect emotionally in a regular, effective way, there is no way on earth any love relationship is going to work for him.
If you feel that you don't have the patience for him to gradually move up the 'value chain' of maturity in love, it might prove to be a real struggle if you choose to keep the relationship. It might not be impossible, but definitely serious reconstruction effort.
Cheers
Originally posted by farnee:How can i win a stubborn ex boyfriend back ?
Basically i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months, and i am his first love after 40 years of his singlehood. The reason he had presented to me for breaking off were communication problem, he find it hard to communicate with me.
Even i am willing to sit down and discuss how we can resolve the problem. I have even try to explain that every relationship has their up and down even quarrels but we need to communicate when things happen. But he is refusing to talk but chosen to broke off. He insist his way in shutting me out of his life making no contact with me saying he doesn't want to give me a chance to be his normal friend and to walk into his life again because not he don't love me but he find us not possible to love again. Yet he confessed he still have 60% of feeling for me it's just to go thru the relationship again he felt tired.
After 1 week of cooling period after broke off, we meet this afternoon during weekly event, when he saw me he tried to smile to me but i ignore him thrice. By right he is suppose to attend a meeting in the afternoon, suddenly he leave the event after lunch.
I like to know how do you guys feel when you ignore your ex GF, and when your GF ignore you back..
What is in your brain and thinking what.. will you have major wish to have her back ? ( Those relationship website, said ignore him will make him want us back) how true was that ?
He is 45 years and i am his first love. I thought he should be very much cherishing me ? Sigh..
First love at 45 ?
Girl, it's likely u r not his first love. His first and last love is himself.
Don't try to delude yourself into thinking u can change him. Move on.
If TS is also in her 40s, then die die also must get him, if not, that could be TS last love.
However, if TS is in her 20s, forget it, these middle ages guy like to gouge out here and there when they go siao. So, leave him alone is the better option.
And if TS need more executives in their mid 40s or later, can try my pub at JC, plenty of them.
Originally posted by soleachip:Did he elaborate as to what kind of communication difficulties they were exactly?
Ignoring each other back and forth sounds like passive-aggressiveness to me.
Nil
Nil
Originally posted by farnee:Actually we have know each other for 1 yr (we work under the same project) and together for 6mths. I can't say we don't totally understand each other just not that deep enough. He proposed to me that we would tie the knot on next year which make up to be our 1 yr courtship and i agreed. We even booked our honeymood and bridal pkg. But suddenly everything changes so fast.. i am lost. During the phase of preparation he seems to be very happy and enjoying the process. I don't understand. (As well on last month my mother was hospitalise due to an car accident and was semi paralyze - likely to recover after theraphy) I was quite stress out and perhaps shown my flaw side of stubborn and impatient side of me and he couldn't take that.
I do not mind going thru the patience to wait for him to gradually move up to maturity in love. But i need to know how to deal with him. He is acting like normal nothing happen infront of everyone. I am hurt this way. the surrounding knew what is happening. Everyone of his friend told me he is stubborn and he will think through and come back. But i am not sure if he will.
How can i help him to come back ? And yet doesn't give him the stress that i am wanting him back. Coz he told me straight on my face during broke off, he doesn't want me to wait and he might not come back. He felt our characters are too stubborn and to be together will be v tired. But i think he doesn't know to be together we need to compromise, having the inconvenience of needing to communicate etc... He mentioned he still love me very much, infact he tears .. sigh...
R u willing to give in to him the rest of your life ?
A person like that is very difficult to live with.
Right now only dating got problem.
After married, hav to see each other every day, conflict between both of u will triple.
Even after u married, likely will not last very long.
Originally posted by farnee:Actually we have know each other for 1 yr (we work under the same project) and together for 6mths. I can't say we don't totally understand each other just not that deep enough. He proposed to me that we would tie the knot on next year which make up to be our 1 yr courtship and i agreed. We even booked our honeymood and bridal pkg. But suddenly everything changes so fast.. i am lost. During the phase of preparation he seems to be very happy and enjoying the process. I don't understand. (As well on last month my mother was hospitalise due to an car accident and was semi paralyze - likely to recover after theraphy) I was quite stress out and perhaps shown my flaw side of stubborn and impatient side of me and he couldn't take that.
I do not mind going thru the patience to wait for him to gradually move up to maturity in love. But i need to know how to deal with him. He is acting like normal nothing happen infront of everyone. I am hurt this way. the surrounding knew what is happening. Everyone of his friend told me he is stubborn and he will think through and come back. But i am not sure if he will.
How can i help him to come back ? And yet doesn't give him the stress that i am wanting him back. Coz he told me straight on my face during broke off, he doesn't want me to wait and he might not come back. He felt our characters are too stubborn and to be together will be v tired. But i think he doesn't know to be together we need to compromise, having the inconvenience of needing to communicate etc... He mentioned he still love me very much, infact he tears .. sigh...
Our expectation of wanting to settle down is a greater good ideal that most people generally desire; unfortunately, the pace of love works independently of whether we think when it is 'rationally' good to settle down from a logical perspective. Biologically, he has slightly passed the norm age of intimacy (where relationship concerns form a significant consideration aspect of that lifespan), hence, he would naturally have to 'make up' the 'lost lessons' he failed to gain adequate mastery in his past experience, which broadly includes what I termed in my book as the Four Elements of Relationship: mutual lifestyle, communication, financial/security management and emotional connection.
In the world of our emotional mind, it is highly complex and sometimes, it does not corroborate with our flow of logic. I can see that it can be very disheartening, confusing and discouraging to witness how he claims to still love you, but acts in a direct opposite way.
Our definition of love first sparks the direction of how we view love in our perceived world. The tiles that built upon this definition is constantly adjusted by our experience and interaction with our partners, discarding what was not helpful and keeping those that allows harmony and equilibrium. Problem lies when we choose to keep too many of the tiles we see as our individual nature and refusing to budge. The truth is that we only need to keep the main ones that openly define who we are - the immutable ones. The 'many others' actually allows room for negotiation - if that is what he/you wants.
For example, he claims that both of you are 'stubborn'. Is that an individual nature that strictly defines who you both are in a positive way? Like I am a stubborn person and I want to keep that? Probably not. Then it is probably something that is negotiable and open for evolvement.
Hence, the million dollar questions: mutually, do the both of you willing to work on it to keep the relationship or choose to discard it away just because of something that is open for negotiation?
P.S: Like I said in my previous post, it can be very trying to love someone who has not gain adequate mastery of love relationship in his/her earlier years. They have been fed with years of individualism - where they are so used in managing themselves, the freedom and all that verses the prospect of now having to compromise that space with someone else.
Is he humble enough to accept the cosmic lessons of love? Or is the 'I' more important than 'We'?
Cheers
ahem
Originally posted by farnee:Angel : I am not in my 40s, but 30s.. not very young nor old.. lolxx..
But it's not so simple as to give up, and PUB guys don't suit me.. Seldom find true love in pub, well.. "OUt for Fun" :)
Women in their 30s is no more young, there are also lots of lonely single guy coming to pub for a drink, if you are going for a fun, it will be fun, but if you are going there for a peaceful drink and some soft music, network, you get plenty there, there are mature pubs, lesbian pubs, gay pubs, young punk like me type pub, so take your pick, like food, a variety to suit all kind of people from all kind of background and age groups
i only know hooters and madam wong
I only know how to troubleshoot a troublemaker
Originally posted by farnee:How can i win a stubborn ex boyfriend back ?
Basically i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months, and i am his first love after 40 years of his singlehood. The reason he had presented to me for breaking off were communication problem, he find it hard to communicate with me.
Even i am willing to sit down and discuss how we can resolve the problem. I have even try to explain that every relationship has their up and down even quarrels but we need to communicate when things happen. But he is refusing to talk but chosen to broke off. He insist his way in shutting me out of his life making no contact with me saying he doesn't want to give me a chance to be his normal friend and to walk into his life again because not he don't love me but he find us not possible to love again. Yet he confessed he still have 60% of feeling for me it's just to go thru the relationship again he felt tired.
After 1 week of cooling period after broke off, we meet this afternoon during weekly event, when he saw me he tried to smile to me but i ignore him thrice. By right he is suppose to attend a meeting in the afternoon, suddenly he leave the event after lunch.
I like to know how do you guys feel when you ignore your ex GF, and when your GF ignore you back..
What is in your brain and thinking what.. will you have major wish to have her back ? ( Those relationship website, said ignore him will make him want us back) how true was that ?
He is 45 years and i am his first love. I thought he should be very much cherishing me ? Sigh..
Another looser living in the past.
Nil
as the saying goes: don't give up the entire forest for just one tree.
farnee jiejie, i feel that he still yearns for you since he made no attempt to erase u off from his life.
You ex boyfriend has been single for so so long and he is very use to it. Suddenly you come in and quarrel a lot. He is not use to it - surely he ask for cooling down period. Guys at that age have enormous pride and ego.
Also he is inexperience in handling you therefore he does not understand you at all.
I am not surprise that he gets on your nerve many many times because he forgets to do something nice for you.
If you really serious about wanting him back - my advice is don't give him all the ridiculous relationship tactics like ignoring him. Because he is not used to this and he may take this as a sign of your immaturity or a sign that you two don't really match up.
Telll you what - if you want him back - call him/ text him/ ask him out. Talk to him. But beware the discussion may suddenly boil into an argument. So every time there is an argument - you call him back as if he has a laso - every time you run away - he lasso you back.
At times (not all times) - you may think about apologising and then start an argument. THis makes him see that you can be rational at times. Some 40s men don't like irrational behaviour from their women.
Don't expect him to romance you or to beg you to come back or even to take the guitar and play like romeo while you listen at your balcony. Because he is in his 40s - he is too busy with his demanding career - he got bills to pay - he has become ice stone cold towards childlish romance. Men at that age have changed - they no longer are those teenage kids who are good at sweet talking gurls. Men in their 40s like power and money like playing golf / career building / material wealth.
Originally posted by farnee:Actually we have know each other for 1 yr (we work under the same project) and together for 6mths. I can't say we don't totally understand each other just not that deep enough. He proposed to me that we would tie the knot on next year which make up to be our 1 yr courtship and i agreed. We even booked our honeymood and bridal pkg. But suddenly everything changes so fast.. i am lost. During the phase of preparation he seems to be very happy and enjoying the process. I don't understand. (As well on last month my mother was hospitalise due to an car accident and was semi paralyze - likely to recover after theraphy) I was quite stress out and perhaps shown my flaw side of stubborn and impatient side of me and he couldn't take that.
I do not mind going thru the patience to wait for him to gradually move up to maturity in love. But i need to know how to deal with him. He is acting like normal nothing happen infront of everyone. I am hurt this way. the surrounding knew what is happening. Everyone of his friend told me he is stubborn and he will think through and come back. But i am not sure if he will.
How can i help him to come back ? And yet doesn't give him the stress that i am wanting him back. Coz he told me straight on my face during broke off, he doesn't want me to wait and he might not come back. He felt our characters are too stubborn and to be together will be v tired. But i think he doesn't know to be together we need to compromise, having the inconvenience of needing to communicate etc... He mentioned he still love me very much, infact he tears .. sigh...
Haiz haiz. Foolish pride.
As I said he is a man in his 40s. Don't expect him to romance you back. He is too old for that kind of thing. He is too tired and busy for that kind of thing.
If you really love him - you must go back / keep on calling him/ keep on talking to him. No more ignoring him. This won't work. His heart has been harden from all the years of office politics and fighting up the career ladder.
How to deal with him? Do not expect him to read you. As simple as that. You love him - tell him you love him. You want him to do somehting - tell him. Don't expect him to be a mind reader.
stubborn.
ex.
period.
Originally posted by speakoutfor:Haiz haiz. Foolish pride.
As I said he is a man in his 40s. Don't expect him to romance you back. He is too old for that kind of thing. He is too tired and busy for that kind of thing.
If you really love him - you must go back / keep on calling him/ keep on talking to him. No more ignoring him. This won't work. His heart has been harden from all the years of office politics and fighting up the career ladder.
How to deal with him? Do not expect him to read you. As simple as that. You love him - tell him you love him. You want him to do somehting - tell him. Don't expect him to be a mind reader.
most girls expect the guys to be a super mind reader i think...